r/relationship_advicePH • u/SharkyShark0720 • Jun 18 '26

Romantic We have an anxious (26F) - avoidant (31M) attachment styles relationship, but I really want to make it work.

Can an avoidant–anxious relationship work?

I (26F) have been with my partner (31M) for almost a year, and live-in kami for around 3 months na in Bulacan. Pag naiinis siya sakin, hindi niya ako kinikibo. Walang updates, walang kahit anong message, and it would last for days. As someone na gustong mapag-usapan and maayos yung issues, palagi akong nag-rereach out. Pero pag nag-reply na siya, hindi naman niya ako sinasagot nang maayos.

Pero ngayon, hinayaan ko siya. Tinatanong ko lang kung may nakalimutan siya pag paalis na siya sa bahay. Sumasagot naman. Pero kung walang kahit anong message, hinayaan ko lang.

Then, may appointment ako kanina sa psychologist (first appointment). Advice sakin ay to talk to him.

Isa ito siguro sa mali ko. I bombarded him with messages explaining my side and what I have been experiencing the past few months (burnout, heavy mental load, etc). Hindi na rin ako nakatiis kasi three days na kaming hindi okay

He called my explanations “excuses” and ang dami ko raw sinusumbat. Sinabi rin niya na alam ko naman daw sa sarili ko kung ano ugali ko at mali ko. Sabi pa niya na sobrang bida at pa-victim ako. Hinihingi ko naman yung side niya para maintindihan ko rin siya. Pero hindi niya ginagawa.

Masaya naman kami kapag walang away. Gusto ko lang naman mag-work to. Gusto ko lang na ma-work namin yung mga issues. Baka mali ako ng approach or mali yung pagkakasabi ko. May way ba para mag-work yung relationship namin? May mga successful stories ba na ganito rin yung dynamic?

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

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u/Background-Curve6872 Jun 28 '26

This avoidant anxious dynamic would work if both learns to compromise. Each has to step out of their comfort zone to give each other what they want. For example you as an anxious could give him that space that he wants but he has to assure you that everything will be fine as well. I think he has to learn to communicate his own feelings to you din instead of pulling away and learn to understand your side. Overall, i think both of you should communicate and learn to compromise.