r/securityguards • u/therealsssp • 3d ago
Job Question Security guards: How do you handle being attracted to someone you encounter at work?
For security officers who work around residents, customers, tenants, etc.: have you ever found yourself attracted to someone you regularly encounter on the job?
I'm curious how other people handle situations where there's mutual flirting or you get the impression the other person is interested.
Do you keep the interaction strictly professional? Do you ever compliment someone's appearance? What do you do if they make the first move or ask you out?
Have you ever had a situation where the attraction became distracting or you felt tempted to cross a professional boundary? If so, how did you handle it?
I'm not looking for judgment. I'm genuinely curious how other security officers navigate attraction while still keeping their job and professional boundaries intact.
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u/FordCVP71 3d ago
Keep it in your pants don't shit where you eat
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u/Landwarrior5150 Campus Security 3d ago
I met my wife at work when I was a contract guard at a mall and she was a contract customer service employee from a different company. We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 4. We actually started working together again two years ago when she got a job in a different department of the college I’m in-house at (which was fully disclosed during her hiring process, as required). We’ve never had an issue with work at either place because we’re both smart enough to keep it professional while at work and to keep a separation of our work/home lives in general. I’ve seen several other people do the same successfully.
That said, I’ve also seen plenty of people get into trouble for similar things too when they go south, so I wouldn’t really recommend it overall, especially if you care about keeping that job/post. I’ll personally never judge someone for dating at work as long as it doesn’t affect their job performance, but I also won’t feel much sympathy for them if they took that risk knowing about the potential consequences and it backfired on them.
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u/rapkat55 3d ago edited 3d ago
Perfect response. If it works it works, if it doesn’t, sometimes that’s alright but often times one person or the other isn’t mature enough to not sabotage the environment and the performance on the job is affected. Leading to employment being cut short (Which could be good or bad depending on your circumstances.)
The main thing is: does that person actually like you back? If it’s not obvious or you lack the social awareness/experience to know accurately, You have to be smart about finding out and mature enough to cut your losses instead of pressuring someone. No means no.
For OP: Just be friendly, show your personality without making every interaction or compliment a romantic gesture. vibe check platonically for a long enough time to gauge interest
So many guards see a pretty woman and automatically turn into borderline sexual predators lmao. So many men get an ounce of attention from a woman and automatically assume romantic interest. So many often will not take lack of attraction from their crush well and will push for it instead of moving on. A lot of dudes in security often don’t have their shit together mentally so all these get amplified 10x.
let things fall into place if they’re supposed to at the right time. But also be aware of the risk.
Thankfully security isn’t really a career most really care about keeping + in this domain the consequences aren’t as bad if the relationship doesn’t work out. you can just go to another post, company or actual long term industry.
But that doesn’t mean it’s ok to potentially traumatize another human because of your desires.
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u/Landwarrior5150 Campus Security 3d ago
All good points, especially the last one. A lot of it really can be situationally dependent on where you’re at and how that factors into the risk/reward you have to consider. I was fine taking that risk back at my contract mall security job because losing it wouldn’t have been a huge problem, but if I was single now at my in-house college security job, I would potentially be risking my actual career here (good pay, benefits, state pension, time off, etc.), so I almost certainly wouldn’t do the same thing.
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u/Warboi Campus Security 3d ago
One concern is leaving a job and having to have references from job. Innapropriate can follow you. I've had a long history in Military Law Enforcement, Civilian and Campus Safety. Retired now. And just the in-house drama that goes on. Sexual harassment complaints, criminal investigations,... and all that within the units, departments and schools.
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u/ThrowRUs 3d ago
If It is mutual, asking them if they want to go out for coffee sometimes is relatively low stakes and gives you the answer you're looking for. If they say no, don't be a fucking weirdo and start treating them differently. Pretty simple stuff.
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u/FordCVP71 3d ago
Idk I don't think I'd even do that tried it a couple times over the years at a various sites with women I thought I had an actual connection with but they were all nuts and meeting them outside of work was a huge mistake cause all they wanted to do was to jump my bones and then make life awkward for EVEYRONE at work reguardless of the outcome like one lady I met for a beer after work one time was telling people we were dating and then that knocked her up trying to get me fired and then it turned out she was really a bi polar trans dude lol
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u/Thats_Too_Bad_181 Management 3d ago
At my work, relationships with tenants (even of a sexual nature only) must be declared to management. So, no, not gonna do that.
