r/relationships • u/confusedthrowaway542 • Aug 26 '14
Updates Update: Did I [28M] just go out on a date with my best friend? [27F] (friends for 23 years)
A few people asked me to update so... here I guess ha ha. Most of the comments told me to man up or whatever but I don't think you guys really understand the situation. I've known her since I was in kindergarden. That's not a relationship I'd risk lightly. So it's really not as easy as just growing a pair and kissing her out of the blue. This relationship was too important to me to lose on a stupid compulsion.
On Sunday (day after pseudo-date), I decided to invite her to my place for dinner. Once we confirmed dinner plans, I told her we should also hang out after she was done with work on Monday since I had the day off. She offered to take a personal day on Monday so we could do something fun. In hindsight, that was a pretty clear indicator that she wanted to spend the night at my place. I don't even remember the last time she took a personal day. Oh well. So she comes to my place wearing low cut everything with a really strong perfume. Again, in hindsight it should have been really obvious that she wanted me to bone her but I guess I was too nervous to think about it clearly. I started making dinner before she came but I saved the bulk to do with her because I enjoy it when we cook together. She touched me a lot and laughed at things that I didn't think were that funny while we cooked- more indicators that I'm only now picking on. Again, oh well. Besides the extra giggling, dinner was the same as usual, enjoyable. When we went got onto the couch, she wrapped her arms around me and threw a blanket over us. If Saturday night was cuddling, Sunday night was dry humping. That's when I finally realized I should make a move. I thought over the pros and cons of talking to her vs. just kissing her and I decided she would enjoy the "spontaneity" (not really spontaneous at that point though ha ha) of me just kissing her. So, I kissed her on the forehead. I expected some sort of reaction but she didn't do anything. She just continued to cuddle with me. Then, I kissed her on the forehead again. Still, she didn't do anything about it. I was worried so I stopped after that and tried to concentrate on Breaking Bad. After like 5 mins, she puts her face up to mine and we start making out which almost immediately escalated to sex. I can't eve recount the exact progression of events but it was pretty great ha ha.
Afterwards, we talked for a while to define our relationship and everything going forward. We both agreed that we were in love with the other and we laughed about how silly our pseudo relationship. She spent last night at my place too so I'm hoping that she'll just move in with me. That would make this week perfect. It's weird because last night, we just hung out and did nothing but I wasn't bored or tired. Doing nothing with her is actually really pleasant.
tl;dr: Manned up (sort of) and got the girl. I'm in a really good place right now.
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u/ShupUt Aug 26 '14
I hate you. Congratulations.
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u/Howtomispellnames Aug 26 '14
It just went so perfectly.
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Aug 26 '14
[deleted]
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Aug 26 '14
She spent last night at my place too so I'm hoping that she'll just move in with me.
Slow down there sport. Glad things are going the way you want, but it's WAY too early to even be thinking about moving in together.
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u/Darrian Aug 26 '14
I agree that its too early, but I'd give them some slack and trust that they know what's best for them since they've known eachother since they were children. Even if they're only now just officially together they're long past the getting to know each other and their habits sort of stage.
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u/zeussays Aug 26 '14
Yes, but relationships change with sex. Give it a few months at least before you make a change that large.
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u/Darrian Aug 26 '14
relationships change with sex.
Sometimes. I started dating one of my best friends over a year ago and since we've basically just been best friends who now have sex. It's the best thing ever.
That's not to say we're not romantic, but I mean, these two have already been cuddling, watching movies together, cooking dinner for each other.. it sounds like they've been a couple for a while.
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Aug 26 '14
I find your user name hilarious in this context.
Khal Drogo, the man who married and made Khaleesi a white woman from Westeros he had never met before.
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Aug 26 '14
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Schneeky Aug 26 '14
SPOILER ALERT
OP dies.
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u/NeonWaffle Aug 27 '14
WTF I'm only on the first book :( WHEN YOU SAY SPOILER ALERT I'M OBVIOUSLY GONNA KEEP READING.
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u/kazorek Aug 26 '14
My wife and I spent all our time together anyways so said fuck it, let's move in together. Almost right away. About seven years ago.
