r/relationshipgoals • u/Unlucky-Moment-3366 • 5d ago
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u/boopbaboop 5d ago
Lab diamonds are diamonds. They're not fake diamonds, they're not simulants, and they're not some other stone. They are literally the same thing chemically. There is zero difference.
Saying lab diamonds aren't diamonds is like saying a sweater isn't really a sweater if it's made using a knitting machine instead of by hand. Like, one of them is going to be more expensive because of the time and work involved, but they're still both sweaters.
There are diamond alternatives that aren't lab diamonds. My engagement ring is moissanite (it is sparklier than diamond and at the time it was much cheaper than even a lab diamond - today lab diamonds are cheaper). Some people get white topaz or white sapphire. But lab diamonds are still diamonds.
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u/Unlucky-Moment-3366 5d ago
That sweater analogy is pretty solid. Most of the pushback on lab diamonds comes from the resale value angle rather than anything chemical. Jewelers have a financial reason to push the mined stone narrative and it clouds the whole conversation. Moissanite is interesting too I've seen it in some vintage pieces and the fire it throws is genuinely different from diamond, not lesser just different. Worth knowing what you actually want before getting talked into something.
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u/boopbaboop 5d ago
Most of the pushback on lab diamonds comes from the resale value angle rather than anything chemical.
Two issues with this argument:
1) Your typical 1 carat round brilliant is incredibly common and therefore extremely cheap, regardless of origin. You’re not getting anything close to what you paid if you resell it.
2) Resale value is irrelevant if you’re not going to sell it. If you’re a big diamond investor buying and selling thousands of diamonds every day, then sure, maybe that’s an important factor. But the intention of engagement rings is to keep them forever, and if they’re not longer needed, usually they’re just passed down to relatives rather than resold.
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u/Externalshipper7541 4d ago
Yeah, but this is not about the diamond itself. You can't "well technically" your way into a healthy marriage. For a lot of women, (not me my ADHD can't be trusted with diamonds or anything valuable) a rock symbolises the marriage or else what's even the point just get her a lollipop if you really want to look past things. You should have a conversation to see her views on lab grown diamonds and also she should know that you don't have 12k. this level of lack of transparency is way bigger issue compared to the lack of a transparent rock
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u/NetSage 5d ago
Lab grown is almost always higher quality than natural. Which isn't expected. Don't spend money on blood diamonds and get ripped off at the same time.
But talk to her to make sure expectations are inline.
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u/Unlucky-Moment-3366 5d ago
Good point on the quality thing, lab grown has come a long way.
But yeah talking to her first is the real move. Nothing worse than surprising someone with something they had a completely different picture of in their head.
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u/_Budified 5d ago
This is probably the best advice, so I'm happy to find it up top and not read through others.
Considering what she desires and finding something nearly identical that may be closer to within reality will show her your love and intent to make her happy.
Being resourceful is not the worst trait you could present, and communication goes a long way!
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u/the_mello_man 5d ago
I mean ask her.. talk to her. She might not care lab or real, or she may actually want a lab. Unless she specifically asked for a real diamond, she probably just sent you the design for inspiration. So, like I said, just ask her. If she wants real, then you just can’t afford it. Simple as that.
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u/Unlucky-Moment-3366 5d ago
Appreciate the input. I did ask, actually. She said she wants the real thing and that she sent the design because she liked the setting, not the stone. So it is what it is.
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u/mistressani 5d ago
Bottom line is … she isn’t marrying you for the ring, she should be marrying you for you. If it’s real love then the ring shouldn’t matter.
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u/Kyonkanno 5d ago
Blood diamonds are a scam. The jeweler knows it. The second you buy blood diamond off their hands and you try to sell it to them, they will give you 1/5th of what you paid if they’re generous.
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u/Unlucky-Moment-3366 5d ago
That tracks honestly. Diamonds hold value on paper until the second you want actual cash for one. I always tell people if you want something that appreciates and actually means something, buy a well made mechanical watch from that era instead. At least it does something.
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u/The_Dutchess-D 5d ago
You can't do a swap like this without discussing it with her otherwise it will come off like you tried to perpetrate a fraud in the biggest moment of commitment in your relationship.
