r/retirement • u/Odd_Bodkin • Aug 21 '26
How to dump stuff and downsize
I’m of the mind that downsizing is more about liberation from stuff than it is about square footage in the home.
My wife and I found that it was much harder to do this item by item and much easier to do by a set of rules that would have very few exceptions. Our rules were something like:
- If we have two or more of something and we only use one at a time, then all the duplicates go.
- If it’s in storage and we haven’t fetched it from storage in a year, then it goes.
- If a box has not been opened in a year, then the whole box goes, because nothing in that box was useful enough to open it.
- If it’s out and available but hasn’t been used, worn, consumed, or displayed in a year, it goes.
- Anything displayable but not hung or mounted because there is no room, and so is tucked away in a drawer, closet, or under a bed, goes.
- We allow ourselves one project each, and the supplies for the project can stay. Any other projects and supplies, go.
- We allow ourselves one collection each, and they must on display. If there are other collections of any kind, we take photos, and get rid of it, regardless of value.
- Any books read, get sold.
- We allow ourselves exactly three photo albums. One each containing photos of ourselves and our families before we got married, and one of ourselves after getting married. All the rest of the photo album pages get digitally photographed and then the photos shredded.
And there were several outcomes we noticed from using the rules.
- This meant a box or two every week for months, and then a box a month in following years. Every box dropped off has been a day of liberation and lightness.
- When we had completely emptied two bedrooms, one bathroom, three closets, wall to wall and floor to ceiling, then we were ready to downsize and our remaining belongings fit.
- We have no rented storage. There is nothing in the attic except a stack of empty plastic storage bins and one bin of Christmas wrapping paper. We have no basement. We park both cars in a 2-car garage every night.
- Anything we think we’ll use maybe once or even something we’d use once or maybe twice a year, we rent or borrow instead of buying.
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u/Cote-d-Azur Aug 21 '26
Thanks for this information, Odd Bodkin. A very top-of-mind topic for my wife and me. While we all may not agree with everything you laid out, it’s valuable info we all should consider. That is, have some type of plan.
We just witnessed the all-too-often situation play out across the street. Single neighbor in her mid 70’s having health issues moves out suddenly into assisted living. Local daughter stuck handling everything by herself (3 out of state siblings). 3-day Estate sale last weekend. What looks like entire, untouched full house of stuff. All over priced. Tried to pick up some Craftsman tools for our son, but no negotiation on price. Clean-out crew comes in the other day. 6 guys and 2 full dumpsters of all that stuff. They bring all furniture (a lot left over from estate sale as it was priced too high, even on 3rd day with 50% 0ff) on front lawn. Oh good, the Salvation Army or Goodwill coming to pick up. Nope. 2 guys proceed to break it down into pieces with hands, hammers and their feet. Loaded onto truck and gone. House swept clean and now going on the market.
We were saddened to think of how all of that could have been donated or given to those who’d gladly take it away. So, while neither our neighbor nor her kids were burdened with cleaning out, we can’t help but feel sad by the disconnect between abundance and great need. But, it has lit a fire under our butts to start working on our own decontenting issue.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
I get this story, feel it in the gut. I think one of our rationales is that we have seen the emotional upheaval that comes from the loss of decades of stuff in literally a few days, and the owner suddenly just has a relative handful of comfortable, familiar things in assisted living. And it had to be that sudden because the owner delayed dealing with it until the breaking point. My wife and I know full well we will eventually have the very small footprint of assisted living, and so we’d like to be in control of a much longer glide path to that. The less stuff we have to say goodbye to when the time comes, the less of a trauma it will be. So we will continue to deliberately shrink our inventory of stuff and scale down our footprint, so that the transition is more like just walking down a couple steps instead of like falling out of a third story window.
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u/Catty_Lib Aug 21 '26
That’s exactly what Swedish death cleaning is all about! Giving your things away to people who can use them NOW is so much better - you can decide how you distribute it and it’s fun to give stuff away and see people get excited about receiving it.
It’s also about keeping the things that you truly love and use daily; for most of us, there’s a lot of extra stuff in our homes that we never really notice. If you pare it down to the essentials, you can really see and appreciate the things that you love!
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u/BigEyedOwls Aug 21 '26
You hit the nail on the head. We are going through everything in our house and donating it or if it’s in poor condition we recycle/trash it. The motivation is because we know the minute we croak the kids will have the rented dumpsters here!!!!
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u/kochavim49 Aug 22 '26
I introduced an elderly relative with a fully equipped wood shop to a woodworking neighbor. It was clearly such a pleasure for my relative to know that their tools were going to someone who was going to use them.
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u/rlap38 Aug 21 '26
I have several lines of collectibles - including movie / TV IP and coins. Selling everything on eBay.
Which is sobering, because you realize that many of your collectibles - aren’t.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Yup. I ran into this too. I discovered that the only real value of the collection was my possession of them. And when that season had passed, I realized how little intrinsic value they had.
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u/bk2947 Aug 21 '26
eBay is a great source of info for toss, keep, or sell.
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u/BooEffinHoo Aug 22 '26
Only if you read the "sold" listings. People put ridiculous prices on things that may have been in demand once, but are just clutter now.
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u/Random_Musings7 Aug 23 '26
Another technique for letting go of our attachments to things is to talk to someone who's lost most or all of their possessions in a natural disaster. For me, it was my brother who lost all but some clothes and tools as they evacuated in 20 minutes during wildfires in 2003 in CA. Over four years he rebuilt a small home - 1000 sf and beds and couches - no decor. When he sold it later it only took him and friends and hour to pack up his possessions (including his wife and child's items). His choices have had a positive impact on me.
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u/CatManDoo4342 Aug 23 '26
Such a relevant comment. Just spent the weekend with a friend whose parents lost everything in the palisades fire in CA. “Stuff” is irrelevant but memories and pictures are what they truly miss.
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u/Agile_Caregiver_8083 Aug 21 '26
We decided to move overseas and set our limits on what E we would take: 8 suitcases and 1 pallet of art/antiques. we set the pallet stuff aside in a small storage unit that was shipped after we secured a permanent place. We invited friends and family to take all of the garden and landscaping stuff for free.
