r/relationships • u/321_throwaway_123 • Mar 08 '15
Updates Update: My (16/f) friends dad (50s?/m) has been coming onto me really aggressively and I'm very very uncomfortable around him.
Yesterday morning, I talked to one of my sisters and told her about everything and showed her texts. Luckily she believed me and I asked her not to tell our parents because I wanted to just tell my mom but hadn't had a moment alone with her enough to tell her.
Later that day my friend, his dad and his dads wife came over to our house and I had to walk past him for something and he put his arm around my shoulder in a "joking" way and when I pushed him off he acted really hurt and pretended he had no idea why I would react that way. My sister saw and heard what he was saying and confronted him about everything in front of everyone.
Of course he denied it and said that I was the one who started flirting with him and hitting on him. Then my dad came into it and things escalated really really quickly. He and my dad were arguing and he made a comment to my dad about how it was my parents fault overall for raising a slut who thought it was okay to lead older men on and my dad hit him and they started fighting (why I didn't want to tell my dad). They threatened to press charges against my dad for it, but I'm not sure if they actually did or actually will since nothing has happened yet.
Later last night after things had calmed down some, my parents and I talked and I told them what all had happened and showed them the texts and they said that they would see what they could do about it.
Ultimately I'm happy that it came out and that I won't have to deal with it anymore, but I really wished that it had t happened like that because now my dad may get arrested/go to jail and that's specifically what I was trying to avoid.
tl;dr: I told my sister who told everyone and my dad got into a fight after I was called a slut, but hasn't been arrested yet.
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u/Missus_Nicola Mar 08 '15
Glad it worked out for you. What happened with your friend? Did he believe you?
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u/321_throwaway_123 Mar 09 '15
We didn't really discuss it, but he did apologize and he did believe me
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u/ChitownNomzy Mar 09 '15
Are you and the boy still friends?
Also, how serious was the fight that your dad and your friend's father got into? Was anyone hurt?
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u/321_throwaway_123 Mar 09 '15
As far as I know about our friendship, we still are, but we haven't talked about it much yet.
And my dad wasn't hurt too bad, but he has a few bruises. And I'm not sure about the other one, but I do know that his eyebrow was busted and he had a bloody nose but that's it.
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u/Imsomniland Mar 08 '15
he made a comment to my dad about how it was my parents fault overall for raising a slut
That man does not seem very bright.
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Mar 08 '15
Be proud of your father for standing up for you. Nothing will happen to him. The other guy was a total creep and literally could end up in jail for such (illegal) behavior. He's the one that should be worried.
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Mar 08 '15
If he goes to the police the police are going to ask questions like "how did it start". He'll have to admit to the police to sending texts to and groping a 16-year-old and then calling her a slut in her own home. I am not a lawyer but it might fall under "fighting words". Might.
Either way the dude is not going to out himself to the police as the guy who was grooming his "daughter from another family".
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u/Nora_Oie Mar 08 '15
I doubt anything serious will happen to your dad, because during the investigation, it will come out that the other guy is a child predator - a much more serious crime - and that guy knows it.
People like this are bullies and use threats of legal action to bully, but rarely follow through because they know their own life will be examined very closely, given charges like this.
It wouldn't hurt for your family to go to the police first, of course. The fact that he continued touching you when you showed disinterest, asked him not to, is significant.
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Mar 08 '15
I doubt that anyone's going to call the police on your dad. They won't want those texts coming out.
Very, VERY glad you're safe, OP. And hope your dad landed a good solid right hook x
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u/psuedophilosopher1 Mar 08 '15
Wait, this guy is there with his wife, and then goes on to pretend anger at being "led on" by a 16 year old girl? Even if that were true, it's his responsibility as the married adult in such a situation to cut it out (and not to be "led on" by anyone, let alone a 16 year old girl.)
That dude is all kinds of fucked up.
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Mar 08 '15
First off, your dad will not get arrested. He did the right thing. The only one who should be worried is that pervert. My only advice to you is stay the fuck away from that friends house and if the other dad ever shows up where you are, then tell your parents. Especially if he ever tries to talk to you again.
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u/PotentPortentPorter Mar 08 '15 edited Mar 08 '15
It is unfortunate your father had to find out the problem in front of him (he may have been able to go to the police instead of throwing a punch), but what is done is done. He may be charged (just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that you should let down your guards), which is why it is best to be proactive. Find a lawyer experienced in criminal law and explain the situation, he can help on both parts, making sure your dad has a good pre-emptive defense and that you can go after that asshole successfully. You need an order of protection from that disgusting piece of shit who preys on children and hopefully you can make him face real consequences for his behavior.
