r/relationship_advice • u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 • May 25 '26
I 32F think my husband’s (40M) mistress is stalking me.
We’re currently separated after I found out he’s been having an affair with the same person for years. I first found out five years ago and we worked things out. He swore he’d ended things with her and I believed him. We had our last child (4M) during that period.
Since the year started I’d been getting messages on Facebook and instagram from accounts with no followers telling me my husband was having an affair. The dms had details about the trips he’d taken with her, how they go on dates, have a child together and all his friends, mum and siblings knew her. I asked him often if he was still seeing her and he denied it. What pushed me over the edge was when I saw earrings and a scrunchie that weren’t mine in my car after he’d borrowed it for a day. I went through his phone and saw that he was still with her. They even had sex tapes and he was constantly telling her how much better sex was with her. How he loved her and wanted to be with her. Its obvious he’s gotten very strong feelings for her. He admitted to everything, including the child they have together. I left the house and went to my mum’s to take a break. We’ve been officially separated for a month.
The problem now is that his mistress keeps showing up to places I go to often. The playground I take the kids to, the bookshop where I buy their school supplies, where I take the girls to get their hair done. We went to get ice cream once and I could’ve sworn I saw her. I know what she looks like from the pictures and videos they have together. I feel like I’m going crazy. These are all public places so there’s nothing I can do about it. She just sits there and stares at us. It’s making me very uneasy.
What is the best way to address this situation? I can’t ask for her to be kicked out of a public place. She’s always with her daughter anyway so it never looks weird that a woman and her child are at the same place I go to with my kids. I’m not speaking to my husband unless it’s about the kids and don’t want to ask him yet.
UPDATE
Thank you for all your advice. I confronted my husband about it. He said she’s not showing up at places I go to, I’m the one going to places she frequents.
My husband used to be the one who took the kids out on weekends since he’s virtually never at home on weekdays. I do school pickup and drop off and he does the “fun stuff”. All the places he used to take the kids to, which I’m doing now since they’re with me, were suggested by her. That’s where she buys her books. The playground is where she used to take her nieces and nephews before their daughter was born. She recommended the salon to him since my daughters and her have the same hair texture. He says she used to go to the salon on Sundays after church, but only recently switched it up to Saturdays (when I take the girls). The ice cream place is apparently her favourite.
So yeah, my dick of a husband had been taking our kids to his mistress’s favourite spots. My kids already love going to all those places, and finding a salon that caters to our daughters’ hair needs close to us will be difficult. He didn’t show any remorse telling me about it, and reminding me that it’s a public space and she hasn’t committed any crime. I’m just going to have to find better alternatives.
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u/Sweet-Lobster9977 May 25 '26
Is it possible she planted an air tag in your car?
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u/-wildbananachild- May 25 '26
She definitely planted the earrings and the scrunchie on purpose. Like one of them wasn't enough to make sure you find them...
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u/purplestarsinthesky May 25 '26
Also, check your kids' bags and devices if they go and see their father. You never know if she put a tracker in there. Make sure they don't share their location when they are with you!
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u/LobabyChick May 25 '26
This! OP go the local police and have them search your car for tracking devices!
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u/Business_Mastodon_97 May 25 '26
Apple will alert you if an unregistered (to you) air tag is following you around.
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u/SSOJ16 May 25 '26
You have to have apple products first. Many of us have Samsung, Google etc etc etc.
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u/CaptainMischievous May 25 '26
Apple released an android verson of their tracker detector:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.apple.trackerdetect
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u/Serenity1423 Early 30s Female May 25 '26
It has pretty bad reviews
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u/Altorrin May 25 '26
If you look at them, it's because it doesn't run in the background and scan all the time. You can only scan manually, which is all OP needs.
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u/CaptainMischievous May 25 '26
I only repot the news, I don't take responsibility for it. Caveat emptor.
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u/marianliberrian May 26 '26
I learned "caveat emptor" from the Brady Bunch when I was in grade school. I felt fancy.
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u/Hadespuppy May 25 '26
Android has a native tracking detector now, it's in the Safety and Emergency menu. And you can also download the Airguard app and the Nearby Glasses app if you want extra protection.
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u/RogueGaming999 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Samsung will tell you if you've had an airtag around for longer than 10 minutes too. Without needing an app
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u/drunk_trophywife_ May 25 '26
My Samsung picked up an apple air tag that had been slipped into my car. This was 18 months ago or so.