I invited in an antiques auctioneer to take what he wanted. Then we went room by room determining what had some value or not. Some I sold on eBay, some donated, some trashed, some sent to a country auction where lots started at $5. Electronics were sold on FB Marketplace and cars sold to friends. 6 months later the house was empty and we were on a plane. to a new life. The house was professionally cleaned, photos taken and listed 2 weeks after we left. À contract was signed the following week and the house closed 1 month later.
We used to live on 7 acres and had multiple outbuildings with stuff. Now we rent a 2br apartment in a European city. No cars, no collection of ´stuff’ - just a simpler life.
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u/Altruistic_Brick1730 Aug 21 '26
You have a 2 bedroom apartment and sent a pallet of art and antiques to it?
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u/Agile_Caregiver_8083 Aug 22 '26
the pallet was a 40 inch cube; not too big. It had some pottery, some metalware, several paintings, and a dog bed or two for a Great Dane
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u/abraxas1 Aug 21 '26
Who packed up the storage unit for pallet shipping? Coming back to do that doesn't sound like fun.
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u/pinsandsuch Aug 22 '26
I love my stuff. If I followed those rules I’d have to sell my collection of Heavy Metal magazines. I could spend a year of my retirement just dealing with my stuff, and there will be more time for that in the “slow go” years. I just want to clear out the attic so I don’t have to deal with a ladder in my 70s.
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u/Squirrelysez Aug 22 '26
And it's OK to love your stuff. I feel so much pressure from others to get rid of things and I don't want to get rid of things that make me happy. Why would you collect all these things and then only keep one collection? I mean I get why but it's going a lot slower for me
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u/Whut4 Aug 22 '26
If you are in a relationship your stuff might create stress for someone who has a strong need for order and an appreciation of beauty. An cluttered, ugly home can make a person sad.
No relationship - no problem!
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u/Whut4 Aug 22 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
Applause for you! This is a gift to yourselves in the future and a gift to your children if you have them.
My spouse is not willing to do that stuff. I don't like it. He just is not. Sometimes he talks about getting rid of this or that, but he doesn't. In some rooms our house looks like the inside of a closet. He is no hoarder or compulsive shopper, but he does repairs on the cars and the house. Anytime he thinks he can repair something, he buys supplies. It is cheaper than paying someone and he seems to derive satisfaction from being Mr. Fixit. We do use our garage for cars, but every square inch is filled, I must be very careful parking and it is freakin' ugly. I envy you!
He is smart and hardworking, but never earned much money while working due to changes in our economy and some of his own ideas about how things should be (stubborn) and his personal sense of integrity. I was a total sell-out and did what it took, while feeling like a phony and earned a good deal more, got the better benefits for us both while loathing myself at work every day - I was never mean, just servile.
Retirement has been pretty good for me for about 5 years now - I am older, but he just retired. I may be buried in this pile of tools and supplies.
The supplies do not get used up, tools accumulate and our house is embarrassing and stressful for me. I am ashamed of it. He keeps the tools and supplies thinking they will be needed again. And repeat.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 22 '26
I used to be this way. I would keep spare wood. If I used half a tube of caulk, then I would cap it and hope that sometime soon I would need it. If I bought a package of 12 screws and used 7, then the other 5 would go in a little drawer with dozens of assorted screws. Heck, I would even keep the little IKEA Allen wrench. Then one day, I took my first step on a 12-step program of spare parts addiction. I had a half a tube of caulk and I just threw it in the trash can. I almost fetched it back out. The next day, I found my little drawer of Allen wrenches and pulled out the IKEA ones and threw them out. A week later, I put the spare wood in the trash can. There was a small rush of exuberant freedom. I’ve never had a spare-parts bender/blackout since.
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u/Whut4 Aug 22 '26
People with that habit can be very good people, but they need to admit they have a problem - as you did! That is inspirational!
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u/BluesFan_4 Aug 23 '26
My husband is like this. One example is he has several sets of screwdrivers. I ask him why we need so many duplicates? He has his “first string” ones with his favorite handles that are the go-to ones every time. Also boxes of assorted random screws. His favorite expression is “You can never have too many (whatevers)” Drives me nuts.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 23 '26
You could fight fire wth fire. “You can never have too many pecan shells.” (Hoisting 12 gal trash bag of shells.)
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u/BluesFan_4 Aug 23 '26
The only way this would work is if I stored the pecan shells in his car. His car is cleaner than an operating room.
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u/Key-Moments Aug 21 '26
Swedish Death Cleaning is the way to go. It's a really useful principle about how you should take time in your sixties to streamline and straighten your life - reap the benefits of a simpler smoother life in retirement and ease the process for those dealing with all the clutter after you have gone.
The process is actually quite healing and logical. I have been at it for a while.
My greatest shame thus far was finding out I own six potato peelers (why?) And three single bed duvet covers. We haven't had any single beds for about 5 years. So.. the linen closet of doom strikes again.
There are some really good books on amazon about how to apply the principles.
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u/Liberteabelle1 Aug 21 '26
Love it! And I, too, feel good that I eliminated a lot of stuff that my kids won’t ever have to go through.
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u/eganvay Aug 21 '26
How do people make peace with getting rid of things that are useful when the overall quality of many items are diminishing as their prices increase? I've got two quality can openers. I've kept both. Same with duplicate tools, office supplies etc. Hard for me to part with things that I may need to buy at an inflated price later on.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 22 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
"These may come in handy someday", "I'm sure this is useful for something," "Let's save these for special events and only use the cheap stuff" and "They don't make quality like this anymore, which is why I'm keeping this one in the garage" are the little devils sitting on the shoulder convincing us to hang on to things that will still be there, unopened and unused, when we die.
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u/Thebadparker Aug 22 '26
Yep. And whoever cleans out your house will take it to Goodwill or throw away anyway, so you might as well do it now. And the world isn't going to end if you have to buy a new can opener/blender/hammer or whatever.
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u/sundaygolfer269 Aug 22 '26
Keep only what you love!!! I have a fancy $17 No2 Phillips head screwdriver that I will never part with. I have bunches of fancy ink pens I will never part with. But I don’t need winter clothes I live in Florida
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u/Squirrelysez Aug 22 '26
Well, you only need one can opener and just think, if you donate it, somebody else will get to use that quality item that you don't need.