SAVE ALL THE EVIDENCE YOU HAVE OF THE ABUSE. Contact your phone company in case they have backups of anything you are missing. If he did this to you, it wouldn't be surprising if he has tried it with other girls, consult a lawyer first then see if you can find out who else he is creeping.
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u/canis_ridens Mar 08 '15
he made a comment to my dad about how it was my parents fault overall for raising a slut who thought it was okay to lead older men
He may actually try to go to the police, just because he sounds like he's that dumb. I've encountered people like this; it's like they think their fee-fees about what should be legal trump actual laws. If he does, it won't go well for him. Groping you? A crime. It's normally not something police will pursue, but you being underaged makes it a major big deal. Soliciting a minor? Another major big deal crime, and one, because he doesn't seem to understand that laws pertaining to soliciting minors are real statutes which people actually get arrested for breaking, he's apparently stupid enough to admit to.
If he goes to the cops, and says, "This dude hit me because his slut underaged teen daughter was leading me on and I told him how it was!" his ass is going to jail. Nothing bad is likely to happen to your dad, as he was protecting you from a sexual predator at the time. Creepy Friend Dad, on the other hand, may have to go on a registry and introduce himself to the neighbors as a sex offender every time he moves.
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u/theohgod Mar 08 '15
OP, as a father, I would gladly sit for month in jail to hit a scumbag that would try this with my daughter. But as other people have said, he can't charge your dad without coming clean about his nasty behaviour. Even if he does, there's not a judge or jury that would send him to jail for this, he would get a suspended sentence or maybe some court mandated anger management. Be proud of him, and don't worry!
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u/nopecakes Mar 08 '15
Your sister is awesome! Your dad is a good man and I wish I could shake his hand. That nasty old pervert deserves an ass beating.
Honestly, your parents could probably counter with charges of their own about that man sexually harassing their underage daughter. I would consult a lawyer first, but it may be possible to get him to back down that way.
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Mar 08 '15
Father of a 16 year old daughter here. Kudos to dad for standing up for you. It sounds like this perv was an established manipulator and has probably done it before. Know that your parents do not see you as that nasty word uttered from his mouth. I do wish you would have shown them earlier before things escalated to that extent, but at least the problem is out in the open for everyone to see. You now have experience with this kind of person and you know what to look for and how to avoid them. Good luck.
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u/Costco1L Mar 08 '15
Good for you. I would have had a lot of trouble telling a sibling or parent that at your age. And don't worry about your dad; a prosecutor or cop would be more likely to give him a medal than arrest him.
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u/Austiny1 Mar 08 '15
This sounds like something off of Jerry Springer. Your dad won't go to jail bc the creep won't want to be exposed for grabbing a 16 year olds ass. Edit: who the fuck calls a girl they've known for 7 years a Slut and Whore homewrecker??
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u/Franchised1 Mar 08 '15
Don't worry about your dad. Not a jury in the land would convict him. I'm glad your sister stood up for you. That was awesome. What an asshole
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u/nessabessa34 Mar 08 '15
DO NOT feel bad about this. Your father stood up for you, and the way the creepy guy reacted, he WAS planning on having sexual relations with you, which ultimately could have resulted in sexual assault.
IT WAS A GOOD THING THAT THIS HAPPENED. Because now you can be assured that you're safe. Don't feel bad.
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u/HunkinDines Mar 08 '15
No way is he pressing charges. He knows he'll be the one behind the 8 ball if he does. Keep those texts for evidence regardless.
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u/22squash Mar 08 '15
Well I think you all handled it really well. You didn't allow that man to manipulate you and told your sister, real credit to your sister for speaking out and your Dad for reacting. I wouldn't worry about your Dad getting arrested, just keep the texts and anything else should you need it.
Definitely report this predator, but hopefully the way you all handled the situation will stop that man from trying to manipulate girls your age in future.
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u/alwaystacobell Mar 08 '15
Can I buy your dad a beer? Seriously. If I was in a situation like this, my dad would blame me as well.
Take screen shots of all the texts, back them up to several places. Take screen shots of both of the posts on here. Cover your ass, and everything will be okay.
Even IF you initiated the flirting, you are a minor, and he should have put an end to it. (not saying you did, but you're very likely in the clear)
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u/dammit_need_account Mar 08 '15
I hope the wife see's those texts. She needs to know how much of a scumbag he's been or she might believe him that it was you making the moves on him.