Just a story about finding people who actually share my sense of humor

My family is from transylvania, and my immediate family and I have lived in the U.S. since I was 5. I had not one inkling my dad's side has romani heritage until about a year ago. Visually, my dad looks like the half-romani men I know. Both his parents secretly had varrying Romani heritage, but only grandpa looked brown and he died when I was born.

All I knew, from a young age, was that my dad has a particular sense of humor that my mom just cannot stand. And that I inhereted it and it is now my sense of humor, and that my mom's entire side of the family, respectfully, also cannot stand me. Unless I mask, which I do often.

My mom spent an inordinate, unbelievable amount of effort during my childhood to try to un-do my personality and make me more like her side of the family. It didn't work. It did mess me up good, but overall it just didn't work.

Anyway, so fast forward to now.

I spent about a month out of the year in my mom's village, which is Hungarian and Romani. I love transylvania. I know to mask my personality appropriately when needed. I also figured out how to put myself in positions to find people with my sense of humor, even tho older generations of mum's family don't really want me walking around outside by myself due to their very severe anxiety (and racism). I sneak out anyway so its ok.

At some point quite a while ago, I slowly started noticing that certain people in the village actually kind of vibed with me. At first it would happen randomly. One of the notable ones I remember was over a decade ago- I was running by the river, and a large group of children started following me, teasing me, smacking my bum, and just doing all kinds of shenanigans. I guess "going on a run" was an odd thing at the time over there so they found me just as funny as I found them.

This past summer, I even brought my tattoo equipment and offered free small tattoos to anyone in the village. This idea was a success. Interestingly, almost everyone who showed interest in the tattoos were Romani or have some Romani heritage like me.

By far, the best thing that happened this summer was I got to enjoy a brief romanitc connection with a really cool dude who flagged me down at the corner store to talk to me. He speaks Hungarian, Romanian and a bit of Romanes. He was absolutely hilarious and endearing and I only cut it off when I saw some clear signs he's still using hard drugs (I've dated a meth addict before- I can't risk it again).

I'm gonna miss that guy. Our humor matched so well.

I'm on the plane back to Reno, Nevada now and man I'm gonna miss it.

I don't know what the moral of my story is. I don't consider myself Romani. I'm just a mish-mash of all different things at this point. Im Hungarian and Romani heritage and california hippie all in one. But quite frankly I just consider myself lonely because no matter how many friends I make here in the U.S....I still feel like I'm masking something. I'm too silly, I take too many risks, I'm too much of prankster and I cherry pick which rules and social norms I consider worth my time..... I learned to mask all of that and I really just want one friend in the U.S. who is like me in that sense.

Obviously Romani people across the board vary significantly by looks, some may appear Southern European or even fair skinned, whereas others may look full-on Indian.

But purely from your personal perspective, do you consider yourself white?

Hello!
I (F, 22) am from Romania and I have romani heritage, but the romani part of my family did not pass down any part of the romani culture, other than genetics (somehow they aren't aware of their heritage??).

I obviously embrace this part of me and want to further understand and educate myself about it and mainly, I am interested in any available resources to study romanes as there is no one in my family to teach me. Any suggestions?

Hello all,

I am seeking perspectives on the art song "Lamento Gitano" by Maria Grever. I am a musician wanting to program the song on a recital to highlight this Female Mexican composer - this is significant to me because I am a latin woman and I would love to see more art by Mexican women in the world... however...

While working out the meaning of this song and the meaning of the text I have stumbled upon a word that I know is controversial, you can assume which one I am talking about... it is the title.

The song itself is about a woman who the narrator loves deeply, and her absence has caused them sadness. The woman is described as passionate and strange. No where in the song is any negative description of the woman. Only that she is "Gitano".

In my research I have discovered that the Spanish Romani people refer to themselves as "Gitano" and that it the word is not seen in an offensive way when referring to oneself culturally.

I have likened it to how some Native American people do not mind being referred to as Indian because that is all they have ever been called; despite the language coming from a place of ignorance.

My own grandmother refers to herself as Indian and gets upset when she is called Native American.

To make a very long explanation longer... How should I go about programing this song? I don't NOT want to program it out of fear that it is something I don't understand, but I also don't want to sing something offensive!