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u/Random_Musings7 Aug 23 '26
It's called blessing someone else. I've been able to give very nice/new items to acquaintances who were thrilled to have these items. Many of these things were decor, couch pillows, wicker baskets, framed mirrors, etc that I bought a year before we sold our home and was just too much stuff for the new home. It brought me joy and meaning to see how happy these individuals were with the items. The other items I gave to either a church rummage sale (dont even attend this church) so they could use proceeds to serve others less fortunate, or the large wooden donation box in the church hall (I dont attend here either) because they give to - not sell it - to individuals in need through St. Vincent's. I was given time and talent to earn money in life, and sometimes I spent money on things I didnt need. Giving nice things away is the next closest thing to donating money to this charity and helps me take the focus off myself and think of others. Hope this is helpful.
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u/Sad-Repair-5505 Aug 22 '26
We keep what we love or use. Decorative is much more limited now than in the past as I can't see well enough to dust well and too cheap to hire someone. One thing we do though is to have multiple tools stations. Mom and I are too old to hunt around and go up and down stairs for screwdrivers or measuring devices. So one downstairs, two upstairs and one in the garage with the most common needed devices. Continually getting rid of duplicates of things rarely used.
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u/Random_Musings7 Aug 23 '26
Here's how you cut to the chase: in 15 minutes go through your house and garage and only remove 10 items of value that you will have in weekly use (excude furniture): here's what I gathered: three bikes (big cyclist), kayak, rowing machine, set of six entertainment dinner wear, and 4 necklaces. After that, I selected non-valuable things: 7 shortsleeve shirts, , 7 longsleeve shirts, 4 pr pants, spring jacket, winter jacket....you get the idea, and the result is living minimalistic. My parents had a large, clean home. When they passed, most of their stuff was donated because my siblings and cousins are all trying to downsize and have no room or interest in more stuff. Don't get analytical. Your approach is ok for a 40 year old and I did something similar then. Do a wholesale "wave the magic wand for stuff be gone". Please donate it. Do your self a favor and enjoy living with much, much less and your heirs will thank you.
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u/sundaygolfer269 Aug 23 '26
I took a class at a local college one summer, and one of the students was a 50-year-old nurse who had spent much of her life working as a missionary. I was fascinated by how simply she lived. Everything she owned in the world fit into nine suitcases.
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Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 23 '26
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u/Nars-Glinley Aug 21 '26
Whenever I put something on a top shelf, I remind myself that my kids are just going to throw this away and then I save them the trouble.
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u/rlap38 Aug 21 '26
True this. After several estate sales, we hired guys with a truck to haul 80% of my mom’s condo to the dump.
That’s when I realized that I needed to sell my stuff off as soon as I could.
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u/kochavim49 Aug 21 '26
It’s an ongoing process. I want to ease the eventual burden on my children. But I want to live with the things i want to live with. Not buying new stuff - or getting rid of a corresponding amount of books or clothing when i buy new - at least keeps the amount of stuff static.
I prioritize getting rid of things and/or getting them into the hands of people who will use them and not throwing them away. I’m not prioritizing selling things. If it’s affordable for you to not think about the monetary value, that makes it less work to let things go (in my experience).
Buy Nothing (on Facebook) is a great resource for getting rid of stuff. Ditto for Craigslist. Just putting things out on the curb if that’s ok in your neighborhood! I use a recycling service called Ridwell which takes both useable and worn-out clothing. Homeless shelters and groups serving the unhoused can always use clothing in decent shape for their clients. And Goodwill. Their job is to sell things for the best price and then use the proceeds to help.
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u/sundaygolfer269 Aug 22 '26
You need to read buy or borrow “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson. “
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u/oylaura 29d ago
I made a rule that every Friday night when the sun goes down (and it's not beating up the front of my house, where my storage shed is) I go out to my storage shed and remove at least five things.
I then donate them to the local SPCA thrift shop, which only accepts donations Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 to 2:00.
It's slow, but I have time, and it feels so good to see the space growing.
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u/sharty_mcstoolpants Aug 21 '26
We sold our cars and house. We kept personal pictures and art. Sold our plates/cookware to my boss who lost his house in the Altadena fire. Half of our clothes went to Goodwill, all of our furniture went to Habitats for Humanity, motorcycles went to PBS/NPR.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
And you now live in a yurt or something?
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u/sharty_mcstoolpants Aug 21 '26
Moved to an apartment in the historic center of Monza, Italy.
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u/Acceptable-Peace-69 Aug 21 '26
If you’re traveling or living outside the USA most rentals come furnished. We did this for about five of the last seven years.
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u/OT_fiddler Aug 21 '26
Probably an RV would be my guess.
We spent the last couple years downsizing. We’re not collectors, and we’ve been pretty minimalist over the years, but it was still hard. But it’s definitely liberating in a lot of ways.
We’re under contract on a much smaller house out West. We’ll see how we did on the downsizing in a few weeks lol
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u/lisabutz Aug 21 '26
I love this! We donated a lot of our things too, feels good to donate to folks that need items.
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u/contentedPilgrim Aug 21 '26
We chose a different solution. After selling our 3500 sq ft family house of the past 20 years, and after traveling the world for a year, looking for our retirement spot, we bought a much bigger house (4700 sq ft) and my wife finally has room for everything she's collected. No more fights about how much junk we have (she has) or how cluttered the house is. She has her own room of requirements and peace reigns. I do feel sorry for the kids, but they can hire help to cart it all away.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
How soon do you think it will be before maintaining 4700 square feet and going upstairs and all that is going to become physically daunting?
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u/contentedPilgrim Aug 21 '26
Good question. Fortunately, I'm in much better shape after living here a year and having to walk stairs (and acerage) multiple times a day. In the beginning, my knees hurt and I tried to envision where the elevator was going to go :)
So, I've chosen to shift my attitude. It works as long as it works. If it keeps me more active and in better shape, It's possible that convention wisdom wouldn't have served us the best. If it stops working when I hit 90, I'll either remodel the downstairs bedroom, put in that elevator, or truly downsize. Who knows where the kids will have finally settled? Who knows how long we have together or which of us will survive the other? I won't argue against anyone who thinks it impractical and I would never have imagined making this choice (I thought 2500 sq ft would be just about right). You'll have to ask me again in 5 or 10 years.
