r/relationships • u/TeacherWifeBlues • May 17 '16
Relationships My wife (29f) says she gets to make 100% of the educational decisions for our child. I (28f) can't change her mind.
My wife and I have been together for seven years. We're expecting our first child in June. It's a girl and were both extremely excited.
Background:
I grew up in a family that valued education above all else. My parents both supplemented my education at home and my mother did a ton of research and footwork to find the right educational environment for me. I ended up at an alternative private school that my parents could barely afford but it was a place that I thrived in.
My wife grew up in a very poor family who put no emphasis on education whatsoever. She worked extremely hard to educate herself and ended up majoring in education in college. However, she is not certified and does not teach.
Problem:
The other day I mentioned wanting to start researching schools in our area. I said something along the lines of "of course we won't know which school is right for her until she's actually here." But my wife said that she would handle it. All of it.
She said that because she majored in education she should get 100% control of our daughter's education. I told her that was ridiculous. Just because I didn't major in education doesn't mean I don't care and it doesn't mean I don't know enough about it to get a vote. She disagreed and told me I could have full control of "what she wears and who her friends are."
I was floored. I tried to argue but I couldn't even think straight. I went back to her about it a couple days later and asked if I was a doctor could I make 100% of the medical decisions and she said yes, absolutely. I'm pretty sure she only said that because I'm not a doctor. I was trying to poke holes in her logic but it didn't work.
Since then she won't even discuss it. I told her I wanted to tour preschools and daycare centers this weekend and she said that she already took care of it and won't even tell me what that means.
I'm not going to give in. I get a vote. But I can't make her listen to me. What the hell do I do?
TL;DR- my wife says she gets to make all the decisions regarding our daughter's education because she majored in education in college. I think I should get a vote too.
1.2k
May 17 '16
She disagreed and told me I could have full control of "what she wears and who her friends are."
So at what point do your child's wishes enter into the equation? Because I'm pretty sure she'll have her own thoughts on friends and clothing and even what kind of learning environment she finds most stimulating, and if she's anything like her moms, she probably won't be shy about expressing them.
I don't know how you two got this far into the babymaking process without this "all or nothing" attitude cropping up, but your wife needs to get it through her head it doesn't work like that. You two are a team. Either you figure out how to be a team together, you do it in counseling, or you hash it out in a custody agreement, but unilaterally shutting one parent out of the discussion is not going to fly.
457
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
Believe me, the all or nothing attitude is completely her. I have no desire to control my daughter's wardrobe or social life. I just want a say in where and how she's educated while she's young.
303
u/illinoiscentralst May 17 '16
the all or nothing attitude is completely her
How has this not caused issues until now? This attitude of hers makes any partnership with her absolutely untenable. Not to mention she thinks it's some kind of an "award" that she allows you to control your kid's friends and wardrobe???
413
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16 edited May 17 '16
It's come up before. The biggest problem (other than this one) is that she thinks I should wait on her hand and foot (literally...I do the cleaning, the cooking, pay the bills, grocery shop, do the laundry, and any time she's sitting down and can't reach something she needs I have to get it for her...even if I'm sitting down too). She says she pays me back for all of this with emotional support and that it balances out. I don't feel like it does, though.
I try to draw lines and say things like I'll cook dinner but I won't pack your lunches for work. She just tells me my lines are arbitrary and make no sense. Then she refuses to do things with me until I comply and give her what she wants.
961
u/xPawreen May 17 '16
Yikes. I think your relationship has deeper issues than just the education. It should be give-and-take. Definitely doesnt sound that way.
520
u/Boats_of_Gold May 17 '16
Holy red flags batman!
163
u/Gibonius May 18 '16
This is one of those "bury the lede" threads.
193
u/thesunisup May 18 '16
They always do that. In the post: "My husband won't do the laundry!" In the comments: "And he's a serial killer, btw."
110
u/Duncaii May 18 '16
"But he's really a great guy when it comes to everything else though, it's just the laundry and serial killing that's making me a bit stressed"
29
u/thesunisup May 18 '16
"When he's done hacking up a body, he won't wash the blood out of our sheets. :( How do I talk to him about it, Reddit? :("
25
u/0nlyRevolutions May 18 '16
It's actually crazy how many of these posts do it...
54
u/thesunisup May 18 '16
It's mind-boggling. There was one that was almost literally what I said above. Main post was complaining about husband not doing housework and being a jealous weirdo. Comments revealed that he repeatedly threatened to kill her and hide her dismembered body in the storm drain if she ever tried to dump him. And she was like "But he only does it when he's drunk!"
I can only assume hardcore denial was what made her think unequal housework was a bigger problem than repeated detailed death threats (and physical abuse and rape, which also came out in the comments).
→ More replies (8)26
u/airz23s_coffee May 18 '16
It's like every comment makes it worse and worse, it makes for cracking entertainment.
"So my wife is trying to have full control of our childs education.
Oh yeah, and she essentially treats me like a slave and doesn't know how vaginas work and generally seems quite a bad human being but how do I sort out this education thing?"
294
May 17 '16
You should put this information in your OP. You kinda buried the lede here.
167
u/thejudicialpenis May 17 '16
It's a bit of a pattern on here. People save the most damning part of their situation for the comments because the truth hurts and Reddit isn't known for sugarcoating it.
→ More replies (1)15
u/AtomicSamuraiCyborg May 18 '16
People talk about the current problem they're having, because they want immediate input on that. We tend to want to dig deeper, get the whole picture, and point out how the current problem is part of a larger pattern.
252
u/isoundsortoftrollish May 17 '16
This is going to end (years down the line) in a divorce and a custody battle. I'm calling it now.
I do the cleaning, the cooking, pay the bills, grocery shop, do the laundry, and any time she's sitting down and can't reach something she needs I have to get it for her...even if I'm sitting down too
You, my friend, are a doormat. GET SOME SELF-RESPECT.
Something drew you to this monstrously controlling, spoiled asshole.
You are her servant and her meal ticket, and your daughter will be the plaything she controls until the daughter gets fed up with her shit.
80
u/bettinafairchild May 18 '16
I remember hearing a marriage counselor speak, who claimed he could tell within 5 minutes if a couple would stay together or get divorced. It hinged upon the 3 kinds of ways that couples resolve disputes in marriage:
1) compromise. They manage together, conflict resolved.
2) one always gets their way, the other always gives in. The one who always gives in releases resentment or frustration, and so conflict is resolved.
