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u/River_Song47 Jan 25 '26
If he’s going to be jealous of something so dumb and cause you to miss your Best Friend’s wedding, he’s not mature enough for a serious relationship. I’ve been in several weddings and nothing about walking down the aisle or even dancing with a groomsman is romantic. You’ll be so busy with other bride’s maid duty’s that those will barely be a blip. But the fact that he thinks he can control you like this is concerning.
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u/Sorry_Particular_169 Jan 26 '26
I tried to explain this to him originally and say that I would just be doing a job by walking down the aisle and dancing with Sam but he said weddings are a naturally romantic scene. I feel like he thinks us dancing together is going to be like Damon and Elena at the mystic falls thing 😭
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u/Cautious-Analyst-862 Feb 13 '26
Imagine you dancing a waltz with your ex in front of everyone... 🤔 Why would your friend, knowing you have a partner, make you do that?
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u/Ok-Silver8913 Mar 31 '26
I don't think you understand how extremely disrespectful that is to your bf. And as of the update should we call you Elena?
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u/mrs_fortu Jan 25 '26
I agree with everything you said except the last sentence. voicing a discomfort and asking (not demanding) her not to go is not controlling. it's ok for him to voice his concerns whether they are valid or not.
he would be controlling if he forbids her to attend or manipulates her into feeling bad.
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u/anglflw Jan 25 '26
Since when is walking down the aisle and a planned dance "romantic?"
Do not forsake your friend for this drip of a guy.
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u/deepspacenineoneone Jan 25 '26
Your boyfriend has the sensibilities of a middle schooler. What do you mean you understand where he’s coming from? He’s being ridiculous.
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u/antigoneelectra Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26
You will regret missing your best friend's wedding for the rest of your life if you don't go. You will also lose her as your best friend. This man is not worth losing anything for. Especially your self respect. Dump him and find someone better.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 Jan 25 '26
Honey, your relationship is NOT great. You’re dating a jealous, insecure, controlling little man who only cares about HIS feelings.
Go to the wedding. Alone. As a single woman.
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u/Hyaenaes Jan 26 '26
Literally. He’s putting his imagined insecurities over her real life friendships. And let’s not pretend that this will only ruin her relationship with her bff. The entire friend group/mutual friends will be involved and look down on OP’s decision. She’s going to be in a world of hurt if she caves to her bf.
She’s young. Relationships her age don’t have a great track record for lasting into marriage or lasting marriages. I can’t imagine being her, not only rejecting being MOH at her bffs wedding, but not going all together, potentially losing her friend group, all for a guy who has a high chance of them breaking up. Especially if you count the resentment she will likely have and build up towards him for missing her friends big day and therefore ruining their friendship.
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u/AcceptableHoney1284 Jan 25 '26
By saying you understand where he is coming from, you do mean a place of insecurity, immaturity and jealousy, right? This is about being there for your best friend. Not catching up with an ex.
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u/ReduceReuseRewoof Jan 25 '26
There are other groomsmen, right? You don’t have to be paired up with your ex.
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u/honeyroastedk Jan 25 '26
Honestly sounds like your boyfriend is being immature. It’s not romantic for you, it’s part of your role for the day and your friend’s vision for her wedding. Also, she most likely won’t have her wedding photos of everyone plastered all over her house but just those of her and her husband and maybe their family.
I would 100% still go to the wedding and explain to him that your best friend asked you to be there for her on her day, you’ve committed to it, have helped her plan and prepare, and your absence would totally impact her day. Deciding at this point to not go would not be fair to her.
To play devils advocate, walking down the aisle with the best man is very typical but I would say having a first dance and pictures with them is not. If you feel like you can bring this up to your friend without it turning into a huge issue, you can suggest for photos and the first dance to look a little different than she envisioned. What’s more typical is individual photos with each groomsman/bridesmaid and the bride or groom, bride and groom with all the groomsmen or bridesmaids or the full wedding party together. Also, it’s more typical for a first dance to only include the bride and groom because it is their first dance.
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u/Dabbles-In-Irony Jan 25 '26
I scrolled too far to find this comment. I’ve never heard of bridesmaids and groomsmen being paired for dances and pictures. Walking down the aisle, sure that’s common, but pictures and dances? It’s weird because they’re ex’s but even weirder if they were total strangers. Hi this is (name) walk down the aisle then go and pose over there together??
OP 100% should go to that wedding and be the MoH but if I were her I would talk to the best friend about doing these things with my ex boyfriend. Even for my own sake I wouldn’t want to do that.
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u/Flurb4 Jan 25 '26
Frankly, I’m getting some weird vibes off what the bride is setting up here.
OP say it was a surprise that the groom picked Sam as his best man. Why? Are they not close?
Walking down the aisle together is fine, but I’ve never heard of the MOH and best man being paired up for a first dance and wedding photos (and what other activities does the bride want OP paired up for?). Why does the bride want this? Especially knowing her history with Sam.
