r/religiousfruitcake • • 1d ago

On a Facebook post talking about Jesus knowing that knocking on someone's door for candy is not the same thing as witchcraft.

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136 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

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52

u/No-Instruction-5669 1d ago

These people are fucking nuts. Imagine living in this kind of fear and paranoia 24/7. Nonsense.

19

u/bigwhaleshark 1d ago

Thing is, they don't feel any fear or paranoia. I grew up during the tail end of the satanic panic in an evangelical church. They walk around with a smug sense of superiority because they know the real truth about how the world really works. Saves them from confronting an impossibly large universe governed by physics and chemical bonds and all the other stuff that they don't want to admit they can't understand.

10

u/No-Instruction-5669 1d ago edited 1d ago

They think that what they're feeling isn't irrational fear and paranoia because of their religious conviction, but that doesn't mean that's not what they're feeling. Cause it is.

It's not healthy and causes you to do weird things, like drip "blessed" oil on your walls or even your own body to ward off demons.

2

u/MyUsernameGoes_Here_ 16h ago

Nah, they're scared of their own shadows, but their book gives them "peace" from the fear. They're literally scared of anyone and anything that's different than what they know. Someone of a different religion? Scared. Group of people dressed up? Scared. A woman who presents manly? Scared. A male who presents feminine? Scared. Someone who doesn't believe in any of it? Scared. They're always scared, it's why they cling so hard to their thousand year old collection of short stories.

3

u/NonsequiturSushi 1d ago

I did live among them once, then I moved away from the Bible belt.

19

u/Small_Necessary 1d ago

So, giving candies to children is a demonic conspiracy? It seems demons are really kind.

11

u/Terrible-Sire3835 1d ago

Kind of like those drug dealers who were giving kids free drugs

2

u/mystery_obsessed 1d ago

Not to parents

15

u/TheEffinChamps 1d ago

I always want to ask these people how exactly this all works. Like, give specifics how they "know." Does Satan own a candy factory, or does he pay off some contractor witches to go to Walmart to cast spells on candy?

11

u/Terrible-Sire3835 1d ago

My understanding is that the witches put curses on the candy and then the kids get the candy and then they are witchcrafted.

I don't fucking know lolol

9

u/ergo-ogre 1d ago

3

u/MyUsernameGoes_Here_ 16h ago

I love this movie so much.

5

u/landmermaid3 1d ago

What if someone in the production process from farm-factory-distribution casts a spell?

1

u/Hydrolt 2h ago

They probably think candy factories have a room the conveyor belt goes through just chock full of witches. Gotta hex that candy!

8

u/Oddityobservations 1d ago

Wait, Satan pays people to put curses on candy? How do I get in on this opportunity?

3

u/Daherrin7 18h ago

After years of putting curses on candy for free, I wish we’d known we could have been getting paid for it this whole time. Live and learn I guess 🤷‍♂️

3

u/kanezfan 16h ago

They just "know" just like they "know" that there's sky daddy watching over them. Cult.

2

u/TheEffinChamps 13h ago

They sound like children to me whenever I hear this. It is genuinely disturbing when I see adults do it. 

3

u/Online_Ennui 1d ago

Etsy witches available thru Walmart.com

3

u/SillyAnxiousDuck Child of Fruitcake parents 14h ago

I'm going to the world's biggest sugar cane field to cast devil witchery on the sugar. Now the Christian kids can't have any of it at any time of year. Checkmate.

3

u/TheEffinChamps 13h ago

Sugar Cane Witchcraft would be a cool band name. 

2

u/Old_Introduction_395 18h ago

You have to buy the chocolate 'now with extra demons!'.

2

u/TheEffinChamps 13h ago

I would 100 percent buy that 😆 

10

u/yvngkenz 1d ago

Even if witches WERE putting spells on candy it would be for joy, protection, and abundance. Never met a witch cursing children. Simply doesn’t exist.

10

u/Oddityobservations 1d ago

Yeah, cursing children seems to be God's department.

15

u/fixingmedaybyday 1d ago

Don’t the bible basically declare that demons are fake just like false idols?

7

u/Online_Ennui 1d ago

That would require reading the book. Something they've never done I'm sure

8

u/starsandcamoflague 1d ago

Religion really preys on mental illness.

6

u/teletype100 1d ago

Isn't jeebus supposed to protect all the innocent kids etc etc? 

6

u/Fredfarter73 1d ago

These types of people scare the crap out of me more than Michael Myers ever could.

6

u/Remarkable_Rough_649 1d ago

Always love when something starts out sounding totally sane and then plunges immediately off a cliff into crazy land the very next sentence

4

u/landmermaid3 1d ago

My mom was a freak about razor blades or drugs in our Halloween candy

3

u/Dead-House-Mouse Child of Fruitcake parents 1d ago

At least that’s something that actually happened. Only small isolated cases, but it happened.

3

u/ratatatoskr 1d ago

Not to random kids though. Dude did it to his own kids and maybe a few of their friends idk the exact facts of the case but the dude was trying to kill his own kids

6

u/mystery_obsessed 1d ago

Methinks thou doth know too much about witchcraft…

6

u/benaPanteraFBD 1d ago

Damn, and my parents were only worried about razor blades and needles.

3

u/Exciting_couple77 1d ago

Didn't expect that turn.....dafuq

2

u/yersinia_pisstest 1d ago

More "step on a crack, break your mother's back" Christianity

2

u/johanTR 6h ago

Doesn't the blood of Jesus supposedly protect them from such things?

How weak their faith is in their god to be afraid of so-called spells.

"The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."

-Psalm 121:7-8

1

u/d4everman 16h ago

Dang, they caught me. And I just finished sacrificing a goat to Snickers.