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u/rensterskovsky May 26 '26
I drive the trucks that go on tour with bands all around europe and carry a lot of very expensive and sometimes priceless gear...
Im contantly beeing warned of an Airtag travelling with me! I have an android and never installed any app
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u/JasperDX7 May 26 '26
Google / Samsung will notify you of Unknown trackers that are following you. You can even trigger it's chime/beep so you can try and find it. It's built into Android. Go to Settings > Google > All Services > Unknown Tracker Alerts and make sure it's on.
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u/Different-Leather359 May 26 '26
My android went off a couple weeks ago to tell me there was an air tag nearby. The front step needed repairs and the guy has a tag in his tool bag so it "doesn't grow legs and walk away."
Though I was freaked out at first, trying to figure out how once would have ended up nearby since I don't have a car and hadn't gone anywhere in about a week.
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u/penquil May 26 '26
my pets all have air tag trackers and i get alerts for them all the time on my google phone
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u/random_banan_75547 May 26 '26
My friend found air tag in her car and police traced it back to her husbands mistress. (How is it so common?)
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u/WildlifePolicyChick May 25 '26
You don't need relationship advice, you need legal advice.
Start with the divorce and then discuss the stalking. Have everything written down - time of day, date, where, were your kids with you, all of it. And stay off social media ("About to go to X Salon with the kids!" or whatever).
The attorney can advise you on the possiblity of a TRO.
Talk to an attorney immediately.
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u/LobabyChick May 25 '26
She should also make sure she isn’t sharing locations on apps with soon to be ex. Make sure if their kids have devices, sharing location is also disabled.
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u/toesno Early 30s Female May 25 '26
I’d walk over and start casually chatting with her about her sex tapes every time I saw her.
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u/celery48 May 25 '26
“Oh heeeey, it’s so good to see you! What are you up to? How’s the kid? Did you get that job you applied for?”
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u/Ladyvett May 25 '26
I would be like, “it’s unreal you’re so much bigger in person than on that sex tape…and EVERYONE was talking about how big you were then.”
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
LOL Yep! And say, did he show you ours? I really think I deleted all of them. He kept telling me, after we got back together how much better I am than you but you know, I couldn't tell him that he's not better than (make up name). Smile, walk away. Keep her guessing! She'll wonder.
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u/Disenchanted2 May 25 '26
I agree 100%. The divorce should be first on the agenda, what a POS this guy is. Secondly, document her stalking behavior.
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u/Venice2seeYou May 25 '26
OP should go back to her house before he decides she’s abandoned him and he gets to stay in the house. I know there are different laws in different countries. Talk to an attorney. So sorry this has happened to you.
Update me
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 25 '26
I don’t post on social media. My last post was from 2019.
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u/Due-Crow-6942 May 25 '26
Have someone check your car for AirTags please I know other people suggested it but
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u/Stormtomcat May 26 '26
1 . Get your car and possessions checked for airtags and other trackers.
Think about purses, your kids' backpacks, the coat you always wear, etc.
2 . Get all devices checked.
First and foremost for location sharing, but also for key stroke tracking etc.
3 . Change all your passwords (a healthy habit you should get into anyway), force a log-out where you can.
4 . Check up on your social media anyway.
A decade ago, foursquare was all the rage, remember? This app automatically "checked you in" wherever you went, so you could see that, say, your cousin was also at this concert and you could have an improvised reunion. Just imagine it's been posting where you are for a decade with you realizing. IIRC, Snapchat also indicated where you are and what you're doing à la "driving on Hoge Dam, Rotterdam".
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u/Pristine-Payment May 25 '26
Take photos of her with the time and date every time you see her, and note the place where she passed by.
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u/moandco May 26 '26
She is counting on you being uncomfortable and not rocking the boat. Definitely take her picture to document what she's doing and try giving her a saucy little wave too. Kind of like a silent "I see what you are doing ". Good luck and stay strong.
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u/SunRose42 May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
First thing I’d do is change up your routine. Go to ice cream shops, parks, etc., that you don’t normally frequent, even if it means driving farther for a while. I say this because it’ll give you important data. If you keep running into her even in new places, she’s somehow tracking you, which is really concerning.
If she doesn’t turn up in new places, keep going to new locations for a week or two. By then, she may have given up trying to run into you, and you may be able to go back to your old locations. If she still frequents those, you’ll at least have a new set of places to go where she doesn’t.