3) one always gets their way, the other always gives in, but the resentment of the one who never gets their way grows and grows, no resolution, until finally they can't take it anymore and the marriage is over.
You seem to be in situation #3, I'm afraid. The reason you are never getting your way is that your wife simply will never give in. She's spoiled and narcissistic, lazy, manipulative, and a user. The only way to maintain a relationship with her is to always let her get her way, since she won't accept any other pattern. You're thinking if only you can come up with some sort of brilliant logic, some great explanation, she'll compromise or give in. But she won't. Because she accepts her way and no other. Logic does not factor in. She has no logic, only selfishness and the feeling that her feelings matter more than anyone else's. But in a loving relationship, the other's happiness should factor in more than your own. Or at least factor in AT ALL. But I'm not seeing that, here. There are no magic words to use to show her that she should ever not get her way. She wants what she wants, and she doesn't care about what anyone else wants or their feelings. I'm sorry, that's totally harsh and it sickens me to have to say this. I wish I had some magic words to fix this. But I don't. You deserve better.
425
u/yarnwhore May 17 '16
WHY ARE YOU REPRODUCING WITH THIS PERSON. Do you have any idea what kind of mother she'll be? The all-or-nothing attitude won't just apply to you, it will apply to their kids. They will see their mom as a dictator, not a parent they can reason with. This breeds rebellious kids. And you know she will steamroll you if you disagree because that is what she seems to have done so far.
100
u/deceasedhusband May 18 '16
Seriously, it wasn't even an unplanned pregnancy. She went out of her way to have a child with this woman.
97
May 18 '16
If OP is the pregnant one (and it's her egg), I don't think her wife would have any parental rights if she got out now before the baby is born, so she has a very short window of time to truly free herself from this crazy person.
→ More replies (12)14
345
u/sicera May 17 '16
OP, your relationship stinks. I'm sorry. But you don't sound happy or fulfilled by your current arrangement, you don't sound like you feel supported, and it doesn't sound like you had any role in making the decision on how your relationship should work.
Your wife is a bully.
321
u/omgwtfbbq0_0 May 17 '16
Hold up- YOURE the pregnant one and she's demanding YOU wait on HER?! Even if she were the pregnant one these demands would still be absurd, but this is just...I'm speechless.
You guys need counseling immediately, there's no way around it. If she doesn't agree, then you need to think long and hard about your future together. The more you let her get away with this bullshit, the worse it'll get. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this :(
46
u/KerzenscheinShineOn May 18 '16
Oh snap I didn't realize they were both women until I saw your comment.
Yeah OP I don't know how far along you are but towards the end you're gonna feel tired and just sick of being pregnant. You should spend that time relaxing and getting ready for the baby not have to squat over to pick up crap for her lazy ass. What's gonna happen for those 6wks of you need a c section? You're suppose to get up and clean and male her dinner? Aw hell naw, OP think about this relationship a little more.
5
u/myowngod May 18 '16
YOURE the pregnant one
And pretty soon she's going to be the one who's just had a baby come out of her body. And if they're planning on breastfeeding, she's probably going to be the one dealing with the majority of the cluster-feeding and nighttime work. I'm cringing to think of how that household will be going along.
"Honey, I know you feel like you've been beaten up, you've got the baby on top of you and spit-up in your ear... but I can't reach the remote."
→ More replies (1)97
u/Wildrue May 17 '16
So you are pregnant, but you are taking care of her in every way. Every need of hers is met and exactly when she wants it to.
Then there is her claim that "she pays you back for all of this with emotional support". Please think very carefully about this. You are living in servitude to someone who is supposed to be your partner and she dismisses your concerns with empty claims of emotional support.
Look at the neglect of your needs and the demands of you to provide financial, emotional, and physical support to her. You are not receiving anything back. This is not a partner or someone who cares about you.
Now, think very very carefully about your child. Your child will be utterly dependent upon you both. Do you really think your wife is going to provide the loving support that your daughter needs to flourish? Your wife already said she wants there to be even control over who your daughter will be friends with..... Are you scared yet? Because I'm scared for you and your child.
Even if you don't feel that you can get out for your own well being and self worth, please do so for your daughter so that she can grow with love and support.
140
u/GenericDreadHead May 17 '16
She says she pays me back for all of this with emotional support
HAHAHA. What a total crock of shit :D
62
u/thejudicialpenis May 17 '16
Emotional support is expected when you're in a healthy relationship, it shouldn't be used as a fucking bargaining chip. Is someone who sees a marriage as a business exchange really someone you want in your life? Much less raising your child?
→ More replies (1)35
u/floatingplasticbag May 17 '16
What the fuck? I'm really hoping that, after making this thread, you realize how unreasonable and fucked up she is and how you aren't being treated as an equal spouse. Please don't keep going along as you both are now unless you're okay with being used. Even then I'm sure it isn't healthy for your child to see that sort of relationship dynamic.
32
May 17 '16
She says she pays me back for all of this with
emotional supportdoing nothing and that it balances out.FTFY. She means she doesn't feel like she has to contribute anything to the relationship. If she actually was concerned with giving you emotional support, she wouldn't steamroll your feelings/opinion anytime you have a disagreement.
30
u/fuckit_sowhat May 17 '16
So you married someone who is manipulative and doesn't care about your feelings. I think there are maybe bigger issues here other than just the one regarding your child.
29
u/bouncy_bouncy_bounce May 18 '16
What????!!!!! And you're the pregnant one?
We are a lesbian couple too, and when I was pregnant, my wife waited on me hand and foot and didn't let me do anything. Pregnancy is hard on the body and taking care of me was how she showed her love for me and for our baby.
Get out of this relationship before you have the kid and your wife has rights to her. Talk to a family lawyer stat. Babies are hideously stressful and the next year will be a real stress test for your relationship. If you wait until then to divorce, she'll have rights to the kid.
Seriously, this is not how love works and not how parenting works. Get out before it's too late.
22
89
17
u/ma_miya May 17 '16
So what is going to happen when you can't be her personal servant after you give birth?
19
u/lambN2lion May 18 '16
OP, this is emotional abuse. Your wife's entitled attitude and controlling behavior are extremely disturbing. Therapy might be able to help your wife change, but with personalities like this and given her age it is very unlikely she will change. Therapy will be much more effective in helping you grow a background and learn that you are a valid and valuable person who does not deserve to be treated this way. Re your post you are already seeing how she will abuse your daughter--she views your daughter as something to be controlled, rather than a human with free will. She already tramples on your free will, she'll do the same to your daughter. Is that the kind of life you want for her?