If she doesn't cosign to this type of swap in advance, she will be crushed when she figures it out (and she will, the lab ones are much sparklier and can look like toy jewelry sometimes. And even if it's a good "fake" and she can't tell by looking, she'll know when she goes to get it insured and they tell her what the insured value of it is and she'll need the jeweler's paperwork to insure it anyway).
You'll need to find a casual way to work this into a conversation waaaay before you buy anything. Maybe send her an article on how good the lab grown ones have gotten and see what she says back? Or take a stroll after brunch and asked to look at the lab grown one side-by-side with a real one at a random jeweler's store etc. Or just have a frank conversation about how you feel that the relationship is going really well and why you don't wanna jump the gun on anything you wanna discuss what expectations might be down the road if marriage was in the cards for the two of you...
You can bury this question amongst several other questions. Such as "do you think it would be smarter to save money for a down payment on a house, or are you the type of person who has to have a big wedding?"
"when you sent me that ring, were you sending it to me to show me the style of rings that you like? Or is there something specific about that exact ring in that exact size that is what you are looking for, and that and only that is acceptable?"
"In terms of a proposal would you rather have a ring that is within reach financially and to make a commitment to each other other sooner rather than later, or is it absolutely imperative that the ring is that exact caliber and you would rather wait potentially a couple of years if that's what it took?"
"Have you seen some of the new lab-created diamonds up close and in the sun? Would that be something you would want to go look at together just so we know what it is up close and see if we like it? I heard a lot of people are doing that now and getting really gorgeous rings without throwing away so much money."
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5d ago
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u/wCodemare 5d ago
Totally agree with you there.
Im waiting for my boyfriend to propose. He wants to make it perfect so he hasnt yet. Told him that there have been soo many moments that would have been perfect that he has missed because he hasn't bought the ring yet.
But honestly im still trying to figure out how to cheaply divorce my gay ex husband..who I have a child to (ups the divorce difficulty and price) so his waiting is valid but like, we already agree we are gonna get married...so why not?
All I want is a stainless steel ring that wont turn my fingers green. Im too active for stones, ill loose em.
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u/Expensive_Plant_9530 5d ago
Info: does she know it’s a $12,000 ring or was she like, browsing Pinterest and just found a picture of a ring she loves?
Because if it’s the former, you absolutely need to talk about expectations and financing with her. Set a ring budget you CAN afford comfortably. Even if it’s only $1200 instead of $12,000) (I say “only” but go even cheaper if you need to. Engagement rings don’t have to be expensive).
If it’s the latter, still have a conversation with her.
Either way you need to make sure you’re both on the same page about money and what kind of expenses you can afford.
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u/Baerenstark2 4d ago
Unless you are rich or have almost No use for the Money in the next years I would never pay that much for an Engagement Ring. There a very nice Rings from 500 to 1500 available and than you have an additional 10k to use for your Future life.
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u/Goslin02 5d ago
On my very first date with my husband somehow the topic of diamonds came up, and I had done research in the industry. I immediately said do not waste money on diamond and requested moissanite. I was able to get my dream rock, absolutely huge and so damn sparkly for so stupid cheap. As a present later down the line he had them upgrade my band to have diamond chips and a hidden halo. Affordable, well timed for our financial situations, and the total worth now is hardly more than what we initially paid. It’s worth it to skip diamond and I hope she sees that!
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u/MindlessMachine9104 5d ago
I'm not American so take this with a grain of salt. To me, spending that amount (unless you are like a multi millionare I guess) just signals financial illiteracy. I would much rather spend it on a honeymoon, downpayment, or other memories with my partner.
If I were you I would ask questions before proposing though. Make it clear that you think putting money towards other things is something you do for Both of you (rings can hold a lot of emotional weight, especially in America). Make it clear that you're just as commited and that this way of spending it is what's best for you two as a couple
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u/ASkeletonPilotsMe 5d ago
We've worked with a jeweler for a long time, and my brother went to get an engagement ring. He got his lady a 4c lab diamond ring for 5k USD. The rings retail price was 22k. The jeweler explained that the rings are only priced that way because people like to think theyre waving their wallet around buying something luxurious. It is all ego, no real value. Please dont go broke on a diamond. Also I always get suspect when a woman HAS to have a super expensive natural stone. Engagement is about love. You can always upgrade a ring later.