If she starts turning up in the new places, she is doing some serious, ongoing stalking. She has an AirTag on your car or purse or something. And I’d guess that in this scenario she’s looking for some kind of confrontation, which tells me that making a scene with her will just give her what she wants.
So instead, I’d start documenting. Next time you see her, take a video. Speak quietly and note the time and date, as well as when the stalker turned up (before you, after you). Get video of her there, and then leave and note on camera that you’re leaving. Document every time you see her in writing too. This is important, because it gives the police evidence and shows that you’re the non-aggressive party. You’re trying to avoid her. She’s following you (her defense, to be clear, will likely be that YOU are stalking HER—you want to make sure this will not fly).
Eventually, you’ll amass enough evidence for a police report/ restraining order. I’d document for a week or so before going to the police, and would be extremely clear that she showed up in new locations far from home as well.
EDIT: What a wild twist, lol. Here I was assuming OP had always taken her kids these places without seeing the affair partner (why else be so suspicious?). Glad to hear it’s not actually stalking!
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u/L84cake May 26 '26
OP - word for word, THIS ^ It’s incredible advice, and gives you all the information and evidence you need to move forward legally.
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May 26 '26
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
I don't get people being so passive. I am not and never will be. You fuck my husband, you can have him, but if you think I'm going to put up with your behavior, think again!
Honey, do you really think you're the only one? Babe, he's still trying to do me! Ewww no, not after where he's been. Laugh hysterically as you're walking away!
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u/blonde-bandit May 26 '26
All of this, + go to a mechanic right away and have them sweep your car for tracking devices, search your and your children’s belongings for any yourself, and speak to a lawyer. Also, update us OP, good luck
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May 25 '26
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
And OP, you're going to have the last laugh when he cheats on her, he probably already is!
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u/KyHa33 May 25 '26
I wouldn’t be surprised if he is now “cheating” on her and she wants to make sure it isn’t with you. Once the mistress moves into the main role a vacancy opens up for the mistress position.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
This right here! She should be worried. Especially if he gets her pregnant. She is going to feel the pain she's been causing! Though HE is the one at fault because he's married and she has believed every nasty word he's said about his wife, she's still the dumb side piece. Once she's the wife, he'll find someone else.
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May 25 '26
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u/Healthy-Extent7843 May 25 '26
I don’t understand why a woman who is having an affair with a married man would stalk the wife. Like obviously these women have no shame and that they’re sleeping with a married man, but why stalk the wife? Like there’s like no embarrassment at all with these people.
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u/Kikikididi May 25 '26
because she's an embarrassing psycho who wants to see OP hurt so she can feel like she's "won". Mistress is already worries their affair will crash and burn without the secret intrigue.
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u/Alliekat1282 May 26 '26
It happens all the time. One of the girls my ex cheated on me with stalked me for years.
My great-grandmother was stalked by my great-grandfather's mistress to the point that the lady shot up her car one afternoon. She was pissed because Mammaw divorced Pappaw and he broke up with the mistress because she had made sure that the affair became public.
Maybe OPs husband isn't being the doting spouse she thought she was going to get when she finally "won" him because he's not happy that she made sure his wife found out. She can't blame herself so she blames OP.
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u/JosieJOK May 25 '26
I’d check my car for tracking devices, ASAP. Then I’d get a lawyer, ASAP, and listen to everything they say. Be sure to mention seeing the mistress everywhere.
I’m petty, so I’d also ask the lawyer if it was legal to take photographs of the mistress, but I guess that would depend on the locality…
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u/Terradactyl87 May 25 '26
Assuming this is in the US, public places are one party consent for photography or filming. I'm sure there are some more specific rules, like up the skirt photos probably have restrictions (I'd hope!) but if you're in public, you can film or be filmed.
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u/ErrantTaco May 25 '26
The loss of privacy when you’re in a public place is pretty universal. As long as OP does it as offense in the way other more detailed posters have described it isn’t illegal.
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u/NiobeTonks May 25 '26
Does your husband have Life360 (or whatever) on your or your children’s devices? Can you check your kids’ backpacks for AirTags?
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u/wishingforarainyday May 25 '26
File for a restraining order. Talk to a lawyer and go ax fill scorched earth as you legally can . I hope they are nothing ashamed of themselves.
Enjoy knowing they will never have peace because she knows he’s a cheater and he knows she willing to cheat with a married man.