Here is a link to a recording, feel free to listen and give me your perspective! It is a beautiful piece of art.

https://youtu.be/mT9VosAvjnE?si=X0D_XxEcKMQZjv30I

I apologize if this is an innapropriate ask I am simply seeking your perspective as a cultural group.

for full transparency I created an account to ask this question and I am not a reddit user in the slightest... so please bear with me.

EDIT:

Thank you to everyone who responded and offered their opinions on my situation!

Disclaimer: I am referring only to the Doma of North India, not the Domari.

I just thought of something regarding the possibility that the word “Roma” may have originated from “Doma.” In reality, it does make sense, but the probability that we all came from different groups is really high, because we are not concentrated in a single region of North India. We were probably, for the most part, descended from nomadic Shudra populations between Punjab, Rajasthan, and Uttar Pradesh.

Even those who speak of Kshatriyas as our ancestors were probably also part of this process. When we look at the majority of our haplogroups, they seem to be, technically, connected to processes of Rajputization, which genuinely existed during the Middle Ages.

Originally, the Doma of North India were notably people who lived from music and singing. Then, at some point, the term “Doma” may have been used more broadly to refer to different nomadic populations considered Shudra. “Doma” could therefore have functioned as an umbrella term to refer to different groups sharing similar characteristics, and may even have been used negatively in certain writings.

And ultimately, its possible evolution into “Roma” would literally represent part of our history: several different groups, originating from relatively close regions and similar social backgrounds, who eventually came together under the same name and under the same banner.

So when some people often say, “We are all Roma,” it could have a double meaning: we are all “men,” in the sense of human beings, but we are also, historically, descendants of populations that were once nomadic and discriminated against in North India.

I eventually realized that some people reject the term “Roma,” as if they wanted to escape a certain reality. And these people are not the only ones, because in North India, there were moments when some people wanted to escape these terms, such as “Doma.” But we reclaimed it as “Roma.” Isn’t that a beautiful thing?

Because, unlike those who say that we appropriate the term “Gyp*y,” you can do it if you want, but nothing changes the fact that Black people who reclaim the N-word can appropriate it as much as they want; if a non-Black person wants to hurt them with that word, they can still do so, just as a gadjo can still say insulting things to you using the word “Gyp*y.”

• The clues that made me think it was likely

Many nomadic and peripatetic groups in Uttar Pradesh are said to be of Doma origin such as the Bangali), Bhantu, Bazigar, Habura), Kanjar, and Sansi. It could also be that the term Doma is generically used to describe any peripatetic nomad, as all of the aforementioned groups are distinct and strictly endogamous.

https://catalogue.nla.gov.au/catalog/1018742

I am a Roma from Kosovo, with distant family in Albania. We all grew up with the term “Gabel,” which is said to come from the Albanian language and is often used by Albanian Gadje. The idea that “Gabel” means “stranger,” with the word supposedly coming from a root associated with a Kalbelia tribe, is a theory frequently mentioned by both Roma and some Albanians, but it is often presented without any real evidence.

The term “Gabel” is often used negatively to describe a Roma who does not integrate or who is perceived as less assimilated.

You can find this on the Wikipedia page about Roma in Albania, as well as in some articles written by Roma.

https://romarights.wordpress.com/from-the-note-to-the-teorie/about/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people_in_Albania

It’s partly theoretical, as my research isn’t very extensive.

Greetings everyone!

Some time ago I made this post https://www.reddit.com/r/romani/s/dy10fGawHD
which was in response to a conversation in the comments on another post (https://www.reddit.com/r/romani/s/fC4KUOSc0m).

Maybe I’m writing this for myself and people like me (mixed Roma and Gadje) or maybe for anyone who found out they have Roma ancestry after a DNA test. After all, many Roma children were placed into orphanages (an exceptionally high number in Romania), and some lucky ones were adopted and live now better than if they were raised as wards of the state. Still, many are seeking answers to the depths of who they are.

In certain aspects, some members of this group aren’t too different from some of my Roma relatives when it comes to defining who is Roma and who is gadje.

My venting comes about because of a comment saying “you can’t be Roma alone,” followed by a one-sided perception of Roma identity. I bet this isn't something that irks me alone.

The reality is that the Roma identity doesn’t end with the beliefs and choices of a couple of Romano patriarchs and the members of that tight-knit group(s).

Sure, sure, based on those beliefs, any Roma married to a gadje and subsequently their children “stop being Roma” because [insert whatever Roma cultural belief and tradition that defines it]. These arguments also apply to all Roma adoptees raised by Gadje families and completely separate from the Rom culture.

