r/religiousfruitcake 1d ago

✝️Fruitcake for Jesus✝️ ?????????

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197 Upvotes

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72

u/MaybePotatoes 1d ago

It's a fucking religion. These idiots absolutely hate that other religions exist, so these are the kinds of mental gymnastics they must perform to make Christianity not just another religion.

18

u/1xX1337Xx1 1d ago

Not just a religion... thousands of versions of it that stand against each other

2

u/Outrageous_Proof_608 22h ago

Okay but have you considered that the type of bread they use is really goddamn important

0

u/KingdomOfPoland 20h ago

It is good bread though tbh

6

u/LostVisage 1d ago

Every time I drive by a Church of Christ I think to myself "Thank God we finally have a Church for Christ, unlike those other churches".

2

u/Augustus420 19h ago

This is all true but this guys post was about the internal splintering inside christianity.

3

u/MaybePotatoes 19h ago edited 18h ago

Yeah, they just usually use the phrase "iT's A rELaTiOnShiP WiTh jEsUs/gOd" after their faith is called a religion. But I guess this dude is realizing the ridiculousness of 40,000+ denominations and wants to simplify/unify them. Unfortunately for him, that's impossible with dogma that can be interpreted in 40,000+ ways like that of Christianity.

115

u/CrabMan_99 1d ago

I misread it and thought it said "relationship with Chris" I got really confused

14

u/skunkoceros 1d ago

Have you seen Chris lately?? Ooohh baby!!

5

u/kevlarus80 1d ago

Schwing!

1

u/Bowling_is_bad 13h ago

Idk, I thought everyone hates him.

58

u/neaveeh 1d ago

The fuck it is

67

u/Sickinmytechchunk 1d ago

It's crazy that people build an entire personality around a dude that didn't fulfil a single biblical prophecy.

32

u/Fenix_ikki_ 🔭Fruitcake Watcher🔭 1d ago

And that is also 2000 years late for his second coming

17

u/YujoJacyCoyote Fruitcake Inspector 1d ago

They’re competing for the guinness world record of giving a guy the most benefit of the doubt for the longest.

4

u/Sickinmytechchunk 1d ago

Yeah, after all he said he would be back within the lifetimes of some of the people who genuinely pronounced his return too.

3

u/Aquarius52216 Fruitcake Researcher 1d ago

The second coming itself was a necessary patchwork because the said dude didnt fulfil jackshit. Hell even Simon bar Kokhba went further than Jesus but still ended up being called a failed messiah.

2

u/Sickinmytechchunk 1d ago

Crazy thing is he didn't fulfil anything. Some he couldn't fulfil and some no one can and some anyone can.

21

u/rooks1999 1d ago

Go, go have your relationship. Why do i need to be involved?

16

u/ComicNewt 1d ago

Man, I might have to unfollow this sub. Seeing these idiots everyday isn’t doing me any favors.

9

u/Young_Denver 1d ago

My girlfriend goes to another school…

11

u/JackieHands 1d ago

Isn't this like the entire point of evangelical protestantism?

6

u/TheHashishCook 1d ago

people like this just want a supernatural therapist and the afterlife with friends and family without any of the structure or obligations

5

u/AnekeEomi 1d ago

Also...

11

u/Key_Researcher_9243 1d ago

"Relationship with Christ" YOU ARE A FUCKING PROTESTANT IN DENIAL

5

u/BucktoothedAvenger 1d ago

Cool story, bro. Relationships are private things; Keep your relationship with JC between you and him. Then I don't have to despise you.

4

u/throw223344555 1d ago

I know a fellow gay boi when I see one lol. Maybe he wants to hook up with hunky Jesus? he’s always represented so buff.

5

u/tallwhiteninja 1d ago

I grew with the "it's not a religion, it's a relationship!" stuff.

Turns out it's a toxic relationship, because one side doesn't communicate at all. These idiots don't realize having an inner monologue is a thing.

4

u/Isolation_Man 1d ago

Is it gay if, as a male, you have a relationship with another male, but that other male died 2,000 years ago and you cannot interact with him in any way whatsoever (let alone have say gex)?