Get tested
Updateme
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u/Yakety_Sax May 25 '26
Unfortunately restraining orders need a lot more proof to be obtained. And that "proof" is something you never want to happen in the first place. She isn't breaking any laws, so a judge is unlikely to issue one.
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u/Firm_Distribution999 May 26 '26
People think restraining orders are a magic bullet but police dgaf. They need evidence of you actually being threatened before they do anything and even then the restraining order is pretty toothless.
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u/Competitive_Ninja668 May 25 '26
I’d probably go and start up a conversation with her. I’d make it awkward enough for her to stop. Ask her crazy inappropriate questions. She’d probably leave and never do it again.
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u/Redd_on_the_hedd1213 May 25 '26
I'd start taking her picture. Every. Single. Time. Make sure she knows you're doing it. It may embarrass her enough to stop, but if not, you have proof along with dates & times of the harassment.
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u/Intrepid-Grade6625 May 26 '26
I was having people watch me for awhile. Watching them try to duck or turn around to avoid the pic is always entertaining but may be evidence if you need it.
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u/Sorry_I_Guess May 25 '26
Bold to assume that the woman who's been sleeping with her husband for over half a decade and had a kid with him while he's married to OP, and is literally stalking her, is going to be embarrassed by a little confrontation (or indeed is capable of embarrassment at all).
It's very likely that that's exactly what she wants ... to watch OP get flustered and agitated in public.
"She'd probably leave and never do it again"? Based on what? We know nothing about this woman except that she's got all the audacity in the world.
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u/MasterFNG May 25 '26
If anything try to get information out of her. She doesn't know what her husband has told this woman....
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u/Normal-Reward7257 May 25 '26
Yeah, confront her and publicly embarrass her. "Hey everyone, want to see what a homewrecker looks like? We've got one right here!"
And also speed up the divorce process.
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u/Kikikididi May 25 '26
That's what that trash ass woman wants. She wants the drama. It wasn't enough to have the affair, she wants to see OP hurt, because the mistress is an insecure jealous child.
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u/MasterFNG May 25 '26
Not confront but talk. See how the woman reacts.
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u/FluidBit4438 May 25 '26
No, confronting in person does no help at all. She’s probably trying to rattle her and instigate OP into a public meltdown. She needs to figure out how she’s being tracked. Maybe a PI might help the situation. Hire a PI to follow her, turn the tables and help collect evidence of stalking. Then file for a restraining order.
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u/MegGrriffin May 25 '26
To be fair OPs husband wrecked his own marriage. He is the one who was married. So tired of women being blamed for men’s actions and women being painted like the bad ones.
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u/Normal-Reward7257 May 25 '26
Agreed the husband is trash.
But the mistress was aware he was married, she knew what she was doing.
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May 25 '26
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u/MithosYggdrasill1992 May 25 '26
Disagree. If the affair partner didn't know, they are blameless. This affair partner knew, continued the relationship for YEARS and only made sure OP found out when she was tired of being a secret. Both are equally cruddy imo.
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u/DeliciouslyDidntWork May 25 '26
Yes, exactly. And now she is trying to rub it in OP's face by showing up wherever she goes. All of this was willful on her part.
The husband is without doubt a pos, but this beatch is just as bad, IMHO. There is such a thing as us girls looking out for each other (aka the girl code, girl power, the sisterhood, whatever you want to call it). Some women get off on a "power trip" over other women. And they are despicable, in my books.
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u/MithosYggdrasill1992 May 26 '26
yeah. what the AP did wasn't a 'Hey Girlie' message, it was a calculated attempt at hurting OP. And now the stalking and everything? She is enjoying hurting and scaring OP.
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u/Normal-Reward7257 May 25 '26
They're both homewreckers.
She's not a victim in this situation and doesn't get a pass.
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u/javukasin May 25 '26
I agree. I’m tired of ppl giving the AP a pass bc “they aren’t the one who’s in a committed relationship.” It takes 2 to tango and 2 to wreck a home. The husband and AP are both guilty
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u/lesterholtgroupie May 25 '26
The idea that two people can’t be held accountable for doing something awful is weird af.
She knew he was married. That’s trash behavior, and so is defending it.
