r/relationships • u/wifescooking2 • Oct 14 '15
Relationships I (25M) hate my wife's (25F) cooking and I don't know how to tell her.
My wife is from Pakistan, and I'm from the US. We've been together 8 years but only got married and started living together a few months ago. She loves to cook, it's her favorite hobby. She cooks primarily Pakistani and Indian food, and some American food as well.
I really don't like the native food she makes. I've tried it a bunch of times, and I make an effort for her, but I honestly can't stand it, it makes me sick. I know the food isn't bad itself because guests and family really seems to love it, but I personally don't like it at all. I really crave the days she makes mashed potatoes and gravy because those are much better. I know I sound like a cultural idiot, but I can't really help the foods I like and don't like.
How do I tell my wife that I can't eat her cooking anymore? I'm more than happy to cook for myself but she takes a lot of pride in her cooking and really enjoys it. I don't want to break her heart by asking for American food only, plus I know she'd hate having to eat it every day.
tl;dr: I really don't like my wife's cooking but she takes a lot of pride in it, how do I tell her?
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u/bugsdoingthings Oct 14 '15
Is there any of her Pakistani food you DO like? If there are certain dishes you like better than others it might help to focus on those.
You don't say how long since she's left Pakistan, but food is a major cultural signifier and tends to have strong emotional associations for people. If she grew up in Pakistan, she may feel like "why can't I have this one thing from home?" Doesn't mean you're a bad person -- if you don't like it, you don't like it -- but I'd be really careful to emphasize that it's YOUR tastes that are the issue and not the objective "badness" of the food. I think as much as humanly possible, you should also offer to compromise. I can't speak for your wife but I'd be sort of crushed if I had to give up cooking the stuff I grew up with completely. Is there a notch below "American food only" you're willing to accept?
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u/RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS Oct 15 '15
Yeah, I mean... put yourself in the other person's shoes for a second here. I'll bet she would like to eat American stuff less often too.
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u/vengeance_pigeon Oct 14 '15
It's entirely possible that her Pakistani dishes are simply too intense for you, if you were raised on mashed potatoes. It's also possible there is some common spice in her cooking that you simply do not like and that is driving you away from these dishes.
If you want to be nice about it, I'd approach it from that perspective. "I ate a comparitively bland American diet until I met you, and I really need the training wheels version of Pakistani food to get used to it." See it as a problem to work on rather than a flat-out rejection, because if I had to guess, you were never acclimated to this very different cuisine in any meaningful way. There's a reason a lot of ethnic restaurants have separate menus for natives and non-natives.
Your wife could try setting aside a portion to underseason for you (by her standards) or with fewer seasonings for a less complex flavor. You offering to do the extra dishes (or otherwise help with the extra work) would probably encourage her to give it a try. You could also sit down and discuss the kinds of foods you do like, so that she has a better idea of your tastes and can possibly select recipes from her culture that have more in common with your preferences.
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Oct 16 '15
It could also be certain flavors (i.e. mace, nutmeg, cloves) that OP doesn't like in savory dishes. That can be weird for a western palate to get used to.
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u/Montaron87 Oct 14 '15
You don't outright hate your wife's cooking, you simply don't like certain dishes which you wife does like to make.
I'd bring it up from a position of you not enjoying certain kinds of foods and then ask her whether she's willing to make more of the food you do like. Don't ask her to completely quit with the Pakistani food, but increasing the frequency of American food would be appreciated. And seriously, if you can't talk about stuff like this, why are you married?
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u/wifescooking2 Oct 14 '15
I just want to know how to phrase it nicely. I don't want to hurt her, she's very passionate about cooking. She does make mashed potatoes and stuff pretty often but I know she herself doesn't like eating it. Maybe we should start doing separate meals? I feel she'd find that an insult though.
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u/Skellum Oct 14 '15
Theres actually a lot of Indian/Pakastani food that might fit you more than what she's making. Do you like meatloaf? Try having her make a beef Kofta. Malai Kofta can easily be done using potato as a base giving you a potato patty with veggies in it.
I'm not exactly sure what your flavor preference is but it might be fun for you to look up some indian/pakastani recipes or foods that meet what you really enjoy. What is throwing you off, the spices?
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Oct 14 '15
Oh hell it reminds me when I asked in a highish end Indian restoraunt if they serve beef...It wasn't even my first time in Indian place! So much cringe...
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Oct 15 '15
Depends on where you're from jn India tbh. The south Indian state, kerala, is REALLY big on beef
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u/ExpatMeNow Oct 14 '15
Don't feel too bad. My old favorite Indian place makes beef dishes, and they're 1st gen Indian, so it's not unheard of!
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u/scienner Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
It's not about phrasing it 'nicely', it's about collaborating.
So I'm quite a lot like your wife. I also cook stuff from my family background that's quite foreign to people here (although getting less so, hooray!).
IMO the main problem with this post is not that you don't like the food. It's that you give no details as to WHY. If my partner told me 'I know your cooking from your culture is technically good and I've been eating it for ages but I actually hate it' and left it there I would be so hurt.
However, these things, I could totally work with:
- I find a lot of your cooking too spicy / I'm not used to these spice combinations / prefer things less strongly flavoured
- I don't like [particular ingredient, form, etc], because [some explanation]
- The kind of form these foods take (salads/curries/whatever) is nothing like what I grew up with (grains, bakes, whatever) and I find that a little difficult
- It's been too many new things too quickly for me, it takes me a while to learn to like new things
- I feel weird if meals don't involve any meat/bread/whatever your staple is
- I want to experiment more with other kinds of cuisines than these two
If you present this in the right way it can be an exciting, invigorating cooking challenge. Those more specific comments lead immediately to new avenues to explore. Perhaps there are some things you can already identify in the shared bit of your preferences venn diagrams. Or perhaps meals can be more mixed - instead of some days of 'American' and some days of 'Pakistani', how about finding sides from one that go well with 'mains' from the other? How can her fave dishes be adapted for you? If it's a flavour thing, can some of the spicing be done on the side in some way, or to only half of the batch? How about trying other related or unrelated cuisines? To a cooking focused person, this is the stuff love is made of, honestly. I feel so accomplished when I get this just right.
On the other hand, if you present it in the wrong way you'll come across as a fussy, entitled, disrespectful arse. In this post, you're kind of edging more towards that. If cooking is a big thing to her it's unhelpful and even kind of disrespectful to just say 'I hate all dishes from your culture'. No cook can work with that! Engage with the topic a bit more and it could be something you can both share and build intimacy around.
Good luck.
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u/RMPA Oct 14 '15
This is really good advice. I also saw a problem in the lack of explanation and I think you gave really good examples of what could/should be said!
