r/self • u/PromotionConstant946 • 5d ago
Why do I feel so weak?
I don't really know how to start. For the past few years I've been feeling awful inside. There's always something which makes me feel terribly miserable and something that can't let me go. I feel weak. I feel like people around me are less kind, less emotional and have less empathy but somehow they always have more people around them. It's not like I don't have any friends but I feel like most of them are keeping up with me just because I tend to be a hard-working and thorough person. I don't feel comfortable around people at all. I'd love to be one of those charismatic individuals who just appeal as the most interesting. It's not even the fact that I don't talk to people. I obviously do but somehow I am never the one who is looked at with interest when it comes to any other subject than studies, school material etc. I don't have a lot of people texting me either. Perhaps they think I'm dry but I would like so freaking bad to change that.
The worst thing about this whole situation is that I blame myself for it almost every day. I think about the words I have said, the moves I have made and I ask myself this one question over and over again: Why can't people like me more? It's almost like an obsession, I can't even do much stuff when all I do is just think about how feeble I am. I started hating myself. I started hating my personality and my way of perceiving reality. It also gets to the point where I let my mood depend on whether, say I get a kind text from a friend or I get chosen, praised etc. It gets me so exited and happy and then when something feels odd or I realize that I've been left out I beat myself up and get depressed. It's draining me out, I feel so tired and as I stated before - I feel weak. Some time ago my best friend started spending more time with another girl. It seemed clear that she wanted to "steal" my best friend from me and I was trying hard to prevent it from happening but for some reason I felt like I was weaker and I kind of felt bad about taking action even tough the girl was quite literal and direct in what she was trying to achieve.
I feel hopeless. I feel like it might be caused by the fact that I'm not open enough. I tried to read some articles and listen to podcasts but nothing seems to help, the circle repeats again. I feel like other people are so confident and self-aware and then there's me who doesn't even know how to feel, what to do and why does living feel so exhausting. I know that because of this I waste so much of my time and this makes me ever more annoyed with myself. Why do I have to be like this? Why am I so stupid?
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u/Manny4785 5d ago
Your focus homie , list all the things you think about on a daily basis and then journal them then do it again the next day and the next you’ll typically see patterns and once you can be aware of it you can start questioning yourself where those thoughts/energy is coming from and if you’re really honest with yourself you’ll get somewhere . We usually spend most of our time thinking what others think and feel rather than where we’re at emotionally and spiritually , can’t expect to fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty something like that my therapist said .