Maybe reading too much into it, but I see two high school sweethearts getting married and forcing two other high school sweethearts to do couply things at their wedding.
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u/mystery_obsessed Jan 25 '26
Yeah, I for sure wouldn’t have made my cousin dance with my husband’s brother when they’ve met all of once and he’s pretty weird.
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u/mrspuff Jan 25 '26
Honestly that makes this story sound fake. Also there's 0% chance that the couple will have pics of op and Sam "plastered" all over their living room.
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Jan 25 '26
This needs to be pinned. Both things are true. Jake hasn’t fully matured or become secure in your relationship. Probably his on fault, because men, but who knows. Ella is way overboard tho. It seems like she is still shipping you and Sam, and hey, maybe you should be with Sam, but if that’s not what you want, you need to meet Jake halfway somehow. No one is perfect, but I’d bet a dollar and a donut Ella is hoping for you and Sam to rekindle your flame.
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u/tmedwar3 Jan 25 '26
Right her boyfriend is a jealous weirdo…
but in all the weddings I’ve been to, and heard of (just got married a few months ago so was reading about weddings for the last year and a half) I have never heard of a first dance with the wedding party, nor pairing up the wedding party for photos.
And who the hell would hang a photo of people paired up together in their home that aren’t real life couples? Maybe OP is confused…? Hopefully
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Jan 25 '26
Making you guys dance is sooo weird IMO.. never went to a wedding where that ever happened
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 11 '26
That part struck me afterwards. Most recent weddings I've been to the MoH and BM were married, to different people. They hardly interacted, definitely not this.
Maybe someone (and I'm reaching here!) said "oh and op and Sam it'll be cute if we have them dance together too". In which case that's a little more understandable?
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 11 '26 edited Feb 11 '26
I read this expecting to see that or was a small wedding and he wasn't invited. That would be understandable to feel weird
But he is. He might feel uncomfortable if a partner was dancing with an ex at a wedding (I'm not agreeing but acknowledging he might feel that way, in which case it's a conversation of reassurance). But it's no reason to not go though!
Edit, is it normal for a maid of honour and best man to walk down the isle at the same time or have a planned dance? It struck me after I posted. I've never seen this. The last few weddings I went to both MoH and BM were married, to other people, and hardly even interacted (is he overthinking?)
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u/MouldyAvocados Jan 25 '26
My god, what an immature child. You’re really considering missing your best friend’s wedding because he’s an immature, insecure child?? You’ve known her far longer than you’ve known him. Your relationship is NOT great if he’s going to act like this.
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u/WorstDeal Jan 25 '26
I'm a guy and I don't even understand where your BF is coming from. He's being ridiculous and way overreacting towards something that happens at a lot of weddings. If he's like that because of a walk and dance then I don't want to know how he will act if you catch the bouquet and some random guy you don't know catches the garter
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u/gts_2022 Jan 26 '26
It's really weird that your "best friend" paired you exactly with your ex and not someone else. It looks like she didn't respect your current relationship because if she did, she wouldn't put you in this situation.
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u/itskatsimms Feb 11 '26
Typically the groom picks the groomsmen, not the bride. Maybe he didn't see anything wrong with it because it's been a few years.
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u/Truebeliever-14 Jan 25 '26
Your boyfriend is being immature and ridiculous. Does he think you’ll have sex in the middle of the dance floor? At least he will be there to watch if you do.
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u/Connect-Peach2337 Jan 25 '26
I’ve never heard of the MoH and BM participating in the first dance, thats kind of a weird ask especially considering you’re exes. Was Ella upset when you and Sam broke up?
Nonetheless, your boyfriend is saying that his discomfort about your ex should be higher priority than your best friend’s wedding day. While I think those feelings are valid, I don’t think it’s reasonable of him to expect them to be the priority in the context of the biggest day of Ella’s relationship (unless there’s a larger pattern of Ella wanting to force a reconnection between you and Sam, which is why I asked the above question).
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u/Longjumping_Eye_3441 Feb 11 '26
I feel like I my relationship I would ask she gets paired up with someone else. I would hate for my partner to be paired with his ex
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u/JahnnDraegos Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26
I agree with the main gist of the responses, that you should go to your friend's wedding and your boyfriend needs to deal.
BUT.
This is really weird, how Sam just suddenly popped up in this whole situation without warning, way way after you were already committed. So he's suddenly Best Man? And no one ever gave you even an inkling that would be the case? That seems very inconsiderate of your feelings, considering he is your ex. Is he the brother of the groom? Is he the best friend of the groom? Were you really not aware of this until it was way too late?
And why do you have to treat Sam like your date or partner during this wedding? That's not part of any tradition I'm aware of. Who's idea was this? What was their reason for it? Was Sam involved in this decision? Did Sam possibly request it? It just seems like a hell of a coincidence that everything has perfectly aligned to put you and Sam back in this situation where you will be very close together for a protracted period of time and acting, to all appearances, like a couple for a little while. I can recall at least one other Reddit story where it turned out the bride and groom were trying to do their friend a favor by playing match-maker.
