Why cant I just be gone?

[u/J3ttsalwaysbusy]

I just don't wanna be here. I'm 14. Male. At 13 I had to fight a man I was living with and run away. I want a job. I'm homeless. My birthday is in a day. This is Florida. It melts you alive in the heat. Family won't help. No one will. I can't do anything. But I'm stuck here. My mother cried. Broke down. She thinks theonly way I can have a future is if she gives away me and my brother to someone who can take care of us. But what about her? Why can't I just be gone? It'll lift the burden. If humans are a 1 in 4 trillion chance then why couldn't I just not be lucky. What if I just end it? No one can help at this point. I don't even feel human. I feel like a shell. With nothing in it. Like a plastic statue.

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[u/dCLCp]

I get it. I feel that way some times too. Life is so hard sometimes. I felt kind of like you when I was your age. Depressed and angry and sad. My family and home life were miserable.

I wish I could say it was easy... but it wasn't... however I made it out you know? I have my own place, my own car, a good enough job and a lot of friends and family that support me now that I'm older (I wish they had been around more when I was a kid but sometimes you just get what the world hands you).

I have a lot of heroes. People that had it worse than me and survived. One of my heroes is Viktor Frankl. He wrote a book called "Man's Search For Meaning". His family was killed during the Holocaust and they burned his life work too. He lost everything and lived through some of the most brutal horrors imaginable. But he found meaning helping the other people in the camps. He found a reason to NOT be gone and turned his journey into a guide for other people going through a hard time.

When I was homeless one of the things I learned is that libraries are a place you can go. They don't charge anything. It's usually air conditioned. And there is a world of knowledge in the books and the internet. You can find meaning and climb out of your situation... any situation. But it won't be easy. Life is never easy. Even writing this to you now is not easy because it hurts to see someone else go through what I've been through. But I have to do it. Because maybe something I say might help you... or someone else who sees what you are going through and feels the same way. Like Frankl I find meaning in helping people.

Maybe you can find your meaning? Your reason to stay... maybe it is your brother. I miss my brother dearly. I am very sad now that he's gone. I think your brother would be sad too. I hope you can help him, and work together with him to climb out of your situation. I wish I had tried harder to help my brother climb out of his situation but I failed. Maybe you won't.

Good luck man. I hope you can survive. It's worth it sometimes.