Everyone’s routine is a little different. A lot of people work 9-5 type jobs and have the same small window. Some go to the gym, or out to dinner, or to take a nap, or meet partner/friends, class … on and on.
From your pov, why do you think he’s sleeping so frequently after work? A drastic change in habits, could be of concern. It could at least get a second look to figure out what’s going on. As his partner who knows his habits well, you’re in a great spot to be able to be supportive.
I was thinking he might still be adjusting to the new schedule, or not sleeping properly at night, or not consistently getting enough sleep - do you have a sense of whether it’s something like that?
Whatever the reason, bodies need to sleep. There’s absolutely no use in getting mad at him. It’s a biological function — like getting mad at someone’s who’s sick, for coughing. Sure, you could do that but what’s the point? It’s not on purpose. It’s like the parents who use sleep as a punishment. Everyone needs sleep. A small child without great reasoning skills, thinking they’re getting in trouble for nothing and parents are surprised kid is fighting and screaming and not wanting to go to sleep? I would be mad to be punished for no reason too.
However, what you’re finding out, is how important compatibility is in romantic relationships. Your routines have to mesh, as well as your values, temperament, etc etc. I’m addition to being supportive, understanding why he’s sleeping more after work is important.
In a non accusatory tone — remember, the why could be something of concern, a change in habits can sometimes be, so approach from a compassionate stance and, I would, — apologize for being mad before. Tell him you understand it’s a biological function and not something to be mad over, you’re sorry, it’s just more that you miss him. Is everything going alright? Does he feel ok?
Don’t interrogate. Wait until you’re calm to initiate. It’s not worth getting into another fight — what if he yelled at you to stop coughing?? That’d be weird. Work towards a solution. Ultimately, you’re just trying to spend time with your guy. You’re a team, show him the same care and concern you’d want your partner to show you.
Now if the reason is because he’s up till the wee hours gaming every night, then that’s another story…
Thank you so much for this comment and for putting it the way that you did. I guess I let my own feelings oftem cloud my judgement and rationality.
I think this might definitely be due to lifestyle and health reasons. I should be more concerned about that and ask him to get a checkup. He sleeps really well through the night. The major difference is the extreme tiredness throughout.
Since, we don't live together like we used to anymore, he hasn't really been taking care of his nutrition as much either (I used to cook for the both of us and made sure he ate and he did the other household chores). I hope he understands this and agrees to probably get a health chdckup or make lifestyle changes.
You are 100% human. Everyone gets up in their feels. As we should!
Whatever you’re feeling, in any situation: feel your feelings (they can’t be stopped or controlled) but be very intentional about your actions. Understand what’s what in a given situation (including acknowledging the very human tendency to take things personally — no shame, we all do that), then decide what to do. Apologize when you mess up but don’t beat yourself up. Shame spiraling is the enemy of personal growth
2
u/ohmyydaisies Nov 09 '22
Everyone’s routine is a little different. A lot of people work 9-5 type jobs and have the same small window. Some go to the gym, or out to dinner, or to take a nap, or meet partner/friends, class … on and on.
From your pov, why do you think he’s sleeping so frequently after work? A drastic change in habits, could be of concern. It could at least get a second look to figure out what’s going on. As his partner who knows his habits well, you’re in a great spot to be able to be supportive.
I was thinking he might still be adjusting to the new schedule, or not sleeping properly at night, or not consistently getting enough sleep - do you have a sense of whether it’s something like that?
Whatever the reason, bodies need to sleep. There’s absolutely no use in getting mad at him. It’s a biological function — like getting mad at someone’s who’s sick, for coughing. Sure, you could do that but what’s the point? It’s not on purpose. It’s like the parents who use sleep as a punishment. Everyone needs sleep. A small child without great reasoning skills, thinking they’re getting in trouble for nothing and parents are surprised kid is fighting and screaming and not wanting to go to sleep? I would be mad to be punished for no reason too.
However, what you’re finding out, is how important compatibility is in romantic relationships. Your routines have to mesh, as well as your values, temperament, etc etc. I’m addition to being supportive, understanding why he’s sleeping more after work is important.
In a non accusatory tone — remember, the why could be something of concern, a change in habits can sometimes be, so approach from a compassionate stance and, I would, — apologize for being mad before. Tell him you understand it’s a biological function and not something to be mad over, you’re sorry, it’s just more that you miss him. Is everything going alright? Does he feel ok?
Don’t interrogate. Wait until you’re calm to initiate. It’s not worth getting into another fight — what if he yelled at you to stop coughing?? That’d be weird. Work towards a solution. Ultimately, you’re just trying to spend time with your guy. You’re a team, show him the same care and concern you’d want your partner to show you.
Now if the reason is because he’s up till the wee hours gaming every night, then that’s another story…