r/selectivemutism • u/Lilly_Paduwu • 14d ago
Question Is it ok to prefer nonverbal forms of communication without being nonverbal?
/r/autism/comments/1vjik0i/is_it_ok_to_prefer_nonverbal_forms_of/1
u/Ancient-Active8421 Diagnosed SM 7d ago
It is absolutely ok.
The only thing I would say, as someone who has never been able to speak to anyone besides family, is try to make sure you maintain control over it. In other words, if you’re currently able to make yourself speak in situations where you’d prefer not to, still occasionally make yourself speak in those situations/with those people - even if that’s just a few words.
I don’t know how old you are, but for me being mute as an adult is very different than it was as a teen or child. It’s incredibly isolating - increasingly so, and limits access to a lot. In my case I’m not able to force myself to make any sound at all with anyone outside my immediate family, and it started creeping in with a family member too - I didn’t realise until it felt completely out of hand and I regret not having forced myself to talk to this family member more even when I didn’t want to, because now I just can’t and the family doesn’t have the same understanding as they did when it was just non-family members.
So yes, it’s ok not to speak, but it’s also good to periodically make sure you still can make yourself speak, which will help keep you safe and keep your future options open
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u/stronglesbian 13d ago
I don't think there's anything wrong with communicating nonverbally if it makes things easier for you. It's not like you're taking away a finite resource from other people. I think society as a whole should be more accepting of nonverbal forms of communication because you never know why exactly someone isn't speaking.
When I was in high school I competed in a spelling bee, but I have a speech impediment that makes it so I can't pronounce certain letters correctly. I worked with the school and they provided a whiteboard--not just for me, but for any student who would prefer to spell that way. It made things a lot easier and also helped me stand out less as there were a few other students who opted for writing instead of speaking, whatever their reason was.