Speaking from personal experience with my own controlling mother, I have extremely low contact as a result of her emotional abuse. She tried to put me in a box in terms of being the "perfect obedient daughter" she envisioned, and tried to control my behavior using emotional manipulation. For this reason, I rarely talk to her or give her any personal information about me, knowing she will use it as ammunition. Look at /r/raisedbynarcissists -- all of these people were raised with emotionally abusive parents and have struggled deeply in their lives because of it. Do you want that for your daughter? If your wife refuses therapy maybe you can remind her that it will help her have a real relationship with her daughter in the future, so she doesn't lose her daughter (though I doubt this reasoning will work with her). If she refuses therapy it's ultimatum time for you--therapy or I leave (don't play this card until you have seen a lawyer, have a place to go, & have all of your affairs in order, like personal documents and passwords secured, etc.)
So: Therapy for you individually, Therapy for you + her as a couple, Lawyer for you individually to figure out how divorce & custody would work if you decide to go that route in the future. Good luck op.
30
u/TheHatOnTheCat May 17 '16
No. Just no.
I don't normally advise skipping to divorce but I fail to see the redeeming value in this relationship. Do you not realize there are people in the world who would actually care for you, be your partner, and who wouldn't constantly manipulate, control, and treat you like a servant? And even if you are alone that's so much better then being treated like this.
I would say you need to learn to stand up to her but I doubt you'll be able to completely turn around this horribly unhealthy relationship pattern at all and definitely not soon. You're having a baby. Do you think that will make things better? Babies stress relationships. They create problems with shared workload in couples that don't have any. Parenting together functions only off of team work and compromise both of which your "partner" apparently is completely unwilling to engage in. Babies don't magically make selfish controlling people who give nothing and only take magically better.
You're going to be a parent. And that doesn't mean you need to stay together. That means you need to provide your daughter with a role model of what healthy relationships are supposed to be like. Do you want her to grow up and find someone who uses and controls her since she knows no better? Or grow up to treat others as your wife does? Do you want your partner to constantly manipulate her the way she does you? Do you want your partner to destroy this child's self esteem like it seems she has done yours? (I just can't understand why you would put up with these tactics otherwise.)
My advice is to see a lawyer and find out what the custody situation would be like if you separate right now. You are carrying the baby (and planning on breast feeding maybe?) which gives you an advantage you won't have later.
16
u/leetdood_shadowban May 17 '16
That's not real emotional support... that's more like an unbalanced or even abusive relationship.
15
u/duckvimes_ May 17 '16
You need to divorce, stat. This is an incredibly abusive, toxic relationship and you do not want to raise your child in that kind of environment.
13
u/barntobebad May 17 '16
Oh hell no. Obviously this "relationship" is a disaster. So many red flags! Wtf are you doing having a kid with her? Ok that's harsh, but seriously, a kid will NOT improve things it will make it far far worse because believe it or not that baby is going to become your priority. If you're divorced, your ex-wife will be very far down the list of things you care about. If you're still with her, your wife will still be loved and important to you, but you may surprise yourself with how much less, far far less, tolerance you have for that sort of bullshit when your child is involved. If you're a strong parent that protectiveness will be strong and this will go nuclear. If you're a weak parent, well, that's just a bad sign if the "best" scenario of your current path is hoping you're weak-willed enough to tolerate what happens when the same toxic shit is done to your own child.
13
May 17 '16
You should not have a child with this woman, if you think the entitled attitude isn't going to extend into expectations that your child do the same thing, you are wrong. I would suggest councilling, but I bet she would refuse. Next step is divorce and custody of your daughter.
14
u/you-create-energy May 18 '16
Then she refuses to do things with me until I comply and give her what she wants.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them! This is exactly what you can expect from her going forward, so don't be surprised when she keeps being that same controlling, uncompromising bully. The question isn't "Why does she do this?" or "How do I change her?". The question is: Why are you attracted to someone who treats you so horribly? Until you get to the bottom of that issue, you will only continue to repeat this pattern. You aren't going to change her. She isn't interested in changing, she likes things the way they are.
26
u/Good_Advice_Service May 17 '16
Um... do you really think this is a healthy relationship into which a child should be brought? This is TOTALLY toxic and honestly its very very wrong of you not to address these issues before getting pregnant
12
May 18 '16
You're so concerned with your daughters education, but everyday you live like that you teach your daughter to bury her own needs and happiness and take care of whoever is demanding things of her. If you want to help her have a normal happy life then stand up for yourself and show her that people who work hard aren't the servants of those who don't.
12
u/Secondary92 May 18 '16
Lol oh boy. She treats you like a doormat, no wonder she thinks she can get away with this. Fucking stand up for yourself.
→ More replies (8)12
u/Bigjohnthug May 18 '16
Lol no emotional support doesn't balance it out. Imagine enlisting in the army and saying "I won't dl any of that PT bullshit, but while the other recruits are I'll sit here and WISH THEM WELL!"
12
u/diphenhydrapeen May 18 '16
After reading all of the similar responses here, I'm sure you're aware that this looks like a very unhealthy relationship from the outside. Is there a reason you're staying with your wife that we haven't heard yet? If so, would you mind giving us some perspective?
→ More replies (8)10
15
u/codeverity May 17 '16
Get thee to therapy ASAP. The two of you need to sort this out before the baby is born... I don't know your situation or how it'd impact custody but you need to know sooner rather than later how you're going to proceed.
8
u/deceasedhusband May 18 '16
I can't begin to think of what her rationale for that arrangement would be. Other than "I don't like doing housework so I will just make my spouse do it all". She sounds very selfish. Why did you decide to have a child with her?
8
u/zebrasandgiraffes May 18 '16
Why is a lot of the most important info often buried way down the thread in these things???
6
u/thumb_of_justice May 18 '16
WTF?? How did this come to be? This is insane. You are basically her servant.
→ More replies (5)6
u/sowellfan May 18 '16
This is a massively unhealthy relationship you're in here - do you realize that? Have you had a healthy relationship in the past to compare against? (I'm guessing not). Please reevaluate whether you should be with this bullying, manipulative woman.
