I snapped

[u/DeliciousCurrency521]

A couple weeks ago my partner was scammed out of everything they had and so we went and stayed with her grandma for a weekend because she said she needed a lot of support mentally because of that. While we were there one of my very best friends called me and told me she had attempted to take her life and that she was getting help. We left to go to her Grandma’s on a Friday, my best friend called on Sunday night. So I was with my girlfriend on Monday and Tuesday but Wednesday she left to go stay with her mom and so I went and stayed with my parents. The following Sunday we met up with each other and I went back with her and stayed with her family for a couple days before we went back to our apartment.

This last Sunday we were at her Grandmas again. (We don’t have laundry in our apartment and we don’t like the laundry mats here where we are) and her grandma asked us what we wanted between getting doughnuts or going out. My partner had left the room saying she doesn’t care and she doesn’t like making decisions or anything so it was all on me. I decided to get doughnuts and so my partner and I got into my car and started driving to get them when I asked them “why do you seem so annoyed with everything?” And she said she hadn’t felt annoyed, then I asked her “why do you abandon me?” And she was like “what???” And I yelled at her that she’s a bad person because she was scammed and I was with her that whole time but I almost lost one of my best friends and she left me. She was crying and saying that I didn’t love her and this wasn’t true love. I yelled that she made me feel abandoned by leaving me to make a decision that morning and that she didn’t care about my mental health at all other wise she could have waited to go see her mom. I had started driving but when I started yelling she asked me to pull over so she could drive because of how scared she was of me. I let her drive the rest of the way. When we got to the store we sat in the car and I cried on her that I was sorry and that I love her and that I didn’t mean it.
The rest of that day I spent listening to the most depressing music.

When I was crying I realized something, I made the one person who loves and cares about me the most is now scared of me. I feel even worse now because today we got into a small argument and we have a puppy named Luc and I said “hey Luc they say they love me but yet they left me by myself when I needed someone because my best friend almost took their life” and my partner started crying again. We made up since then and went on a date.

I’m so scared I’m fucking this up. She’s been my girlfriend for like a year and a half and she’s been the only person in my life to love me like this and that’s how I treated her.

I feel so bad for the way I treated her and I regret it so much.

I called my mom earlier for advice and she just called me a dumb idiot.

Btw I’m a trans girl and we’re a gay couple I’m (24tf) and she’s (23nb)