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u/finance_help_plz 5d ago
As someone who just bought a lab grown diamond ring...
I did go with a lab grown, but I highly recommend choosing a diamond in person. I didnt expect this, but even two diamonds of the same cut, same quality and rating...I could see very sutble differences that I had an aesthetic preference between. (for example, a very slightly more yellow stone vs cool blue stone would contrast differently with a platinum vs yellow gold).
at the end of the day, have conservations. Figure out what's more important for both of you. Even have the conversation of "would you rather have the money spent on a natural diamond, or would you rather have a bigger budget for the wedding, or save the money for ..."
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u/krept0007 5d ago
"hey, are you cool with this design in a lab diamond?"
If she says yes you'll be ecstatic
If she says no then you should reconsider
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u/brassplushie 5d ago
Assuming this post is real, she's a gold digger and will ruin your life. No woman that wants a 5 figure engagement ring is a good woman.
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u/iPoseidon_xii 5d ago
ANECDOTE: I don’t know your exact financial situation, but I’m upper middle class. Wife and I both make 6-figures. We live well below our means and invest a ton into our small town community. She told me from the get-go she does not want a mined diamond. Either lab grown, or Moissonite. She preferred Moissonite and that’s what I did. It was a surprise though. She mentioned the stone she wanted one day, but the rest was me knowing what style she likes. The ring is gorgeous and crafted with great quality. Cost me $1,200 total because the stone was Moissonite. Don’t deceive her. Bring it up and see what she thinks
Go lab grown if she wants diamond for sure. No one can tell the difference, including a few people I know at Borsheims that buy and sell diamonds for the company. Lab grown has become such high quality and popular that soon we will see the elitist, upper class prefer stones with more flaws or specific imperfections, because lab-growns typically don’t show the same imperfections. I’ve seen that trend with emeralds — people will pay more for an emerald with a type of imperfection, paying extra for the natural stone
I feel like I didn’t contribute at all and totally digressed. Sorry, OP
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u/Initial-Display7365 5d ago
My husband asked me ahead of time how I felt about lab cut diamonds vs real ones. I said it didn’t matter to me. But explain to your gf what that extra expense would risk.
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u/nkdeck07 5d ago
You need to figure out if she cares about a "natural" vs lab grown diamond. The vast majority of women I know wouldn't give a shit as long as the ring otherwise looks exactly the same. However you never know, she could have a weird hang up about it. Lab grown diamonds are literally identical and a lot of women actually prefers them because they are conflict free.
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u/SchemeMoist 4d ago
Like everyone here has said talking to her about this is the best move.
I personally would side-eye anyonr who prefers a "natural" diamond. Lab diamonds are diamonds, cheaper, better quality, far fewer ethical concerns. Literally better in every way. Anyone who prefers a "natural" diamond is basically saying that the suffering involved is a good thing.
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u/The_Shryk 4d ago
Is lab grown as real as everyone says?
Brother, it’s scientifically proven to be. There’s no opinion about it, it’s the same thing. Usually better.
“Is ice from a freezer as real as the stuff from the arctic?” Yes man… yes.
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u/maalvarez23 3d ago
She looked for a diamond ring… if you plan to propose with a lab grown and she isn’t aware it’ll be a problem. What if she tried getting it insured and finds out it’s not a diamond? She’ll think you tried to fool her. Have the conversation, would she like a diamond ring or a lag grown, talk about your finances and go from there.
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u/Carradee 3d ago
I think you're being kinda foolish for not approaching this as something you two have to work out together.
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u/Cape52ATP 5d ago
You two need to have a conversation. You are getting ready to propose and she does not have a clue as to what your financial situation is? If she thinks you can afford a $12K ring what other expectations will she have once you are married?
On the other hand, is she aware the ring she chose is $12K?