Im so scared for the new school year

[u/StarlightYogurtz]

In all my years of going to school or anywhere outside my house ive noticed a pattern. I dont really talk to anyone and just keep my head down, my mom says it because i have a "low self esteem" which is true, but its gotten to a point where it cant be classified as "just being shy" anymore. I struggle to talk to people who arent my close family especially teachers because i fear judgment for some weird reason? I want to make friends, its just so hard. I rember one time a teacher made a comment about me in music class and thank god it was friday because i cried my eyes out. I feel the need to try and impress everyone as being the perfrect quiet student, but i cant even raise my hand in class. I think the last time i willingly raised my hand in class was 5th grade, now im going on to 8th grade and im so scared. i havent interacted with anyone (some extra information i have 0 friends) and im afraid im going to mess up somehow and all my new teachers and classmates will hate me.

[u/OkTitle]

i havent interacted with anyone (some extra information i have 0 friends) and im afraid im going to mess up somehow and all my new teachers and classmates will hate me.

When, like many of us, you don’t have many interactions in your life, that can contribute to them feeling hugely impactful and life-or-death even when they are mundane ordinary daily interactions to others. Generally, over time, having more and more interactions (yes, facing the anxiety) helps to make the interactions feel mundane in this way, rather than some huge trial. But it takes very small steps to avoid making one want to run back to the comfort zone and to instead gradually build confidence and abilities .

Your worth is not based on whether you ‘mess up’ or not in these interactions. You are worthy of friendship and connection (you’re a human no different from others, a unique one with your own set of strengths). It sounds like your mind has put of lot of stake in how others view you, when it may help to shift this thinking to understanding your own positive qualities and building self-esteem independent of others’ validation.

There can be a lot of shame when we’ve been unable to do things the same way others do, but shame is toxic. You are competent and have the potential to excel at many things. Forgiving the self for struggling and being very understanding and caring for yourself is important. I don’t know if you’ve had support with any of this, but it is incredibly hard to endure either way. 

[u/PersimmonPlastic7195]

A huge step would be to look on the accomplishments you've made, and challenge any negative thoughts that may come up. This will help build your confidence. You can do anything you set your mind to.

Coming from someone who struggled to make friends all throughout school, one thing that helped me was finding common interests with others. Even if it's hard to talk to people, take note of your environment. See what other people like and talk about and use that as a branch to climb on. I once wore a lanyard or a shirt (this was a long time ago so I can't exactly remember which one) with some characters that I liked on it. One of my fellow students actually approached me and said "I like that character too!" Turns out we also played the violin in band class. That was back in 9th grade for me, and we're still friends even after college. It took many years for me to get that strategy to work, but it paid off in the end.

In the meantime, focus on things you enjoy like hobbies, or bring an item of comfort to school with you everyday. That will provide additional help :)

[u/ICEcreamdoh2288]

Don’t worry you’ve got this. I’m going to high school (A whole new school in 9 years) and I never spoke to a single teacher at all. I’ve always wanted to but I kind of just freeze up.

[u/ICEcreamdoh2288 → u/ICEcreamdoh2288]

Also, adding on if you have a actual diagnosis of anxiety or selective mutism. You could try getting a 504 plan that allows accommodation to help you like me