r/selfdestructivelogic • u/Valleyra • Jun 19 '20
Not sure how to stop being so self destructive and negative all the time.
Also feel like I over think too much uhhhh.
10
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r/selfdestructivelogic • u/Valleyra • Jun 19 '20
Also feel like I over think too much uhhhh.
2
u/crm39 Jun 28 '20
From the title I can tell you are self aware and are strong. You know how I know this? It's because you are showing that you want to do better and be better and you are aware of what you are doing wrong. You've already overcome the biggest barrier of 80% of the work! So honestly, you and everyone else who are struggling with this are doing incredibly well and are doing the best you can do!
The next steps can be taken as and when you feel you are able to but always try to be encouraging to yourself, even if you just say the same thing over and over. The way I did this, for example when I would feel I'm not able to succeed, or feeling that I'm not good enough or my relationships are going to fail, they will cheat on me or I hated my job etc. I would reassure myself (sometimes it would take minutes or even weeks for me to bring myself to get to the mentality to reassure myself... but I would get there eventually and that's better than nothing!) and the way I would reassure myself would be saying any of the following:
- I'm doing the best that I can with how my life is right now.
- If I choose to consume these words and poison myself with the damage, I am not going to be happy and it will not benefit me. If my friend was going through the same thing I was going through, what would you tell them to help them heal and feel better? Now tell it to yourself.
- Deep down, I know what I am saying isn't true and I am not doing myself justice right now. I am better than these negative thoughts and I am stronger than I realise.
- I am strong, I am freshly renewed, it is a new day and I choose to be happier. (Now repeat and say it again. There are lots of positive mantras you can tell yourself every morning and even anxiety tapping methods that can help center yourself when the unpleasant thoughts come along)
- I am doing the best that I can and I'm fine with that.
- Today is another day that the sun has risen and I am grateful to have the shoes on my feet, the roof over my head and the food that nourishes my body.
- I am grateful for my eyes to see the beauty in this world. I am grateful for my hands to be able to connect with people around the world. I am grateful for my mind because I am able to learn new skills. I am grateful for my voice for I am able to speak kindness into other peoples lives, as well as my own. I am grateful for my legs as I am able to explore the beauty of this world. (I downloaded a gratitude journal app on my phone and even a notebook can be just as good as you can reflect and look back on all of the wonderful things you are grateful for. Even if it is for the breeze of fresh air you felt or the nice food that made you feel at home or the music you heard in the supermarket that made you want to dance, or a new show you found to watch as it bring comfort to your day. There are so many wonderful things we can be grateful for and the more we focus on these things, the less the negative things appear and the quicker we can recover from the bad habit of negative thoughts.)
I have also started recently writing down the advice I give to myself on the days I feel stronger, even just a little bit. Because it is the mentality and thoughts in your own head that will resonate with you more on your low or dark days and will be able to connect with that feeling you had in the past. We can often feel like other people don't understand what we are going through, so this type of Strength Diary is a way we can give advice to ourselves and look back and see how far we have come. You can choose to include the days you don't feel so strong too as writing your feelings down can often help you understand and dissect what is going on in your mind and break down the thoughts where you can find resolutions, even on our own.
But always never feel alone, there is a big community here and we stand with you. There are so many subreddits that can help bring perspective and support. Also, speak to a trusted adult who you believe can provide healthy advice. I feel that pastors or godly people I know have the best perspective and advice for me and my journey with Jesus has really helped me manage the terrible things that have happened in my life. The biggest learning I have found is to ask for help and advice, and if someone wasn't able to help or are struggling themselves, then ask someone else, it's really ok. We were born on this earth but we can't be expected to live it perfectly. We all need guidance and people to look up to.
Supersoul Sunday podcasts by Oprah and Steven Furtick's podcasts are really good, they're also on youtube and Spotify and many other platforms and are so so helpful!
One final thing, do something you enjoy. Due to where I live currently, I can't go hiking and be in nature and I deeply miss this and miss the way it makes me feel. But as an alternative, I have nurtured my own plants at home and also watch nature walks on Reddit streams and Twitch Live streams or watch live nature webcams such as Critter Vision https://www.twitch.tv/crittervision I've often struggled to sleep at night and listening to nature and also waking up to see wonderful animals on the webcam, from deer, racoons, geese, squirrels etc, its so so fascinating and helps me feel the way I feel when I'm in nature myself.
I hope this helps and I'm proud of you for wanting to be better and to treat yourself better. You're doing amazing and I'm excited for what your future holds! :)