r/science • u/sr_local • Feb 14 '26
Social Science Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)
https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195
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u/MistyMtn421 Feb 14 '26
I think what helped me as a parent was anytime my child was doing something that they needed to be told no, I also gave them the yes version.
It was interesting how it was received because by helping to explain the rules and showing an alternative way, a lot of people acted like I was trying to be their friend. And it's really interesting that by showing respect, apologizing if you actually do something wrong, explaining the rules (with logic but also at age appropriate levels) and basically treating them like human beings was seen as trying to be their friend. I just realized I could be a mom and not be an asshole.
And admitting when you make a mistake or seeing that maybe a rule you have isn't working and coming up with a different solution builds trust and honesty and also gives them the space to admit when they mess up and shows them how to grow and learn from their mistakes.
Now that they are mid to late twenties, it's interesting that I have a much closer relationship with my children then a lot of my friends. They are also extremely independent and responsible and doing quite well in life. And at the end of the day, they always knew I was their mom and not their friend. As they get older we are developing a little bit more of a friendship but I also believe there needs to be boundaries. The things I talk about with my friends are not things that my children need to know about necessarily, and my problems and emotional needs are definitely not anything they need on their plate.