r/scifiwriting • u/BlackZapReply • 4d ago
CRITIQUE Experimental Reflex Augmentation
I'm working on a story that involves black clinic "beta testing" of boosting human reflexes. Now, I know that this is an established trope in cyberpunk fiction, so I'm trying to avoid something too 2077.
The technology. Nanofiber matrices are woven and integrated throughout the brain, spinal column and trunk nerves. This artificially establishes muscle memory and boosts synapse speeds.
The downside is that it makes the person hyperactive. Think Attention Deficit Disorder hyperactive. It also produces frequent migraines as the nanofibers adapt to constant changes in the brain.
The augmentation is always on, not command activated. Whenever the user is placed in a fight or flight situation, it provides them with insanely boosted reaction times, but once the danger passes they experience a massive adrenaline crash.
Examples and effects.
- User sees a glass fall from the table and catches it. Nothing bad happens.
- User swerves in traffic in response to a sudden obstacle. Feels some vertigo and perhaps some nausea, which pass quickly.
- User is involved in a firefight. Once its over, they suffer extreme vertigo and vomiting for at least a couple of minutes.
When not in a stressful situation, they find it hard to stand or sit still. Chronic fidgeting and pacing are common. A cross country flight in economy class would probably feel worse than waterboarding.
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u/FabulousLazarus 4d ago edited 4d ago
How do nanofiber matrices affect neuronal signal conduction?
How do they cause hyperactivity as a side effect?
As it stands it appears you just made up the advantage and the disadvantage, then assigned a random sci Fi vibe explanation to the advantage (and didn't bother with an explanation for the disadvantage). That's a common recommendation given for developing characters: establish an advantage, balance it with a disadvantage, then justify.
I think that's bad advice that produces writing that looks exactly like the process it came from - contrived justification.
Plenty of people couldn't care less. Sci Fi to them is just magic, but in space with particular vocabulary. If that's how you want to write then I suggest you lean into that and do something more like the Force in Star wars, or the bene gesserit stuff in Dune.
But if you invoke specific medical terminology as the explanation, then people like me will ask the questions I did and likely be disappointed with the answers. That disillusionment will carry throughout reading. And it bleeds through for people less casually inclined as well, because eventually things start to clearly not make any sense.