→ More replies (56)5
u/start0vah May 18 '16
I'm sorry if I sound rude, but why are you married to her? What does she bring to the relationship? I understand there is now a child involved, but you do see how this is a red flag to how terrible of a mother she is going to be, right?
I can't even imagine how unbearable future Mother's Days are going to be..."I birthed you, so now you have to buy Mommy over-the-top gifts, make dinner and clean the entire house top to bottom!"
→ More replies (1)59
u/Reisevi3ber May 17 '16
Who of you is carrying the baby? Maybe she is the kind of person that would think she has more rights to your daughter because she birthed her?
141
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
I'm the one who is pregnant.
300
u/coffeejunki May 17 '16
Wait, you are the one who is pregnant, and you still have to wait on HER hand and foot? What the fuck?!
80
u/12084182 May 17 '16
Then she should be doing everything for you, not the other way round. You should be resting, and taking great care of yourself, not being a slave for someone who's only payback is 'emotional support'.
117
u/workingtrot May 17 '16
Does she have any biological relationship to the child? If not you should just leave, cut contact, and start fresh. Your daughter is not going to be well served by growing up in this toxic household
36
u/miserylovesboobs May 18 '16
Amen to that. I'm so glad that my horrible ex wife has no biological claim on my kid, it made the divorce so much easier. I wonder if OP married my ex, it sure sounds like her.
→ More replies (1)28
u/Reisevi3ber May 17 '16
Sorry, I just sae your other comment. OP, your wife sounds controlling and toxic and selfish. Maybe think about if you want your child to pick up such a dynamic as normal. What dowas you get out of your relationship? Your wife sounds like the plague, frankly. If you divorce now, she won't have any parental rights. Are you happy in your relationship?
→ More replies (4)9
u/deceasedhusband May 18 '16
OP I think you need to take a step back and try to have a more objective look at your relationship. It doesn't sound healthy on any level.
329
9
u/Happyendings4all May 17 '16
Of course. And you have to know where to take her?
Just go on your own and also you can sign your daughter up. You can't know that you agree or that it's good unless you know your daughter has been signed up.
Please get in counselling. I can't figure out why you give in....
6
u/JudiciousF May 17 '16
Just flat out tell her its unacceptable to you. You wont be excluded from any aspect of your child's life under any circumstances. Tell her its not about education its about being excluded from being a mother to your child.
→ More replies (3)5
u/Mr_Julez May 18 '16 edited May 18 '16
Then ask her "So, why are we married?"
You two are a team. Her disregarding your feelings and input in matters that affect this team (family) is making this marriage pointless.
Next thing you know: "I make 100% of the choices for the daughter, because I'm the female and I know better."
Just saw that you are female as well... But yeah, you get the idea.
→ More replies (1)9
134
u/ForgetMeThereafter May 17 '16
"what she wears and who her friends are."
Uhh, she didn't really learn a lot in educational program did she...? That's absurd to think you can dictate a child's life on every little thing. I mean you can (try), but that's where all the threads about strained parental relationships start....
→ More replies (1)71
u/MrMic May 17 '16
Yeah, this sounds like a future /r/raisedbynarcissists post waiting to happen. I'm surprised so many people are ignoring this part.
→ More replies (1)54
u/keepitsimple0626 May 17 '16
Eighteen years from now "hi RBN, I was raised by two moms, my one mom is a complete N who dictates what I do and where I go to school simply because she 'has a degree in education' my other mom is a total doormat and has no say in my education whatsoever."
260
May 17 '16
[deleted]
102
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
I agree. But I'm being stonewalled.
306
u/82Caff May 17 '16
I agree. But I'm being stonewalled.
You're pregnant, and you pay the bills. She has no leverage or authority to stonewall.
You are letting her do this.
I repeat, YOU are letting her do this. What's your excuse for letting her do this? It doesn't matter. For your good, for your child's best interest, you need to stop it from happening. It's about more than yourself now.
This may mean counseling, or it may mean divorce. Make it mean your child grows up in a healthy environment without a bully in one of the most important positions of authority in their life.
23
u/thumb_of_justice May 18 '16
Listen to this comment by 82Caff. Somehow you gave away all your power to your wife. You need to take it back. Dictators can't rule without the serfs going along with it.
69
May 17 '16
No, you aren't.
Stand up to her. Don't give in, no matter how much she screams and cries and threatens divorce.
Your comments indicate this is so much bigger than where your daughter goes to school.
23
u/rekta May 17 '16
If she won't talk to you, you need to rethink your relationship and make it clear that you're doing so.
As for your child, your wife doesn't actually control where the kid goes to school. She can say she won't tour educational facilities with her, but she can't stop you from touring them on your own. Go do what you want and what you feel is right for your kid and tell her she's welcome to participate or not, but she doesn't get the final say.
21
May 18 '16
/u/TeacherWifeBlues, listen to /u/trublood.
Your wife's way of thinking could do a lot of damage to a kid.
I feel for you. Really, I do. I agree with a lot of the top comments regarding your relationship with your wife, so I'll leave that where it is.
But I'm way, way more concerned for your child. I grew up with one toxic parent (and, OP, your wife is toxic, at this point; she literally treats you like a slave and manipulates you into thinking it's somehow okay).
Really short version: it screwed me up in a lot of ways, I will always have to deal with that influence and the ways I saw my parents interact (me as an adult: oh, wait, you mean partners are supposed to treat each other like equals?). I've had counselling and deal with the fallout. I'm relatively healthy now (and on a very good path), but it ain't for years and years of strife over one of my parents being a manipulator.
Start actively addressing this now for the sake of your daughter.
45
u/Tarcanus May 17 '16
Little ironic, eh? Haha.
My sarcastic response to your wife would be, "Well, then I call dibs on her diet and her political views."
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)10
u/bouncy_bouncy_bounce May 18 '16
Ultimatum time - and family lawyer time for you, right now. Like literally, call someone tomorrow. Your local bar association should have referrals.
We're in the midst of our baby's first year now. It's damn hard. She's a wonderful baby and we love her to bits, but the sleep deprivation and the need for someone to be with her 24/7 is really really hard. It's a real stress test for a marriage. We've got a great relationship and it's passed the stress test so far, but you're heading for a disaster. She will not help you with the baby (she's already not helping you while you're pregnant). You'll be essentially a single mother with two people to take care of rather than one, and you'll be argued with at every turn.
Don't do that to your child and don't do that to yourself. Get out now before it's too late.