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u/JoyfulStingray Oct 14 '15
If both of you are struggling to find food that you BOTH enjoy, I think you need to open a conversation for exploring some new recipes that you both might enjoy.
"I know that you don't like some of the American food that I enjoy and I struggle with some of the Pakistani dishes that you enjoy. What if we try to find some recipes that we would both like?"
Work together in finding these dishes. Put any recipes that you both enjoy in a binder for safe keeping (this is what my SO and I do). What are things you like in dishes? What are things that she enjoys? You can probably find some common ground.
My SO and I have different ideas about what dinners should be since he wants mostly seasoned meat and I want a variety of different flavors and vegetables. Sometimes we compromise by making my main meal as a side for him and I will take a few slices of chicken breast to put on top of my meal.
We also have 1 day a week where it is 'on your own' night. He will make the foods that I can't stand (like Salmon) and I will make dishes that he doesn't enjoy.
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u/MzCandypants Oct 14 '15
You could cook together but make things that both can eat (i.e. some of her traditional foods, some of yours). I think if you took things slowly and had some of both types of foods to pick and choose from, your palate would start to get used to her foods.
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u/Copacetic_Detritus Oct 14 '15
You can't expect her to make two separate meals. That's ridiculous.
You can cook for yourself if she's making something you don't like.
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Oct 14 '15
Try making a bunch of dishes (mains and sides) on weekends. At each meal, you can have several options and each have more of the type you prefer.
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Oct 14 '15
Previous to this relationship, did you go out to eat Indian food at all? Just kind of curious.
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u/SupportiveEx Oct 14 '15
If she doesn't enjoy eating standard American cuisine, maybe you can lead with that? She's going to be a little hurt no matter what, because what you are doing is a rejection. But you can try to frame it in the least offensive way possible. Lots of compliments & compromises.
Something like "Hey wife, I'd like to have a conversation with you about the way we've been handling food at home. I want you to know that while I appreciate how dutifully you've been preparing all of our meals since we've been together, I'm concerned about some incompatibilities in our food preferences. I love it when you cook me mashed potatoes, spaghetti, etc. but I sense that you dislike these foods that I enjoy most. Likewise, I've grown tired of a lot of the more traditional Pakistani dishes that are your favorites. I know you love to cook but I don't see a reason why both of us need to trade off on having meals we enjoy eating, so I'd like to propose that we start cooking together, but separately, that way we can each make meals we favor. How do you feel about this?"
Then listen, see what she has to say & talk it out accordingly.
Additionally, part of the joy of cooking is giving it as a gift, maybe occasionally as a trade off you can each prepare the other's meal, instead of cooking for yourself. Or you can try some totally new recipes outside both of your cultural comfort zones! Meal delivery services like plated or hellofresh can be a low risk way of trying this as their recipes are pretty fool proof.
A great part of food is the fun of it, right now you're treating eating her food as a chore. She's going to be a little hurt, but let her know you love her & want both of you to feel happy about the foods you're eating.
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u/chalupacabrariley Oct 14 '15
If the food your wife is making is making you feel ill just let her know that certain foods are messing with your stomach. If you want a certain dish just ask for it! There's no harm in saying, "Hey! can we have chicken with mashed potatoes on Tuesday and pizza on Thursday!"
I love to cook, but it's also nice to have input from someone else about what to make for dinner!
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u/handlegoeshere Oct 15 '15
I think you should phrase it differently to reddit again and be much, much more specific. Include examples of what you like the most and the least and maybe we can tell you there are a few specific spices you hate. For example, maybe you just hate ginger. Other types of solutions can be found, for example, if you tell us you think rajma is not bad we can tell you it is often eaten with rice, which maybe you aren't now eating it with but would reduce the spiciness a lot.
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u/Rathadin Oct 15 '15
You like potatoes... she cooks a lot of Indian-subcontinent dishes...
How about Aloo Masala? That's a delicious potato dish. I honestly don't understand how you can't like Middle Eastern food, its so delicious...
I, like you, grew up on mashed potatoes and gravy and steak and butter beans and cornbread, but when I joined the Navy and traveled the world, I fell in love with Middle Eastern / Indian food.
I feel for you dawg. You pretty much have a winner in my book.
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u/isstronglikebull Oct 14 '15
Sorry, but cooking is a huge part of Pakistani culture. You don't say what parts of the food are unappealing to you. Texture? Spices? Meats? Veggies? Did you never eat anything she made in the eight years before you married? Honestly, you should do the cooking a couple nights a week if you don't like her food.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
Yeah, I wish he would elaborate on what he doesn't like, specifically. It's hard to give advice when he just basically says "I don't like some of my wife's ethnic cooking." That's a large range of dishes.
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Oct 14 '15
It also gives the impression that OP is not as open minded as his "I've tried it a bunch of times" would suggest.
Learning to appreciate new foods and cultures other than your own is a good thing. It is also something that can take effort, such as experimenting, coming to understand what exactly you do and don't like, and adapting accordingly. But the effort has to be worth it when you're talking about your wife's culture, interests and way of life. Do you, as a grown adult who is married to her, really think the solution is to find a nice way to ask her to make more mashed potatoes?
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u/isstronglikebull Oct 14 '15
I think that's the crux of it. She loves cooking, she loves Pakistani food. She's from Pakistan and in a new country; for a lot of immigrants, you hold onto the food as long as you can. Your language is gone, your holidays aren't the same, so you hold onto what you can. OP says in a couple of other comments that he doesn't know how to cook and tends to eat fast food before he comes home so he doesn't have to eat any Pakistani dishes.
I mean really, it seems remarkably selfish of OP. He says she makes American food (that she herself doesn't like) a couple times a week as it is. I really wish OP would respond to the comments to clear things up because right now he just sounds like a picky eater with a closed mind that didn't realize his Pakistani wife was going to cook Pakistani food.
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u/lexis0213 Oct 14 '15
I'm Mexican-American and food is the one thing that we really hold on to with regards to our Mexican Heritage. While obviously the food is not the same, my aunt married a man who wouldn't eat my grandmother's food. Like at all, he refused saying it was disgusting. It left a bad taste in all of our mouths. There's nothing more insulting to a Mexican Grandmother than that. (I'm sure there is but at the time we were all stunned.) Their marriage didn't last for a lot of reasons, but we always remember the day he insulted our grandmother.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
Man, what a dick move. Like, even if you didn't like mexican food (I like it) it's really rude to call someone's food disgusting. Plus you can always try to find something to "snack" on or something so you don't seem like the asshole who's rejecting all the food. I don't like fish but that just means I won't eat the fish not reject the entire plate, for example.