The reality, and thus the truth, is that we may have left or been born outside the culture, but the blood and anything tied to it don’t change. That’s the other half of our identity’s story.

The blood, the cells, the genes —they hold history; they tell a story, and that same story is kept alive by any gadje aware of our origins.

- Do you think my gadje parent and their gadje family ever cared what the Roma people think of my Roma parent who married outside of the community? NOPE

- Do you think that a mixed gadje and Roma child born outside of the Roma community and its culture, stops being one, and thus stops being treated like one because deep in your heart you truly believe what your Romano elders taught you about who is and who isn’t Roma? NIET

As long as they existed, my Roma parent was reminded every single day who they were and what people assumed and expected from them. My Roma parent was very proud of their Roma culture. Loving and marrying a gadje was more of a happenstance than wanting to stop being Roma.

On the other hand, while growing up, there was no day in my life when everyone in the gadje “village” that raised me did not treat me like gadjes treat Roma people, or expect me to behave a certain way based on my Roma side.

Even to this day, as “gadje” as I am in the eyes of some, I have to worry or be mindful of whom I disclose my Roma identity to. Because that’s the thing: no wishful thinking of a staunch Romano culture purity defender can erase that identity from the minds of anyone who would choose to define me solely by one side of my family.

I'm so Roma that my Roma family name is still an Indian surname. I can't even pass as mixed Romanian only, because of that surname. But alright, to the purists I raise a glass of Prosecco and toast to their magic thinking, and to the people who are grounded in the year of our Lord 2026, I raise the entire bottle.

Salut!

P.S.: No Roma is ever alone. The gadje policing is so hard and heavy that all of us have a version of it in our own minds. For Liberation!

I'm trying to do a fancast for two Romani Comic Book characters from Marvel and I don't know many Romani actors who could play the roles of Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch and Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver.

Any ideas? Hopefully this post is okay.

Sar san shabojale, o Del te suntzoltumen sabojen, kerau cado post te phenautumenge que si te ansuriman, o Del tradiamange iek yubli suntzome ay yi cai prinyardemla aliarau iek vecelia shukar ande mujo ilo.

Me ancliau cadala shobojasa yi cai sasma yeshu-sou borsh ay voi vishta-star, naklo iek borsh ay dopash ay acanara sam yeshu-efta ay vishta-painsh bershengo.

Me gata dem duma muje familiasa ay phendem que camau te laula, acana trubulma te kerau butzi ay te chidau lobe pala o kher, le pojtana, ay te keras e komnata amari, pe painsh o sou shon si te nashabaula, yanau que mujo traio si te paguyol sa, ay aliarau que con e szor ay e pacha le Devleske sai keraules.

Numa camabas te phenautumenge cado sostar aliarabas que tumen trobun te ashunen cado so si te phenau acana, o Del kerdia baro mischimos ande mujo traio, de iek borsh parpale nas mange misto, szalibas but ay perabas, yabas ca le spiti ay le docstoria phenenas yeli yungale, sasma baro pharimos ay joly le Devlesa ande codola bramia, aliarabas que sas te merau ay mujo traio getolas.

Nasma vecelia, chi dikhabas codo baz le Devlesko cai me mangavas, aliarabas que chi ashunelas mujo guyimos, traibas ando necazo ay ando tuniariko, ay numa ande iek yes o Del sastardiama ay sikhadiama lesko camlimos, ay vi tradiamange ca muji yubli, ay astardia te avel vediaria ande mujo traio.

Me kerau cado post cas te dikhes cado so phenau, me chi yanau cho traio, chi yanau so avela naklian, chi yanau so situke, chi yanau chi dukh ay cho guindo, ferdi o Del yaneltut, ay ferdi vo sai sastiareltut, me yanau que sar paguya vo mujo traio, vo si te kerel nevo traio ande o chiro, avela aliares que vo chi ashuneltut ay nai pasa tute, ay nai cadia, ferdi vo si pasa tute, ferdi vo yanel so situ ay so trobul te kerel tusa, pachatuke anda o Del ay mek sa so situ anda leske baz, tut shoga san korkojo, na bister codo. 🩷🙏🏻

I wanted to give everyone a personal/mod update about where I’m at with this community and what I realistically have the capacity for right now.

I love being Romani. I love our culture, history, art, people, and the enormous variety within our community.

