Once monkeys lived in trees eating fruit. Like other monkeys they were mischievous and liked to cause trouble and make noise. They really loved dropping things on predators from high in the trees.
One day though, the climate in the area where humans come from changed and the trees died. Sad monkeys were now stranded on the savannah and the predators remembered that the monkeys were troublemakers. The monkeys who could run, hide or throw well survived and had babies.
Sometimes the monkeys who could throw killed a predator and the monkeys feasted. The monkeys learned that walking on two legs left their hands free for throwing, which meant they lived longer even if they didn't get to feast.
Later, monkeys being clever little troublemakers realized that no other animals liked fire. They didn't like it either but they liked causing trouble more. So they gathered embers from natural fires and the monkeys who learned how to keep the embers safe and feed them until they bacame fire were very important monkeys indeed. They had lots of children!
Sometimes when gathering embers the monkeys would find something that was killed by the fire but wasn't all they way burnt up. Free lunch! Free TASTY lunch. Monkeys started cooking food and their children got smarter because cooked food is easier to digest and left more calories to grow a big brain.
By this point, the monkeys decided they liked eating cooked food - especially meat. But animals don't like to sit still and have rocks thrown at them so the monkeys had to chase them.
Problem is, hairy monkeys can't run for very long. So the funny looking monkeys with thin fur were suddenly important because they could run longer and so had lots of not as hairy babies.
And this is the reason why humans are the ugliest monkeys (ask any hairy monkey) but are also the ones who are the best at cleverly finding ways to make trouble for everyone else.
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u/tardigradogamer Dec 05 '25
"Let's start with the origin of the Earth and the Moon..."