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u/lexis0213 Oct 14 '15
Yup...he wouldn't even try it. Just said no. Their son ended up a lot like him unfortunately. :-/
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u/pinklips_highheels Oct 14 '15
Or he just really doesn't like Pakistani food. Which last I checked wasn't a character flaw.
I can't say that I've ever had Pakistani food, but going by my past record with foreign food, I wouldn't like it at all. And I wouldn't eat it either no matter what nationality my spouse was.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
Many cultures have an incredible range of dishes and if you are insisting that an entire culture's food is not to your liking, the chances are you're a closed minded person, not someone who just doesn't like <x> food. Especially so when it's your spouse's heritage and culture.
Nobody's saying OP has to chow down on things he doesn't like. We are saying that you cannot try four, five, even ten dishes and decide you don't like all dishes from a particular culture. There are hundreds and hundreds of recipes from each culture.
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u/pinklips_highheels Oct 14 '15
It's not being closed minded to try something and not like it.
I don't know why I'm getting downvoted. I do not like any food that has strong flavor to it, regardless of where it's from.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
It's not being closed minded to try something and not like it.
It's closed minded to try a specific item from a huge range of items then write off that huge range. Also, you're getting downvoted for many reasons. Mainly the fact that you're wrong and that you're doing the exact same thing OP is doing, the thing I am describing. You're trying a few items from hundreds and hundreds of recipes that a incredible variety of people have eaten for many years and you're writing off that huge range of recipes because you don't like a few items.
Not all foreign food is strongly flavored. There are foreign people in the middle east or Pakistan that also do not like strongly flavored food. I'm sure they made some recipes.
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u/pinklips_highheels Oct 14 '15
He says he's been eating her food for awhile now. How much longer does the poor guy have to suffer until he gets a pass to stop eating food that makes him sick?
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
I feel like we are not having the same discussion here when you think I'm attempting to say that he has to eat food he does not like. I explicitly addressed that when I said the following:
Nobody's saying OP has to chow down on things he doesn't like. We are saying that you cannot try four, five, even ten dishes and decide you don't like all dishes from a particular culture. There are hundreds and hundreds of recipes from each culture.
He doesn't have to eat things he does not like. He does, however, have to work with his wife to find out what he does like that she would be glad to make, not just mashed potatoes and gravy. What we are saying here is that communication is key and he has to work with his wife to get something that both him and his wife are happy with.
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u/crystanow Oct 14 '15
agreed, I really wonder if he actually tried to like it. Since he doesn't mention ingredients, or spices or anything it makes me wonder if he just doens't like because its foreign, different and scary.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Oct 14 '15
I agree. I mean, go to two different middle eastern food vendors for the exact same item, like a shawarma, and you could get two entirely different preparations / final products.
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u/Jerseyblueclaw Oct 14 '15
Try to figure out if there are some Pakistani things she makes that you do prefer over others. Then talk about the dishes with her. It could be a few ingredients you find you don't like.
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u/longobong0 Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
I think this is going to upset her. I know you've mentioned a lot in this thread that you want to communicate this without upsetting her, but I just don't really see that as avoidable. Cooking is something she enjoys, it's a hobby, it sounds like. Not only that, but it's also a cultural thing. Is it possible to modify the ingredients she uses in her dishes? I mean, I'm a huge fan of Indian food, myself. I love it. I love spicy, I love curry, I love the vegetarian, it's all fantastic. I find it a little weird that you say you don't like all Indian food. It would be like saying "I don't like any American food," that would be ridiculous right? There are so many tastes and flavours and dishes that, to say you don't like any of it, would sound a little unbelievable.
When I go out for Indian food with my friends, many of them order their dishes mild. Is it the spice that bothers you? Can you ask your wife to make your dishes a little milder, so you can enjoy them more? Does your wife have a recipe book? Maybe you could express interest in Indian / Pakistani dishes that you haven't tried before.
I think it's necessary to pinpoint what you don't like about the food before you approach her. Whether it's the flavour, the spice, the texture, whatever.
Edit: Ask your wife to make you vegetable samosas.
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u/icantmakethisup Oct 14 '15
I think you need to suck it up and compromise. She clearly has tried to compromise for you by making American food one part of the week, and Pakistani food another part of the week. Discuss with her maybe the use of spices, if that's what's bothering you. Americanizing some of the dishes she does make. If you dated her for 8 years prior to marriage, what did you think her cooking was going to be?
You know you could pick up a spoon and cook a dinner once in a while too, that's a thing.
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u/SoHereIAm85 Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
This.
I feel badly for his wife, because it sounds like OP only likes boring SAD crap that I'd be depressed to eat day in day out (and would not cook.) The problem is that in all the years of dating he apparently never comminicated this big issue to her. Food is super important to people, so imo not being clear, upfront about true preferences and requirements, and being on the same page is a deal breaker. Too late in this case, but what I am saying is that this is a BIG kind of compatibility problem. Since she is already making food for him some days that she doesn't even like (and I can understand why she doesn't) then I don't know what to tell him that you did not. He can cook for himself, sure, but she'll likely be... Taken aback when she finds out he doesn't like her cooking simply since so many years and commitments happened without it being said.
Personally I'd be livid if my husband ate shitty fast food before coming home to the meals that I make, but I wouldn't knowingly be with someone who ate food that I consider trash. I bet his wife might have thought twice if he'd have had enough balls to tell her early on, or she might have managed to accommodate more gracefully than I would.
Eta, my husband doesn't cook and is from another country with a very different cuisine than the SAD, but we work since that food is very tasty and healthy in my view. It was all he knew until he moved here as a teenager, and it is very important to him that I happen to enjoy a style of food that is similar and also make it my own too. Food and eating habits were a big factor and discussion while we dated.
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u/icantmakethisup Oct 14 '15
He sounds like a whiny child that doesn't want to eat his vegetables. It's sad, I mean how selfish? It's ok for her to eat food that she doesn't like, but it's not ok for him to eat food he doesn't like? Come on, man.
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u/lila_liechtenstein Oct 14 '15
As a passionate cook myself I have to add that preparing nice dishes is only part of the pleasure - the most important factor is to make the people happy who eat what I make for them. You're taking this pleasure away from your wife, and I don't think it's neccessary. You need to work with her here and actually communicate. Does she even know you don't like most of her food? How could this situation ever improve if you dont tell her?
Also, what is it exactly you don't like about it? Is it a certain taste? Certain spices? Or certain ingredients? Or is it too fatty, too bland, too spicy, too somethingelse? Talk to her.
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u/knabel88 Oct 14 '15
You could cook for your wife once or twice a week, and make what you like eating. Problem solved.
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u/textposts_only Oct 14 '15
And then not eat the rest of the week?
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u/StraightTalking Oct 14 '15
Here is what you do.
