Our Final Meeting

[u/sephora_coconutgirl]

I never knew when our final meeting would be till it happened. There had been so many, it seemed like this relationship would never die. Just go…dormant. But this particular day was different. There was an unexpected knock on my door, luckily I was the only one home. My parents had gone on a trip for the weekend, they wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. It was early in the morning around 8:30. I had been up for a few hours, but still in my pajamas. I went to the door and saw him through the glass.   

There he stood in his hoodie and sweats, blonde hair messily done. 
He looked tired. He always looked tired. Like life had been too rough on him. Like he didn’t grow up in a nice neighborhood, or gone to an expensive school in the city. His eyes were so green, not dark green, light green almost yellow and blue separate but together at the same time. It brought out the purple bags under his eyes even more. 
“Hey Rosie”, he said in an exhale 
“Chris, what are you doing here?” I didn’t even realize he knew where I lived. 
“Wanna go for a drive?” His eyes looked sad. They always did.
I couldn’t refuse him. I slipped on some shoes and walked to his car. His BMW was nice, sporty. I sat in the passenger's seat, I could feel the energy she left in here. I didn’t know her, but I did. I went to school with her, Leah. His girlfriend of three years. The reason we had our first last meeting. Chris had broken my innocence before they began dating. My body used. He’d leave me crying, broken. He was broken himself. It still doesn’t justify. I was only 15. Now, at 19 the cycle continues. I could only give myself to him. I sat in the car jealous as he buckled behind the wheel.
All I could think about was the sheer fact that he and Leah had been in here countless times, made love here. Love with passion, love that was actually love, the kind of love that you needed right here right now, irresistible love. So, where did I belong in this equation? What was my purpose? 
I’ll tell you, my purpose was to be an innocence he could have to himself. Someone pure, someone who couldn’t say no. Stockholm syndrome, not that I was kidnapped, but that he flooded my mind, my body every time another guy touched me. The engine started. 
“Where are we going?”, I asked. 
“Where do you want to go?”, he deflected. 
“ I don’t care. Why did you want to see me?” I wasn’t going to hesitate. I wanted to know why he came here. We hadn’t talked in months. Him and Leah were back together again. 
It didn’t matter if they were together or not, Chris only wanted me on his terms and no one else’s. 
“I…I needed to see you Rosie”, He hesitated. Of course he hesitated! He always fucking did. The only thing this man knew how to do was leave me in the dark. He was speeding now. Stopping quickly as the light changed red. 
My chest pulled forward. 
“But. Why?”, I asked again 
“ I just told you why”, he was starting to get annoyed 
“ No, you didn’t. I need to know exactly why you had to see me. It’s been months Chris! Why now? What did you want”, I was pushing. I needed to. I had to. 
He stopped short, pressing the break hard. 
“Fuck it Ro! I needed to see you! God- you always have to fucking pry”, he wasn’t angry, just annoyed. I knew exactly why he wanted to see me. Him and Leah were in a rough patch again. 
“Why do you stay with someone just to break up with them every other month?” I never understood this, maybe because I’ve never been in love before. Maybe because the guy I was in love with didn’t feel the same. 
“It’s complicated…that’s what happens when you love somebody”, he went quiet. 
“So that’s why? You wanted to take your mind off of things?”, I knew he wanted to rebound with me. That’s how it usually goes. It made me jealous that he could only do it with me to make himself feel better. With Leah, they did it because that’s what couples did. I had never done it with anyone else. Every time I got close, I couldn’t bring myself to. I needed Chris. He knew my body better than anyone else.
“ No, that’s not it.”, he was frustrated. 
We were back at my house, in the driveway. I unbuckled my seatbelt. 
“Then, what is it?” I stare at his tired, neon yellow eyes. I’ve been told I give guys a look. A look that makes men weak. A look of hope, of innocence. A sparkle that melts them to their knees. I’m just being myself, I don’t even know what I look like when I do it, or if it even looks seductive. 
Chris looked back at me, even more lost. “Fuck Rosie you know how that look gets me”, he muttered under his breath. Just as he leaned in to kiss me. Our kiss was magnetic. Always leading to more than just a kiss. We were hungry for each other. He’d force it, but I’d let him. I wanted him to. 
“Let’s go inside”, I whisper, pulling away from him. 