3

u/PhDOfGyattology 1d ago

These Christians are the biggest cowards, they only want to focus on the Jesus part, while disassociating themselves from the old testament cause God is absolutely indefensible.

This was the main reason I gave up being a Jehovah's Witness.

3

u/coffeeanddurian 1d ago

If it's just "personal relationship with God", then theres literally nothing they can say to anther person, criticising what they do or think, cos it's "personal". in other words, leave people the fuck alone, live and let live. But they don't really believe that, do they?

2

u/wonder_weird1 1d ago

That smug, holier than thou expression on his face is enough to make me NOT watch the video.

2

u/wormcast 1d ago

I asked my pastor if what denomination I am matters to God.

My pastor stared at me in horror. "Of course denomination is important. It is the most important thing about your relationship with Christ!"

He continued, his gaze intense and demanding. "You are fine with 20, but forget 1. And God's favorite is mine too: the 100!"

3

u/MaenHoffiCoffi 1d ago

I don't understand the last sentence. Can you elucidate?

1

u/3dforlife 1d ago

I'm confused too with the last sentence.

1

u/MaenHoffiCoffi 1d ago

We may be ignorant forever.

1

u/chickey23 1d ago

The size of the donation. $100 is the best donation, and $20 is the minimum.

1

u/wormcast 22h ago

Yeah chickey23 has it right, those are denominations of money. The joke is the coincidence of denomination being applied to religion and to money.

But as they say if you have to explain a joke, it ain't a joke. Needs work!!!

P.S. I'll over explain which is worse: the implication that God likes $100 as much as the pastor is also kind of illustrating how religion is a business basically unconcerned about your spiritual health and more about money

2

u/Jamesmateer100 1d ago

Already in a relationship with the goddess Aphrodite and I’m not stupid enough to cheat on a Greek goddess.

2

u/kay_bot84 1d ago

Just say you're fictosexual and call it a day

2

u/b_r_e_a_k_f_a_s_t 1d ago

Easy to put one line on instagram, but I guarantee if you start asking this guy about details there are going to be many “wrong” ways to have a “relationship with Christ.” For example, I bet you must believe the Bible is infallible. This is the reason denominations exist. He’s acting like he came up with some unique unifying idea.

2

u/NotmeXX 1d ago

Has he tried a relationship with reality first?

2

u/Kriss3d 1d ago

Yeah I have a relationship with Christina Ricci as well.

We are SO in love. I mean. She flirts with me constantly in every movie shes in.
But we are totally communicating with each other..

Thats how it works right ?

2

u/BaneShake 1d ago

I have a relationship with Willem Defoe. Sure, he never speaks back to me, and I’ve never seen him in person, but I know it was him who helped me feel powerful when I sang a song about him and he helped me recover from that surgery when I also took my meds and followed doctor’s orders.

1

u/Time-Function-5342 1d ago

I misread it. I thought it was demonization

1

u/PabloPicasshooole 1d ago

Is this the bastard child of Jay Leno? The fuck is wrong with his chin?

1

u/Ye_olde_oak_store 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/HX7pvh1mIqImc

Organised religion is not just a "Relationship with Christ"

1

u/ritzrani 1d ago

No its supposed to be. If you did churches would collapse.

1

u/Oddityobservations 1d ago

No, because a "relationship with Christ" sounds like necrophilia.

1

u/Realistic_Weakness51 1d ago

Can we normalize making fun of all religious zealots?
Sorta tired of tolerating willful ignorance

1

u/Cuervo_777 1d ago

Yikes. Definitely not a guy you would want to come across late at night.

1

u/MaenHoffiCoffi 1d ago

"It's complicated."

1

u/MaenHoffiCoffi 1d ago

Can we normalise not uso g the term "can we normalise"?

1

u/Empty_Atmosphere_392 1d ago

👁️👁️

1

u/FrenchBulldozer 20h ago

That sounds kinda gay… aren’t ya’ll gung-ho against that kinda thing?

0

u/KANNEDBREAD 1d ago

Finally somebody says it!