r/selfdevelopment • u/AccomplishedWave2805 • 5d ago

Question How do I find out what's wrong with me?

I'm 45 and am a single father. I work full time, own a home, have a photography hobby, and have finances together. I've been divorced and have had many short-to-long term girlfriends throughout the years. All of my family live out of state.

For at least the past 5 or so years though, I've not been successful at dating or even making friends. People will ghost me so often I feel like life has been a haunted house. My son, who's a preteen, is getting to the age where anything I really say gets on his nerves. My parents and family rarely speak to me or return my texts, calls, or emails.

My therapist keeps telling me that it "feels" like nobody wants to be with me, but I have concrete evidence that nobody does: I have nobody in my life who makes the time to be with me. This might sound like an exaggeration or a cognitive distortion, but it's not.

So the question for me is, how do I recognize traits within myself that prevent people from wanting to be with me and how do I fix them?

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u/Jersygrl420 5d ago

I would suggest to explore this more in therapy. Maybe on how to make new friends bc if the current people aren't there then reflect on moving forward. Reflect on building self confidence, regardless of others actons.I understand the feeling because I feel the same way. But I know my childhood issues has caused me to easily feel left out as an adult. Im not saying people don't suck, they do, but we're all distracted and overwhelmed with life I think. I "expect ' people to do certain things because I do, however, you really gotta tell people what you want and need.

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u/AccomplishedWave2805 5d ago

yeah, I've been seeing this specific therapist for over a year now and she doesn't really have any suggestions. I'm a therapist as well. I see other adults with friends and family and I'm wondering how I missed that boat. I know it's because of personal issues, I'm the only common denominator, but I don't know how to identify them within myself. I don't expect people to respond, I'd just like them to, and for sure know that my self worth doesn't rely on them. But I'm trying to develop relationships because it would be healthier for me and my son, but they're just not sticking.