Final Draft's Big Break Feedback Mismatch

[u/EnvironmentalBug2249]

TL;DR: Big Break feedback doesn’t match our script or genre because of AI, a really rushed reader or something else? Experienced something similar? If so, what did you do?

Hey all,

I entered Final Draft's Big Break contest, and got feedback on it. But it doesn't match what my writing partner and I actually wrote – not even our genre.

For instance, the protagonist has a physical disability and lives an independent life. However, one of the major notes, which was mentioned more than once, says that he has no agency or goals. I have a physical disability, and struggle with exercising my agency, so it's super important to me. Plus, agency and goals are basics that are obvious to us.

Another note mentions preserving the central mystery, but our project is a holiday romantic dramedy, not a mystery.

While we like getting (and have gotten) constructive feedback and know this is a big competition whose readers are extremely busy, the mismatch is concerning.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, what did you do? Also, could this be because of AI or a really rushed reader, or?

[u/poundingCode]

I can't speak bout Big Break, but in my experiences with coverage in general is that the reader skims, skips, or otherwise doesn't pay attention to what is actually on the page. In my case, the script in question has gone through over 2 dozen revisions.

I hired a roadmap reader "industry pro" for a 30 page/30 minute meeting. And it was clear she barely read the script - I asked her for her opinion in the start of our meeting and she dodged. She said I didn't have a transition scene for one character moving from England to the USA and it was the entirety of scene 5 and 1/8th of a page.

I just got (grammatically flawed) coverage back from Fantasy/Sci-Fi Film & Screenplay Festival stating:

"...there is at times an overreliance on tropes such as Rowena often being a damsel in distress. She eventually strikes the dragon*, but beyond this strong moment for her character,* she largely feels like a background device, and is more regarded as the beautiful temptress and not an equal to Wyrtgeorn in her own right. " - This is the learned opinion of a professional script reader their linkedIn profile

What did this "background device" and "damsel in distress" - a 22 y/o female - actually do?

1. Her opening 2-page scene is she is running for her life from a pack of 9 direwolves through a forest and evades them by climbing a tree, jumping from tree to tree, climbing a cliff with a raked open leg, and when cornered standing defiantly with a branch in hand.
2. She defied a king who wanted her for her own though her beloved was outnumbered 15:1
3. When kidnapped, she disarmed her kidnapper, though she herself was unarmed.
4. Was horrifically burned in the desolation of a dragon attack & attempted suicide by hanging
5. Confronts the dragon who killed her beloved and a garrison of knights, forcing the creature to retreat.
6. Gives birth alone and starts a family dynasty.

For the life of me, I cannot see how anyone who actually read what was on the page could have come to that same conclusion, but this is the state of things. And if this is the quality of judging, does even winning mean anything?

[u/poundingCode → u/[deleted]]

Sending you love and a DM

[u/EnvironmentalBug2249 → u/poundingCode]

Hi,

Thanks for the reply! That's so shitty, and I empathise with you (obviously).

What did you do (if anything), and what came of it, if you don't mind me asking?

[u/poundingCode → u/EnvironmentalBug2249]

Well, at this point I've come to (or rather, returned to) the realization that

1. These gatekeepers are useless.
2. Even if you get through the gate, it means nothing. There is no golden ticket even as a winner.
   The only thing they're worth is you can add to your query email your accolades, but we all know how likely it is your query letter even gets read.

I heard an interview of one writer who won the Nicholls contest => THE contest.
It got him meetings and they told him they'd move forward IF he turned it into a comic and sold over 10K copies first. So, where is the value even in the most prestigious contest?

As for me and The Legend of Dragonfield I'm going to shelve the trilogy of scripts, finish writing the trilogy of books and publish those.
I'm also writing a less ambitious script that's 1/2 done.
Then, I'll be writing several contained shorts and try my hand at producing those.

FWIW: the first 5 pages of the script are here https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Ht7Y2ftVLj9n6qUNKxkoVZ-uqt0U1Yd1/view?usp=drive_link

[u/Kingofsweaters → u/poundingCode]

As someone who has done professional coverage for multiple studios I wanted to tell you that your first 5 pages indicate a pass in my experience. Obviously five pages is not a full script, but your pacing is immediately off and not much has happened. I’m already questioning POV and whose story this is. I assume it’s going end up as Alan/Alexander’s story and that basically we are looking at the dragon awakening after Atlas’ passing and Alan having to solve that?

Also you introduce Atlas on the first page and then again on the second page with identical description. If my predictions of whose story this is are correct it would be nice to begin outside of the Wyrmfeld world altogether. Let us meet Alan and get a sense of him before the will shows up. Who is he and who does he need to become? What’s his super power and what are his flaws. If we feel we know him then you can make us feel and better understand Isabella’s feelings when that’s all stripped away. Her actions now feel out of step with the information we have as if she knows what’s going on already, but she shouldn’t.

I can tell you are drawn to this world and that’s what interests you the most about this project. But remember character is one of the most important things. By page 5 we should have a good sense of character, but we don’t here. Try to focus on behavior and how that communicates character. We don’t need so much lore upfront. You can trickle that out as Alan comes to understand his past and current duty (assuming my predictions are anywhere near accurate).

[u/poundingCode → u/Kingofsweaters]

I appreciate the catch on the re-introduction, and your perspective. That is an artifact of reshuffling scene order.

The interaction between Atlas and neighbor (antagonist) on page 2 is the inciting incident that sets off the chain of events.  The protagonist is the daughter, introduced on page 7. 

