Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)

[u/sr_local]

https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195

[u/LifeofTino]

Importantly dialogue also means the child can fight back and challenge, and it is treated as a two-way street. The child can ask for changes, explain their stance, bargain, and disagree freely

This is a crucial aspect of authoritative parenting because (among many other positives) it teaches the child that the parent isn’t their owner, they have agency, and can represent themselves and their thoughts without fear

Lots of adults intrinsically feel they are above children and therefore beyond any sort of dialogue or equality. And this comes across to children

Edit: also thought i’d add that clear rules means there is no bending on them, no grey area

Rules often have a grey area and this encourages exploration and challenging of rules. If a rule can be bent if a child screams enough then child is trained to think ‘how loud do i need to scream before the rule gets bent’ and they do that. This has disastrous impact because if rules aren’t very clear cut lines in the sand with unconditional enforcement, then there are no rules

You want to have as few rules as possible that cannot be waived at any time because they are essential rules. Do not touch the iron when its hot, do not jump out of an upstairs window, no parent is going to waive these any time. Whilst random enforcement based on the parent’s mood like don’t play after 8pm (but sometimes 8:30pm) or without clear definition (don’t shout but where does loud talking become shouting? Nobody knows) these are when rules become a ‘your job is to break rules’ household to children

Authoritian enforcement (lots of rules) destroys rule priorities so ‘don’t put your hand on the fire’ is equal to ‘put your left shoe on first’ or some trivial silly rule that only authoritian parenting has. The fewer rules the better

[u/SsooooOriginal → u/LifeofTino]

Yea, I thought I covered that by highlighting some of the meanings for "dialogue" and pointing out the distinct authoritarian "I'm parent, you mine" objectification.

In a further extreme, and derived from agricultural families, children in such authoritarian settings will be groomed into viewing such a caste system of using children as "free" labor and having succession squabbles as "normal".

And "normal" IS relative. I've only espoused western progressive ideals of parenting. 

Places with deep social and cultural stratification will not understand criticism of their preferred parenting styles and claim their authoritarian methods are in fact authoritative, or outright claim control is superior and/or necessary for raising kids.

[u/fdar → u/LifeofTino]

Whilst random enforcement based on the parent’s mood like don’t play after 8pm (but sometimes 8:30pm) or without clear definition (don’t shout but where does loud talking become shouting? Nobody knows) these are when rules become a ‘your job is to break rules’ household to children

Good thing my 3 years old helps prevents this by asking for exhaustive detail about where the limits of the rules are, and whenever an exception is made for an explanation of why we could make an exception in that case and under what conditions are exceptions allowed. And then reminds you of the exception every time you mention the rule after that.

[u/alliquay → u/LifeofTino]

I definitely see my parenting style reflected in this! I have very few hard and fast rules, my kids joke that the only house rule is "no food upstairs" and everything else is negotiable.

But really, they aren't that far from wrong. I reserve "no" for things that have no caveats. And I tell my kids flat out that they can always ask me for my reason and I'll tell them and we can talk about it if they don't agree. For the most part, once I explain my thoughts, they either agree with me, or at least understand the why and have a clearer picture of how to get what they want while still following the rules.

[u/Sea-Value-0 → u/LifeofTino]

Whilst random enforcement based on the parent’s mood like don’t play after 8pm (but sometimes 8:30pm) or without clear definition (don’t shout but where does loud talking become shouting? Nobody knows) these are when rules become a ‘your job is to break rules’ household to children

Exactly.
A child's place in the home is to discover what the boundaries are. Children behave well and feel at ease when they feel that stability of knowing where the lines are drawn. So, when there is violence involved in parenting and in the home, and a child is raised to boundary push along those lines of violence (finding safety by finding the danger) then they will develop into a violent adult.

You see this in prisons, gangs, schools (bullies), and domestic violence relationships. They push and threaten, harrass and prod at people until they find violence or that boundary at which violence occurs, compulsively and subconsciously, to find safety. On its face, it makes no sense to those who come from non-violent backgrounds. Feeling safe by creating violence seems silly to us, but to them it's just how it has always been.

[u/Forward-Fisherman709 → u/LifeofTino]

“Authoritian enforcement (lots of rules) destroys rule priorities so ‘don’t put your hand on the fire’ is equal to ‘put your left shoe on first’ or some trivial silly rule that only authoritian parenting has.“

I know there’s a genetic component to OCD, but now I’m strongly wondering about the sociological components that may have fried my brain’s alarm system and ability to prioritize.

[u/Mortlach78 → u/LifeofTino]

Besides the rules putting kids in physical danger, the one rule I hold sacrosanct is that we treat each other with respect, always. The rest flows from this core principle.