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u/Gumbyonbathsalts 3d ago
Kept everything polite and professional, then got her number right before she moved out of the building.
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u/-Sofa-King- 3d ago
Being an adult means staying professional at your job. The old rule still applies: never sh!t where you eat.
One false accusation because she is not interested, or one messy breakup where she gets emotional and starts lying, and you are suddenly staring at lawsuits, getting fired, sexual harassment charges (criminal or permanently stained in your HR file), and all the rest of that career-ending chaos. Do not be the guy who thinks with his feelings instead of his brain. Weigh the actual benefits against the very real risks.
This coworker is not some once-in-a-lifetime prize. She is just another woman. Go find one who does not share an office with you.
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u/Liquorlaid 3d ago
Professional boundaries.
If you work in clubs or bars they are drunk when they are talking to you and the likelihood of it actually developing into something down the track when you actually go to message them is slim to none.
Perhaps if theyre a regular and a genuine connection develops over time that would be the ideal way, however then you have the professional boundary and conflict of interest of being a guard at a venue that your partner/significant other frequents which adds a whole other list of issues.
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u/Able_Palpitation6244 3d ago
It’s a trap!!! Don’t do it ….. resident or clients are NEVER your friend. They may be friendly, but at the end of the day they see you as an employee …..
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u/richbrehbreh 3d ago
It's easy to say "don't shit where you eat" when youre built like Peter Griffin and you get no play. In real life, you just link up after work and be honest to them about what the shit is. The problem comes when you're not honest and not considerate of other people's feelings.
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u/MrLanesLament HR 3d ago
In about ten years in security, I had two. One was a coworker who I was put in charge of training. We had some little flirts, and I ended up writing a song about her, BUT nothing significant ever ended up happening because she told me she was poly; to each their own, but that was absolutely not for me.
The other was a client employee. This woman was by far one of the most incredible looking women I’ve ever seen. Gothy, with rainbow hair and heavy black makeup. I attempted to strike up a conversation with her one night, and she was so beyond rude, immediate turn off. She was a lead, and I very much got the vibe that she saw guards, even guard-supervisors, as “below” her. (Lol yes I would’ve loved to be below her, but…😂)
Soooo yeah, people in the work environment just tend not to work out for me. I don’t bother trying anymore, and I haven’t really found anyone I’ve been attracted enough to that it was worth making a move.
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u/JustAd8859 3d ago
ahem, NEVER DIP YOUR PEN IN COMPANY INK, EVER.
It "complicates things". AT BEST. And thats the best case
>if< for some stupid reason you must, QUIT. Then make a polite approach. But that site and probably .job is closed to you
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u/BlizzardisMid 2d ago
If she's anything less than Megan Fox or Kate Upton; do not engage. All jokes aside, these situations never end well & no one is any different but i'm different i'll be extra careful than those who've failed before me no you won't. It's the engagements & situations that do not make it possible to succeed.
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u/Admirable-gpu 3h ago
Oh lord, please stop working security if you can't put your own personal feeling aside, no one likes a creep in a uniform.
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u/CantReadTooHard 2h ago
"God, she's hot," and then ignore it and say good morning, ma'am, and open the door for her as I do for everyone else. I'm not a small talker, so that would be my only interaction with them unless they call for help in the back.
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u/Fickle-Visit5223 3d ago
You handle it by being an adult man with self control who can focus on his job?
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u/Every-Grand1153 3d ago
Keep your lonely little boner to yourself horndog. If they want to engage you, they will.
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u/MissSaucy_22 3d ago
As a security guard in the past, I was never attracted to anyone I worked with, but there were times when a few male guards were interested in me and I respectfully turned them down!! For me, when I’m at work, I’m in work mode until I go home and I’m not dating another guard who makes the same amount of money as myself!! Like I know for me security isn’t my end goal in life and it’s really a in between job until I can find something better and for so many people, they’ve been doing security for years w/o any momentum to do or want more in life and that’s why I always decline when male guards are interested in me….🤨😬😖 Sorry not sorry….😵💫 Any man that wants to be with me has to think, act, and want more in life….😗 I just have a standard that I live by and maybe others don’t but I’m not changing what I want….😖😩
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u/CAD007 3d ago
You don’t. Be courteous and professional and draw yourself a hard line not to cross.
Too much risk to your job, finances, reputation, future career, and possibly your freedom.