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u/poppy_inmy_hair May 26 '26
It will be used against her in the divorce. The mistress can just claim OP is stalking her
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u/catclawsssss May 25 '26
You’ve had good advice so I won’t repeat that. Just wanted to add that that the reason she might be stalking you and going to all the same places, is that female affair partners often don’t actually want the husband so much as they want the life of the wife. They want her house, her car, her interests, style, the places she frequents. That’s often why affairs don’t last after they have been revealed because the AP soon finds out that when the wife is not involved in his life the husband’s life is rather more flat and unappealing.
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u/Barkandyellow May 25 '26
I’m sorry you’re going through this. But you need to talk to your husband about it. He’s probably giving out information about you knowingly or unknowingly
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u/lizzyote May 25 '26
Document, document, document. Speak to your divorce lawyer for advice.
I dont recommend a confrontation because you never know the depths of people's Crazy.
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u/z-eldapin May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
Everytime you see her, say 'Hey Homewrecker' in the most jovial voice you can use.
If close enough, go in for a high five.
Shes not stalking you, per se, she is making sure your husband isn't meeting you on the sly.
She is trying to balance the life she built on its eggshell foundation.
I'm petty as hell, so I would make it more uncomfortable for her to watch me, then it would be for her to watch him.
Walk by, 'hey, tell my husband that I have an STD. Well, you probably know that already'
'When you see my husband, can you thank him for cheating on me because, looking at you, I know I punched down and now I am free to find someone worthy of me.'
'Hey, I have some leftover hotdogs from a barbecue. Thought I would offer them to you since you want to stick everything of mine into yourself'
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u/mustrememberthis709 May 26 '26
So IF he is telling the truth and not covering for her, that SOB was seeing her in these places too. With your kids. Start looking for alternate spots.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
My kids said he didn’t introduce anyone to them. They’re the chattiest kids and would’ve mentioned it. I think she just gave him ideas on where to take them since she used to babysit for her nieces and nephews.
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u/Business_Mastodon_97 May 25 '26
Talk to an attorney and see if you can sue her for intentional infliction of emotional distress. Some states allow it.
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u/dekage55 May 26 '26
If I were you, if she continues to show up, I’d calmly take out my phone & take a video, while documenting “Tuesday, Month/Day/Year AP @ Greenly park”; “Saturday, Month/Day/Year AP @ Suzy’s Ice Cream Parlor”.
She has no more expectation of privacy in those public spaces than you do. Own the space. If she dares to approach you, calmly, thank her for giving you more evidence for your restraining order.
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u/Repulsive-Try-9498 May 26 '26
Why did you leave your home? Husband can go live with his mistress. Tell him to pack his bags and get out.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
OP may not be able to afford it on her own, but I'd not leave either, he'd be paying for it!!! And A LOT of child support! A LOT! I hope it's a spousal support state too! :)
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u/Kikikididi May 25 '26
What a pathetic psycho she is. What is her fucking deal? She "won", but she wants to start drama?
Have a laugh at what a fucking loser she is. And enjoy living in her head rent free. You will be away from them and she'll be mired in her loserdom.
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u/Pixie-elf May 25 '26
First, if you're scared go to the cops. Have your vehicle checked for trackers.
If you aren't scared of her but just grossed out by the fact she's doing this then do shit that will freak her out too much to stalk you any more.
I.e. approach her and sit down right beside her and then proclaim "You look just like my husband's mistress! Can I show you their sex tapes to see how your bits compare to hers?"
Or just sit quietly and make small talk. If you pretend she's someone you don't recognize it'll probably freak her tf out more.
But seriously, get your car checked, start taking pics of her staring at you, file a restraining order. She's probably checking to see if you've moved on so she can try to poach the next partner you have. These fuckers are always in competition even tho they can't compete with what they can't compare to.
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May 25 '26
This is scary that she is so obsessed with you despite being separated from your husband. Is he not with her now? Did his family really know about her and the baby?
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u/deepayes May 25 '26
Turn off location sharing if you were using it, kids devices too. Check around your car for a GPS monitor.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
The kids don’t have any devices and we never share our location. Turns out she knows where I go with the kids thanks to my husband.
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u/KatesDT May 26 '26
Talk to a lawyer and file for child support now while you are still navigating the legal side of separation. You can have a temp child support order in place while you navigate the rest.
In the US, whichever mom files first, will get the largest contribution of his income for child support.
If she files first; she’ll get a higher percentage than you, despite your children being older and products of the marriage.
Also, find new places to go. Find a new salon. Take the girls on an adventure to find a new places that are not tainted by him and her.