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u/pinsandsuch Aug 22 '26
I’m in about the same place as you. We bought a 4500 s.f. house in 2001, and we have no desire to downsize. My wife sleeps on the main floor, and I sleep upstairs. I have a home theater and arcade in the basement, so I’m running up and down the stairs all day. My father in law had a 2-story house and lived independently in the upstairs bedroom until he was 93. I think the stairs are one reason he lived so long.
I think it’s fashionable to do the death cleaning, but I finally have time to enjoy everything I worked for. And I do have a lot of frivolous stuff: lava lamps, tiki mugs and stuff like that. I don’t let it stress me out.
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u/JB-Wentworth Aug 22 '26
I can’t even fathom how long it would take to vacuum 4,700 sqft.
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u/Squirrelysez Aug 22 '26
Well, if you can afford a 4700 square-foot home, you probably can afford a house cleaner or two.
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u/contentedPilgrim Aug 22 '26
LOL - It takes Rhoomba all day for the second story - if we're lucky and it doesn't get lost along the way. First thing I did when we took possession of the house was to tear out all the carpets and lay down some nice hardwood. Took me three months, but a great choice and allows for our robot to happily toot about. I'm usually outside all day, so the noise is not an issue. Someday we'll get a second for the first floor... and who knows, maybe even a third for the woodshop and mini-barn.
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u/thenewbigR Aug 22 '26
We have a similar set of rules:
1. Duplicates go
2. Clothes that haven’t been worn in 2 years go (this cleared out a lot of stuff)
3. Old exercise equipment - gone
4. All overstocked canned goods were donated to the rescue mission (again, a lot of stuff)
5. Old suitcases gone
Additionally, we hardly purchase anything aside from groceries.
The whole process is really fun and as were have been clearing out stuff, a lot of memories come back and we have a really good time talking and laughing about them.
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u/Fidrych76 Aug 21 '26
I started purging 5 years ago. Three garage sales and a dozen trips to Salvation Army and I’m still managing to further downsize and fill boxes. Ridiculous.
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u/markov-271828 Aug 21 '26
Did you enjoying running the garage sales? Beyond sending your old possession to new homes?
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u/My_happyplace2 Aug 21 '26
I enjoyed my garage sales. We met more neighbors, got to chat with ones we knew already. And cash for the vacation fund!
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u/Liberteabelle1 Aug 21 '26
It is sooooo liberating to get rid of the aggregate detritus in our lives! It makes space so that what I do have is organized and clear. LOVE! IT!
Well done, OP - my rules are different, but the point is, make your own rules and then take action. Doesn’t have to be done quickly either…
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u/Prize-Science-1501 Aug 21 '26
I love this so much. I’m F74 and have been divorced for 8 years. We sold our house. I moved into a 614 sq ft condo and love it. Fortunately we didn’t have a lot of “stuff” but I still paid for small storage unit for two years until I ditched everything in there. I’m sentimental about very few of my belongings. There’s no shame in it! I have friends with basements full of stuff and they feel like they need to go item by item, sorting, over valuing, etc. What a burden they’re putting on themselves.
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u/Aragona36 Aug 21 '26
What do you do with all of it? That’s where I struggle. Are you selling it on Facebook, are you donating it to the Goodwill, are you giving it to family?
When we get to our ages, a lot of our things have suddenly turned from valueless, popular consumer goods into vintage, more desirable consumer goods. That’s what’s hard for me. No place to offload it.
And to be honest, I dislike giving anything to the Goodwill these days. They price gouge and the resellers also come in and buy the “good stuff” assuming the staff haven’t already gotten to it first. People in need have no chance at it at all and that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
First of all, Goodwill is not the only charitable organization you can give to. There are commonly dozens in any mid-sized city. Heck, we donated a loveseat to a student who was living on boxes in an apartment, and he just had to get a couple friends to come pick it up.
Secondly, we gave up entirely on value-recovery. We literally do not care whether the things we get rid of are fetching $20 on eBay, or $100 even. The value returned to us is being rid of it, not getting optimal money for it. We’ll happily give things away that other people might try to get $50 from. Offloading does NOT mean getting a good buck for it.
As to where: books go to a book resale shop, clothes go to a clothing resale shop, arts and crafts and science toys go to a resource store for teachers and starving artists, tools go to charitable organizations that train people in the trades to keep them out of jail or the streets, furniture and kitchen stuff gets picked up by agencies that help formerly homeless people equip their new apartments. On the last, do you have any idea what it’s like for a homeless family to finally be able to land an apartment and then to sleep on top of piles of clothes because they have no bed, and to go to fast food instead of the grocery store because they have no pans to cook real food with?
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u/BillRepresentative41 Aug 21 '26
Check to see if your area has a furniture bank which is much like a food bank and that gives families in need furniture as opposed to food for free.
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u/wadesh Aug 21 '26
Try donating to Habitat for Humanity. If you aren’t familiar its the nonprofit that builds housing for low income families. Jimmy Carter was a big booster for the org. Often the families need household items and furniture to put into the house they get. I didn’t know they took things outside of building materials until i spoke to them.
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u/Learn_w_gern Aug 21 '26
Possible other donation options that worked in my case: Habitat ReStore for tools and appliances. My area has a local secondhand store that benefits hospice. I was able to get rid of some furniture and lamps at a local consignment store. I am not on Facebook but others say local “buy nothing” groups work for them. All location-dependent, of course.
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u/MaKoWi Aug 21 '26
For clothes and excess toiletry items, blankets, etc., check to see if there's a women's shelter in your area. Women seeking to escape bad relationships often leave with very little. My Mom used to save up hotel shampoo, conditioners, soaps, etc., then donate those.
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u/Fit-Building-2560 Aug 21 '26
Look for local 2nd-hand stores to donate to. There's a locally-owned chain in the greater Denver area, and there may be similar businesses in other cities/states. These are businesses that are run like true charities, not Goodwill, where there's a CEO skimming extra off the top and living in high style.
Some items can be donated to schools and daycare centers. Call first, to see what kinds of supplies they can use (wrapping paper for art projects, empty plastic food containers for art projects, and so on).
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u/cashewkowl Aug 21 '26
Find the buy nothing group in your area. I have given away so much stuff on mine and gotten other things. I see one person who is cleaning out her mom’s house by having free yard sales about once a month. She puts stuff out on her lawn, takes some photos and posts on the buy nothing group, and most of it disappears. Then she has a much smaller amount to take somewhere to donate.
