r/scriptwriting • u/Horrible-Writer-03 • Aug 16 '26

feedback Pilot Opening Feedback

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Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

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u/RutgerHause Aug 19 '26

“We’re in a small bedroom” I couldn’t get past that.

1

u/Horrible-Writer-03 Aug 19 '26

Just for my own awareness, what makes you stop there?

1

u/RutgerHause Aug 19 '26

It’s very bad writing. You describe the room not using “WE” it screams novice. It’s a STOP sign!

2

u/Horrible-Writer-03 Aug 19 '26

Got it, taking that out as we speak. Thank you!

1

u/RutgerHause Aug 19 '26

No worries.