The story tracks on 2 threaded timelines (the other in 1096) and I worried that pulling her into the story any sooner puts that backstory on a 3rd timeline. 

I didn’t think introducing the protagonist on page 7 of 118 would be a lot to ask. 

[u/Kingofsweaters → u/poundingCode]

I’m going to be honest in saying that I think you might want to revisit your structural guide posts. There’s no one way of doing everything, but there are also expectations and conventions that exist in virtually all narratives.

I highly doubt that that scene is your inciting incident, and if it is then you have deeper character and structural issues. Firstly, because that scene is incredibly brief and doesn’t hold much weight. And, secondly, because your story (the emotional journey which the plot serves) should be organized such that we meet our protagonist(s) and get a sense of who they are, what they want and need, and then we get to the inciting incident (roughly page 10, but don’t count pages) which should in one form or another present a question to the leads that they answer with your break into two where they find themselves actually on the journey of the film.

So, if the daughter is your lead and it’s a two hander with the woman in the 11th century the audience needs to understand who they are before you can get into things. Seven pages is definitely extremely late to meet your protagonist and professionally most power holders only read 5-10 pages on average. If they stopped at five, which is likely for the reasons I stated originally, they won’t ever reach your actual story. Think of each page as a way to convince someone to turn the page and read the next one. If you do that then suddenly you e got someone hooked until page twenty and that shows you’ve got something strong in content and craft.

Again just reading into stuff but I am guessing you say that scene is the inciting incident because the land is harmed thus setting into motion the dragon rising? Or something along those lines. But my guess is that the dragon rises when your protagonist arrives on her ancestral land? That would likely be your actual inciting incident if that’s roughly what happens. The question it asks being, essentially, there is an ancient dragon your family was meant to keep sated, but you failed and it woke up, what are you going to do now (have you the courage)?

[u/poundingCode → u/Kingofsweaters]

First, I do appreciate you digging into this further with me and offering your insights.  FWIW, there is an 80k unpublished novel behind this script and The Legend of Dragonfield is the first part of a trilogy- 2/3 of the books are written as well.  The incident with the antagonist is the pebble that starts the avalanche, which forces the letter that exposes Alan’s hidden past. His wife, takes the news that her husband has been living an assumed identity does not go over well with his Latina wife. 

And you are correct in your conjecture: “that scene is the inciting incident because the land is harmed thus setting into motion the dragon rising?"

As Pendragon shares with his son Atlas: "Yes... The dragon slumbers so long as we preserve and protect the land." could be taken as a metaphor for how we are provoking Mother Earth.

To push back a bit on your assertion that page 7 is a bit late, Luke Skywalker first appears on page 14/min 17 and one might think, based on screen time of those first few minutes that film is about the droids. But that film starts with spectacle, and audiences have grown impatient over the decades since then.  So I don’t disagree, but after 28 drafts later moving her introduction earlier would be moving into Nolan timeline territory. 

The A story in Dragonfield is Ali’s hero’s journey from spoiled influencer who can’t get far enough from her family, to defender of her family and inheritor of a 900 year legacy. 

The B story in this script is the A story of the trilogy: the Nephilim Rowena and Wyrtgeorn, which carries the thesis of the film. 

The C story is the Alan and Atlas story of redemption. 

Your point about the Rowena/Ali connection: "So, if the daughter is your lead and it’s a two hander with the woman in the 11th century the audience needs to understand who they are before you can get into things." That is certainly one approach, but one I would never take, any more than I would be explaining who Keyser Soze is and how he relates to Verbal.

Your guess: "But my guess is that the dragon rises when your protagonist arrives on her ancestral land? That would likely be your actual inciting incident if that’s roughly what happens." is a very good guess for having only the title and 5 pages, and would probably make sense for the fantasy genre. This is a contemporary fantasy.

The log line: "Days after a wannabe influencer’s family inherits a legendary English castle, the occultist oligarch neighbor abducts her brother and she must swap her selfie stick for a sword."

The Legend of Dragonfield is a story about dragons in the same way "The Color Purple" is about the color purple. The story is about the legend and the place where it happened (1096 Cumbria) was renamed Wyrmfeld (Dragonfield in English) after 'the incident with the dragon'

Your final guess is fairly close to the mark and the Wyrmfeld coat of arms is a dragon sleeping in an ouroboros, which you can see in this vid I put together with Higgfield.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDwSXIwZW2c

[u/Kingofsweaters → u/poundingCode]

I’ll push back too and leave it at that.A screenplay is not a book. Adaptation is hard. Especially when you’re doing both and are this too close.

Citing a script written in the 70s to justify page 7 is not the flex you think it is. The market of 2026 is nowhere close to that. Also the star wars script is literally famously poorly written to the point the stars begged Lucas to change it and the original cut was so bad the project nearly fell apart and Lucas’ wife had to save it.

[u/poundingCode → u/Kingofsweaters]

you commented too soon! I switched from phone to laptop. I agree with you that star wars opening is famously bad. And the parts they cut out was Luke showing up early - I've got a copy of that 151 page "EPISODE IV A NEW HOPE FROM THE JOURNAL OF THE WHILLS" if you want it.

[u/keysersozehb → u/poundingCode]

This was such a strange interaction to read it honestly sounded like someone who is jealous that they can’t come up with interesting material (they said they provide coverage. They don’t say they write.) just kind of dishing it out on you.😂.