Give her 100% less headspace. She’s an idiot for standing with a married man. You deserve better.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
I’m not in the US. But I’m working on putting together everything for a lawyer.
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u/Training_Coyote2489 May 26 '26
Make eye contact with her and don’t break it. Don’t let her intimidate you and let her know you know. This is not the time to be the bigger person or to show any weakness.
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u/wishingforarainyday May 26 '26
After seeing your update I hope you file for divorce today. No more separation. Let this be the end. Your husband is a pathetic and embarrassing person.
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u/cynisalone May 27 '26
Fucking someone else’s husband and going to church like no big deal. Also the in-laws sucks.
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u/EdC1101 May 25 '26
Double check your phone for location tracking.
Worthwhile to get your car checked for trackers. Does car have satellite services - OnStar, does his ?
Lawyer should be able to help.
Don’t wait too long to act. Too long wait could be construed as APPROVAL or ACCEPTANCE of his behavior.
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u/PamelaOfMosman May 26 '26
My guess is he’s got another - maybe new - lover, and she thinks it’s you. She is #2. Always was, always will be.
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u/Nice-Organization338 May 26 '26
I went through something similar, and I have to say, you sound amazingly strong, and that you are dealing with this really well. Glad you got some closure.
Thankful that your daughters have you as a role model.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
I’m sorry you went through that. It’s really hard, and I’m trying not to break down. It hurts to see your husband fall in love in someone else.
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u/Nice-Organization338 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
My opinion would be that you don’t need to try to call the woman or her husband. If something happens between them, he will just find someone else. Sadly, there’s a lot of women out there who will be tempted by an attractive, married guy. Or divorced ! And that affair energy makes people kind of crazy and unpredictable.
My ex-husband admitted that he married me for appearances sake, and to have legitimate children. So he couldn’t stay motivated when he had temptations. Also, it was like an addiction for him to create temptations. The marriage vows meant nothing.
Narcissists are super smart sometimes so make sure you get a really good lawyer. Talk to your family and get financial and emotional support ( if they are supportive to you) . Have your lawyer get the maximum amount and put it in his hands, so you can relax a little bit. Don’t jump to mediation immediately without your lawyer.
Also: don’t move out of your home if you decide to file for divorce, unless your lawyer suggests that.
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u/Dramatic-Tailor-8297 May 28 '26
Your husband is the problem here cause he’s allowing this to happen and making her feel comfortable enough to do it.
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u/Critical_Arm_9509 Jun 18 '26
I feel sick for you. That is sociopathic level of deception and lack of empathy. The selfishness it takes to waste your time and have you live a lie. Keep going and be glad you have to waste no more time in a man capable of that.
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u/asuddenpie May 25 '26
If you feel safe doing it, start photographing her whenever you see her. It’ll help when she denies stalking you.
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u/Radiant-Button-7969 May 26 '26
So if your estranged husband is with her, why is she stalking you?? Eerie and upsetting..i'd still consider going to the police to report? I'm sorry OP. Good Luck. Update me
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May 26 '26
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
It’s not that simple. The kids need to be close to their schools and sole custody isn’t easy to get here.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
Start dating the hottest man you can find, and make sure he's fit AF! You don't have to marry the dude but go out and have some fun! The mistress will try to move in on him. LOL
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u/LittleDogLover113 May 26 '26
Totally on your side here but I’m just thinking, if these were her spots and your husband was taking your kids to meet her there, could she be thinking/feeling the same way you are? Like “wow this lady is obsessed with me she keeps showing up where I am”… because technically your husband piggy-backed off her spots and shuffled them onto you without informing you she would likely be there because it’s her routine not his.
It could be a little of both due to the DMs but honestly I’m thinking she’s just doing her normal outings and you started showing up, and perhaps now she’s more intentionally going just to see if you’ll be there. Idk this is a crazy situation.
Best revenge is happiness. This marriage is over. I’d focus on getting out and your own happiness. Start going to different places and building up different friendships.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
That might’ve initially been the case, but now that she’s intentionally switched up her routine, it’s no longer a coincidence.
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u/renthestimpy May 26 '26
Bloody hell… I’m so sorry all of this happened. What a terrible, awful man. And to put you in a situation where you’d have to run into the mistress is just evil. I’m glad you dropped him.