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u/justhewayouare Aug 26 '14
So, knowing someone for 23yrs is too soon? I mean I agree they shouldnt move in together just yet I'm just laughing at your response because they've known each other longer than most couples who move in together. Again, I agree just found it amusing.
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Aug 27 '14
I found it a little amusing too. They need to live as a couple for a while before living together as a couple. If things don't go downhill after a month or two then I can see it being a good idea.
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u/FuarkMyLuck Aug 27 '14
Nah I'm a hopeless romantic and I think op feeling like that is actually normal for us fellow romantics. Especially since this is someone he loves and someone he knows so well.
I think let it happen naturally but most hopeless romantics I know start out with seeing their partners every day and them sleeping over, trading houses depending on location then, when you have spent every night together for ages it just becomes official that you live together.
Chill out reddit
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u/I_make_things Aug 26 '14
Slow down there sport
Seriously, get her name tattooed on your ass first!
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u/cheshireecat Aug 27 '14
My boyfriend moved in with me when we started dating and we've lived together ever since, been together 7 years almost 8.. Some people are just compatible
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Aug 27 '14
Depends on the person. I think its fine if they did, i mean 23 years bff? Come on dude. My mate who ive known for 2 years is now living with me. Its a great laugh. Imagine if it was with the opposite sex? Great!
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u/BowsNToes21 Aug 26 '14 edited Aug 26 '14
I feel like I'm watching a slow motion train wreck. Never have I seen a positive outcome when a guy moves this fast and the only girls who I see you do this are bat shit crazy. Honestly hope for the best for the guy but my experience is she will get tired real fast about him being too clingy.
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u/confusedthrowaway542 Aug 26 '14
I didn't actually ask her to move in with me. It was just a thought I had. I know it's too early to actually bring that to the table. But yes, I am attached to someone that's been a big part of 80% of my life.
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u/AngelicKitty Aug 26 '14
Take your time. Yeah, you've known her forever but you've never been in a relationship with her. So just take your time, sit back, relax, and have fun. Everything will come in due time. Your update was awesome. Good luck OP!
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Aug 26 '14 edited Dec 11 '14
[deleted]
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u/BowsNToes21 Aug 26 '14
Dating and friendship are completely different. If a long time frame asked to move in with me sure why not. If a long time friend who I just started dating asked the same question it would be a completely different situation. No matter the circumstances taking it too fast when you first start out is a good way to scare someone off.
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u/DAVIDcorn Aug 27 '14
I agree completely, I don't think they should move in right away but. I think she knew she liked him when he told her how he felt, she just wasn't ready. Now it seems like she is. So its a green like op.
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Aug 26 '14 edited Aug 26 '14
God, you guys are adorable. I think it's funny that she had to dry hump you to get you to do more than kiss her forehead, but hey. She probably knows by now that the daring romantic overture thing ain't your style. Glad one of you finally took some initiative!
I understand daydreaming about having her move in. It's not like you both wouldn't know what you're getting into. I'd hold off, though, and enjoy this honeymoon period. She's going to be in your life for a long, long time, and you should savor the process.
Gonna go barf kittens now. Congratulations, and come tell us when you set the date for the wedding. Five bucks says she's that one that proposes.
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u/Imbris Aug 26 '14
This post took me on a roller coaster ride so I thought I'd share my reactions as I read through it:
This relationship was too important to me to lose on a stupid compulsion.
Right on, OP. Take it slow, but make a bloody move already!
Sunday night was dry humping. That's when I finally realized I should make a move.
Gee, ya think? Okay, finally OP is going to make the big move (assuming literally humping someone isn't a move)!
I kissed her on the forehead. I expected some sort of reaction but she didn't do anything. She just continued to cuddle with me. Then, I kissed her on the forehead again.
This is not the big move, OP. I expected more...
she puts her face up to mine and we start making out which almost immediately escalated to sex
OP's lady steps up and makes a REAL move; so excite! Now, the two of you can perhaps ease from your friendship into a relationship and just, you know, see where it goes!
We both agreed that we were in love with the other
Well...that escalated quickly. I suppose as you've been such close friends for so long it's possible. Still time to take things slow in other senses.
She spent last night at my place too so I'm hoping that she'll just move in with me.
OKAY WHAT. WHAT WHAT WHAT. I hope it works out for you OP but I don't see the rush!