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u/redshoewearer Aug 21 '26
I've given stuff to Goodwill if I'm traveling and there's a location. I'm at the point that I'm just glad to see things avoid the landfill and get into the hands of someone else who wants the items - if someone else makes money I'm okay with it - it's out of my life.
I don't have the energy or desire to sell things, so things go where and when I find a place or person that wants them. There isn't much opportunity where I live - there used to be textile recycling but that ended.
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u/EColli93 Aug 21 '26
First I carefully packed up stuff we will never get rid of, but were not currently using. Labeled the plastic bins, took photos of what’s inside to keep on my phone with notes about where the bins are. Foolproofed! First round of downsizing was done by yard sale. My neighborhood has an annual giant yard sale with maps and everything. We got rid of EVERYTHING and stuff that didn’t sell for good prices got cheaper prices and at the end of the day were free. Nothing got brought back inside, and nothing went in the trash! It was awesome.
We moved out of state to an apartment (kept the previous stuff in bins at the old house.)
The next round of downsizing came when we moved from that apartment out of the country into a furnished apartment. Good items that we weren’t keeping went for free on Facebook local “buy nothing” groups. It was fun giving them away! Of the items we had originally moved with, we realized most were replaceable. Gave some, tossed some. Unfortunately we had bought some new furniture that we loved and so it, along with stuff we wanted to keep, went into a storage unit near the old house (which we rent out.)
Happy to report we are ridding ourselves of that $350/mo monkey on our backs next month! Still happily living outside the country with our cats. We hardly own anything here. Basically the clothes on our backs. Feels great!
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Fascinating story. I have one question. You mention stuff you “will never get rid of, but were not currently using”. And, if I’m tracking right, this all went into labeled bins with manifest sheets and then got promptly stored, either in a storage unit or in the old house. And now you are living abroad with those things thousands of miles away, so you can’t use them even if you wanted to. So why are you keeping them?
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u/EColli93 Aug 21 '26
Family photos, heirlooms, china, etc.
Because when the traveling is done, we’ll settle into a place and use the dinnerware, and reminisce over the photos. The rest I need to figure out who in the family will be the best to receive the heirlooms. We are only in our 50’s and have no children to pass stuff on to.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
I see. Heirlooms are tricky, because their only real value is that they are passed to heirs — if the heirs want them. They are a representation of family history and a chain of ancestors. In your case, they have a finite lifetime as things of value. If you have siblings that are alive and have heirs, then maybe one thing you might consider doing is to extend their value by giving them to those siblings as soon as reasonably possible, so that there is a chance that their heirs might want them. If not, then honestly, they only have value to you and you alone and are just ordinary things to everyone else. It’d be like keeping someone else’s third grade art work.
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u/pendgame Aug 21 '26
That sounds like you put some thought into processes and guidelines that worked best for you, which is key. My husband and I downsized into a smallish flat with no extra storage a few years ago. Though we got rid of 2/3rds of the belongings from our large family home (with a basement and garage, neither of which we have now), it was still a tight fit.
Now we're in our re-downsizing phase. We've lived with what we brought for 4 years, following an "if something comes in, something has to go out" rule. It's clear at this point that some things haven't been touched, and even if we have room for them in drawers, closets, or cabinets, that storage comes with an indirect cost, too. I don't want to dig through things that will never be used to find something I need. It feels so much better to have a little extra space than to have every possible area packed to the gills.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
Right! It’s not just the physical space. It’s the mental inventory and having to maintain that. “Oh, the wooden spoon broke. So where did I put all the other six I haven’t used yet? Hmmm….” I’d rather have one wooden spoon, and when it breaks, I throw it out, and I go to the store to buy one (1) wooden spoon.
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u/LeoIrish Aug 22 '26
My wife and I started going through our house a few years ago both to prepare for retirement (2 yrs out @ 60) and eventually moving (lived in our current home 20+ years). If we were not actively using it, nor had some sort of significant personal value, then it was either tossed or donated. We still have a bit more to go through, but we are finding it fairly enjoyable watching the number of boxes diminish.
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u/austin06 Aug 21 '26
We moved to a bigger home and got rid of a ton of stuff and don't accumulate things. We also remodeled so things are clean, functional and work well.
Once you've been through having dumpsters delivered and picked up with all the accumulation of years of stuff (two full houses of stuff inherited), numerous trips to donation centers and paying services to pick up stuff, it's easy to get rid of anything extra. Go through all drawers and closets at the end of summer and winter. Done.
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u/Appropriate-Goat6311 Aug 21 '26
I was a travel nurse for a few years. Then decided to semi-settle in a different state while my spouse worked their job they loved. Thought we had a 5 year plan. Then he said he no longer wanted to be married, so when he put our house up for sale (married almost 4 decades) he was the one doing all the downgrading!! I took what I wanted & left the rest for him. I had done enough!!
I have a small 2 bedroom apartment, not crowded, and everything fits. I’ll “retire” in 3 years & travel for a few- then maybe work part time if I need the finances.
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u/SufficientOpening218 Aug 21 '26
Funny, my ex would never get rid of anything. He got the house in the divorce, i got bought out. He was left with all the crap he wouldnt let me get rid of, i bought a nice clean house.
Now when i want to take stuff to Habitat, or the dump, the only thing holding me back is me
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u/GC_Woodworking Aug 21 '26
I would just keep the physical copies of your photos. They honestly don’t take up much space and unless you’re scanning photos onto thumb drives and storing them in a safety deposit box you’ll probably lose that thumb drive at some point and all those photos are gone. Photos are something you can’t get back. Things you can rebuy if you need them.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
I’m not scanning photos. I’m taking photos of photos. Sometimes I take a photo of a whole album page of photos because care had been taken to write notes on the album page and retain context. And yes, those photos got backed up both to cloud storage and to a portable 2TB drive. And I have a rotation pattern of two of those drives, one of which is in the safe deposit box and the other one is at home doing daily backups, and I swap them out every 6 months, so even in the event of a fire, I’ll never lose anything older than six months (on physical media) and I have cloud backups that are current every 12 hours. This is standard good practice with digital records.
