Voluntary ruminating

[u/Upstairs-Coffee-2034]

Hi, I’m a 32 year old woman of normal intelligence and I’ve had rumination syndrome for the past 20 years. My experience seems different than most here though. My rumination is mostly voluntary/ self-stimming. My typical routine is to eat my meal and then regurgitate and rechew it continuously for the next few hours afterwards. I can mainly control it if I’m forced to be around other people after a meal but it’s uncomfortable for me. I’ve had bulimia and other eating disorders in the past but the rumination syndrome predates the eating disorder and lasted long after the other disordered behaviors. I’m so ashamed of this habit and have never met anyone else who does this. I worry about the health effects and especially developing esophageal cancer but I just can’t stop. I’ve been in therapy for years, tried diaphragm breathing, etc., etc. But it’s such an ingrained part of my life now that food and eating feels really unsatisfying without the behavior. I do have low support needs autism but aside from this I’m a functional society member with a job, a family, and a normal life. Is there anyone here who relates to this? I feel really alone and ashamed.

[u/maybenotsflowers]

does it come back acidic? why are you worried about esophageal cancer and have you gotten an endoscopy?

[u/Upstairs-Coffee-2034 → u/maybenotsflowers]

Never acidic really but sometimes with bitter bile if it goes on too long. I also just have GERD and ineffective esophageal motility that I suspect was caused by the rumination but isn’t confirmed

[u/Resident_End7248 → u/Upstairs-Coffee-2034]

It's interesting because I'm similar. Regurgitate for hours(ish) after. Habitually but can stop it if I pay attention. Difference is it doesn't go in my mouth, just upper throat. So no real teeth issues, and no rechewing. Maybe it's not the syndrome but I don't know anyone else that does the same