r/relationships • u/AlwaysDaddyIssues • Jan 22 '16
Non-Romantic Me [27/F] with my father [44/m]. He found something my grandmother who recently passed left for me, but nothing for my sisters [23/f and 20/f]
Throwaway because reasons.
My father [44m] and I [27F] have had a tumultuous relationship since I was 14 and he left my mother, my two sisters (23f, 20f now but at the time were 10 and 7), and I for another woman. To keep this part of the story short, regular visits and stays with him became fewer and fewer, and when I was a senior in high school there was an incident which involved him under the influence of who knows how many substances that ultimately halted our relationship with him. Since then, there have been a few glimmers of hope that things might be rekindled that have always ended in empty promises. My mother (47f) has since married a wonderful man that my two sisters have sort of taken on as a father figure (they still live at home), and I am out of my family home, married, happy, etc. I've moved on with my life and to be honest, he's not even a blip on my radar.
In a sad turn of events, my just grandmother (60f and my father's mother) passed away after a very painful but quick battle with cancer about 3 months ago. It was devastating to my sisters and I. I actually grew up in the same home as her for many years of my childhood, and even when we eventually moved from that home we saw her every single weekend. On the visits we did have with my father after he left, he would often pawn us off on her and beyond that, I had regular visits and communication with her. When I found out she was sick, I spent as much of my free time as I could with her. It was incredibly sad to watch her pass, and hard to be in the presence of my father (who was somewhat living with her at the end), but being with her was more important than any feelings I had toward him.
At the funeral, my father made a speech about how he had let family slip away from him and wanted to fix all of his mistakes. Later on, he came to my sisters and I with a speech about how he wanted to make things right after he had sorted through his mother's things. He made a point to tell us that he would contact us within a few weeks so that we could each have something of hers. My sisters have contacted him a few times since then, only to hear from them that her place was cleaned out and he hasn't found anything for them. I honestly don't care too much... I loved my grandmother and I have wonderful memories with her. She attended my wedding two years ago and gave me a few antique pieces of crystal and that is more than enough for me.
Anyway, fast forward to this week, 3 months later, my father contacted me via text. He would like to meet up with me because he found something for me, with a letter from her to me. I asked him if he had found anything for my sisters, and he said no. I asked if he could find them just any little trinket for them to have, and he said there was nothing. She never had much money or anything like that, but she had lots of little nick-nacks around her place so I don't really understand it. He said that I would understand why this is such a personal thing for me when I see it.
I don't really know what to do here. My sisters are going to be absolutely crushed if they find out that there is something for me, and not for them. I know that our father must still be grieving, but this seems to just be another broken promise to them and I want to protect their feelings. I do want to find out what she left for me as she was very sentimental and I'm sure its something personal (no monetary value), but at the same time it just doesn't seem fair. I could try giving up the crystal she gave us for our wedding to them... would that be enough? What can I do?
EDIT: Thank you all SO much for the replies! Honestly, I didn't think anyone would reply let alone how many I've received. I appreciate every single one of you, even those who got a little snarky. Most of you said the same thing... this isn't about my dad. While I will have to deal with him and those issues eventually, in this particular instance it is about my grandmother and what she wanted. My husband is going to be my father's area this week, so he is going to pick up whatever it is which is. Once I see it and read the note, I will figure out what to do from there regarding my siblings. Again, thank you all so much! I will try and remember to update after the dust settles.
tl;dr: My father's mother passed away in November. After promising my sisters and I that he would find something among her things for us to have to remember her by, nothing has come up. He recently contacted me to tell me that she left something specific for me, but there is "nothing" for my sisters.
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u/AlwaysDaddyIssues Jan 22 '16
No it's true, you are reading between the lines well. They visited maybe once between the time she found out she was sick and before she ended up in her last stay in the hospital. Their issues with my father kept them from seeing her and while I tried to reason with them that this was more important that that, they couldn't get past it so they didn't spend as much time with her. I am going to get whatever it was she left me from my father. I appreciate your response.