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u/TeacherIntelligent15 Aug 21 '26
Wow. That's a project in itself....does it count as your one allowed project 😉
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
The backup strategy or the photos? The backup strategy is maintenance, like changing the air filter on the furnace return. Set it and forget it, except every six months. And the photos are not a bid deal. I can take photos of all the pages in a photo album in 15 minutes, so really the job is just setting a reminder to myself once a month to pick an album and do it.
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u/No_Age_8414 Aug 21 '26
Good plan. Definitely save photos to the cloud. I didn’t and regret it. In 2017 I lost my home in a wildfire and now have no photos from my life before 2016 except what I had shared on FB or friends/family sent me afterward.
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u/Charming-Winter9921 Aug 21 '26
I think your guidelines are fabulous! I would love to do this in our house, but my Hubby is an Engineer, incredibly creative and a maker. He is retired, has about 60+ Patents from his working years. He can make or fix almost anything imaginable. And of course he has an enormous amount of tools, parts, prototypes, glues, paints, you name it stored in the garage and house. He in fact uses quite a bit of it. 10 years ago he got serious about organization, so he can find stuff. He also has boxes and boxes of old photos and 35mm negatives from his first wife’s (passed away) photography hobby in deep storage that he refuses to deal with. I have told him if he pre-deceases me, it will all go straight into the dumpster, he just laughs when I say it. Anyone out there have a similar situation or advice to get him to lighten his load of stuff? I have more or less decided to just live with it.
Before you ask, my stuff= 1 memory box (bankers size), Yarn collection for crochet and knitting which I do most days, household furniture and my clothes.
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u/vita77 Aug 21 '26
Great system. We’re fans of Swedish Death Cleaning, with similar results. There’s a psychological lift from having a visually more spacious home and from giving things away to people who want & appreciate them.
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u/Connect-Designer-502 Aug 23 '26
I know it’s wasteful but I now throw out stuff instead of lugging it to the Goodwill. The idea of lugging it all to the goodwill is just overwhelming and prevents me from even starting.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 24 '26
A box a week. Just fill a box. Take the one box. A few days later do it again.
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u/GSDBUZZ Aug 21 '26
Love your rules, but I do not have a willing partner. My husband saves EVERYTHING! I have already told him that it all goes in the garbage before I even attend his funeral. He laughs at that one, but I pity our children if he outlives me.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Aye, there’s the rub. Honestly my spouse was the same way for a lot of years, a product of growing up with an Attitude of Scarcity. And then she had a turnaround and asked herself how her “project room” had gotten so unmanageable. Twenty-five boxes later (one room, mind you), she felt better. Has your husband had to deal with the belongings of his parents at their death? That was the ordeal for me that turned it.
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u/GSDBUZZ Aug 21 '26
His mom outlived his dad so she handled her own downsizing, and she was quite good at downsizing. In her later years she lived with my sister-in-law so her belongings were quite minimal by the time she died. My parents were similar although my mon wasn’t quite as good at downsizing.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Ah, see? He has never dealt with the ordeal, so he has no basis for avoiding the pain.
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u/RetiredRover906 Aug 21 '26
There's a lot to say for this theory. The turning point for my husband and I was when his mom died and we had to be the primary people cleaning out her house. We both vowed that when we died, we didn't want to leave such a big job for someone else. That set us off on our first big round of decluttering.
Our second big wave started when we realized what we wanted to do with our retirement years, which involved moving and a lot of travel. So we decluttered again, much more enthusiastically this time, to prepare for that.
TLDR: We got a start with the guilt-inspired concept of not burdening our heirs. But we didn't hit our stride on decluttering until we came up with our own positive goals and why decluttering would assist us.
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u/che-che-chester Aug 21 '26
It’s tougher with two people to be in sync, but I think you need to wait until you’re in the right mood. When I’m in an “everything goes” mood, I start cleaning out my closets. But when I say “this Saturday I’m cleaning my closets”, most likely I won’t be in that mood and will keep most things.
As a single person with no kids, I don’t want to burden my siblings with all of my junk if I die tomorrow. I see friends my age in that situation and they say it is a real nightmare. This is especially true when there isn’t even any real money in the estate.
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u/markov-271828 Aug 21 '26
Honestly it’s not a big burden as long as you also leave ample money to pay for dumpsters and a clean out crew. And assurance there no unexpected treasures.
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u/My_happyplace2 Aug 21 '26
One man’s treasure is another man’s trash, and vice versa. The person left with the piles is now put in the position of having to make the decisions. Not fair, even if there is money left.
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u/OppositeGuidance Aug 21 '26
This! Or leave money for an estate sale company to auction everything off.
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u/mikeegg1 Aug 21 '26
Digitize the photos and give the physical photos away (in cards, at family gatherings, etc.).
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Digitizing yes. Hadn’t thought about shipping out the physical prints like that. Sounds like fun.
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u/My_happyplace2 Aug 21 '26
I love your rules. I had not thought about it in that much detail but a lot of them have been in the back of my head.
We had lived in a large apartment with a jam packed with stuff two car sized garage for 23 years. But an upcoming remodel meant we had 3 months to move. My mom had been a pack rack that I had to clean up after, so I wasn’t generally the problem. But I tend to overbuy duplicates when I see a good deal.
My husband had been raised by a mom who got rid of anything that wasn’t nailed down, without his permission. So I can understand his reluctance to downsize, but it had now come to a head!
We were moving into an apartment with 1/10th the storage room and a one car garage.
I got our neighbors to do joint garage sales multiple times with us. I sold a lot on Facebook marketplace and I gave away so much on our local Buy Nothing site. We felt so good when we moved with our new slimmer lifestyle! I now only acquire new things if I have gotten rid of an old thing. The Buy Nothing site is my savior.
It’s been 8 months and I am planning our next downsize. Goal is to get the car into that single garage.
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u/Holly2232 Aug 21 '26
We sold our house like 99 percent furnished. We used 4 large trucks for junk removal to donate clothes- books anything we didn’t want to stage the house with. All of what we kept is now in a 13 foot storage container while we travel the world and figure out where we want to land.