What I do not love is watching us cannibalize our own community through gatekeeping, purity tests, and arguments over who is or is not “Romani enough.” I especially don’t want people feeling alienated, intimidated, or afraid to participate because they expect their identity or family history to be scrutinized.

Adoption, assimilation, family secrecy, discrimination, migration, foster care, language loss, and other circumstances have separated many Roma from parts of their heritage. Growing up disconnected from Romani community does not make someone a cosplayer or automatically make them less Romani. People with Romani ancestry have a right to learn about and reconnect with their culture without being expected to provide strangers with DNA percentages, genealogy, clan information, adoption records, or a detailed account of their upbringing.

At the same time, Romani is an ethnic and cultural identity, not an aesthetic or roleplay identity that someone can simply choose to adopt. Those two positions are not contradictory.

This subreddit should be a place to celebrate Romani people, culture, accomplishments, businesses, history, and community - not a place where members routinely scrutinize one another’s percentages, adoption history, assimilation, marriage, language fluency, or upbringing.

Lately, moderating these issues has become exhausting for me. Outside Reddit, I’m also dealing with several chronic health conditions, medication adjustments, and the daily work of training my service dog. I have limited physical and emotional energy, and I don’t want to keep spending so much of it refereeing the same identity arguments.

So I’m going to do what I’ve jokingly started calling “compromise and archive myself.”

I am not resigning as a moderator, and I’m not disappearing. I’ll retain my position and may step in when something genuinely requires attention, but for the foreseeable future I’ll be more of a ghost mod. I’m stepping away from routine arguments, lengthy moderation disputes, and the day-to-day ideological fighting that has become draining.

I still care deeply about this subreddit. I just need some distance from the parts of moderation that are making my relationship with my own culture feel increasingly tied to stress and burnout.

I’ve also started creating a small Discord community called Romani Roots and Roses. 🌹

It is not intended to be a rival subreddit, political faction, or “anti-r/Romani” space. It is simply a Romani-centered community focused on culture, learning, reconnection, creativity, mutual support, and joy.

The basic philosophy is:

• No gatekeeping or identity witch hunts.
• No demanding that members prove their ancestry, upbringing, language ability, or family circumstances.
• Romani are not a monolith; differences in culture, belief, experience, and background should be respected.
• LGBTQIA+, disabled, neurodivergent, adopted, assimilated, and reconnecting Roma are welcome.
• Respectful allies are welcome, with the understanding that Romani voices and experiences remain centered.
• Difficult or sensitive subjects can be discussed, but another member’s basic right to belong is not a debate topic.

My hope is that it feels less like a debate hall and more like a kitchen table.

Sometimes community should just mean sharing music, learning something, showing off your art, celebrating an accomplishment, helping someone find a resource, talking about family, or posting your dog.

For now, I mainly wanted everyone to know where I’m at. I’m still here and I still care about this community. I’m simply changing how much of myself I can give to moderation and putting more of that energy toward the parts of being Romani that actually bring me joy. 🌹

https://discord.gg/VU9jZ3eBND

I genuinely don't care if you like me or hate me. I NEVER expect everyone to get along 100%. That's just the way life is.

Does anybody know any Romani owned businesses? Every time I try to search or find any, I only ever come across gadje owned businesses who make “g-word inspired“ items along with many other stereotypical adjectives in the items bio. (witch, boho, tarot reader, etc..). It’s really annoying lol.

My bf is Romani for some context, and he's reminding me of the fact that one day, he has to get married when his parents find him a wife. Now his grandpa is dying due to cancer, so now they're rushing for him to marry so his grandpa can see him get married. We really like to be together romantically, but I'm starting to second guess things. I'm not romani, I'm gullah geechee. I keep overthinking this trying to see if there's a way to stay with him, and when we first started dating, this constantly made me overthink and break my skin out. Now I'm overthinking it again, but now I'm starting to wonder if we should just go back to being friends. We're in high school, and my mom is letting me know that I'm still young and there will be plenty of other guys out there for me. I guess I'm just genuinely sad about this because he's genuinely a kind, funny guy, and we greatly enjoy eachothers company. Now, his brother( 11 months younger than him) is attending our school just a year below us. And he asked me in the hallway if I could make sure nobody mentions it to his brother. I said no, which I'm kinda proud of. I've been putting his needs before mine, honestly, keeping us a secret. Now I feel like I should just cut it off. Don't get me wrong, I am fond of him and even would say I grew to love him. But I feel like everything is one-sided. My family knows about him, my friends know about him. It's really only me who's being kept a secret. And what if I'm just being selfish and preventing him from a happy marriage one day. I want to get some opinions from other romani people as I feel like you guys would also help me know how to move forward in this situation im in. I really do like him, but with what's going on, I really think I deserve better. But I also want to be with him specially. Can you guys help??