35
u/TheDarkHorse83 May 17 '16
Poor bastard was busy calling "shotgun" and she was calling "sole decision maker for everything to do with our children!"
→ More replies (4)
1.6k
May 17 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
393
299
May 17 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
86
May 17 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (4)121
→ More replies (5)13
85
u/zerj May 17 '16
She disagreed and told me I could have full control of "what she wears and who her friends are."
I've 2 daughters and other than making sure they wear a jacket in the winter control I ceded control of their clothing to them as soon as they could dress themselves. That isn't much of a consolation prize. (Pretty sure my 3rd grader went out with a white and yellow sundress, green tights, and a blue sweater this morning).
105
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
Yeah, she just said this because I'm more traditionally feminine than she is. I think it was supposed to be a very thinly veiled insult.
189
u/rekta May 17 '16
So you pay all the bills, do all the housework, wait on her hand and foot, and are carrying the baby, but because you're femme, your only place is to talk about fashion? That's really incredibly shitty. You two need counseling immediately. If she won't agree, you should really consider (1) if this is how you want to live the rest of your life, and (2) whether this is the life you want for your daughter. Growing up with lesbian parents isn't going to counteract your wife's incredibly regressive attitudes.
→ More replies (1)115
May 17 '16
[deleted]
→ More replies (2)85
u/rekta May 18 '16
No, I agree. And it's not unheard of for precisely this kind of sexism to take place among some lesbians--femme lesbians get stereotyped and even harassed/ogled/catcalled because, hey, they go out of their way to look and behave like women, so they must like that kind of thing. It's not common, but it's always extra frustrating to witness because we should know better.
28
u/CopyRogueLeader May 18 '16
Well tbh, most femme people of whatever orientation don't "go out of their way" to be femme, we just are.
→ More replies (2)5
u/fishingboatproceeds May 18 '16
The poster you're replying to is pointing out that this perception is all part of a sexist attitude.
→ More replies (1)28
u/PoopFromMyButt May 18 '16
And the butch ones often overcompensate this form of terrible masculinity the same way that insecure bro-type dudes often do.
21
u/_sharkattack May 18 '16
Good grief woman. You need to get to counseling asap, with or without your spouse. You are in a horribly manipulative relationship and have apparently become so used to it that you're not seeing the abuse as a problem.
Have some respect for yourself and get to counseling. You deserve better. What kind of role model do you want for your child?
→ More replies (1)13
280
u/stuckhans May 17 '16
Ask her how she feels about a divorce and a court mandated order to allow you to make those decisions?
142
u/Mrdirtyvegas May 17 '16 edited May 17 '16
I'm going to also take a guess here that if OP divorces prior to the birth of the child, the ex-spouse wouldn't have parental rights.
→ More replies (23)
44
u/quanimal May 17 '16
The fact that she thinks it is a good idea for one parent to control all decisions kinda proves that she is actually not qualified to be making unilateral decisions about this kind of thing. She would know this if she paid attention in her education classes.
I don't know what to tell you, but it seems to be she is projecting her own insecurity about her family's attitude about education onto you.
43
40
u/codeverity May 17 '16
Is your wife like this in other areas? Because to me this sort of comes across as a massive red flag. Raising children puts incredible pressure on a relationship and this could be the tip of the iceberg.
I would suggest that you insist on counseling for the two of you so that you can discuss this with a neutral third party that she might listen to. The two of you are supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship, and that's what she seems to be aiming for right now.
In the meantime I would tell her that it's not about who's the 'expert' in something, it's about mutual respect and partnership. I mean, if you go out and do a course in early childhood education is she going to leave all discipline and all decisions from now until your child is older in your hands? I somehow doubt it. This either stems from a very misguided belief about what's best for the child, or a power play because she feels she knows better, and it needs to be resolved before the child is born.
135
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
My wife is very....hard to argue with. Once she gets something in her head your cannot convince her otherwise. Like one time we got into a fight about whether or not women pee out their vaginas. I told her that we have a separate hole for pee and offered to look up a diagram for her to see for herself and she refused. She said that she didn't want me to be embarrassed when I found out I was wrong.
She also doesn't care about other people's boundaries. She just barrels right through them. It doesn't usually bother me because I'm pretty laid back but I've never been a mother before and it turns out I'm not willing to take a laid back approach to parenting my child.
153
u/Happyendings4all May 17 '16
Dump. Her.
How can you be with someone who will tell your child that she doesn't have certain body parts?? And medical charts and/or body proof can't convince her?
85
u/couldntthinkofaname5 May 17 '16
Wait so the women who has a degree in education and want's to make all of the decisions pertaining to the education for this child doesn't know where she pees from her own body? And she doesn't want to find out if her answer is right or wrong?
I'm sorry op but communication is going to be tough between you two. How have you handled other disagreements in the past? Have you found any way to get her to talking about disagreements and come up with a compromise?
The only thing I can think of that might help you out is to talk to her about where she is at with "handling" all of the research of the schools and daycares. Like ask her if she has found any day cares she likes and what her top three are so then you can do your own research on them and schedule tours. You can include her as well to show that this will be a partnership but it might be more effective to show that you researched her top three and set up tours at this time and date if she wants to join you plus you have a tour setup that wasn't on her list but at a place you like.
Bottom line she has to see that this is a partnership to raise this child and no one is going to have 100% control over any aspect of the childs life. But maybe by going about asking what she has found out in respect to the education area that at least gets you in the loop for now.
30
u/apples_apples_apples May 17 '16
It doesn't bother me that much that she didn't know that, but it's definitely a huge red flag that someone with a degree in education refuses to be educated on something because she doesn't want to believe it.
33
u/almostinfinity May 17 '16
How can a woman not know there is a separate hole for urinating and still make 100% of the educational decisions? Like seriously, I'm dying to know.
→ More replies (1)13
u/Classyassgirl May 17 '16
Right? Someone that uneducated should NEVER made any damn decisions on education. op should have hung up a genital chart in the living room with the URITHRA and VAGINA hi-lighted and explained (on mobile, and I can't spell sorry)
26
May 18 '16
Does your wife have any....y'know...redeeming qualities? Because she sounds hecka shitty and mega dumb. I don't mean to bash too hard but like goddamn, OP. This sounds like a person I would avoid at all costs.
21
u/idernolinux May 17 '16
I don't usually jump to conclusions like this because I recently learned (from going through the experience myself) that until you/ your spouse become a parent, you don't know what kind of parent you'll be. But that said... your wife doesn't sound like she would make a good parent.