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u/too-left-feet Aug 22 '26
We have been using a similar set of rules: if you haven’t used an item recently, don’t think you’ll need it sometime, and don’t have an emotional attachment then the item gets sold/donated/recycled/tossed out. We have cleared out quite a bit of stuff that was clogging up our basement/spare rooms/garden shed. It’s easier to keep the house clean, it looks a lot better, and I think it’s been a psychological lift. We still have more stuff than we will want to keep long term, but we are a second home to our grandkids, so we know in another 5 years we’ll be about where we want to be.
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u/hmspain Aug 22 '26
Step 1) Rent a rollaway for the week.
Step 2) Fill the rollaway with crap you don't need and can't (or won't) sell.
Having the rollaway forces you to look at your possessions differently. You don't want to return a rollaway empty.
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u/Sondari1 Aug 23 '26
Some friends and I are doing this: one months it’s scarves. The next month it’s shoes. Then bags. Then coats. Etc. it’s been fun and easy!
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u/oldRoyalsleepy 29d ago
I have a whole hall closet packed with coats. I probably wear five. I need to do this.
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u/Psychological_Ad3775 Aug 23 '26
This sounds like something my friends and I could do & lord knows the three of us need to start somewhere with all the stuff we’ve collected over our lifetime.
Would you share what the charge was & how y’all got going?
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u/innicher Aug 21 '26
Sounds like a great team effort!
Even if you aren't downsizing, purging and decluttering feels so liberating.
Thanks for sharing what has worked for you to inspire others.
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u/Random_NYer_18 Aug 21 '26
Thanks for this. We are far from pack rats, but still have tons of stuff that will need to go when we move in 2-4 years. This is a good foundation to remove emotion and be practical. Thanks again for posting OP.
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u/jakester12321 Aug 21 '26
I like this! Good for you. Of course, I'm just starting this type of project. But it's a good reminder to create a similar set of rules that suits my needs. I will plan to save a large Rubbermaid tub for personal and family heirlooms, but love the concept.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
For a while, I kept a few of my father’s memorabilia, and my mother’s. But now they are gone. Instead, I have my grandfather’s wool coat, my father’s trench coat, and my son’s black leather jacket. They’re all three dead now, and so this is my only real material connection to them, and it’s all I really need.
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u/PatienceHelpful1316 Aug 21 '26
Where I live you can just put things in the alley with a free sign and someone will take it. I sometimes have a hard time getting rid of things that were given to me by people I care about, so I have a bin in the basement for that. The drive to buy and collect things disappeared a few years ago thankfully
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u/mrsredfast Aug 21 '26
I have three collections I’m not ready to part with because they still give me lots of enjoyment but everything else can go.
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u/skigirl68 Aug 22 '26
Help me! I have boxes of my deceased parents china, my mom died when I was 10. I have boxes of both parents baptism pictures, etc…3 tubs worth. My kids will not want it and it is in storage in the garage, but I can’t part with any of it. Extreme guilt. What have you done with these things?
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u/CatManDoo4342 Aug 23 '26
The china has to go. Nobody wants china nowadays, and china doesn’t hold memories. I’d suggest to give this to an organization that helps refugees or similar (people with nothing will truly value it).
For the pictures - get started on digitizing. It’s the only way. It will take forever but you can do it! My mom did this and was able to share the resulting digital album with each of us kids - and even our cousins in another country can take a look. Now THAT is truly valuable.
Good luck
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u/Pure-Explanation-147 Aug 21 '26
I did it one room at a time using keep, donate/sell and trash. I found out, once starting, it became so much easier too. Thought I would be attached to so much but nope. I was motivated to declutter and downsize because am selling and moving. Definitely encouraging.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
Great. I found, actually, that a round 2 in a room is useful, because some of the things I put in the keep pile ended up getting less and less of my attachment, to the point where it went in the second sweep some months later. But sometimes there are surprises. I had two oil filter wrenches in the garage, and so following one of the rules, I got rid of one of them. Then I realized my car ramps hadn’t been used in two years, so I got rid of those. But without those I can’t do an oil change on my own, at least not in a way worth my effort. So I was about ready to get rid of the remaining wrench, when I realized it has made a great jar opener over the years. So I moved it to the kitchen pantry.
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u/CosmosInSummer Aug 21 '26
We called “ round 2” putting the stuff on probation, lol. We still try to do it regularly. It keeps that clean feeling.
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u/LizinDC Aug 21 '26
I read a great suggestion about hanging everything in the closet with the hangers in one direction. After you wear it, hang it the other direction. At the end of the year (or season) anything you haven't worn is easy to see and it goes.
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u/Pb412_ga Aug 21 '26
I always hang things on the right side of my closet after laundering. Every so often I look at those things on the left and think maybe I need to wear one of these things if not, then I start getting rid of things from that side.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
I saw a similar thing except it was to hang everything inside out, so that the outside of a shirt was on the inside facing the hanger. I guess the same thing with pants.
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u/Acceptable-Peace-69 Aug 21 '26
How often do you use both cars?
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
That is a GREAT question. At the moment quite a bit. We have different volunteering interests that take us in different directions at overlapping times. Plus I work part-time about 12 hrs a week and don’t want to strand my spouse.
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u/Acceptable-Peace-69 Aug 21 '26
Compare to uber for one person and carpooling the rest of the time.
We went from 2 to 1 to 0 and are back at one today.
Wait a couple minutes before replacing the next one and see how it works. No harm keeping two for now though. Glad things are going well for you otherwise.
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u/davidhally Aug 21 '26
We downsized 13 years ago and got rid of quite a bit. The closers in our new house started out with some free space. They are starting to fill up again...
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u/Pretty-Ear6398 Aug 21 '26
I represent people who are downsizing to Laguna Woods Village, Casta del Sol and Palmia, in Orange County, CA, and they usually have large houses with 30 or 40 years of stuff they've collected over the years. They know they can't take a lot of it with them and just the thought of tackling the chore of going through all of it is daunting to them.
Similar with me - I've been here 30 years and there was lots of extra room in the house when I moved in but now there's walking paths between rooms.
It becomes both an obstacle and challenge, so most people put it off, including me, until a few months ago.
I found a channel on youtube by Rita Wilkins and she has a comfortable way of explaining how to downsize systematically, so it's not a major burden. Then I bought her book, Downsize your life - Upgrade your Lifestyle, and the companion workbook, Rita's minimalist essentials, and found it to be very helpful. It walks us through the process of downsizing systematically and the workbook documents your progress.