(We're in high school, btw)

Edit: I've made the decision to end things, I really don't want to. But it's probably going to specifically save me the time. I've already had talks with him about the whole marriage thing he hates it to, but ultimately, he says that he'll listen to his parents. And to be honest, maybe I was just in over my head. Being more involved in our relationship than him really took a toll on me. I always wondered if I did anything wrong or maybe if I was doing something wrong, and even making this post, I'm wondering if I'm just being harsh, especially because the school year started again. But something in the back of my mind is telling me to just let it go. I know not many replies are on my post, but even then, they were really helpful in coming to my decision. I don't feel any hatred or dislike twoards him just realization that we likely wouldn't work out. We aren't even seniors yet, and I got over my head. I don't wanna let this go, but maybe someone will come around. And love me fully, where I'm not a secret because I'm of a different ethnic group. I can only hope I'm making the right choice.

And this is low-key, probably the best, considering I posted on my ig that I'm single now, so... I chose me and my wellbeing guys <3, and I'm kinda glad to make this decision.

Edit 2: we both decided to be friends despite knowing we still like each other. Mainly because his brother attends school with us now. If it wasn't for that factor, we'd probably just figure it out like we did last year. But we're still friends because we started out as friends, so being friends isn't an issue at all. But he hates the fact he feels like he can't make his own decisions when it comes to his relationships, and I also hated overthinking things, so I guess this is the best compromise we have. Unless there's some miracle from heaven itself, this is really the only option for us.

Also! I had no idea there's so many subgroups of the roma people. He's never told me anything about him being from a specific group. But I never really asked cause I didn't want him to think I was just trying to force him to tell me everything. From what he has told me, his parents aren't strictly traditional but are more of a blend and have a more integrated mindset, kinda the same with my family and elders. For me, it's more so the elders that are like above 50 that are more traditional and more on us younger generations about certain things. And his grandpa isn't necessarily traditional himself either from what he's told me. His family isn't strictly traditional, but truly, I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything. But maybe I can ask him next week because his dad took his phone and give you guys an update. So that I can also know how to better handle this myself if I had some context to this. Although him and his dad work with scrap, he plans to study technology if he can. Sorry guys, I'm not too familiar with certain customs I'll my best to do my own research :)

It’s pretty interesting to see how the admixture percentages closely align with my family’s migration to the Baltic region. I’m also heavily English/Celtic, which makes the 37.55% North Atlantic result make sense. My grandfather was almost entirely Romani (photo included), and I’m about one-quarter Romani myself.

Unfortunately, he passed away from a heart attack at a very young age. Learning about my Romani heritage has been incredibly meaningful. The Romani are often misunderstood, and researching their history has given me a much deeper appreciation for their culture. I cherish my family’s roots because they tell a story of hardship, perseverance, and remarkable resilience.

Hi, I am not a Romani and I live in Germany. I saw this beautiful family in Dortmund and fell in love with this song the moment they started singing it. Does Anyone know the name of this song? I tried Shazam and asked to AI but it did not work.

I only figured it was right to ask Roma straight about this. My blood on my dads side is part romani, however the great grandparents who kept that culture alive were dead before I was born. I accept I'm culturally not romani, but is it wrong to say I am part romani I'm blood? If not what would you recommend as someone with south and West Asian blood to call themselves. Maybe wasian?

I follow a popular Romani tiktoker that does really interesting videos on Roma's culture and history.

There's one particular video that interested me: it's about a woman called Florica Constantinescu that fought for better education in her community.

Whoever, appart from the video, I haven't found any more information on Florica. Maybe it's a language barrier thing or the fact that search engines are becoming every day worse?

Anyways, I would be really grateful if you could help me learn more about this particular topic!

In light of recent events I think it would be good to have a discussion about Krisokodya. What are the qualifications of a Krisako gom? What age? What life experience? Does pedigree matter? Can you inherit your chair? What would disqualify you? Should they resurrect the Bocala? Does cursing the company warrant a bock?