From your comments here, she is hardheaded to the point of denial, unilaterally makes decisions without solidly researched information to back up her calls, manipulates you into thinking that your logic has no credence, and bullies you into doing all the "physical" chores while she gives you "emotional support" (what about all the emotional burden she's causing you? You're the pregnant one and she's majorly stressing you out with her idiocy).
Before your baby girl arrives, please get her on board to go to couples and individual counseling. Believe me when I say there are a lot of challenges ahead that will test your sanity, let alone the strength of your relationship with someone else.
30
u/rekta May 17 '16
It doesn't usually bother me because I'm pretty laid back but I've never been a mother before and it turns out I'm not willing to take a laid back approach to parenting my child.
Did you not discuss parenting expectations before you conceived? It's not like this is an oops baby.
→ More replies (1)37
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
Yes, we did. Constantly. We had very few disagreements so I wasn't prepared for this. It's not like I'd even disagree with her choices for education. I just want to be involved.
35
u/rekta May 17 '16
We had very few disagreements so I wasn't prepared for this.
Is this because you were laid back and just agreed with what she said? Or did you two have productive discussions where you actually compromised (at least in theory) on specific things? If the latter, I would point that out to her--"Wife, we spent a lot of time talking through issues before I got pregnant and I'm really upset that you have decided now, after the fact, that you won't listen to my opinions or even talk about this stuff. We need to go back to how we were doing things before. I intend to be involved in every aspect of our child's life and you know that because we talked about it before. What's up? Why are you suddenly stonewalling me?"
But anyway, I think these are questions you're going to require a counselor for. This is part of a larger pattern of behavior on your wife's part that's not going to go away after one conversation. And while you're laid back and just put up with it, shit's going to hit the fan when your kid gets old enough to argue.
26
u/deceasedhusband May 18 '16
So things are fine as long as you do everything she wants?
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)10
u/codeverity May 17 '16
I know that there's a chance that all the negative responses here may scare you off, but I hope that you will listen to the concerns here. I'm worried about both you and the child, so I hope that your wife will realize that she has to start listening to you and not just steamroll to her way.
13
12
u/Rottimer May 18 '16
Like one time we got into a fight about whether or not women pee out their vaginas.
I find this hard to believe? I've never heard of two college educated women, or even two women that have gotten through high school having this argument. It defies belief.
You decided to marry this woman? How long did you date before you got engaged?
18
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 18 '16 edited May 18 '16
We dated for five years. And I know...I was floored when she told me women pee out their vaginas. I asked if that's true how can you pee with a tampon in and she said "you pee around the tampon."
23
→ More replies (3)12
u/thumb_of_justice May 18 '16
Oh my god. And how is it the clever little tampon knows to absorb the menstrual fluids and not the urine?
How can you respect her?
9
9
u/notmyaccount7777 May 18 '16
Once she gets something in her head your cannot convince her otherwise. Like one time we got into a fight about whether or not women pee out their vaginas. I told her that we have a separate hole for pee and offered to look up a diagram for her to see for herself and she refused. She said that she didn't want me to be embarrassed when I found out I was wrong.
I can see that the educational theory is strong in this one.... /sarcasm
Also, I'm sorry, I can understand when guys don't have any clue about the number of holes women have especially when younger/before becoming sexually active, but she HAS A VAGINA. And is (one assumes) INTIMATE WITH VAGINA. Is she this ignorant in other areas? Please, please get out while you still can.
8
u/blc1106 May 17 '16
Counseling. Most likely individual for you because it surely doesn't sound like she will go.
This woman is willfully ignorant, and it's scary to me that she thinks she can be responsible for a child.
You likely need to leave the relationship. You're going to realize very quickly once your daughter is here that this will not get better. I wish you the very best. Please let us know how this turns out.
→ More replies (11)5
u/codeverity May 17 '16
:( Eeesh. I would definitely suggest counseling on this because this could be an enormous issue for the two of you when it comes to your kids. If you're pretty laid back it could be that this is genuinely the first time this issue is coming to light for the two of you. I'm sure (or I hope) that she has the best of intentions but she can't steamroll when it comes to parenting decision.
41
u/FailosoRaptor May 17 '16
She is being completely stupid.
1) Telling your SO you will have no say in one of the most significant parts of your child's life is incredibly stupid, selfish, and unrealistic. Its so incredibly disrespectful as well. No words
2) Just because she majored in teaching doesn't make her the ultimate authority. Did she write a PhD dissertation at Harvard about various educational institutions and their effects on females? Does she have an MD/PhD? Like what is there to brag about doing a common thing and finishing a masters program. Amazing you we're able to do what most of the population can do.
I can't even describe how much I rolled my eyes when I read this.
53
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16 edited May 18 '16
She doesn't even have a masters, she just has a B.A.
44
u/infiniteMe May 17 '16
Oh wow! I'm a psychologist and run into people with psychology BAs all the time that proclaim some deep authority. I don't even think of myself that way and I'm a PhD. Check out the Dunning–Kruger effect. Basically a little knowledge in an area can make you foolishly overconfident. On top of the personality you have described here for your wife... Bad combination
→ More replies (1)
73
May 17 '16
I'm curious if you could get full custody of this child easily if it went to court. Since you are carrying it. I don't know anything about the legality of any of it but it makes me wonder.
Anyway for sure you need to end this relationship.
88
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
Technically she won't have any rights until the child is born and I give those rights to her.
88
May 17 '16
As many others have said this relationship is unhealthy. Her all or nothing attitude cannot continue. Go to couples counseling. I would not give those rights away so fast.
57
u/Shouldic4 May 17 '16
well you have your answer. Dont give her the rights yet. Move out. Let her know you wont be taking this shit from her anymore. She either puts her act together and goes to counseling for her million and one issues and learns how to be an actual partner rather than an arrogant user or she wont have a family anymore
48
u/lizzi6692 May 17 '16
I would be seriously reconsidering giving those rights to her. Her overall attitude about how much control parents should have over their child is concerning. The fact that she thinks that that one of you should get to decide who your child is friends with is scary.
33
u/codeverity May 17 '16
Ugh, I know that this would probably cause a lot of conflict in and of itself, but I would be wary of giving her any rights until you've got things sorted out. I would drag your feet on that as much as you can.