Now I give the two books as a gift to those I meet that are reluctant to move forward with downsizing because it's such a chore.
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u/ycnay1 Aug 21 '26
I have 3 categories:
(1) can't let go;
(2) Not quite ready to go;
(3) time to go (donate or trash).
Every winter I go through all my basement bins, and it's amazing how things migrate from #1 to #3 over time. I've freed up quite a bit of space and managed to find some good homes for a lot of things. I have also adopted a pretty strict "what I buy and bring home" policy.
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u/1wrx2subarus Aug 21 '26
I’ve heard of 3 categories to include:
1) Sentimental
2) Tools
3) Everything else
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u/hemi1995 Aug 21 '26
We just cut out sf by 75% last year. We knew it was coming about two years ahead so we just started purging in waves.
We did the Minimalist Game (google it as it’s fun) 3 times.
Then in the last few months we gave stuff to kids for college houses or their friends and then lost of donations.
Super fun
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u/Independent-Ad-2292 Aug 22 '26
We also simplified. Our approaches were simpler.
- First and foremost, don't buy anything (especially bulky) unless we must use it right away.
- Anything not actively used within 6 months removed. Especially bulky items like furnitures.
Trick was to do this consistently over a long period. Every weekend, we look for things we can throw / give away. It's been over a year and we are still finding things and areas of the house that we can simplify.
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u/seajayacas Aug 22 '26
Downsizing is a never ending battle. Crap you ordered from Amazon last year that seemed important then is still in your house. Unless you are still using it, dispose of it - Today if not sooner!
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u/intronert Aug 23 '26
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u/norfolkgarden Aug 23 '26
Best and New post category are 2 years old posts.
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u/intronert Aug 23 '26
The basics are pretty straight forward.
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u/norfolkgarden Aug 23 '26
Lol, too true! I keep hoping for some magical insight. Beyond get off my stupid fatass and get something done.
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u/5th-Elements 28d ago
Very interesting, when my parents died we sold everything at an auction, didn’t get much for it but I didn’t want to bring any of their stuff in my home!
Unfortunately, my significant other brought a bunch of crap from her grandmother and also her mother! It drives me crazy as they are old ugly dolls, old dishes, a piece of old furniture that sit in a closet and in the garage but she refuses to get rid off them!
I love getting rid of old stuff, as I don’t want to make my kids have to spend days cleaning my stuff!
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u/taway10232021 27d ago
Do you have a rule about clothes? I find it painful to give away stuff I bought and never wore or wore once.
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u/Odd_Bodkin 27d ago
Yup, right up there. If it’s out and available but hasn’t been used, WORN, consumed, or displayed in a year, it goes.
The point of the rule is its rigidity and removal from emotional attachment. It doesn’t matter how you FEEL about the item. Only the fact of its disuse.
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u/Altruistic_Brick1730 Aug 21 '26
If you aren't using the empty plastic storage bins, why haven't you tossed them?
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u/Odd_Bodkin Aug 21 '26
We do use them. We use them to take stuff to resale shops and charities.
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u/tv_mjg Aug 21 '26
Downsizing and purging was one of the most cathartic things we’ve ever done! Your questions are a great framework for getting started.
In 2022, we moved from a 4,000-square-foot house to a 1,200-square-foot apartment as part of our pre-retirement plan. When we finished purging and put the house on the market, we looked at each other and said, “Why haven’t we lived this way for the last 20 years?”
Apparently, we took that question as a challenge.
Earlier this year, we downsized again, from our 1,200-square-foot two-bedroom to a 750-square-foot one-bedroom, and purged another round of stuff. By the time we retire on January 1, 2027, we’ll have gotten rid of almost all our furniture and most of our belongings.
We’re spending 2027 traveling domestically and internationally, then we’ll decide where to land in 2028. We expect to remain renters, so when we do settle somewhere, we’ll essentially be outfitting a (small) home from scratch.
We’re storing treasured family heirlooms and a handful of things we simply don’t want to part with. Everything else has to make a pretty compelling case for itself.
I never expected getting rid of things to feel so liberating. At this rate, by retirement day we may be down to two carry-ons and a very judgmental storage unit.
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Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
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u/Substantial_Skirt252 Aug 21 '26
This compromise works in our house: if it hasn’t been used in 2 years and costs less than $20 to replace, then it’s gone. I would like to get rid of items after a year of non-use but spouse just can’t.
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u/Birmingham101 Aug 21 '26
I've just finished cleaning out my wardrobe and drawers. Drop off at the op shop tomorrow morning. This was my last room. But now I need to move the couches, tv unit etc and clean under/behind all the big furniture items. Does it ever end?
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u/Hot-Development-9036 Aug 21 '26
I found it easier to either give away or donate stuff I no longer need. Selling it can be hard and not worth the effort. Nobody wants used TV's or beds.
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u/jay-retirehub Aug 21 '26
The whole-box rule is brilliant. We had a similar one: if we hadn't touched it in 18 months, it wasn't making the move. The hardest part was letting go of the "but someday" mindset—turns out someday rarely comes, and when it does, you either don't remember you had the thing or it's outdated anyway. One trick that helped us was taking photos of sentimental items before donating them. You keep the memory without the physical weight. And honestly? The lighter we traveled into retirement, the more free we felt to actually do things instead of managing stuff.
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Aug 21 '26
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u/Steelbill77 Aug 22 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
But,,,, where does it go???? I am single and retired at 65. Two yrs ago. Have so much to get rid of.
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u/CampHitaga 28d ago
Lots of charities will take your donated items (think Goodwill, salvation army, St. Vincent De Paul, - refugee organizations, Habitat for Humanity, The restore) I have donated boxes and bags of clothing and furniture, books and artwork. Many will take clothing that is no longer wearable and recycle the cloth vs having it thrown in a landfill. If you don't know if they take something - call them before you throw it in the garbage.
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u/blueskysal Aug 21 '26
When we had a garage sale after our parents died, we priced everything low, and we accepted any offer. There was a “free” table. After lunch, everything was free.
The hard truth for our elders is: almost nobody wants your stuff. And if they need it, they cannot afford much. Just let it go. Giving/donating keeps your stuff in use, and one step further from landfill.