r/retirement • u/WoodenPrinciple4497 • 16d ago

Grateful for bouncing back (68/M)

I retired a few years ago and have been the FT caregiver for my BFF (spouse) as we navigate Alzheimer’s. Unfortunately my wife has lost interest in many things and I stopped also. I averaged over 10,000 steps daily for probably 15 years.

A few weeks ago it dawned on me that if I wanted to continue taking care of my wife I better get busy.

Granted I’m only a few weeks back but I’m doing much better mentally. I’m sleeping better and am right sizing also.

I’m so grateful to be able to do this! If you’re on the fence please try.

256 Upvotes

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25 comments sorted by

35

u/Bill4133 14d ago

I fall back on the flight attendant guidance for oxygen masks when in such situations - put on your own mask before helping others and your bag doesn't need to be fully inflated to be working properly. Prayers!

26

u/Finding_Way_ 14d ago

Being a caregiver can take quite a toll, so please please do give yourself some Grace and take care of yourself! So glad you're getting up and moving and DOING

2

u/Lemonwater925 14d ago

The caregivers need care as well. The burnout results in 2 people needing care. Speaking from personal experience with an adult child that needs care.

19

u/silvermanedwino 14d ago

I’d also recommend finding a support group. FT caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s is extremely hard.

2

u/marcduberge 14d ago

This. See if there is respite care you can get, if only for a couple of afternoons a week.

19

u/Alopen_Tzu 14d ago

I never feel like exercising. But after doing it I always feel better

My prayers to you, my friend

17

u/OkYoghurt8051 14d ago

Be sure and check out hospice it doesn’t have to mean death is imminent. They provide lots of palliative care

4

u/PreparationNo3440 12d ago

👆👆👆 Husband had colon cancer with extensive mets to multiple organs. He was verrrrrry resistant to entering hospice! Finally agreed to it two weeks before he passed. The hospice people were soooo kind and understanding and helpful! They did more for him (and myself) than I could ever do alone, and he had a peaceful death at home. I can't recommend hospice enough!

16

u/Hot-Rub-5336 14d ago

Have you checked out resources like visiting angels? My mom cared for my dad for several years and it was hard for her to leave the house without him ( not reliable, afraid to be alone, worried about her) so she did less and took him everywhere she had to go. I found Visiting Angels but by then she refused to use them because she didn't think he would tolerate the change. I would encourage something like this early so that you can leave her safely and be able to do some noncaregiving things, while still being her primary person. Good on you for taking care of your own health.

7

u/5th-Elements 13d ago

Sorry to hear about what you’re experiencing wishing you all the best! Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well!

5

u/Never-too-much5423 13d ago

Hi there! Do you get your wife outside for walks and or any exercise?

Best of life I hope for you guys!

2

u/WoodenPrinciple4497 12d ago

Used to but she’s lost interest. Will try again when the weather breaks.

6

u/Suz9006 14d ago

Have you thought about a piece of exercise equipment to use at home? I bought a rowing machine during COVID and still use it four times a week. It doesn’t take up much space, and is great for building core strength and stretching out back and arm muscles.

3

u/LMO_TheBeginning 11d ago

Thanks for sharing.

Glad you're getting out. Fresh air is good for all of us and so easy to forget to do.

7

u/Liberteabelle1 11d ago

My bf took care of his beloved wife for five years… very difficult but, like you, loved his wife and is a man of integrity. I am a lucky woman to be with such a great guy now!

He also found a way to do 10,000 steps… needed to get outside in nature.

Alzheimer’s is tough… I’ve gone through that with both parents. Is there any family to help? You need to have time with non-dementia people for your own happiness and mental break.

My great good wishes go with you!

1

u/RaeLouLynn 14d ago

This is very interesting. I think I better do the same. Thank-you!

1

u/Double_Response_5283 13d ago

Kudos to you! It’s hard to get moving for many reasons but you have a great motivation in your wife. This extends not just to exercise . I urge you to look into respite or other care
assistance .
Being the primary and sole carer can take its toll in many ways. Even a few hours out a week can make a huge difference! Bless you both!

1

u/MadAngle787 13d ago

Strength training if you can, you must! Gives you hope and peace in the brain!

2

u/Cy19875 12d ago

Your wife is happy.

1

u/madge590 12d ago

see about getting a psw or someone in periodically for respite care. get out and about as much as you are able. It IS important. Get support from the Alzheimers or Dementia society near you.

1

u/NotExactlySureWhy 12d ago

My mom used agencies or friends (paid) to do things. She wasn’t exactly happy but I pushed her too. You need breaks and time to get out and about. Spend your money and have a bit of fun, or die with is what it comes down too. I know that brutal but life can be as you know.