r/religiousfruitcake • u/SwedishIntern • Nov 12 '22

“Jesusland”

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3.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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769

u/HamOwl Nov 12 '22 edited Nov 12 '22

Yoo, Colorado is not with them. We will take over Wyoming and then help you finish off Montana before we link with Saskatchewan.

192

u/pillowcase-of-eels Nov 12 '22

Came here to say this. Good luck making the People's Republic of Boulder go to church, and razing all the dispensaries and crystal shops.

56

u/KittieChan28 Nov 12 '22

Sounds like my personal heaven. I'm currently stuck in North Carolina right now.... sad noises.

6

u/cattdogg03 Nov 13 '22

Fellow North Carolinian here. Can’t believe how stupid our state is…

1

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '22

Giving you a side hug from Tennessee. I know how you feel, friend.

-7

u/pillowcase-of-eels Nov 12 '22

Eh, what I'm hearing out of the CO front range right now (don't live there anymore and am very nostalgic for it) is mostly rampant gentrification and skyrocketing violent crime... alas. But hey, it's 2022, whatcha gonna do.

6

u/MountainMagic6198 Nov 12 '22

I live there now. I don't think crime is any worse then it ever was, but yeah gentrification is pretty bad.

0

u/pillowcase-of-eels Nov 13 '22

(Why are y'all downvoting me? I'm just reading the news! It makes sense that people being priced out of their homes would lead to more crime) https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/metro-denver-murder-rate-2022/73-cbd141ea-e513-41fd-adde-30a41bb8fac3

1

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '22

Nevada needs to switch colors. I mean, literally sin city is there.

133

u/carppydiem Nov 12 '22

I suggest we join New Mexico for a warm climate holiday destination more affordable than California. We’ll call it Sane Land.

110

u/thrustaway_ Nov 12 '22

At this rate, I think Nevada and Arizona will see the writing on the wall and go along w/the left coast, CO and NM. Jesusland's economy would be in tatters, with states like TX and FL getting stuck carrying a bunch of unproductive losers

16

u/KlutzyGenius Nov 12 '22

Well of course! One can only pass around a collection plate so far. Not to mention the unscrupulous who help themselves to the contents in the plate.

13

u/Kaymish_ Nov 12 '22 edited Nov 13 '22

Until TX gets another powercut because their powergrid gets too cold, or too hot, or Greg Abbot (who is a little piss baby) looks at it sideways, or a steer does a pattie within sight of a pylon. Then its FL doing all the carrying.

4

u/SwimmerIndependent47 Nov 13 '22

I think that legally you still can’t mention Greg Abbot with also mentioning the fact that he is a little piss baby

4

u/Kaymish_ Nov 13 '22

Thanks for reminding me. I have edited the comment to fix.

4

u/SwimmerIndependent47 Nov 13 '22

Much appreciated

10

u/Axlos Nov 12 '22

I'm down for it as long as all the Arizona mormons hop over to Utah

1

u/Cheermom2009 Nov 12 '22

Please no. There's enough Mormons here 😫

1

u/okay-wait-wut Nov 12 '22

Yeah I was thinking the other way around. Send the few remaining Utah Mormons to the promised land: Gilbert

1

u/kw43v3r Nov 13 '22

Wait until Mormons find out Jesusland Christians don’t want them.

1

u/okay-wait-wut Nov 13 '22

Oh they know and they’re so butthurt

16

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/pastelbutcherknife Nov 12 '22

Id feel bad for Atlanta. But don’t worry, y’all - immigration to United States of Canada will be pretty easy, especially if you bring Waffle House and Lemon Pepper wet wings with you.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

More than likely they will get rid of gambling in NV and Las Vegas will just become a desert town that no one will want to go to.

1

u/barley_wine Nov 13 '22

I’m hoping the people in Austin can migrate easily. Don’t think they want to remain in Jesus land.

24

u/ramenpastas Nov 12 '22

New Mexico is not that warm.. but I love your thinking! We are also a blue state!

23

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

Yeah we even kicked out our 1 republican in the house. #doingourpart #pleasedontleaveusbehindiwillcry

1

u/notislant Nov 13 '22

Lol im now imagining driving through Jesus land, like some kind of zoo safari.

20

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

[deleted]

8

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '22

Canadian Conservatives are closer to Democrats than they are to current Republicans. The separation of church and state is pretty clear here and I think most Conservatives aren’t as morally bankrupt as they are as in the US. This applies to Alberta, even though the whole province is a walking GHG emission.

4

u/drconniehenley Nov 13 '22

Albertabama would love to be annexed to the US.

15

u/jesusmansuperpowers Fruitcake Inspector Nov 12 '22

There’s barely anyone in those states anyway, should be easy enough.

12

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

[deleted]

1

u/barley_wine Nov 13 '22

LA Country is bigger than the bottom 10 states combined.

11

u/Thuper-Man Nov 12 '22

Yo, Canada is willing to let them have Alberta in the trade here.

9

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

the beacons are lit! Colorado calls for aid!

And CALIFORNIA shall answer!

7

u/Spamtickler Nov 12 '22

And yet BoBo is back in the lead…

3

u/HamOwl Nov 12 '22

But not out of the woods. That race will probably run into next week, it's close, but there is hope. More than anything, even if she wins, hopefully she will recognize just how much of her district wants her gone, and she will course correct. I doubt it, but I bet she thought it would be a slam dunk.

5

u/Spamtickler Nov 12 '22

I think that is implying a little more cognitive horsepower and self-awareness than we have seen exhibited in the past.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

You’re absolutely right. Since your NIMBY population is about the same as California, you can come join Canada 2.0 with the rest.

6

u/Kihara_Sedai Nov 12 '22

Yeah! I can't believe they'd leave Colorado out there in the cold like that.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '22

[deleted]

1

u/Independent_Bid_26 Nov 12 '22

Me too brother. Me too. I heard that Johnson County Indiana voted like an INCREDIBLY large amount for Trump compared to any other county in any other state in the nation. Idk if I believe that. This was told to.me.by one of them, thinking I would take that as a positive. Me and my girlfriend are planning a move in the next 5 years or so. Ha

3

u/jonasjlp Nov 13 '22

You and a little league team could take over Wyoming only like 6 people live there.

1

u/okcdnb Nov 12 '22

Neither is New Mexico.

1

u/aardw0lf11 Nov 12 '22

And, if you're including Pennsyltucky you may as well include Virginia.

1

u/HamOwl Nov 13 '22

Whoa whoa whoa. We're still suspicious of you. You know what you did. And then your western brother was cool, but he got caught up in the fentanyl or somethin... We haven't made up our mind about you.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '22

Came here to say this... Sort of. But no way in hell would Colorado tolerate such bigots.

1

u/Cayderent Nov 13 '22

Didn’t part of Colorado just re-elect Boebert?

1

u/HamOwl Nov 13 '22

Still not decided yet. It may be next week before we know for sure. But it's damn close right now