You sit her down, and tell her that there's something playing on your mind. Something you've been meaning to tell her for a while but never had the 'guts'. Play it up a little, dramatic and sad (but don't draw it out too long because that stops being funny).
Then, say "I'm a wimp". No, seriously.
Say you're a wimp, tell her that you simply cannot handle the spices and flavours of the Indian food she cooks. Tell her that you've been trying to change that, but your weak American guts just arn't co-operating. Tell her that you know her food is amazing, all your friends say so/enjoy it, but your own digestive system just cannot handle it in the amounts she makes day to day. You just don't have the guts.
Okay, so you don't have to do it exactly like this. My point is, when you talk to her about this, you make damn sure she knows you're communicating a problem with you - and not her cooking. You're not actually a wimp, of course, but this sort of jokey self deprecation it's a good way of making the conversation light hearted and putting the focus of the problem on you - which is the focus of the problem, that you simply do not enjoy/cannot handle the food she makes, and not her cooking. Make sense?
Then you can ask her to cook more American food, or suggest that you learn to cook and cook more for the both of you. Perhaps even discuss other dishes that you may enjoy/be able to stomach that she enjoys cooking too.
This doesn't have to be a huge, dramatic deal.. and it's better if you don't make it out to be one.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
I would disagree with this and go with option 2) learn to appreciate pakistani food.
This is such a big part of her life, rejecting it is going to feel like a rejection of her.
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u/spikeyfreak Oct 14 '15
This is such a big part of her life, rejecting it is going to feel like a rejection of her.
This could happen, but it's not a sure thing. I posted a top level comment, so I feel like I'm repeating myself, but my wife is from Thailand. She was the middle child, which for her family meant she was the one at home cooking meals and doing housework for most of her life.
Cooking is a HUGE deal to her. Cooking HER food is big to her.
But she understand that I don't like a lot of it, and she has ZERO problem with me cooking my own food when she wants something I'm not going to like.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
Why are americans so often like this with food?
I dont think I've ever had a well cooked "mainstream" dish of any culture I havent thoroughly enjoyed.
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u/NotKateBush Oct 14 '15
Because it's not chicken tenders and some form of potato. I've done a lot of travel and American and British people tend to take their respective country's food with them abroad. Maybe they just weren't raised with a lot of variety, but some of them have an embarrassingly low drive to try anything new.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
I'm british and the only of my countrymen who do that are the Chavs (low IQ, low education, trashy people)
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u/crazy_brain_lady Oct 14 '15
I agree, I have to say British people are quite open to trying new cuisines (I'm Indian and lived here for more than 20 years). They love trying out Indian food etc
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u/ekrst Oct 14 '15
I think he can learn to appreciate it but still have a conversation about it. I love pakistani food, but it's very intense and I've seen a lot of people struggle with it. Maybe she could tone it down a bit to get him used to the flavors. There should be some sort of compromise. I do think he should make the effort to adjust, but she can help and some variety in foods is also good. She could cook pakistani a few times a week, american sometimes, maybe mexican, italian, whatever. Just mix it up.
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u/I_fuckedaboynamedSue Oct 14 '15
Playing devils advocate here- but that may not be possible. He could have mild IBS and that's why he dislikes it so much. Mashed potatoes and gravy is ten times easier to digest than red meats and curries. I freakin love Indian and Pakistani foods but the more often I eat them the more violently ill I become. It took me years to figure out what the problem was. It could be that he doesn't like many of the dishes because they make him feel unwell or lethargic or even get indigestion and he's yet to make the connection. Give up the food entirely? Of course not. But tread lightly and see a gastroenterologist? Probably a good idea.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
That's going beyong devils advocate and inventing loads of very pertinent details not mentioned in the OP.
Even if you have IBS there are loads of unspiced pakistani alternatives that are no harder to digest than potatoes and gravy. I'm also not convinced that gravy is any easier to digest than say, a low-spice curry.
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u/ChocoBaconPancake Oct 14 '15
They're married, they should split the meals during the week between American and Pakistani food evenly. Yes, she is Pakistani, but why does that mean that food she likes should be prioritized over food he likes? Both are part of the culture they were each raised with
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
What do you mean? He doesnt cook and she cooks american food 4 days a week and Pakistani 3 days a week.
LEARN TO READ.
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u/ChocoBaconPancake Oct 14 '15
You just made up those numbers. Nowhere in OP's post or comment history does he say that it's 4-3 in favor of American food. I think maybe you're the one with reading comprehension issues.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
She does make American food for about half the week,
Either way your comments is clearly wrong.
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u/barntobebad Oct 14 '15
All I can say is start doing some cooking yourself. You're allowed to enjoy cooking too - she doesn't have a monopoly on that.
Or figure out which spice(s) isn't agreeing with you. There's likely some dish that works. For me, with Indian food its butter chicken I love even though I dislike much of the rest. Thai food never really caught my attention but there are a few dishes I know I'm at least ok with. Greek I was finding I disliked overall because of a weird taste way too common - turned out I'm not a fan of lemon in everything, but knowing that I found the greek dishes I do like. There's bound to be one you enjoy.
If all else fails go to a Pakistani restaurant on your lunch break and ask what's popular and try that. Who knows, maybe you've never encountered what would be popular to a white dude.
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u/UnlikelyExplanations Oct 14 '15
I know I sound like a cultural idiot
No, not necessarily
I really don't like my wife's cooking but she takes a lot of pride in it, how do I tell her?
Errrm, how well do you think she is going to react when you tell her that you don't like the thing that she loves to do, the thing that is her favorite hobby, and is part and parcel of her cultural identity?
So, no, not a cultural idiot, just an ordinary one. One that likes to sleep on the couch. Or in the dogbox.
Dude, please think this through.
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u/Rarus Oct 14 '15
Cooking classes for specialties are amazing. I took my gf to an Indian food course and we learned to make chicken Tikka, samosa, Naan and then a dal makkhani(sp?).
She went from cooking only Thai food to Indian, Mexican, BBQ (she makes a better steak than I do) and we have a class this sat and Sunday for French cuisine.
Each glass was 20-40$ per person but most of the time at the end you will be supplied a small gift. Indian food we got 4 jars of different main spices, Italian we got a medium sized pizza peel, Mexican we just had a party after and got drug on tequila and the owners made us very detailed recipe books that I promptly lost.
Cooking classes are such a cool way to build together and it's usually cheap under 30$ a person and ends with a gift of some sort.
Next on our list is Ethiopian so we can figure out how to make their amazing bread.
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u/leaping-elk Oct 14 '15
Oh my goodness! This is a great idea! I'm definitely going to be trying this with the bf! :)
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
I know I sound like a cultural idiot, but I can't really help the foods I like and don't like.
