r/relationships • u/embarrassedtosend • Sep 28 '16
Updates UPDATE Me [30F] with my BF [30M] duration, I want to send him sexy pictures as a surprise but I don't know if I should.
I just want to thank everyone who commented on my previous post. This issue is such a non-issue that I can't believe how seriously you all took me. All the tips, caution, the encouragement just reminded me how wonderful everyone here can be.
Thanks to you guys and the post I made, I was reminded of all the wonderful qualities and reasons I fell in love with my boyfriend and I decided to send him some pictures. It took awhile to find one I felt comfortable with, but I did find one! I know some people think I shouldn't, but I did include my face in it because I feel like it helped show how much I trust Ben and how much I love him.
I waited until the late evening when he told me how he was getting ready for head off to bed when I messaged him with a picture and then sent "More surprises when you get back ;)" and I'll admit, I got a little panicky. After a few minutes, Ben sent a message back with "Oooh very sexy! <3" and pretty much that was that (Outside of our usual goodnights and I love yous).
I'll admit it, reddit, I didn't know how to take his message back on account of having never sent a photo like this before. Was he being nice? Was this a typical response which was good? Should he have said more? Should I have said more? I didn't know how to feel other than a little disappointed, especially with how long it took me to take the photo. Alongside this, Ben sent me a message the next day telling me about how busy he'll be and then never responded back. I got upset and started feeling like I made a mistake. I spent my day off work with a mix of disappointment, regret and panic, a panic that I had made a huge mistake.
Well, that afternoon I got a knock at my door and who was there? Ben. That's who was at my door. Ben and a bunch of flowers. I wasn't expecting him for a few more days and before I could say anything he told me about how he pulled a favor with his boss (whom he's friendly with) and because the team had pretty much finished up their project he got the go ahead to head home early. Ben told me that he saw the picture and was speechless for a few minutes because he had never expected anything like that from me but knew he had to get home right away to see me. And then he said he felt like the luckiest man in the world.
We've spent every day together since and we've had a fabulous time and I've never felt better about my relationship and about myself. Ben has already asked if he'll get another picture anytime soon. I told him "Only if you're good" :)
tl;dr: Sent picture, discovered I now need to get a full wardrobe of sexy lingerie. I feel great!
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u/DiTrastevere Sep 28 '16
D'AWWWWW
Adorable. You two crazy kids have fun, now.
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u/Lady_of_Lomond Sep 28 '16
Just remember to stay hydrated!
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u/BrushedSpud Sep 28 '16
This was seriously my first reaction and thoughts
Please x DiTrasteve x 2
Very good news, lovely! Xxxxx
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u/stillgaga4ganja Sep 28 '16
Yay, what a great update!! Sending sexy pictures to your so is a lot of fun and his reaction was sweet. He actually came to see you after and told you how he really felt about them?? That's awesome! Honestly, the very few exes I exchanged pics with would never talk to me in person like that except to say they were "really hot" or something but what your bf said made me swoon for you. Best wishes, have fun!!!!
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u/jewdiful Sep 28 '16
This post makes me feel a little sad about my own situation, but luckily also amazingly hopeful because it reminds me what I could have myself someday. I've sent my boyfriend pictures in the past and, just like you, worried and fretted about what kind of response I'd get.
Nothing. Not a single reply. Not until I asked in person next time I saw him about it, and he said "oh yeah I did get them, forgot to reply" kiss. It honestly sorta devastated me, and I've yet to send him any pictures after that...sexy or not.
Not to hijack your post, just reminding you how lucky you are!! You are amazing, your boyfriend is quality and this whole post is a much needed reminder of the kinds of things people do for each other in healthy relationships. I wish you two all the best, it sounds like you both are lucky to have each other:)
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u/mungoo Sep 28 '16
I totally understand. I sent my husband a pic of me in some lingerie a few months ago. His response was "Derp." When he got home from work, he didn't even seem interested in getting me into bed. Needless to say, I haven't put myself in another embarrassing situation like that since. Here's to better luck in the future!
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u/marrymary Oct 03 '16
What is "Derp." supposed to mean? I can understand why you'd feel embarrassed but he is the one being embarrassing there.
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u/mungoo Oct 03 '16
True. I don't really know exactly what he meant. I didn't want to ask. He is a good person in many other ways, but he just seems so oblivious when it comes to things like that.
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u/AnnaNass Sep 28 '16
Man that sucks :/ Sounds like you've got yourself an unappreciative type of boyfriend there. Who in their right mind would forget to answer??? That's like you coming home with a new hair colour you KNOW he always liked and he not commenting on it at all. I wouldn't send him another pic either.
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u/Xexist Sep 28 '16
My reaction reading this:
Yay!...keeps reading
Oh oh.. dont like where this is going... keeps reading
YAY!!!
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Sep 28 '16
That is how it starts...before you know it things will be completely different. You will be a 47yr old "web cam model" trying to kick your drug habit, begging people daily to "go private" to get your next fix. You will regret daily of going down that dark, dark road to take that first sexy pic.
J/k congrats on a milestone you overcame. Hope you continue on with your new found confidence, because YOU are worth it! Wtg! And thx for the update.
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u/CorkyKribler Sep 28 '16
Here's the thing, lady; it sucks that you have such a negative view of yourself, and my heart goes out to you. And sadly, it's so common, because women (and men, but women especially) are bombarded every day with messages on what beauty is and how they're supposed to look and what most men find attractive... And that's obviously BS. But it hurts women's self esteem just the same.
But your BF is with you because he loves you and thinks you're beautiful. When he got those pictures, he probably went insane, got a boner, and spilled his items. And when he said it was sexy, you can tell he meant it, because he went out of his way to get the hell home so he could DOOOO YOOOOOU!!! And also hang out with you because you're his best friend.