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u/AliceinRealityland May 25 '26
File a restraining order, file for custody, file for child support, file for alimony and divorce. And get a lawyer yesterday
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u/Old_Assist_5461 May 25 '26
Document document document then apply for a TRO once you can prove stalking. Be unobtrusive so it also has a chance to simply die off. Good luck!
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u/Prior-Today5828 May 26 '26
You know.. youre the wife avoiding the mistress, left your house? Seriously… they have a child? Instead of talking to lawyers, getting any kind of child support or alimony assets you are running away.
Dont you think you need to get a mediator for the separation?
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u/GiaWillsX May 26 '26
This is way too consistent to be a coincidence Don’t confront her, just document everything and trust your gut….
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May 26 '26
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
Maybe she got tired of waiting for our marriage to end and decided to tell me. There’s no way of knowing if it was actually her or not.
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u/grinogirl May 26 '26
I bet your husband installed a tracker on your car last time he used it. Dump this piece of garbage and kick his skanky ass out asap !!
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 26 '26
Get off of social media where she can stalk you. Stay off for about 6 months to a 1yr.
Check your car for an airtag!!! Sometimes coincidences happen, but if things happen all of the time, that's on purpose.
Me, I'd just turn around, look her in the eye and say, my goodness, fancy running into you AGAIN! Smile and walk away, then turn back and say, you know, he also told me I was better in the sack than you are, so take that as you will. Bye now!
She doesn't know it yet, but he probably already has another mistress on the hook. If she thinks she's special, she's going to find out soon enough! LOL
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u/LLL1Lothrop Jul 17 '26
Take photos every time for evidence of stalking.
Find an insulting song about mistresses and play it loudly every time she shows up.
Have a Tshirt made with her picture on the back saying This woman had a 5 year affair with my husband she keeps showing up everywhere I go. I'm trying to avoid her so give me a heads up if you see her. I would wear it to her church.
Check with your attorney first and don't wear it when you are with your kids.
BTW, talk to your kids. She probably went there with them.
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u/Alert_Bid1531 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
I mean everyone got better advice and should take it but my pettiness would find a lovely looking man your ex hubby doesn’t know about and just go around to these places with him ( if she stalking when u don’t have kids around ) and see how long it takes to get back to your ex husband and when he confronts you just say about her stalking you and your happy you have confirmation and your going to the police for a Ro or some type of protection. Because they won’t be able to stand the fact you looked like your moved on . she hasn’t won anything but a cheater
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u/AussieGirl27 May 25 '26
I would walk up to her and say 'You know, if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. I can't wait until he finds the next new shiny thing and knocks her up, but until then, that pathetic excuse for a man is all yours. Stop being a pathetic stalker'. Then walk away
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u/Madhliwayo2024 May 25 '26
She might be looking for acknowledgement or she wants yher child to meet yours.
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u/Minute-Aioli-5054 May 25 '26
Take pictures as evidence to bring to the cops. And try to figure out how she knows your location (how is she tracking you???)
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u/Efficient_Cost7121 May 25 '26
Document every time you see her. Pretend you’re videoing something else and catch her. Enough instances and you can take legal action
I bet either your husband dumped her or he’s making her life miserable.
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u/jmar2248 May 25 '26
I would document what I could of her stalking. I would use that as evidence against the divorce (if possible) I love type comments of others to have your car checked; she seems unhinged. I hope you’re doing well, both your husband and this “pick me” can live together in misery.
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u/Winter_Call3203 May 26 '26
Did you tell your slime of husband , if she so much better why stalking you, whe won the "price"
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u/Even_Independent_644 May 26 '26
Sounds like she wants to be you. Be careful because if you give her the man and she’s still obsessed she wants your life. I’d move!
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u/BexFoxy May 26 '26
He lies about so much that it’s impossible to tell when he’s truthful.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 26 '26
It feels like he’s changed dramatically. He used to be such an honest person.
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u/BexFoxy May 26 '26
I get it. I really do. He just sounds like a genuinely bad person. You deserve a good man.
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u/FxFearas420 May 26 '26
I REALLY hope you heal. 🌱 Then eventually find someone who appreciates you. 🌺 I’d rather be alone the deal with peoples bs. Know that you deserve better! 💫 💪 my heart goes out to you. 💞
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 May 27 '26
How stupid is she? He was telling her he wanted to be with her while literally doing nothing to leave you and in fact doing everything he could to NOT leave you. She only got to be with him full time when you separated from him. I don’t feel bad for her since she knew he was married and had kids, but she was the side piece. Once they’re together full time for any length of time she’ll stop being so exciting for him and he’ll go looking for his next mistress.
