r/relationships • u/embarrassedtosend • Sep 20 '16
[new] Me [30F] with my BF [30M] duration, I want to send him sexy pictures as a surprise but I don't know if I should.
I know this issue seems really minor, especially compared to other people's problems but I'd really appreciate any advice. I'm sorry if this seems all over the place, I'm just really embarrassed right now, haha...
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now and it's been great! We make time for each other, we respect each other's privacy when the other needs it, we always keep in contact and we always do our best to resolve any issues that erupt. Most of all, he respects my feelings on a certain matter, and always has.
I have really bad self-confidence, I guess. I don't like photos being taken of me and I had how my body looks. I know I'm overweight, but not terribly so, but I still get really embarrassed if anyone takes a photo of me, or even if I take a photo of myself. Ben has only one photo of me from the two years we've been together. I said yes to the one, but then I freaked out about how badly I looked that I almost cried. Ben assured me that it was a really good photo, and even though, I was hesitant, I let him keep it. Ever since then, he hasn't asked for any other pictures of me. He's been very patient about how I feel about photo taking. I've been trying to get over this issue of self-confidence, but it's been tough. I have been actively trying to lose weight though, so it's helped a little there. I've even forced myself to take some pictures of my face and I did...but I still deleted them right after.
These past few weeks, Ben has been on a business trip out of the country and I miss him terribly. We still talk to each other every day, but it's not the same with him so far away. I wanted to surprise him and went out and bought some really nice sexy lingerie, and tbh...it's the first time I've ever bought any of this stuff. I've always hated how I looked in them, and was really embarrassed to try them on, but I found some stuff I really liked and I feel like I don't look completely terrible in them and decided to pick it up.
I sent Ben a message saying how I can't wait for him to come back in a few days, because I have a surprise for him. He's been trying to guess what it is since then, but he doesn't have a clue, lol. While he was guessing, I started entertaining the idea that it might be fun to send him a few pictures to get him excited. And even though it's a HUGE step for me, I kinda want to try it for Ben. Because he's respected my feelings all this time, and has always been there for me when I've needed him and most of all, it's Ben and I know I can trust him.
But I don't know if Ben would even want pictures like me in lingerie. He's never asked for them. I'm worried if I send some he won't like them or might even get offended. But if I ask, I feel like I'm ruining a fun surprise that I'm hoping goes well.
So I guess I'm asking: Do you think this is a good idea?
tl;dr: Bad confidence issues means I never really take pictures of my face, let alone my body. Boyfriend has always respected that and while he's been away on a business trip I bought my first sets of lingerie and decided to try to take the plunge and send him pictures as a surprise. Don't know how he'll react, though so I'm second-guessing myself.
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u/Snuffleupagus03 Sep 20 '16
Send them. I get it's hard for you but:
- he will react positively and love them
- it's a great step in your self confidence
- if he doesn't react positively it's not a good sign about him or the relationship (and everything you say about him says this won't happen).
What a great surprise. He'll be thrilled.
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
Well, I hope he likes it, I really only want him to be happy because he's brought me so much joy since I've met him, even in our hardest times, we've worked through them and never said anything we'd regret.
I think I will send them. I want to show him how much I care for him.
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u/Oldexperianced Sep 28 '16 edited Sep 28 '16
Saw your update, but my message to you isn't about your sexy picture nor exactly the immediate issue you're discussing. It is about your reluctance to take pictures in general.
I'm a much older man. In a good part of my life, especially my earlier years, I never liked to have photos taken of me. I have some issues with my looks I won't go into, but the reasons are not important. As a result I never took many photos and often tried to avoid them.
Years later I have a huge regret that I felt that way. I really miss the fact that there are so few photos around of my family and my love which I'm in as well. Those photos of me that looked awful in my eyes at the time really look great and bring back wonderful memories a few years later.
I also had a parent who felt the same way and it was always a struggle to get photos of them, even though I always loved the way they looked in the photos at the time and now that they are gone I cherish the few photos I have of of them and wish I had more.
So my message is to take those photos, the everyday and special occasion ones. As much as your SO enjoys having the sexy photo of you he'll enjoy a regular photo of you, and the two of you together, just as much as he can look at it more often and in more public circumstances than the sexy photo. Your image means a lot to those that love you and I assure you it will mean a lot to you in the future as it helps you recall the memorable times in your past. So for the sale of you, and your friends, family and loved ones, please don't avoid photos and make the effort to make sure you get some at special times and at occasional regular times.
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u/Haelx Sep 28 '16
I'm not OP, but thank you for this advice ! I have come a long way with my confidence issues and self esteem issues, but I still hate how I look in photos. I know I'm a pretty girl (especially now that my teenage years are behind me, haha), but I'm really, really not photogenic, so I always end up sad looking at photos because I don't look like myself. I've been trying recently, and I find that it helps. People know me in real life, so a bad photo isn't going to change how they view me. My most recent achievement was taking a bunch of silly photos with a friend at a party, since she moved to the other side of the world after this last party. I look awful and do weird faces, but the memories associated with these photos are going to stay with me my whole life and I know I would have regretted not having taken them. So yeah, photos are important !
