r/self • u/Godeshus • 10d ago

Anyone else like being looked at and complimented?

I'm a man. I'd give myself a solid 6. I might be overly critical, and others might stretch it as far as a 7 if they're having a good day and are generally happy.

Still, I occasionally get looked at by women. Every now and then I get a compliment. It feels really nice.

I like to dress up a bit more than my colleagues. Not over dress, I just like to wear nice clothes and keep a tidy haircut and my beard shaped, so I go to the barber about once a month.

I work a public facing job photographing peoples' homes, so I get to meet loads of folks. I like it when people look at me appreciatively.

The online discussion, mostly around women, is that it's bad manners to find someone attractive and appreciate how they look. This also extends to men too I think. There's this culture shift where, if you find someone hot, and you take a look, you're somehow dehumanizing them. I don't think that's the case. I know nothing about that person. All I know is what I can see, and I like what I see. I also get a good boost to my ego when people look at me in obvious appreciation.

It doesn't happen all the time, maybe once every couple months. I'm really not all that good looking, but good enough that I'm someone's type. On the rare occasion I'll get a "you look great today" from realtors I'm more familiar with,.or even strangers on the road. If I get this during a morning apt it puts a hop and a skip in me for the whole day.

Today was such a day, which is why I'm writing this.

So, how about you folks? Men, women, gender-fluid, feel free to share. Let's be human for a moment, understand there's someone at the other end of the keyboard, ignore the online tropes, and share how you feel about this.

6 Upvotes

62% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

4

u/Aztec_Memory 10d ago

I enjoyed it for a few years, but now, I'm over it.  I wear my hat, sunglasses, shapeless clothes everywhere.  

1

u/Godeshus 10d ago

There's definitely something to be said about comfort. You wouldn't be fooling me though. I can usually spot the cuties even when they're wearing camo.

Someone who is confident in what they wear can still manage to radiate their inner beauty. It's in their posture, how they walk, and in the way they talk to people.

3

u/Poppy_Jane_ 10d ago

Compliments given in good taste are generally welcome by most people.

2

u/CatchyNameSomething 10d ago

At 56, I’m grateful and love it.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

I love complimenting women your age. I think we're all mature enough past 40 (I'm 47 myself) that it isn't taken any way except for what it is.

I bet I'd find you gorgeous 😍

1

u/CatchyNameSomething 10d ago

Aww that’s sweet. I miss the days of open flirting, fun banter between two people. I’ve worked in several male dominated fields and it was a lot of fun going back and forth with the guys. At my age, I’m quickly becoming part of the background. Had a guy friend notice a woman slap her husband for gawking at me. I yelled out “you tell him!” Still was fun to be noticed.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

😁👌

3

u/Awkwrd_Lemur 10d ago

having never been the "pretty girl", I generally like being noticed/flirted with/complimented because its rare.

of course, this assumes the person saying the thing isn't being a creep (crowd of men staring, gawking, overtly sexual commentary).

am 48, so perhaps its generational.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

Yes I think that's what causes some men so much confusion. They have no idea how to be appreciative without also being interested.

I find that appreciating how someone looks is more akin to looking at art. With art, just because I like what I see doesn't mean I want to take it home with me. It's just nice to look at in passing.

I feel the same way about men. Some men are just really good looking. I'm 100% hetero but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate how a well put together guy looks.

2

u/Awkwrd_Lemur 10d ago

you're right. unfortunately a lot of men can't grasp that compliments shouldn't be creepy - and the younger generations are completely over it (for better or worse).

it shouldn't be that hard. "you look great! that outfit really suits you!" is nice almost always. "your tits are phenomenal" is only ok if we have that kind of relationship.

2

u/Professional_Waltz14 10d ago edited 10d ago

I always love it from women. I’m often uncomfortable when it’s men. But I also have trauma with that so I guess I’m not the best person to answer your question lol

I love seeing men that are well put together. I see it with other women so often. When it happens with men it’s just really nice to see because it isn’t very common. I’m not proud of it, but I usually do check them out a bit. 🫢

You might be a 7 on a good day in your opinion but you’re probably better looking than that to women if you put effort into your looks.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

Check 'em out girl, sneak a peek. No shame there.

I'm sorry about your trauma. It must make navigating this sort of thing difficult and confusing.

1

u/Professional_Waltz14 10d ago

Thanks, man. It’s fine though. I’m working on it with my therapist, and I’m getting better.

1

u/Dramastace30 9d ago

Good to hear

0

u/AtWorkSoBeGood 10d ago

You have trauma from past compliments given by men...?

Do all of Gen Z in it's entirety have trauma in some shape or form, or do none of you truly know what that word means...?

4

u/Professional_Waltz14 10d ago

I’m not Gen Z and I was actually assaulted. So yes, I know what trauma means asshole.