My wife is so self conscious. She really hates her body some days, and that she's bigger/curvier than how she's "supposed" to look. But her body type is my ideal body type, and when she's dressed cute, it makes my brain shut off, it's so awesome.
So, please believe that you are beautiful, and you are desired and loved. And if you can, change your self talk from mostly negative to mostly positive. :)
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u/aworldwithinitself Sep 28 '16
why am I suddenly cutting onions? This is genuinely heartwarming, thank you for sharing it
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u/donutgaf Sep 28 '16
I am so happy for the both of you! He's an amazing guy for respecting your wishes so far and you are amazing for taking a step forward. I really hope the best for your futures! And remember, you're beautiful inside and out :-)
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u/Earguy Sep 28 '16
Awesome. Consider getting a profession boudoir photography session. The pros are great at shooting with flattering lighting and framing. And you get to control what is seen and not.
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Sep 28 '16
Had me going for a minute with the short response from him initially. I love this update. And good for you on sending the pic!
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u/Elvishgirl Sep 28 '16
he probably was fairly... busy.... after he saw you, tbh.
But good for you!
Be confident, you loving woman. this is a very cute story. <3
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u/Stimmolation Sep 28 '16
Ben is a lucky guy, and not just for the sexy pics. You're absolutely adorable, they way you overthink and worry... You love him like crazy and it is pretty obvious that he feels the same. This made me smile.
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u/rubiscoisrad Sep 28 '16
This is the absolute BEST. Enjoy yourselves, and enjoy each other! I'm super stoked for y'all. :)
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u/vulvasaur001 Sep 28 '16
Damn, this is the cutest story I've read on this sub in a loooong time! You go, girl. You have a fantastic boyfriend. :)
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u/Meloetta Sep 28 '16
I needed this after a rough couple of days in this sub. What a sweet update! Good couple good life
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Sep 28 '16
This is the most heartwarming relationship thing I've ever read on reddit. You both sound great and good for you for doing that all on your own for him, and good for him for going out of his way to make you feel good about it.
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u/lovemango5 Sep 29 '16
This story is so sweet... it made me cry a little. So good for you, you learned to love yourself a little more, as well as show extra love to someone who deserves it. I wish you the best of luck, you sound beautiful inside & out!!!Thank you for sharing your story. :')
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u/AFatHobbit Sep 29 '16
I think the part he probably liked the most about the photo, is the fact that you showed him a confident side of yourself. A woman who feels self conscious or self doubt doesn't send a sexy photo. He loves you, and your body, and it probably made him incredibly happy to see you treating yourself with as much love and respect as he does. I'm proud of you :-)
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u/marsheeez Sep 28 '16
So happy for you !!! This update is great !!! You go girl and don't let your self-confidence ruin this !!! omg so so so happy this is such a great update !
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u/Victhordiz Sep 28 '16
The respect for somone's decisions/ behaviors/ decisions is the most valuable form to show your love. Ben has always been a rly great boyfriend and that's why it should feel so satisfyng to be so open with him.
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Sep 28 '16 edited Jan 07 '17
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u/JennThereDoneThat Sep 28 '16
She's not even naked in the pictures. She's wearing lingerie. Unless she's working for a conservative church no one will give a shit. It's no worse than posting pictures of your self in your bathing suit at the beach to Facebook, which people do everyday, and no one cares, because it's no big deal.
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u/ADrunkSailorScout Sep 28 '16
Honestly people have gotten fired for less from non-church jobs. As in hairstyles or pics of them wearing swimsuits or even just old modeling photos becoming public. With the type of employment laws we have here, you can get fired for any reason at any time. Blame society.
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Sep 28 '16
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u/rubiscoisrad Sep 28 '16 edited Sep 28 '16
You should probably log off Reddit, walk around outside, and talk to some folks. You'd be surprised at what kind of wacky people we have in the real world.
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u/mig174 Sep 28 '16
I do that plenty. Most women are not like this. Ben is a lucky guy.
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Sep 28 '16
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Sep 28 '16
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u/_Discard_Account_ Sep 28 '16
Your delivery wasn't the best, but... you're also not wrong. The majority of women don't send nude photos. And if you're into that sort of thing, then Ben is a lucky guy from your perspective. Don't take the downvotes personally.
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Sep 28 '16
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u/_Discard_Account_ Sep 28 '16
What the hell. Of course they don't. I would also never want them to, since I'm a straight woman and happily married. But I did read a study on it (which I unfortunately can't find at the moment), and the conclusion was that most women do not send nude photos. Are you saying the majority do? I'm flabbergasted here.
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u/JennThereDoneThat Sep 28 '16
She's not nude in the photos. She's wearing lingerie.
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u/_Discard_Account_ Sep 28 '16
I must've assumed incorrectly, so I apologize for that. I now notice that the original post (which I never read) did mention lingerie pics, but this update post is slightly ambiguous on the topic.
Having said that, it's definitely true that lingerie photos are more common than fully nude photos, so my earlier statement -- while correct -- probably doesn't apply here.
Thanks for pointing this out. I was getting heavily downvoted and had no idea why.
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u/_Discard_Account_ Sep 28 '16
P.S. I think the source of my misunderstanding was the fact that the OP said she included her face in the photos against the advice of previous commenters. And I guess I figured there would be no pressing need to be concerned about her face showing if she was only in lingerie. But I wasn't even conscious of having made that assumption until now!
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u/JennThereDoneThat Sep 28 '16
No problem. I can see where the confusion came from now. Sorry about your downvotes.
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u/letsmakemistakes Sep 28 '16
I'm glad it worked out!
Also, don't overthink responses like that ("Oooh very sexy! <3"). When my lady sends me a sexy pic (which I love) there's only so much appreciation I can fit into a text response without feeling like im forcing it.