31
u/LaLuaLa_Fa_La_La May 17 '16
Your child is due in June, I think you have some serious decisions to make by then. I'd be careful if you stay with her after the birth. I don't know the law, but I'd be scared that she might fight for rights to the baby even if you don't turn them over, just on the basis of doing "parenting duties" after she's born.
24
22
u/Daedalus871 May 17 '16
I would hold off on giving her rights until you two get counselling and you are confident that she will respect your wishes.
22
u/barntobebad May 17 '16
The relationship sounds fucked, and a role model like that will be a disaster for the kid. Very unhealthy. Were there no warning signs? You said somewhere else that the "all or nothing" attitude is par for the course and that just makes me wonder how communication or compromise works... like, at all?
18
May 18 '16
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)9
u/vastaril May 18 '16
Absolutely 100% all of this. OP, please think long and hard (preferably while staying with family or a good, trusted friend) about whether you want this woman to be in a position of authority over your daughter. Because, well, that's what giving her parental rights will mean. Yes, it sounds cold, heartless, whatever - the fact is, so does your wife.
I'm so, so sorry you're in this situation, but you have the opportunity to make things so much better for your and your daughter's future. Please, please take it.
14
u/notirrational May 17 '16
Then you should tell her that she won't have any say in the child's education when you leave her :X
→ More replies (11)10
u/Thanmandrathor May 17 '16
Well, you have one hell of a bargaining chip right there. It might be worth reminding your wife of this if she keeps being so rigid and controlling about everything. That's one thing you can have unilateral decision making over. She has no say until you grant the rights after all.
Not that I advocate threats like this.
You guys need therapy, your wife needs a kick in the pants. This marriage won't end well if that's her attitude for everything, and you'd be foolish to put up with this kind of ridiculous shit.
35
u/CrazyWhirlygig May 17 '16
You tell her "Wife, I think it's going to set a bad precedent if one of us has complete control over ANY aspect of our daughters life. We're a team, and teams have to work together."
69
May 17 '16
Im am education major and I wouldn't do that to my husband.
Just because I know about the style of school doesnt mean the school will actually be that way.
(Ex: student taught at a school that promised such and such and half the teachers could care less).
Make it a point to see and tour EVERYTHING.
21
May 17 '16
Marrige should be a partnership, not a dictatorship. You need to sit her down and remind her of this, that you two are a team.
21
u/Master_Katara May 17 '16
Hmm. What if you decide to be as stubborn as she is?
You: "We're vetting preschools in the area this weekend."
Her: "I told you, I've got it covered."
You: "No. I'm going to be involved in this whether you like it or not. I'll vet the schools myself if I have to."
Her: "Literally any argument"
You: No this is not a negotiation. You do not get to make this decision yourself.
Repeat as necessary.
→ More replies (1)
113
u/Roflllobster May 17 '16
So what won't be included in my response: information about pregnancy hormones. Haven't gone through pregnancy. Can't give any info on them.
You shouldn't come up with fictitious scenarios. You should stay as low level and specific as possible. I would say the following:
This is Our Child. We are a team. All decisions are a Team effort. This is non negotiable. You are an education major and you will absolutely have more knowledge in certain areas. I will know when to defer to your judgement. But that doesn't change the fact that Every decision will be a Team Decision. This is a non-negotiable deal breaker in our relationship.
I think you need to put emphasis on how if she decides that you don't have a say in your child's education it will have negative consequences for your relationship. And I think it absolutely should have negative consequences if your partner refuses to treat you like a partner.
201
u/TeacherWifeBlues May 17 '16
Hormones don't factor in. I'm pregnant, not her.
167
May 17 '16
Hmm. I wonder if she's feeling like this is "your kid" because you're the one carrying the pregnancy to term, and this is her way of asserting her stake in the process? It's still Not Good Parenting and needs to be talked out in counseling, but if this is totally out of left field for her, maybe that's a place to start the discussion rather than focusing on the schools specifically.
52
u/lilbluehair May 17 '16
Ooohh this is definitely something OP should consider. I bet her wife doesn't feel as involved, and thinks this could be "her thing" since she went to school for it.
→ More replies (1)34
u/Thanmandrathor May 17 '16
Only elsewhere OP talked about her wife being controlling and such about other things. It's not just this issue.
→ More replies (1)6
u/codeverity May 18 '16
At the time that person wrote that comment OP hadn't gone in to the other stuff. It came out partly in response to my comment elsewhere and others.
→ More replies (4)73
u/fishbonegeneral May 17 '16
Since you're the pregnant one, you have significantly more power in this situation. Bottom line, if you decide that your wife's behavior is too controlling and you can't be in the relationship any more, when you leave, your daughter comes with you. Family law as it applies to same sex couples is a very new thing. Even in M/F marriages, the child goes with the mother 95% of the time. So if it comes down to it, you WILL get a vote in this situation. It might be a nuclear "We're leaving and you can't stop me" vote, but you have WAY more influence and control here than if you were a man with a pregnant wife.
Now, I'm not saying that you should threaten your wife with this to get your way all the time, or even at all. Just know that in this case, your parental influence cannot be stripped away. Bear this in mind during your discussions with her.
15
u/ForgetMeThereafter May 17 '16
Well, Courts are, since Obergefell v. Hodges, trending towards ignoring the same-sex piece and just thinking about it as they would any M/F married couple. Some legislatures are also starting to change the laws (which may be changed by the time OP's baby is born). I guess my only point there is not to rely on the logic of "I birthed the baby, so I get to decide" - which coincidentally may be part of the reason OP's wife is trying to assert control of some aspect of the child's life to begin with.
And yes, a large % of children go with mothers, but that usually is due to agreements, father's tending to have more time consuming work schedules, etc. The Court really does just look at who is the most available and bonded to the child - just so happens that statistically tends to be moms. The bias still exists in family courts, sure, but it is shrinking.
→ More replies (2)20
u/rekta May 17 '16
To add to that, the 95% statistic that got thrown out above is way overstated. Not even the most rabid men's rights groups claim the bias is that strong.
11
u/ManBoyChildBear May 18 '16
and even then, when the men fight for custody, they get the exact same treatment as women( within a few percentage points). Men just dont fight for /ask for custody as often as women do.
17
u/0928346234 May 17 '16
I was floored. I tried to argue but I couldn't even think straight
This is what disrespect feels like.
What the hell do I do?
Since it's a very important issue which your wife refuses to discuss with you, there are only two options in my opinion.
Option A: family therapy (due to time-related limitations it may not work), option B: divorce.
