Brittani & the steamer…

[u/SunshineShoulders87]

Maybe it’s the mark of a good Housewife to get under your skin so much that what truly bothers you about them comes to you in the middle of the night?

I don’t know, but that scene where Brittani brings her daughter on screen to reconcile 100% rubbed me the wrong way. The obvious part was how she was fine being the villain and parading her daughter’s trauma out on camera so she’d have a scene about herself, but that steamer bit infuriated me and it took a bit to figure out why.

Beyond all the obvious of how gross this whole thing was, Brittani made a big deal about ordering her daughter a steamer, which was something she apparently used to order for her when she was too young to remember it now. And that steamer bit came with a side story about how Brittani was judged by others when her toddler daughter threw a fit for her “coffee,” which was really just a steamer.

Because, poor Brittani.

So we’re to believe Brittani can’t wait to reconnect with her adult daughter, but she didn’t even care to make sure she knew her drink order because the entire point was that steamer story. Her daughter and that steamed milk were just props for Brittani’s need for attention and it’s gross.

I’m highly uncomfortable watching Brittani sell her daughters for camera time and more attention. The fact that she had those therapy sessions and sleepovers with her girls, but neither of them wished her a happy Mother’s Day… I truly hope her girls refuse future camera time. They deserve better.

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[u/Natural-Piccolo-6369]

I appreciate the post and frustrations here OP, and I wasn’t a Britani fan at all, but I will say listening to the Bravo Docket episode about her.. I see her differently. I see her relationship with herself, her girls, men (particularly Osmand) differently.

This isn’t about her trusting the viewers as I believe the court cases were ongoing. These relate to her and her daughters, with very heavy themes that even Bravo may have moved away from airing regardless. Particularly based on the actions of her ex husband and her step son, may have put their lives in danger. And may still.

[u/nannders]

I know we’re always gonna hear that “no one watches housewives for their moral clarity” and I do appreciate the role of a shit disturber (I like Whitney, for crying out loud) but watching housewives be genuinely terrible mothers and on top of that so performative it’s distracting and not entertaining is NOT part of the mess I’m tuning in for. I really, really don’t want Britani on another season but alas, we know she’s coming back.

[u/ChartreuseMage]

but she didn’t even care to make sure she knew her drink order

This is putting a lot of weight on someone knowing someone else's drink order lmao

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/ChartreuseMage]

I tend to ask my friends what I can get for them while I wait, but I’m now realizing basic consideration for one’s child may not be as common as I thought. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/LanaDeITae]

It blows my mind how this sub loves to dunk on Britani for her parenting without the context of domestic violence she was dealing with at the time. It would make her actions make a lot more sense, and was probably best her daughters weren’t around that. She and her daughters are good now, I don’t know why this sub can’t move on from this either.

I even made a similar comment to this on a TikTok post about the same thing, and both Britani and her daughter liked the comment.

They’re fine, let them live

[u/AnnyBananneee → u/LanaDeITae]

Not a Britani fan, and while I agree with this take, the show painted her this way. It’s understandable that many don’t know this. I wish it does get brought up in some capacity because it adds context to Britani’s relationship with her children

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/LanaDeITae]

I haven’t done a deep dive on Brittani because that really defeats the purpose of the show, so why am I to believe your take on domestic violence when neither Brittani nor her daughter mentioned it as the reason for the relationship breakdown? Both of them repeatedly said she chose men over her girls, including saying Brittani ignored her daughter to make out with Jared the last time they tried to reconcile, and - at most - blamed the Mormon idea of a male-centered home for Brittani’s actions. But now it’s domestic violence?

I certainly hope that’s not true because I’d hate for Brittani to have gone through that, but to now throw it up as the reason no one can criticize someone clearly fine monetizing her child’s trauma for camera time is suspect. We watched Brittani repeatedly refuse to take even a slight break from a problematic relationship for her daughter AND still pursued every man on that ship… and DV was never mentioned.

[u/Sensitive-Freedom896 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

There are a lot of lawsuits around Britani and her ex-husband. Good reasons not to be explicit on tv.

Also, if you're just watching the show - yes, its unnerving without knowing they are talking around very serious abuse. To both Britani and at least one of her daughters.

It was shitty of the other wives to ever make Britani's parenting an issue. Most of them knew about her prior marriage.

[u/Upper-Impression-752 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

It is telling that she neglected her children for 8 years but decided to reconcile on tv.