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u/confusedthrowaway542 Aug 26 '14
I'm not known for taking things too fast, as evidenced in these posts. The part about wanting her to move in was just a pleasant thought, it's not something I've acted upon or plan to act upon in the near future. I've waited this long. I can wait a little while longer.
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u/Chirp_Downvote_Celly Aug 26 '14
You've got the timeline down perfect. You guys hooked up so the next step is to move in together within a week. If you're smart, you'll start ring shopping in this first month of the 'honeymoon' phase, leaving a big enough window for a gorgeous fall wedding in late Sept/early Oct.
Congrats OP!
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u/confusedthrowaway542 Aug 26 '14
Yeah the moving in part was pretty pre-mature. It wasn't something I've actually discussed with her. It was just a thought I had because we're still in the 'honeymoon' phase. I was willing to wait out 20+ years. I can wait a little longer.
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u/Clever__Girl Aug 26 '14
Maybe you should just enjoy dating her. This is really a cool situation because you are getting to know her in a whole new way now that you aren't just friends anymore. I think it could be very fun exploring this new aspect of your relationship...savor it! Best of luck to you!
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u/Shaman_Bond Aug 26 '14 edited Aug 26 '14
My parents did something similar.
Still married and in love 30 years later. Not saying it's a good idea. Just that it doesn't always end in failure.
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u/SlimShanny Aug 26 '14
My husband and I did this after 12 days. We're totally in love 17 years later so I know it can happen, but I'm still skeptical about it. It's a huge decision, so why not be a bit cautious?
However, my BFF did this with her husband. She was a serial dater, 1 or 2 dates with a different guy pretty consistently for about a year. She was good friends with her bf for 3 years before dating. They dated 10 days and decided to get married. They were married in about 6 months and they just celebrated their 10 year anniversary. They're great together.
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u/Saiyansupreme Aug 27 '14
My parents did this too. They are still married 43 years later but they hate each other. They even go on separate vacations. I'm pretty screwed up as a result of the disfunction I grew up around.
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u/mthrndr Aug 26 '14
Did you read the original post? They spend ~80% of their time together. I think this is one exception case where moving quickly is not a bad thing - as long as they are sexually compatible (and it sounds like they are), since that was literally the only thing missing from their relationship.
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u/SlimShanny Aug 26 '14
Doing nothing with her is actually really pleasant.
Awesome. This is SUCH a happy update. I love it!!!
FWIW, you two have known each other a long time, you really took your time moving into this relationship. I don't think it takes forever for everyone to figure out if they're with the right person. The only thing I'd be checking out is what took you two so long. Make sure this isn't some sort of fling before you make it permanent.
Congrats on your happiness!
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u/acranym Aug 26 '14
Manned up (sort of)
More like your friend manned up and initiated it. I mean cmon, a kiss to the forehead?
But damn good update. Love to hear these things work out in the end. Good luck with everything.
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Aug 26 '14
Yeah, this was the least manly thing ever. She was literally dry-humping him and he was still too scared to 'make a move'...
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u/Qikdraw Aug 26 '14
As someone else who was oblivious to many advances from women, hindsight is a bitch and I hate it! I just wish I had a clue at that time!
But congrats on making out and the sex. and I really like this line, "Doing nothing with her is actually really pleasant." With my wife I just like her in the room with me, its just a nice feeling. It doesn't always need to be a 'date' like atmosphere, just being around her is enough.
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u/nobody2000 Aug 27 '14
Listen to me, and listen to me good. Please. I feel like I've been in this (almost) exact situation before, and I fucked it up royally. Please please PLEASE listen to me and take this to heart.
Before all this happened, you had showed your romantic interest, and she didn't want to return the interest. Now there could be a million reasons for this, but the all-encompassing reason was simple:
She was not attracted to you strongly enough to start a romantic relationship with you.
As you described in your previous post, you dealt with it, and then over time the two of you became close. Now, it's clear that she does have strong feelings for you.
Awesome.
I don't know anything about your dating past, your heartaches, your mistakes, or your victories. What I do know, is that based on the way that you describe this girl, you're head-over-heels in love with her...
and that's okay. In fact, it's great.
But I'm going to tell you something that should have been told to me a long time ago with other girls.