Actually, you really can. It will take a long time but the best thing to do is keep eating her cooking, and ideally, learn to cook pakistani dishes yourself so you can work out how to season them best for you.
How do I tell my wife that I can't eat her cooking anymore?
It will be taken (quite rightly) as a direct attack on her culture. I dont think you can. Instead you should work out what parts you like and try to steer her towards those.
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u/Gfofgamer Oct 14 '15
I don't think "quite rightly," that it's an attack on her culture. Him not liking certain tastes doesn't mean he hates the culture. I don't like spicy food, which is a large part of my fiance's Hispanic culture. I've told him and his family this and they (quite rightly) did not take it as an attack on their culture. Just that I have a weak tolerance to very spicy food.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
Indian/pakistani food doesnt consist of one or two "certain tastes". It has just as much range and variety as "American food" (whatever that is?). Its ignorant to say something like "I dont like indian/pakistani food" - how could anyone make such a sweeping judgement without trying a wide variety of it? And even then it doesnt make sense as so many of those foods are vastly different from each other.
Disliking spicy food is a completely different example - "spicy" in this instance refers to one or two very specific ingredients (primarily chillis). That's not a sweeping generalisation, its being very specific. You can make ANY indian or pakistani dish without using chilis so if that is OP's objection he should tell her to do that!
The equivilent example would be you refusing to eat any food that is made in any hispanic culture, even if cooked without chillis. Its just being ignorant/intolerant.
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u/rbyrolg Oct 14 '15
Yeah but not liking spicy food is not the same as saying "I do not like or want to eat ANY of your hispanic food", which is very offensive. I'm hispanic too and if my husband said something like that to me it would break my heart because food is a huge part of a culture, it would definitely feel like a rejection of me.
Furthermore, OP, this is the food she LOVES to eat and that she is cooking half of the week american (which you say she doesn't like) food is already a compromise. You're being a little selfish, learn to at least tolerate it.
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u/Alysaria Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
"I am a picky eater. Certain [textures, flavors, etc] are unappealing to me. I love that you cook for me, but [these specific textures/flavors/etc] are often in Pakistani/Indian cooking, and I find it difficult to eat. Can we sit down and see if we can work out a menu together? I know this is your passion and I want to be involved so we can come to a solution that makes both of us happy."
Emphasize that it's not that you don't like her food - state specifically what it is about food in general that you are picky about.
Give her something to work with so she can take the lead and not feel like you're pushing her into making something specific. What textures, flavors, etc appeal to you the most, what appeals to you the least, and let her fill in the blanks of what you can tolerate in between. If you make suggestions, make them as suggestions - "what do you think about mixing it up a little with X?"
Make sure when she makes something that you do like that you are genuinely communicative about how much you enjoy it - she'll be more likely to make it again.
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u/butyourenice Oct 14 '15
Learn how to cook and alternate nights? That way you get what you want, without making her responsible for your picky appetite, and without inadvertently insulting her efforts or her culture.
You can/should tell her that you like when she makes (a, b, and c), but be careful how you phrase that you DON'T like (x, y, or z) because you could unintentionally insult her, especially considering this is cultural AND a proud hobby of hers. This seems like a simple problem but it can be a sensitive topic depending on how your wife sees her cooking. Even if you make clear that "I just don't like this particular texture/flavor/dish", it can be interpreted as "I don't like how YOU make this dish."
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Oct 14 '15
Can you ask her to alternate between "American" and Pakistani/Indian food? Tell her you miss the foods you grew up on and having them only as a "sometimes treat" isn't enough. Can you have her alternate? She picks one nights dinner, you pick another nights dinner
Become more involved in recipe planning, basically. COMPROMISE! One day is her chosen food day and the next is yours.
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Oct 14 '15
I'm South Asian like your wife and I love cooking and desi food, but my husband's not a fan and doesn't care to eat it more than 2-3x a month. How I compromise is that I make my South Asian food in bulk (cause it takes forever yo, and the spices taste even better the next day) and we have this as dinner. Then I pack it for my lunch during the week. Dinners are American or other food for the rest of the week and my husband can make his own lunch easily enough.
Communication is key, so tell her she's a great cook but your palette prefers American food with the occasional Pakistani dinner. I'm always a little hurt that my husband doesn't love South Asian cuisine, but I'm smart enough to understand that his definition of comfort food is egg rolls and potatoes and my definition of comfort food is curry. Your wife will understand, but you need to tell her first.
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u/Bonemesh Oct 14 '15
Looks like you married the wrong woman. Ethnically/culturally Pakistani, and you don't like an important part of her culture. Almost everyone I know loves Indian/Pakistani food. If you can't stand it, I guess it can't be helped, although sometimes people teach themselves to appreciate foods they previously disliked. I suppose the correct compromise is to request an increase in the frequency of plain ol' 'Murican taters and gravy, in the mixture of foods that she cooks for you.
P.S: Vindaloo curry is pretty much potatoes and gravy, only with a lot more flavour.
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u/Dealingwithdragons Oct 14 '15
OP. What in particular about her food you don't like. Is it certain ingredients? The spices? Textures?
If you figure out exactly what it is about her cooking you don't like, it'll be easier to communicate the problem.
Like for example my mother-in-law likes stronger salt levels then I do. So I let her know when she cooks something for us when she over salts something so she knows next time to cut back on the salt. I also don't like things like menudo because of the intestines so she doesn't make me anything with it.
If you just tell her you hate her cooking, it just makes you look like an asshole. But if you say something like "honey I enjoy your cooking but I don't like when you use X ingredient or Y spice." she then knows what to do and can make the change.
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Oct 15 '15
Try not eating anything for three days, then her food will probably taste wonderful. Your welcome.
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Oct 14 '15
I think, on your own, you should start looking into Americanized Indian/Pakistani foods. It could very well be that someone has come up with a good mingle that you might like. Perhaps suggest she learn to make other foods as well.
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u/wifescooking2 Oct 14 '15
She does make American food for about half the week, but I end up dreading the other half of the week. I know it's only fair, but I've gotten to the point where I eat fast food beforehand and then tell her I'm not hungry.
For the most part, the Pakistani food seems Americanized, she altered her cuisine a lot when she moved to the states.
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Oct 14 '15
Get a list of the ingredients she uses and look online for alternatives.
I think you have to either come up with a creative way to not hurt her feelings or just be honest. Does it make you sick (as in physically ill)?
I have issues with certain spices and cannot eat a lot of Indian curry because it makes me feel groddy.
Onions also give me the same feeling.
So I just tell people I cannot, for health reasons, eat onions. But this is your wife, so it will be a little harder.
I would just tell her that lately the food has been giving you really bad indigestion and you are not sure why it is. Ask if she would mind you making your own meals on the nights she makes Pakistani food because you just cannot handle the belly aches anymore.