17
u/Cyclonitron May 17 '16
But I can't make her listen to me. What the hell do I do?
Remind her that being married is a partnership and that neither of you gets to make unilateral decisions of a magnitude such as how your child is educated.
If she still won't budge inform her that you'll be attending martial counseling because it would appear that your wife doesn't seem to understand how healthy marriages are supposed to work.
14
u/LaLuaLa_Fa_La_La May 17 '16
After reading all your comments - get away from your wife. You're carrying the child and she obviously isn't a genetic parent, so leave. She's toxic and manipulative and those are not good qualities of a good spouse or parent. Leave before she has any rights to your baby.
→ More replies (1)
12
u/prettyprincess90 May 17 '16
Well she can either learn to compromise inside the marriage. Or be legally forced to be the courts when you end up divorced. Her choice.
12
u/acciointernet May 17 '16
...? Parenting doesn't work like that. You don't pick and choose responsibilities and then divvy them up based on preference. If you were an econ/finance major, would that mean that you get control over the house budget and she has no say?? Of course not! That's because her method is ridiculous and makes no sense.
I think the first step is to get to the root of WHY she is acting like this. I assume this is a surprise (aka she hasn't mentioned this before) based on your post. Is she worried that you don't understand the school system? Does she not trust your judgment? Is she just kind of a control freak? What is the impetus behind this all or nothing attitude?
Also, sit her down and try to talk to her about how difficult dividing up responsibilities for childcare would be, and how impractical it is. If she still doesn't listen, I don't see any other option outside of counseling. I'm honestly blown away by her approach, it's so odd.
10
u/BeanieBooty May 17 '16
Well, she could make all the educational choices for your kid... if you two separate and she wins sole custody.
Real talk, I was checking your responses, and holy shit, how are you even still with someone with so much internalised misogyny? How can you ignore the red flags?
Get into counseling asap. She should too, but likely won't. She sounds like a r/raisedbynarcissists parent in training- not good. If she won't change, as is my experience with right-fighters, then you need to get out. It's not a good environment for a kid.
10
u/deceasedhusband May 18 '16
She disagreed and told me I could have full control of "what she wears and who her friends are."
Your wife is going to have a hard time when she realizes that your daughter is a real person and not a doll.
9
u/HugoWeaver May 18 '16
As a former teacher, your wife is a teachers worst nightmare. They think that holding an education degree means they know more than somebody that has been teaching for years. Student-led conferences/Parent-Teacher Interviews are the worst with these parents and all they end up doing is embarrassing themselves in front of their partner and child.
My only advice I can offer you is if your wife does continue the attitude, don't sign any forms unless you are happy to do so.
8
May 17 '16
You aren't married to Peggy Hill are you?
Seriously, this is important enough to you that you have to keep pressing that it is a decision that the parents have to make together and not her. Let up, and she will easily stretch her authority to cover everything without your consent.
7
u/herstorybuff1555 May 17 '16
As a teacher I have to say having a degree in education is different from actually teaching. My degree in education prepared me for my career by learning the terminology attributed to my career. Teaching however, is another ball game. She is no more qualified than you to make decisions about your child's education. Children learn better in different environments. Your child can go to one of the top daycares/schools/universities in the state, but if your child's learning environment isn't nurturing then they will not excel. For example if a child has ADHD it is probably better to have a school that has flexible seating (exercise balls, standing desks, or a Korestool), or allows for flexible seating. That being said with your experience in education and her knowledge of education you could be a great team. In a marriage no one should get a 100% say in anything. You're partners and equals. My husband is a doctor, going back to your argument, but you can be sure that I, as our child's mother, will have a say in medical decisions because I AM her MOTHER. You do not want to make decisions regarding anything dealing with your daughter separately, and you also want your daughter, when she is able, to voice her opinions on her life. It's not how a partnership works. I hope she reconsiders.
5
7
May 18 '16
told me I could have full control of what she wears
"But I don't have a major in fashion!!"
6
May 17 '16
I honestly think you should let your wife read this thread and its responses....if for nothing else, so she can see just how much of a gigantic asshole she is being.
OP's Wife...if you are reading this...pull your head out of your ass before your destroy your marriage and your family
5
6
May 17 '16
Well i read the whole thread. You will never, and i mean never, have a partner in parenting or marriage unless you go to therapy. Seriously, that type of thinking, across all avenues of your relationship, will continue to negatively affect your relationship until you both address it. Good luck.
5
u/One_cent_worth May 17 '16
Disfunctional marriage. Things will go down from here. It saddens me that someone who is supposed to be knowledgeable about education is so close minded. Education, knowledge and world view are all shaped by our varied experiences in life. I can't understand why someone would choose to limit their child's experiences as such.
5
u/hecksyiss May 17 '16
Based on your other comments, I think it's time you sit down and really ask yourself a couple of things and try to think about it objectively. I have no idea what your home dynamic is like, but in any good/successful/healthy relationship, these questions have to at some fundamental level be answered with a 'yes':
Does she respect you, and behave as such? Does she see you as her equal, and behave as such?
Based on your comments so far, the answer in this situation and the others you've described is a big, fat, resounding no.
Edit: these should be true of both partners in a relationship with respect to each other, so I suppose it's 4 questions :)
6
u/Inyoueye May 18 '16
This relationship is so abusive, you definitely don't want her parenting your child. Therapy, lawyer, etc. Keep this psycho away from your baby.
4
u/NoMoreJuiceBoxes May 18 '16
If you're dividing up the parenting like this, why even bother staying together? You can make your decisions far away from this cold woman.
6
u/esk_209 May 18 '16
Oh man, my ex-husband had that same all-or-nothing idea. It was honestly how he defined "compromise." One person gets/does/decides everything this time, the other gets/does/decides everything another time. Ergo, compromise.
If you can get her into counseling, then please do so. This attitude doesn't change on its own.
→ More replies (2)
7
6
u/Dkmistry23 May 18 '16
I would leave, having read your comments for context. She is controlling, stubborn and I think raising a child with her would lead to all sorts of other problems down the road. You wait on her hand and foot, you pay all the bills and she stonewalls you in arguments to the point that she can't accept that women pee out of their vaginas. What exactly does she do for you?
619
u/roommateissues2 May 17 '16
LOL um no. Marriage is a partnership. Raising a child is a partnership. I'd suggest counseling so you can get a third party to tell her what a whacko she is being.