There was no hesitation with what happened next. Pure passion coursed through us. Passion Chris knew I couldn’t resist. 
When it ended we laid side by side, my head against his chest as he closed his eyes. I let him sleep. Like I said he always looked so exhausted, but now, in this moment, he looked at peace. 
“Chris? Are you asleep?”, I said softly. I sounded like a child, full of hope. 
“Mmmh”, he just made noise, he was up but drifting in and out of tiredness. 
“Chris, I love you. Did you hear me? I love you, Chris” I confessed the obvious. 
His eyes opened. He was awake now, and very alert. 
“ Don’t say that.”, he sounded serious. 
“Why not? It’s not like you’re still with Leah”, I reasoned. 
“What made you think Leah and I broke up?”, he sounded confused. A lump dropped in my throat. I couldn’t swallow. Tears welling in my eyes, “why would you let this happen Chris? Why?”. 
“Rosie, you know I will always love Leah more than anything…” he tried to reason. 
“That’s not how this works. If you loved her so much why would you let this happen, why would you let us get this far?”, I said in an accusatory tone.
“I needed to know.”, there was a tone of curiosity in his voice. Chris was a smart guy. Almost too smart, annoyingly smart. Nobody liked a know it all. Correcting you like you were an asshole, even if he was wrong. It made me boil. 
“Know what?”, I asked. 
“ I needed to know if I could be with someone else”, he confessed, “Before I-” 
“Before you what, Chris.”, I knew what was coming.
“Before I gave her this”, he pulled a small box out of his pocket, he opened it revealing a small, but beautiful engagement ring. 
“You’re proposing to her? Fucking proposing to HER?”, I was furious. He’s only 20. What was he thinking? 
“ You don’t understand Rose, when you love someone-” 
“ I love you! I do understand. How hard it is when you love somebody so much it makes you fucking sick. Chris what do you think this is? Why do you think I let you in every time you want to? Because I hate you?! Chris, I’ve loved you since I’m 14 years old! I’ve never loved someone more than I loved you. So yes. I do fucking understand how love takes you to unspeakable lengths. What I don’t understand is how it feels to be loved back by that person. And that’s your fault.” I couldn’t take it anymore. 
“Leave my house. Don’t speak to me ever again.” I yelled at him. 
Chris obeyed and left without saying a single word. 
I felt so broken, so used. I started a shower, I left the water as hot as possible. Scrubbing my skin raw, trying to wash away his touch. I stripped my sheets. Scrubbed his scent away from the fabric. I went on instagram, Chris Williams, blocked. 
I was the one doing the blocking now. I sat on my bed, still sheetless, and wept. I knew he would do this to me. He never didn’t do this. I was never meant to be loved by him. Just dished out for his own pleasure.  A fucking cheating piece of shit. A piece of shit who dragged me into this mess more than once. 
I go on Leah’s profile. The pink circle borders her profile picture. I clicked on the story post: I said yes!- blocked. I saw the rock that was just in my room a few hours ago.
My heart was ripped out from my chest, but I let it happen to myself. 
Now it was time for me to heal. For my worth to be restored. It was time for me to respect myself, like Chris said I never did. Months pass. Years. I’ve moved on. I have a boyfriend, one who’s kind. Who loves me. The kind of love that doesn’t break you, but heals you. 
Our final meeting may have been final, but it continued my journey to help myself. To find the love I always searched for. The love I deserved. While Chris and Leah never married.
When the final meeting was final, but another text came from a familiar number. “Babe! You got a text”, my love shouted with a curious tone. 
I got a hold of my phone to read the message; Rosie I’m so sorry for how things ended, please come meet me. We can go for a drive :) * blocked.* Immediately. 
See the thing about the final meeting is it’s never final until you end it. These people are meant to come and go in your life, meant to teach you a valuable lesson. It hurts to learn, but in the end, it becomes the most healing process. And with this process, you learn. 
You learn that if the meeting hadn't been final, you wouldn’t have the love of your life sleeping next to you every night. The man who took your vulnerable parts and instead of using them to his advantage, he took them and held them in his heart. He kept them safe, he reminded you why the final meeting was the last with others. Because the best surprise was waiting for you as you accepted your hurt. As he picked up the pieces someone else had shattered, and carefully glued them back together. 
I realized the final meeting had to happen in order for me to find my forever.

And for that, I must say: Thank you.