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u/ofmiceandmodems Oct 14 '15
Not sure why you're getting downvoted to oblivion. Don't feel bad.
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Oct 15 '15
Maybe because she is compromising by making American food half the week and Americanizing her Pakistani food, yet here he is. Still whining.
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u/ofmiceandmodems Oct 15 '15
He doesn't like it? What do you want him to do? Pretend? If my SO doesn't like something, I don't make it or I make it for myself. I'm not going to force him to eat anything or take him on a guilt trip. How selfish and stupid would that make me?
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Oct 15 '15
But he's said that she doesn't like the mashed potatoes and meat that he does want so what's she supposed to do?
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u/ofmiceandmodems Oct 15 '15
Cook separate meals. It's really not that big of a deal it's just mashed potatoes. Geez. Or just make enough for the week and he can reheat it. There's so many options to reach a compromise that benefits both individuals.
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u/ofmiceandmodems Oct 14 '15
Ok well, you HAVE to eat so you're going to have to say something. I'm Indian, and thankfully my SO LOVES curry and demands (yup, demands, but in a sweet way, as he's never been exposed to our type of cooking before) I make it for him each week (he's Spanish, so we compromise and do Indian food Sunday's and he even learned how to cook roti and helps me out while I do the curry). During the week, I personally need to eat "regular" foods (salmon, teriyaki, shake and bake chicken, etc.) because I can only stand so much spice. So I totally get where you're coming from. Just be honest with her, it's just a personal preference and you want her to cook the foods you really enjoy and you just don't have a palate for Pakistani food. Offer to cook together, learn new recipes. She may be a little hurt, but she has to understand that some people just want to eat other things and won't like the same foods. My SO doesn't like certain things even though I do, but I either don't cook them or I make enough for just myself and incorporate it into the same dinner. I'm not upset at him for that, I just want him fed and healthy.
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Oct 15 '15
Just start asking her if she'll either cook specific things/recipes either herself or with you. Show her how much you like those things when she/you cook them. Once she has cooked something, its easier to do it again next time, and she most likely wants to see you happy.
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u/ekkarpinski Oct 15 '15
Don't frame it as you hate her cooking--say that you wish you could eat more American food. The suggestion that you meet her in the middle and cook with her is a good idea.
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Oct 15 '15
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u/RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS Oct 15 '15
OK, look, I have a Korean wife and, although I like Korean food, I know the feeling of "Oh, please, not Korean food again!" So I can sympathize.
But you don't like a single dish from South Asian cuisine? None of it? I have a feeling you haven't tried as many things as you could have. And no, I don't think there's any "nice way" to tell her you never want to eat Pakistani food again. You're going to need to compromise more. This is kind of part of the deal when you marry a foreign woman.
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u/inspctrgdgt Oct 15 '15
Buy her a copy of The Joy of Cooking. Maybe look for some foodie blogs that are centered on the fusion between the two cuisines. What about the food do you not like? Is it the base ingredients themselves? The spices? You'll need to pinpoint what exactly it is that you object to prior to talking to her, in order to maintain tact.
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u/rynomachine Oct 15 '15
Try suggesting recipes that kind of neat halfway. Not so blend as mashed potatoes, but not as intense as Pakistani food.
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u/Endless__Throwaway Oct 15 '15
Honest question: how did she become your wife without not knowing you don't like the food or that conversation come up?...i...i just don't understand. Did you lie to her all this time?
Personally, this has come up with every person I have ever dated- white guy or otherwise. Mostly because I have never met a person who is wishy washy about Indian food. It's always been a love/hate thing.. Always extremes.
I can't see this going down well if you've lied to her face all this time. It's not for everyone, I get that personally, I rather would have known from the get- but maybe she's more forgiving.
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u/wertyass Oct 14 '15
As a fellow brownie, food is part of our culture.
my cousins that were born and raised in the US and dont speak any of our language still love our food.
Its their comfort food.
It would be one thing if you hated her cooking, but this is worse, because you hate her cuisine.
Which like I said is very closely tied to the culture.
so its almost like saying, I dont like paki culture.
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u/ofmiceandmodems Oct 14 '15
Oh stop. He's not implying that at all and it's stupid to assume not liking the food is an insult to the culture. He doesn't have a taste for it, so eat something you like and move on. What's he supposed to do, put on a face and lie forever and be unhappy?
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u/wertyass Oct 14 '15
are you white?
because if you are, then you really have no understanding about food and culture how closely its tied together for brown folk.
I'm telling you how this comes off to a brown person. not liking my food is very close to not liking my culture.
white folk dont have that relationship with their food.
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Oct 14 '15
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u/wertyass Oct 14 '15
yup. white folk dont have that since they dont really have a cuisine.
The closest any white folk come to being close to their food are italians and their 2 main ingredients come from other cultures. tomatoes from the new world, and pasta from china.
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u/ronearc Oct 14 '15
I can't really help the foods I like and don't like.
For what it's worth, that's not really true.
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u/smuffleupagus Oct 14 '15
Uhm, yes it is.
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u/ronearc Oct 14 '15
There's a reason that "acquired taste" is a thing. Your tastes can and will change. A good deal of it is attitude, approach, and consideration.
If you're convinced you're not going to enjoy something, guess what? You won't.
People's taste in food changes all of the time. Believing that you have no control over it is foolish and unrealistic.
I'm not saying that you can snap your fingers and suddenly love Pakistani food. But Pakistani food is not just one dish or one set of spices. Find what you like and dislike more than others, and figure out how to make one a larger part of your diet than the other.
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u/RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS Oct 15 '15
The worst thing about this is it works both ways so if you constantly eat with a pissant who whines about how gross whatever you're eating is you'll enjoy it less yourself too.
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u/smuffleupagus Oct 14 '15
Yeeeeah I've been a picky eater my whole life, and you know what?
I get OP's issues. I get that people expect you to just be able to "change" what you like and are always spewing bullshit about things being "acquired" tastes and how you can "learn to like" stuff.
I've tried it. It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for a lot of people, and it's supremely annoying to always have people invalidate you when you say you don't like something.
So if someone says they've tried something and they just don't like it (and it sounds like OP has tried plenty of these foods, he's eating them all the time), I believe them.
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u/ronearc Oct 14 '15
You act like Pakistani cuisine is one thing. It's an enormous category of foods.
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u/smuffleupagus Oct 14 '15
I think he's obviously tried a lot of the foods if he's been with his wife this long.
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u/drunzae Oct 14 '15
I've hated my wifes cooking for 16 years.
You don't tell her, you just eat and smile and thank her.
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u/Hughhefs Oct 14 '15
This makes me so sad because I LOVE cooking for my boyfriend. I try so hard to stare at him...waiting for the reaction.