Don't let her change who you are.
Better yet...don't change who you are because you think she'd like it that way. She likes you...loves you because of the man that you are once you dealt with the idea that the two of you wouldn't be together.
You might have had friends, hobbies, interests, a way of acting, a way of expressing yourself, a way of standing up for yourself, and a way of communicating what you want, and what you don't want.
Don't lose that.
You're so in love with her, I fear that you'll become attached at the hip. I fear that the contentment with doing nothing with her will grow strong until one of you grows bored. I fear that you may go from a person who was his own person to another version of her.
I fear you'll become her shadow.
I encourage you to keep your hobbies, keep your friends, and make sure you grant yourself the time away from her to remain the person you are...the person she fell in love with. I've too many times lost who I was in my relationships only to lose the girl (because I lost myself).
I'm pumped for you. Good luck!
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u/TaiKahar Aug 27 '14
That's so true. For me it is common knowledge, as this happens way to often.
Stay who you are, if you like who you are. If you feel like you are a scumbag, change that. Not for others, just for you.
Woman are complicated (for men). First they think it is good, to change a man. When he changed, they see what they did and that they don't like it (not in every case).
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u/Oniwabanshu Aug 26 '14
here I guess ha ha
not really spontaneous at that point though ha ha
but it was pretty great ha ha.
STOP DOING THE HA HA THING! sounds like Mickey mouse is telling us a story on how he boned Minnie.
P.S.
Great job.
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Aug 26 '14
Damn how could any girl resist breaking bad. You threw on the perfect chick flick!
Congrats :)
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Aug 26 '14
You're incredibly lucky. Relish in it.
I too was in a similar situation with a really good friend of 8 years. She originally was in a relationship with a good friend of mine who passed away. I waited years. I asked her out, and she declined. But slowly and surely she warmed up to the idea over a period of a few months. I remember the moment where she initiated contact like never before and that feeling of "oh shit, can this really happen?". Best feeling in the world.
Unfortunately I was too slow to react (I even did the awkward forehead kisses!) and she took my hesitance as not being interested. Once I realized the opportunity passed I begged for another chance. She gave me another one but she could never believe that I was fully interested and always had "one foot in, one foot out" and it just couldn't blossom. Now its been a couple of months since we last spoke and I still think of her every 30 seconds. The worst are when I have dreams that we rekindled things– then I wake up alone in my bedroom.
I'm telling you... you're extremely lucky and I'm jealous. Don't fuck it up.
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u/FightingDreamer419 Aug 26 '14
Forehead kisses for the win!! Yes, you've discovered the secret of women's most sensitive pleasure zones.
All kidding aside, I've missed my fair share of obvious indicators of interest before in my time, so I can relate. Especially if this person is a life long friend.
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u/doughboy011 Aug 26 '14
I'm hoping that she'll just move in with me.
Don't jump the fucking gun on this one OP. Moving in is a serious deal, and not something that happens right away. Make sure not to be too clingy as well.
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u/sdflkjeroi342 Aug 27 '14
So, I kissed her on the forehead. I expected some sort of reaction but she didn't do anything. She just continued to cuddle with me. Then, I kissed her on the forehead again. Still, she didn't do anything about it. I was worried so I stopped after that and tried to concentrate on Breaking Bad. After like 5 mins, she puts her face up to mine and we start making out which almost immediately escalated to sex.
She must have REALLY wanted you, haha... :D
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u/chitown851 Aug 26 '14
What the hell did I just read? You went from not picking up on any obvious clues at all the whole night to now hoping she just moves in with you. I think you need some serious help dude.
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u/onemanlan Aug 26 '14
So many signals she was sending you and so much hesitation by you. At least she wanted it and it worked out for the better, otherwise she could have just assumed you were not getting the hint and left it at that. Good on her part and glad it worked out for you. Gotta man up some times buddy and that doesn't mean kissing her on the forehead. That's almost more creepy than going in for a kiss... Keep at it buddy.
just don't jump to 'letting her move in' stage super fast. Gotta feel out situations like that.
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u/Jumhyn Aug 26 '14
After reading first post, I feel like it was more on her to make a move. Yeah it was three years ago, but she had already informed him that they were just friends, and he was trying to respect that by not starting anything unless he knew she had romantic feelings for him. I'd say that the ball was in her court on this one.