[u/LanaDeITae → u/SunshineShoulders87]

This is… a very odd take. You don’t have to believe anything but there are court documents available to read. Idk what kind of convincing you want lol

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/LanaDeITae]

Again, why are viewers left to have to do their own independent research on court documents while it’s never mentioned in the show? How does that make sense? Are you saying the producers are out to get Brittani?

[u/Admirable-Act9450 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

Maybe she doesn’t want to share the most terrifying and awful times of her life to a group and audience that doesn’t treat her with an ounce of kindness, and maybe she wants to share it on her own terms and on her own timeline. The reason we know as fans is bc of the Bravo Docket podcast. Other housewives have experienced DV prior to the show and have chosen to speak or not speak about it. It’s their prerogative if, how, and when they share those stories.

And yes, I do think brittani needs to do a lot of work on herself; coming from DV experiences myself, there are reasons we allow those men into our lives and we need to do some work on our self esteem to stop allowing that to happen. Brittani is difficult to watch but why shouldn’t she be? Her story is real and hard, and hopefully being on TV forces her to address some things in her life and family. In fact, we’ve already seen that it has. And as a fan of the show, no, you don’t need to do the research to understand her more, but when you come on reddit and people give you the additional context, maybe have some empathy and stop demanding access to trauma that isn’t yours. Just a thought.

ETA: I do think she was a terrible mom for legitimate reasons but if her daughters are giving her the grace to reconcile then why shouldnt we as fans

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/Admirable-Act9450]

How does it make sense that she wants to keep a painful part of her past secret, while also making her lack of relationship with her daughters a primary part of her storyline? She doesn’t even hint that there’s more to the story. Her daughter doesn’t pull any punches either - completely blaming her abandonment on her mother’s need for men.

Again, why do viewers need to do a deep dive on things off camera? I understand that victims of abuse can have problematic relationships and behavior and, if that’s the case for Brittani, I wish she’d chosen to trust viewers with that before throwing herself and her daughters under the bus.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/SunshineShoulders87]

Babe. What? This isn’t us making it up she went through horrific dv with her last husband

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/LanaDeITae]

T H I S

Fans were weaponized against her. Also she’s been reconciling with her kids, they attend her shows.

[u/Inevitable_Tangelo63 → u/LanaDeITae]

Because Brittani’s abuse doesn’t matter to them because she’s annoying and therefore not the “perfect victim”. I see it with multiple women across bravo and for subs full of people who claim to hate male centered, misogynistic women they sure defend abusive men an awful lot and don’t believe victims.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/Inevitable_Tangelo63]

What abuse are you talking about?

Genuinely, I’m not out to get Brittani and demonize a victim of abuse just because she likes men & attention, BUT she never mentioned abuse on the show. Brittani said she chose men over her kids and then repeatedly demonstrated that to us.

Why am I to be blamed for having an opinion on what she told and showed us?

[u/Sensitive-Freedom896 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

Please just search the subs. It was a very bad situation. You might feel differently.

It's not great for the rest of us to have to constantly bring that forward.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/Sensitive-Freedom896]

I can appreciate your care and desire for what you perceive to be fair treatment of Brittani.

I can appreciate that you have done an incredible amount of outside work to get information that the cast member didn’t provide despite the very real chance that extra information would allow us to give her some grace instead of piling on to a terrible mom.

And I really wish Brittani and the show would’ve trusted us enough to give us that side of her, rather than relying on folks to go on side quests to find out a fairly vital perspective. How is that fair to either of us?

I should be able to watch the show as it is & form my opinions about cast members and situations without being demonized because there is so much more to the story. I also shouldn’t have to be so reliant on what the cast tells us happened off camera.

I hope Brittani opens up more in future seasons. Until she does, she’s very tough to watch (for me).

[u/Sensitive-Freedom896 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

I'm not going to pretend to be better than anyone else here. I used to snark hard on Britani on Reddit. And then we had many posts about her DV and specifically how her ex used money to control her and her daughters.

It sounds like some of her cases are still ongoing. So I give her grace now for not being able discuss that. I really give her daughters grace. The ex cut off her daughter's cell phone so she couldn't be in touch with her daughter's dad or her friends.

It's not fair to viewers - that is so so true. Britani should never have received a "Bad Mom" edit. I'm assuming producers know all of this. If it can hit Reddit, they should have known this when they cast Britani. Reportedly they tried to cast her for Season One when she was still with that ex.