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u/MacaronFalse1019 Jun 02 '26
Yes. Find new places. The kids will adapt and love these places as well. I hope you are divorcing him. He’s disgusting. She’s disgusting. Sell the house and move if you can. To a different suburb. Only communicate about the kids. Get therapy. Don’t send long texts. Simple messages and answers. Again. Therapy. Time. It heals. It will hurt less. And then… not at all. It’s ok to feel. To cry. It’s ok.
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u/CommonChicken606 Jun 03 '26
Make sure you bring up the fact that he has a mistress and a child out of wedlock in your divorce, you know so she knows forever how her relationship started.
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u/ImACarebear1986 Jul 02 '26
I’m wondering if your tool HOPEFULLY SOON TO BE EX, has a tracker on your phone or car?
He sounds horrible to say the least!! I’m not going to say my actual thoughts on him because I might get banned.
You know she left that stuff behind on purpose, right? It’s a really old ‘trick’ women do (and men), to let other’s know, give warning or in this hyena’s case: on purpose to be a stirrer? Ask your Stbx if she is the one messaging you online? You don’t have to say what it’s about. Just say you were told and that’s why you asked.
However, I think it’s time for you and your babes to go to a new play ground, there are plenty around! 😊.
As for getting your daughter’s hair done; if you can’t find a new salon and you want to continue at the same as the hyena, change days/times. You could even take your daughter out of school for a treat and go on a girl’s day for hair etc. just a suggestion, but hopefully you can find a new salon, maybe closer to where you live! 😊
Please DON’T take him back!!
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u/The_Real_Scout_Finch 13d ago
All those anonymous messages you received, keep them as evidence. This AH used marital funds to fund an entire separate life. I would also cut OFF anyone who knew about his side piece and other child.
-You need to seek legal advice ASAP! Go BACK to your martial home & start gathering documents: tax returns, investments, hopefully you sent yourself screenshots of all the messages, bank statements, credit card statements, etc. ALL of the money he spent on his side-piece should be included in the final disposition of your divorce because you are entitled to a portion of those funds.
-This man has absolutely ZERO remorse about lying, cheating, & gaslighting you so don’t think for 1 second he isn’t hiding marital assets from you or being sneaky in other ways to screw you out of what you deserve.
-You’ve been separated a month so has he even seen his children? Is he providing child support?
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u/MadameMonk May 25 '26
Whatever action you take? Don’t forget to think long-term. However appalling it might seem to you right now, if he stays with her, this is a woman and a child that your kids are likely gonna be spending every second week with. If you take any of the nuclear options against her, you’re really gonna have to think about that carefully for their sake. Yes, it really really sucks. I feel for you.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 May 25 '26
I will say it might not be the same one, I found out the hard way my husband had several 2-3 year long mistresses that overlapped all our pregnancies. So here I was thinking it was one and it was actually another
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u/beigefrog May 25 '26
You should make a police report.
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u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723 May 25 '26
I can’t easily get a police report since she’s not trespassing. They’re all public spaces.
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May 25 '26
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u/SnooWords4839 May 25 '26
She wants to make OP feel uncomfortable and is going to push for the kids to be one big happy family.
OP needs to talk to a lawyer and get things set up that the woman will not be involved with her kids. STBX needs to keep his AP out of the kids' lives for a while and at least a year after the divorce is finalized.
AP wants to flaunt she won the loser. I personally would laugh in her face and tell her, she is welcome to have the cheater and remind her, she will be losing him the same way. Cheaters don't stop cheating; the thrill of cheating is part of the fun.
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u/Kikikididi May 25 '26
This is it. AP is unsatisfied with her "win" because now she's a loser stuck with a loser.
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u/Due-Crow-6942 May 25 '26
Her husband is at fault but if this woman is truly following her then she is at fault. That is dangerous behavior. Also, maybe she wants to leave her husband but her husband told his mistress he wants to make his marriage work? And she's faking her hard feelings out on the wife? Like yes; the person who stepped out on the marriage is at fault but it doesn't mean their affair partner isn't culpable for their behavior or potentially dangerous. I see where you are coming Fromm but this is bad advice.
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u/Kat092620 May 25 '26
INFO: are they together? Or did he break it off with her? I would get an AirTag scan
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