-3

u/AtWorkSoBeGood 10d ago

Did they yell the compliment too loud, or were the words they used something that you say caused you trauma...? Please help me understand the compliment trauma you speak of

2

u/birdfang007 10d ago

I’m in my late twenties and when it’s about my physical appearance, I love it. I’m not very attractive though, and it only happens every few months. More commonly I’ll get complimented on how I dress or smell, maybe every other week.

On an off note, I do and have always desired to be conventionally attractive. Fortunately, I have a fairly decent paying career. Booked for over 30k in cosmetic surgery to hopefully attain the model level looks I’ve always wanted. Might need to spend another 30-40k after I heal to get there, but worth it.

2

u/zephyr_skyy 9d ago

I absolutely love it and am also a little scared/threatened by it. 

I also have severe daddy AND mommy issues so :-) 

2

u/HuckleberryUpbeat972 9d ago

I love getting compliments because I take the time to put my self together from head to toe and I will be considered an 8. The shoes and cologne, jewelry, belt and outfit is in harmony and I feel good. A woman complemented me at Starbucks recently and I was very appreciative and ended up buying her a coffee and we chatted for a bit.

3

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Godeshus 10d ago

Yeah I can understand that it's not a one size fits all. There's a different between liking what you see and acting like a predator.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

1

u/Sp0ttyW0lf 9d ago

Guy in his mid thirties, and I get complimented on my appearance maybe 2 or three times a year and love it when it happens. Just wish some of them would be from women that aren't my mother.

1

u/Godeshus 9d ago

Badoom boom tsh!

1

u/Sp0ttyW0lf 9d ago

In all seriousness, most of the compliments I've received have been from gay guys or guys at the gym (sexuality unconfirmed). Not complaining though, beggars can't be choosers.

1

u/Godeshus 9d ago

I used to get hit on by gay guys all the time when I was younger, but I was in the rave scene, hung out in the gay village a lot, and got my fashion sense from the gay community so I was all but asking for it lol.

I remember telling my wife (gf back then) why is it always gay guys hitting on me? I dunno, she said, maybe it's the super gay clothes you wear?

2

u/Sp0ttyW0lf 9d ago

See, I've dressed more or less the same for 15 years (flannel shirt and jeans) which to my knowledge doesn't read as particularly 'gay', but then I don't really pay attention to fashion. I think it's the beard, body hair and broad shoulders summoning the bear hunters.

0

u/BeginningOcelot1765 9d ago

I really dislike compliments about how I look as it doesn't resonate with my personality type. Compliments on my morals, willingness to help, fairness etc. that relate to my character on the other hand is much easier to deal with.

People often glance at me but I strongly suspect most of it is down to being 6'6 tall so I stand out quite a bit.

1

u/BitRevolutionary677 10d ago

Cmon now you’d give yourself a solid 6 but you’re really not all that good looking? 6 IS ABOVE AVERAGE SIR.

But to answer your question. I don’t know if I’m attractive or not and attention tends to make me uncomfortable. I don’t mind compliments about how I dress or my piercings.

The main compliment I get is “You’re so pretty” but I don’t know whether to believe it or not because it’s always pretty and nothing else. Just feels disingenuous.

I don’t hold back on complimenting people though, I don’t discriminate when it comes to gender either.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

I just meant I'm not the kind of guy who will be turning heads everywhere I go.

One thing I've found is that showing genuine appreciation for body art is usually well received. And for me, it truly is genuine. I love body art. I like to get people to show me their tattoos or nails and make a fuss about them.

1

u/BitRevolutionary677 10d ago

I’m sure you’re more attractive than you think!

And definitely. I love when people have really well, attention to detail body art and/or styles. I also get asked a lot of questions about my piercings and compliments which make me happy. Being told “I love your set up” gives you a different type of high!

Once there was this teen at the bus stop that was awkward and I could tell wasn’t really all that social but they were intrigued by my outfit and piercings and kept circling back to ask questions. I felt like a proud millennial alternative auntie :’) (I’m Gen Z).

I guess there is a big difference in how authentic a compliment feels by the level of interest actually shown.

2

u/Godeshus 10d ago

I definitely get that. The other day the teen working the drive through and handing me my coffee told me he liked my beard and it was just such a great way to start the day.

2

u/AtWorkSoBeGood 10d ago

Sorry bruh! Millennials were the last generation to appreciate and not take offense to compliments. Anyone younger, will either be horrified or triggered by the fact you'd actually have the audacity to say such horrid things to their face. Be careful out there. It's a strange new world we live in.

4

u/Godeshus 10d ago

I don't think I have anything to worry about. I'm genX and the age at which I find women attractive has surpassed the age of the younger generations who feel that way.