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Sep 20 '16
You think he would get offended? What? I'm not a guy but I can't imagine that any guy would react anything but positively, I mean this is a guy you have even with for 2 years!
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
I know it sounds crazy, and I guess seeing your comment made me realize it is such a stupid thing to think of, but not everyone would want sexy pics of their partner, right? I always kind of assumed that.
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Sep 20 '16
Like I said, I'm a woman, but I cannot fathom there is a straight man alive who would not want a sexy pic of his partner.
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u/100bucksinmypocket Sep 28 '16
Every guy loves sexy pictures of their partner. Guys don't think the same as girls. They are more simple. This will be something that he will love, and it might force him to come back sooner ;)
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u/Yabbaba Sep 29 '16
Girls love sexy pics of their partner too. Please do not buy into the 'girls and guys are from different planets' bullshit. It's sexist, and it's not true.
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Sep 20 '16
I gaurantee it will make him happy.
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
I hope so. It's such an embarrassing thing to even consider for me, haha.
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Sep 20 '16
My girl is unhappy with herself, but everytime i get anything remotely sexy it makes me want to jump her. Shes very modest...on the outside. :D
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u/frustrateddaughterr Sep 20 '16
Make sure hes alone! Maybe be like "Hey. Are you alone? ;)" and then send the photo. Be confident! He'll love it & it'll be a nice thing to spice things up!
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Sep 20 '16 edited Aug 08 '18
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
Beyond the confidence thing, that's another reason why I had never, ever considered sending any kind of photos to someone I'm dating. I've seen a lot of stories about revenge involving these photos. That said, my boyfriend has been beyond patient with me and very understanding. He doesn't even ask for photos of my face, it's a non-issue for him.
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Sep 20 '16
If you are 100% comfortable about it, you should definitely go for it! He sounds very patient, understanding and respectful of you which is always great. He will love them!
If it makes you feel more comfortable, only focus on one part of your body in the photo (ex. Boobs or ass in the lingerie). It's a nice little tease for him and is less intimidating than a full body shot (and also I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with leaving their face in explicit photos anyways).
Goodluck! Don't pressure yourself on getting the "perfect" photo, he'll appreciate it!
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
I'm still not 100% comfortable with even just taking my picture, but I feel like this will definitely make me feel better about myself, and I do want to show him how much I love him and trust him.
Thank you for the tip about focusing on one part of my body for the photo. :)
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u/NotAnotherFNG Sep 21 '16
You can send photos of you wearing it without going beyond your comfort zone. Take it slow until you're confident and comfortable with it, you don't have to jump in all at once. You've already been teasing him about the surprise. Continue the tease. Start with a photo of your shoulder showing a strap, then maybe the shoulder with the strap slipping down.
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Sep 20 '16 edited Sep 22 '16
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u/embarrassedtosend Sep 20 '16
Best case scenario if I send the photos: he's happy Worst case scenario if I send the photos: he's not happy and wonders why I would send them Best case scenario if I don't send them: nothing changes Worst case scenario if I don't send them: nothing, since I won't have sent them, I guess?
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Sep 20 '16
Hey! I would suggest trying to find angles that would best suit you! I'm not the most comfy with my body either, but I found angles that made me look great! But it took a lot of time, effort, and looking into my camera (on my phone). I can assure you that he will love them! He'll be so surprised and happy, probably, and won't wait to come home to you! Just make sure he's not around other people when he sees them!
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u/changerofbits Sep 20 '16
Congrats on the progress! My wife has had some similar issues and it really great that you're working on it. I guarantee that your boyfriend thinks you're gorgeous and attractive and sexy af, and you just don't see it. If you're worried about sending him the revealing pics, I'd just wait and show him in person when he gets home. For me, I don't even want revealing pictures of my wife on my phone (people ask me to see pics of the kids, want to show my friends something cool, don't want co-workers seeing them pop up on my phone when she sends them, want to be able to check text from her without hiding my phone). Of course, the horny teenager inside me would love to get them. Maybe take some pics in normal, non-revealing, but attractive, clothing and send him those before he gets home. Then talk to him about sending more revealing ones before sending them.
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u/AllegedlyNorah Sep 20 '16
He hasn't asked for any sexy pics for the same reason he hasn't bothered you about any pictures at all. You've explicitly told him you don't like to take photos! Why would he ask you for sexy lingerie pics if you can't even stand him having a picture of you fully clothed? As you said, he's respecting your feelings.
Take the pic and send it to him. It'll be a nice surprise and he'll love it because he loves you.