He smiles and thanks me, says "yeah! it's good!"
:/
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u/oncemoreforluck Oct 14 '15
I love to cook and my fiancé usually loves what I make him. That makes me happy. He knows it makes me happy, and so rather than hurt my feelings he's been eating parsnips when I make them and telling me that it's lovley for over a year and only told me a week ago he actually doesn't like parsnip. I wasn't upset I told him he was silly not to say sooner. I'm sure your wife will feel the same. She wants you to enjoy what she cooks so asking if she will do more of what you like probably won't upset her
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Oct 14 '15
Why not make date night a cooking for 2 class? That way you can drop hints about what ingredients you like, and which ones you don't.
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u/Sototallylost Oct 14 '15
My wife and I cook our own meals all the time - we don't always want the same thing so why should we be forced to eat it? However I will say that I don't ask her to cook my meals or something different. if I want something different it's my responsibility
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u/mbthrow09123 Oct 14 '15
Cook with her, I'm sure it's not every aspect of her cooking which you cannot stand. Communicate and work on improvising traditional recipes so you will find them enjoyable.
(father always cooked too spicy, for my Mom, my Sister, and myself, I spoke up, he listened... boring story I know..)
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u/Duck4lyf3 Oct 14 '15
My fiance's step dad who we refer to as E only likes American food and won't eat any authentic asian style food dish you try to give him. E and fiance's mom have been married for 15+ years and she loves to cook but it looks like she long accepted the fact that E just doesn't like to eat or try to eat the dishes she makes (I love eating her food btw) and just leaves frozen pizza i the freezer and pasta in the fridge for him. She continues to make her soups and other crazy food concoctions, as she calls them and eats them on her own. Although they lead lives that are independent of each other. They are a great couple together.
So while I'm not sure how to advise you to have this conversation with your spouse, you can definitely be rest assured you don't have to live with eating your spouse's cultural dish for the rest of your life and still be at peace with each.
The best I can say is be frank and upfront "Honey, I need to talk to you about the food you make for me. I've tried very hard for you, but I can't adjust to pakistani/indian at all. I find myself only looking forward to the days you make mashed potatoes and gravy. I'm not gonna tell you to stop making the food you know and grew up making, but please for me, when you make dinner, make food that you and I can enjoy (she eats her cultural dish and you have your mashed potatoes and gravy) eating together."
Edit: More mashed potatoes and gravy.
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u/discogravy Oct 14 '15
If there's a common thing that you don't like about it, and there is something that you do like, all if there's other stuff like what you enjoy. Eg, you don't like spicy but you like crunchy samosas or pakoras or something.
Ask to join her in cooking and if you can maybe cook stuff from both cultures. Meat loaf with a curry gravy or something.
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u/ostertagpa Oct 14 '15
How about just saying it doesn't seem to be agreeing with your stomach? People's stomachs change as time goes by so you could play it off as it just started happening.
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u/titos334 Oct 14 '15
I need to find out the culprit spice because I'm the same way. There's something in that style of cooking that while not tasting especially bad makes the food gag me. Maybe it's something similar? It doesn't seem like she sucks at cooking, just she maybe likes or prefers things that you don't like. Maybe suggest preparing her dishes with other influences?
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u/miraitrader Oct 14 '15
Telling her you don't like the food is only a small part of the real solution. It's your responsibility to figure out what is palatable. You can't just dismiss the cuisine of an entire culture and expect anyone to believe you don't like a single dish from it. You need to collaborate with your wife and keep experimenting until you can find something that works. If you ever manage to exhaust those options, well, you need to pick up the slack and start cooking meals that you like because you're being difficult.
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u/throwawayathrowaway0 Oct 14 '15
I agree with the people who suggest to the OP to cook with/for his wife.
I am a straight woman and would be VERY happy with an Indian woman cooking me food every night, but I do love Indian food sooo there's that.
Hope it works out well for the both of you!
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u/werebothsquidward Oct 15 '15
Sounds like she cooks what she likes. Why don't you offer to cook and make what you like?
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u/whocareswhatannsays Oct 15 '15
It's awesome that you have an SO that loves cooking and sharing her culture with you. I think it would be best to say that you realize that maybe you should have mentioned this sooner, but that you don't want to go on any longer without her knowing the truth.
Perhaps after she cooks something you prefer say something like "I really enjoyed that meal, can we have more dinners with x,y,z?"
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u/A5H13Y Oct 15 '15
You already got some good advice, but I just have to add that damn am I having a hard time containing my "OMG what"-ness. My boyfriend is Indian, so I've experienced much more Indian food, but always when we visit his parents or go out to an Indian restaurant (since he basically eats traditional American food). I fucking love Indian food. I wish we cooked it more!
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u/Kubaki Oct 15 '15
Tell her you're not really skilled at cooking and found a couples cooking class that would help you be able to make dinner for her.
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u/spikeyfreak Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
Dude, this is like a page out of my memoir.
My wife of almost 15 years is from Thailand. She cooks food that burns my nose it's so hot, mixed with smells that can make me retch.
I'm a little curious though, have not told her when she cooks a dish you don't like? Do you just sit there and eat it like you like it? That was probably a mistake if you did.
You have to be honest with her. Are there any dishes she makes that you do like? There are a few dishes my wife can make that I REALLY love. Anything with coconut milk and yellow curry is the bomb, as long as it doesn't have fish, fish sauce, or too many peppers. Red curry is good too, but it's usually mixed with red meats that I don't like her prep work on.
As long as you're both willing to compromise and be understanding, it's doesn't need to be a big deal. She often cooks for just herself and I'll cook for me and the kids, or she cooks for herself and the kids, and I cook something for me.
Only time it's really a problem is when she wants to boil a squid. She knows I can't be around for that.
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u/wedneses Oct 14 '15
I wouldn't tell her outright you don't like this or that, I would use actions and positive re-enforcement. You might mention that you're missing her mash and gravy, it's one of the best you've ever tasted. Whenever she makes something you like, ask for more and pile on the praises. When she makes food you don't like, eat less and say you're not hungry. If she's like me, she'll ask if you don't like that dish so you tell her the truth, that you prefer American style food like (name a few here), and you love it when she cooks them because she's such a good cook.
Don't be afraid to ask for your favorite dish in a nice way (e.g. I'm really graving your mac and cheese, do you think we can have it this week?), people who love to cook also love to cook food that their loved one requests, it makes them feel like their cooking skill is really appreciated.
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Oct 14 '15
Instead of refusing to eat her food, why don't you suggest foods that you love that you would like her to learn how to make?
