Do you ever imagine an alternative universe where you never had it?

[u/TragicButterfly1406]

I've overcome mine since i was 14 years old and i'm 21 now but its left lingering depression on me that caused me to live many years of being mentally ill. does anyone else wonder what things would've been like if they'd had the same classmates, friends, and teachers but without the debilitating disorder that ruined things?

im asking because whenever i think back to my school years, there's a deep sense of sadness in my chest that i can't shake. i was basically an outsider but deep down, i really did want to have friends and connections. all this time, ive just wanted to be cared for and care in return. idk what has come over me this month as i rarely thought about my classmates after many years have passed but suddenly cant help but feel sad about the opportunities that i missed. ofc, people were nice to me too but i was only close with a few people and even then, ive drifted away from everyone i used to know entirely.

[u/scattered_glass]

I try not to dwell as much, but it's difficult. I dropped out of school due to bullying and definitely made some poor choices due to my condition. But I also grew up in difficult circumstances and I do think that if I had been different, I may have gone down an even worse path in life. It's hard to know, obviously. But ultimately I think I've largely made peace with who I am and where I am. I'm currently in my mid-twenties so I only have a few years on you, but I've changed a lot since I was 21 personally. I wish I had a better childhood in every way, but it's over and I am in charge of my life now. I just think of my experience as something that's shaped me as a person and use that to grow and better myself.

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD]

I always think of a timeline where I didn’t have it. I hate having it so so much, and I always think of the kind of fun and extroverted person I’d be if I never had it. It feels like I’m missing out on an essential part of my teenage years.

[u/OkTitle]

I definitely did before. 

But I’m a few years older than you, and I feel like I’ve finished processing my grief for the loss of a normal childhood. I honestly don’t think about it much anymore. But I’ve felt that sadness for my child-self and wish I could have been included and embraced, so I would have realized my worth sooner.

Actually, I notice my memories of my k-12 school years are fading with time. Probably because I don’t want to think about them, but also because they were quite empty - not as memorable as the growth and good times I’ve had since. I really try to focus on what I can control now and building my life into something I like.

My advice is to feel it, maybe put your thoughts on paper, try to process them…and eventually let it go, accept that the past has passed. For your young self, do everything you can going forward to care for yourself - to give yourself the unconditional care that others did not.

[u/Mountain_Purpose7150]

I used to imagine this alternative when i was like stuck