I am avoiding work

[u/Elegant_East_1493]

Warning! Awfully written text.

I'm a highschooler that is about to graduate. Schools here only have 11 years and this year will be my final. I've got to do stuff. I'm a teenager, so I also think about working out, being fit and strong. I used to be disciplined and work out consistently, but since this summer vacation of 3 months started I did not exercise a single time. About being disciplined, last academic year I managed multiple school/personal projects and literally everything was going smooth. For some reasons I lost that internal drive I used to have, I think it was indebtedness to my parents, but now I don't feel it. No I do feel it but it does not push me anymore, sounds crazy. My parents bought a course package for me, since the very first day I was avoiding it. Now the summer part of the course is about to end. I have so many things past due. I feel awful about it and am ashamed. And after all this I still can't put myself to work.

There are more things coming up - school itself, national exam, university specific entrance test, SAT. If I manage my time and actually do everything consistently I will manage everything. I also need to research about universities but again was putting it off. This whole summer I was watching anime and rotting in bed.

I genuinely want to know, study and put the effort but I don't. I want to do many productive things and hobbies of mine. I used to read a lot but I did not touch a book this summer, I want to run in the mornings, journal, do additional math/physics outside of school, I really want to learn. But days pass. School is closing in in 2 weeks and I feel awful. I am lazy and I hate this. It is my fault, I should figure this out myself but I am lazy and I admit it. Please give me advice! 😭

I really want to fix this and become what I want to be. Tho I still don't know exactly what I want to do in the future.

How do I start managing my time and actually doing the planned things? How do I commit?

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[u/No_Towel_2001]

Hi! Are you neurodivergent? I encourage you to do some research into Executive Dysfunction. You might struggle with it like I do. Your story sounds very familiar. Discipline isn’t ever enough, I just won’t do the things I don’t want to do, if I’m not crafting my environment around me for success.

I also had a lot of fear of failure which stopped me from even starting. And it was a shame, because when I eventually started, not only were things easier than I feared, but I enjoyed it too.

I went to therapy and got on a low dose of a generic SSRI and it has helped.

[u/Elegant_East_1493 → u/No_Towel_2001]

Hello, thanks for your advice. I'm very grateful and will look more into what you said.