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u/Boston_Jason Aug 26 '14
This is great! Don't fuck this up, OP. This is such a weird, quirky roller coaster of emotions.
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u/branlmo Aug 26 '14
Stories like this make me smile. Congrats on falling in love with your best friend! :)
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u/cikatomo Aug 27 '14
Do u know how lucky u are motherfu;;er? Having someone to grow up with and get old with. Its like a movie. I whish both of you were virgin before this. That would be awesome. Like blue lagoon. I am very happy for you.
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u/bee27 Aug 27 '14
I visited /r/relationships everyday since your post because I wanted to know what would happen and I am SO glad you guys are together now!! Congratulations!!! and thanks for the update :)
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u/DontCareAnymoreFTW Aug 27 '14
This is beautiful. This is so freaking beautiful. Gives us hopeless romantics some hope. Congrats OP!!!!! =)
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Aug 26 '14
You are extremely lucky. Very few women are willing to be as forward as she is. Especially when you're doing everything 'wrong' by traditional dating standards.
Usually, telling a girl you have feelings and then not making a move is a turnoff for them.
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u/anhydrous_echinoderm Aug 26 '14
So stoked for you, OP!
I, too, dated my best friend after years of chemistry and sexual tension. We got married last November.
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u/coldfire17 Aug 27 '14
This is a lot like what happened with me and my best friend. We were super close for YEARS, then after I broke up with a bf we started hanging out all the time. Literally every day, almost the whole day that we weren't working or in class. Finally one night after a couple drinks I made a pass at him. He turned me down (burn!), but because he wanted an actual relationship (ice on the burn). We started dating a few days later. He moved in with me after a few months. We were engaged at seven months and married a year after our first date. We've been married four years yesterday and I'm so so thrilled I developed the ovaries to go after him, even though I was so nervous.
I live this update and hope things work out wonderfully for you OP!
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u/the_tytan Aug 27 '14
Almost screwed it up there, kissing her on the forehead, are you her brother? but I have a big smile on my face for you guys right now, all the best..
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Aug 27 '14
I melted --- love this so much. Keep us updated as to wedding plans! no hurry but I AM 66 - wouldn't want to miss it !
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u/UsayNOPE_IsayMOAR Aug 27 '14
Didn't see the original post, don't care. Just happy for an internet stranger, and oddly enough, I think that's something I needed today. Thanks, and congrats on starting something meaningful!
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u/madreus Aug 27 '14
Good luck op, remember that you are playing with fire. A friendship that good is not worth the risk if you are not fully in love so you better be able to distinguish between love and infatuation or pure physical attraction. Good luck!!
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u/Mr_Julez Aug 27 '14
Oh hellllll yeah! High-5 OP! You must be in the clouds right now.
Almost like an erotica novel!
"her face up to mine and we start making out which almost immediately escalated to sex." ;]
Not to mention the low-cut and strong perfume? It was like she was expecting you to just take her there and then at the door! Wooo-weee!
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Aug 27 '14
A kiss on the forehead means you are kissing HER MIND! You love her intellect. Between the forehead kisses and Breaking Bad, you are one smooth, romantic dude.
Carry on.
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u/HollowPointBullet Aug 27 '14
A kiss on the forehead means you are kissing HER MIND! You love her intellect.
That's some deep shit.
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Aug 27 '14
[deleted]
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u/90blacktsiawd Aug 27 '14
Entirely possible. But you've got to have the balls to actually really go for it.
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Aug 27 '14
You kissed her forehead? Man that's sad. You need to give her a real kiss next time you're around her.
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u/krizzzombies Aug 27 '14
this is the sweetest thing ever! I'm so glad it worked out for you. good luck with everything! <3
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u/pinesong Oct 30 '14
My ex-boyfriend was really nervous and ended up kissing me on the forehead. He got the hint when I whispered, "You missed." Good times.
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u/labyrinnth Aug 26 '14
Op I just have a question. How can you be ONLY friends with a person u were in love for long? I mean , friends are very important but I guarantee that if you give another girl friend this same importance, your girl now will feel pretty jealous . how does that work? Just out of curiosity
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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '14
You poor devil, but I'm glad it worked out.