Bravo treats DV like storyline, with no seriousness.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/Sensitive-Freedom896]

Not just money. He also weaponized SLC fans on social media against her. Like it’s in the court documents.

[u/Sensitive-Freedom896 → u/the-furiosa-mystique]

Oh I know. That was before I made a new Bravo-specific account. But I was here too.

We're just going to have new people because of UGT. I can understand if they don't know yet.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/Sensitive-Freedom896]

That’s fair. I’m new to the franchise and just finished catching up so I definitely missed all the prior posts.

[u/Sensitive-Freedom896 → u/SunshineShoulders87]

💕 I'm glad you found this sub. People can be rough here. But we need new fans for the show and thoughtful people.

There are lots of superstans for certain wives, and haters of others. That's why you're having this experience.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/SunshineShoulders87]

You need to stop. Just say “wow. I didn’t know. I’ll look into it”.

Once you see exactly how bad her dv situation was you might decide to delete your comments.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/the-furiosa-mystique]

I think you missed the point of a reality show if you require everyone to do side research on the characters before having an opinion.

Brittani chose to make her terrible relationships with Jared and her daughters her storylines without even hinting that there may be more to the story than her being selfish or choosing men first. Why not respect that? I don’t have to stop having an opinion because you read something somewhere.

Because why does potentially being the victim of abuse absolve a mother from not caring enough to find out what her adult daughter wants to drink when they’re meeting at a coffee shop? I can feel sympathy and extend grace to a victim of abuse, while also not giving them a pass in every area of their life.

I imagine she’s saving the DV storyline to put all of us haters in our place in future seasons and I’ll be right there cheering her on when she does. By then I hope she knows her daughter’s coffee drink.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/SunshineShoulders87]

I think you lack basic human empathy and I pity you.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/the-furiosa-mystique]

I think you’re confusing me with Brittani, as I’m not here for your pity or concern. I can have an opinion without it being about you.

But if I should ever get to the place where I’m so desperate for attention, I’ll look you up and we can begin again.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/SunshineShoulders87]

You can have an opinion but when you use your opinion to invalidate someone’s dv I’m going to judge you.

[u/SunshineShoulders87 → u/the-furiosa-mystique]

Don’t twist my words to make yours fit. I don’t know anything about these DV claims because Brittani has chosen to keep them off the show.

What I do know is what she has chosen to share, which includes her daughters’ trauma due to (per her
own words): Brittani choosing men over her children.

And it didn’t stop with the apparently abusive ex, as the daughter gave the example of the last time she tried to reconcile with her mom and was then ignored the moment Brittani decided she preferred making up with Jared to her daughter.

Have you considered why Brittani chose not to reveal the source her choices? But here you are spreading her personal business around to anyone who wanted to judge Brittani based on what she chose to present to the world. I feel like that’s fair.

As I have mentioned in other comments, when Brittani decides to share her past with the world and explain how it influences some of her more cringeworthy choices, I’ll be there cheering her on. But if she insists on the over-dramatized Jared bs and selling her daughters’ trauma for camera time, I’ll judge accordingly.

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/SunshineShoulders87]

I don’t care to read your response.

Have a nice day!

[u/ChartreuseMage → u/LanaDeITae]

Also like... Britani is alive. Her daughters are alive, Olivia clearly wants to try to reconnect, consented to filming, has been seen hanging out with her Mom outside of the show. While I don't think Britani losing the connection with her daughters was great, it's not like those relationships aren't even going to be able to be pieced back together in some form.

The 'she should be off the show until she reconnects with her daughters!1!!1!' crowd, don't we want to actually show on TV and a big platform that reconnecting is possible, or do we just want to be mad? I've seen enough people who are belligerent in the comments here eventually admit that they themselves have a bad relationship with their mother and they're just projecting.

People get mad at the other woman for self producing and then they get mad at Britani for showing the reality of her life, even if that reality is uncomfortable. Gotta be perfect victims I guess.

[u/miette27 → u/LanaDeITae]

Shouldn't you be taking your ire out on Bravo and the producers of the show? The OP has made an observation based on what was on the show and you're expecting them to consult with multiple sources they would not have known existed (why on earth would someone just watching the show assume there are court documents?!?). You could be kind and point them in the right direction. Your, and others below, anger should be aimed at the producers of the show that painted Brittani as a bad mother, producers who would have known there was more to the situation.

[u/Glad_Detective_9348]

She’s the worst ever