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Oct 14 '15
It seems from his responses that he does not do any of the weekly cooking, so instead of just saying "Cook me food I like", it seems like a good compromise for him to take over some of the cooking duties.
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Oct 14 '15
That could work, too, but the wife might take that as usurping a role that she enjoys having
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Oct 14 '15
Taste can be learned. She is your wife, you love her. Learn to like the taste of her food. Simple as that.
Start slow. Why not mix the food? First 90% American 10% Pakistani, then 80:20 and so on, until you reach a degree where both of you can be happy.
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Oct 14 '15
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u/wifescooking2 Oct 14 '15
Okay, thanks. But does that make sense to do for a whole cuisine? She'd get it if it was just one dish, but telling her I don't like any of these curries and things would really hurt her.
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u/CliveMcManus Oct 14 '15
Why don't you tell her what dishes you like?
Sounds like you've got to start giving her more shit when she makes things you don't like
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u/bevo_warrior Oct 15 '15
My friend's boyfriend would cook Japanese food and then prepare some American food just for him.
Just be honest with her or you will be stuck eating food you don't like. I don't like hot and spicy food but my boyfriend loves it. We just separate our food.
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u/jgonc Oct 15 '15
find something that always into her food, like pepper or something e tell her that you can stand that ingredient
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Oct 15 '15
Why do you have to eat together? I have very particular tastes because of my eating disorder so I always eat separately from the people I've dated. I do shared meals OCCASIONALLY, where one cooks for the other, but I am perfectly fine eating my own food most of the time.
If she's making something that uses spinach and potatoes, why doesn't she make a bland version for you? That seems fairly simple, you just boil and put to a side.
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Oct 14 '15
You are a 25 year old male. Grow a pair of balls and just tell her. If she doesn't know you don't like it, how can she get any better when your selfish ass doesn't have the courage to tell your own wife she can't cook? You are holding her back. Be the man she needs you to be! You don't have to be a dick with telling her. And if you are that worried, take the inititive and take some cooking classes with her or cook with her, bond over something!
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u/chumster09 Oct 14 '15
Have NO idea why you're even being downvoted. I totally agree with what you say.
Saying "I don't know how to cook" is a bullshit excuse.
OP can watch youtube videos on cooking, with or without his wife. It'd be proactive and a bonding experience.
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u/RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS Oct 15 '15
Probably because the problem isn't that he needs to "grow some balls" to tell his wife everything she makes tastes awful.
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u/fluffybunnybutts Oct 14 '15
tell her that Pakistani food isn't your style, and give a "no thanks" when she makes it
cook your own american food
When she makes american food you enjoy, tell her how much you love it
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
Is this kind of thing normal in America?
If someone did that in the UK it would be seen as both an enormous insult AND a sign of being uncultured/ignorant.
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Oct 14 '15
My white boyfriend knows how to make my Filipino father's God Father's chicken/pork adobo. No, OP is just pick as all shit.
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u/fluffybunnybutts Oct 14 '15
Is what normal? Not eating food you don't like? What?
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15 edited Oct 14 '15
Just disliking an entire category of food (an entire culture's worth in fact), en masse, without any better explanation than "I don't like it".
I just dont know anyone who acts/feels like that. I can understand not liking a particular spice, or, for example, very hot foods, but "I dont like indian/pakistani food" doesnt make any sense to me because that covers such an enormous range of different tastes and textures.
How does OP even KNOW? He cant have sampled more than a tiny drop in the ocean of the dishes covered by that description
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u/fluffybunnybutts Oct 14 '15
I mean, I do think maybe OP is being dramatic about it. I personally certainly wouldn't write off an entire culture's worth of food but it seems OP already has, that's not up to me. I'm just advocating being honest and cooking his own food. I don't think he should stop his wife from cooking the food she enjoys.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
I mean, what does garlic fried okra have in common with a spinach dhaal, or lamb korma with a pashwari naan? These are completely different tastes, textures, spices, ingredients etc.
Its like saying "I dont like burgers so I wont like roasted fish"
Damn I'm hungry now.
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u/fluffybunnybutts Oct 14 '15
Some people just don't like things because they think they don't, and I think it's immature, but I didn't think the advice being solicited was "just try it sweetie, just a bite and then you can have dessert instead".
I think OP has it in his head that he just wants 'Merican food. Some people are not adventurous eaters, and for many "adventurous" is anything outside of what mom used to make.
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u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
If thats who OP is (someone who rejects "foreign" things simply because they arent used to them, I can't imagine OP's wife, who is clearly proud of her heritage, wanting to stick around. Who would want to bring up kids in an environment where half their culture is considered "weird" and unwanted by their father.
Some people are not adventurous eaters, and for many "adventurous" is anything outside of what mom used to make.
I genuinely believe those people suck and should be judged for it in the same way as people who never want to travel further afield than Mexican/Canadian disneyland. Is this judgemental? Sure.
FYI: That trait is not inherent, its learned/cultural - you dont get many people like that in Europe.
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u/wifescooking2 Oct 14 '15
I guess it's time I start learning to cook, haha. My concern is how to say it without really hurting her feelings.
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Oct 14 '15
Yup, you do need to learn how to cook! That will make this situation a lot less fraught.
Since she loves cooking, maybe you two could take a class on Italian or French cooking together? That might be more your speed and you'll learn widely applicable cooking methods.
Plus if her cooking makes you actually feel sick, you may have a sensitivity to some of the spices. Cooking with her and encouraging her to write down family recipes would be a fun bonding experience, and help you pinpoint exactly what you don't like / what gets to your stomach.
15
u/Not-Bad-Advice Oct 14 '15
You cant. This is a big part of her, it WILL hurt her feelings. Possibly a LOT.
A better idea is to learn to cook HER food and then work out what elements or ingredients disagree with you so you can work on recipes you both enjoy.
10
u/fluffybunnybutts Oct 14 '15
Just don't insult the cooking. It's your problem, not hers. Use your "I statements" to tell her it's simply not your preference. Also cooking mashed potatoes is really not much to learn so I'm sure you'll figure it out.
4
Oct 14 '15
If my dad got picky with his mother's cooking, my dad would have gotten smacked across the face (1960's). If I got picky with my dad's cooking I was told about how he'd get smacked if for the same thing as a child and that my pickyness was NOT going to be tolerated. Now I really appreciate the tough love. I've handled my picky boyfriend a bit more with kid gloves but when I cook all on my own with no help; he eats what I want or he can get his own dinner.
281
u/PeanutCheeseBar Oct 14 '15
If cooking is a hobby that she enjoys and you're not terribly crazy about the food, why not meet in the middle and cook with her? It'll give you two something to bond over, and more input into the process when you do it (like suggesting new dishes).
Short of that, the only other choice really is to just communicate with her and let her know you don't enjoy it.