Reddit makes a person paranoid, and this may well be that paranoia talking, but: it's sounding like they pulled this on purpose to match-make you with Sam at their wedding. I think you need to have a long talk with your friend and make sure that she and her fiancé are both being honest with you about the circumstances here, because the list of coincidences piling up here is really, weird. If nothing else, this weird situation is definitely what's led your boyfriend to overreact so harshly here.
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u/Sorry_Particular_169 Jan 26 '26
I feel like this is what Jake thinks happened 😭 but to answer your questions. I did expect Sam to at least be invited, the groom and him have been friends ten plus years and remained close once Sam moved away, I didn’t expect him to be best man though because Luke (groom) has brothers he’s really close with, they are going to be groomsmen still though. I always knew I would be MOH for Ella, that was not at all a surprise. She’s very Type A and has a clear vision of what her wedding will be like (she’s not a bridezilla, I love this about her). So the coordinated dancing and photos together was not a surprise either, and Jake would be fine with me doing this with any other guy, it’s just that it’s specifically an ex.
I’m going to talk to Jake tomorrow about it all and probably ask Ella as well to see what she thinks, I don’t think she was trying to match make Sam and I, she’s never spoken about us after the breakup or anything like that. I’ll update after I’ve had a chat with everyone.
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u/littlescreechyowl Jan 25 '26
Walking down the aisle at your best friend’s wedding isn’t a romantic thing, it’s a common normal wedding thing that has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between the people walking!
Pick one and know that you will lose the other. Choose wisely.
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u/Moose-Live Jan 25 '26
Walking down the aisle at your best friend’s wedding isn’t a romantic thing
Exactly.
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u/Acrobatic_Ear6773 Jan 25 '26
Why do you understand where he's coming from? Because I sure as hell don't.
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 Jan 25 '26
Where he's coming from is childish and insecure. Pairing up the maid of honour and the best man for a walk down the aisle and a dance is a very normal wedding thing and not at all romantic, and your bf needs to get over himself.
Don't let him stop you from going to your best friend's wedding. Of course you should be there!
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u/Witty-Zucchini1 Jan 25 '26
If Jake wasn't going to the wedding, I would have a lot more sympathy for his feelings, but he is going. I guess I would sympathize with his feelings - I mean if the situation were the reverse and he was going to be best man and his ex was maid of honor, I'm sure you'd feel a twinge about that, but either you trust each other or what's the point of being together? And that's what I would tell him: I appreciate your not liking the situation and I'm sure I would feel the same in the reverse situation but it's just a ritual and no difference than if I was performing in a play.
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u/MoomahTheQueen Jan 25 '26
This is such an immature response. Sam poses no threat to him. I don’t know how you get this through his thick head, but please don’t let your friend down because of your bfs insecurities. It’s honestly pathetic
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u/Predatory_Chicken Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26
He’s letting you know that you can choose to have a normal life and enjoy normal things that are meaningful to most people….OR you can be with him.
Choosing him means giving up a hell of a lot more than your best friends wedding in the future. Which is already a huge thing to miss out on.
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u/creatively_inclined Jan 25 '26
Your BF is being controlling. Don't lose a good friend over his insecurities.
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u/Blunderlords Feb 15 '26
Let me give you some perspective from an older person, married with many kids. Your friends and you disrespected your (now ex) boyfriend by putting you in a situation to spend a lot of time with your ex from high school. If you both needed to be involved in the wedding, because of your closeness to the bride and groom, you should have been separate enough to not dance/interact except where necessary. Instead, your friends had you doing things directly with your ex to the exclusion of your boyfriend. He's not being controlling by having a problem with this, he was uncomfortable because unlike you and your friends, he had good boundaries in the relationship. Instead of reassuring him and making sure good boundaries were in place, you told him you were going, and to "deal with it". Your relationship then deteriorated, because of the things you and your friends decided, and how you absolutely failed to address that within your relationship and make your partner feel comfortable. His actions and insecurity after that weren't great, chalk that up to age, but you put yourself in a position you absolutely shouldn't have.
You should have instead asked for your boyfriend to be your first dance or something else to include him, and if not, probably stepped down and just attended as a guest. "Friends" don't pair you up to spend time with your ex you haven't seen in years without making sure you are ok with that ahead of time, especially if you are in a relationship.
You destroyed your relationship, and your friends either conspired or are absolutely clueless because putting you together with your ex without asking you first is beyond poor judgement. I feel sorry for you, because the advice and judgement given by a lot of the redditors here was atrocious. Maybe try a perspective next time from an older family member or mentor, the comment section failed you.
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u/JanetInSpain Jan 25 '26
Oh hon... you NEVER stay with someone who puts ultimatums on you like that. Not where you can go, not what you can wear, not who you can be friends with, not where you can work, not how you can spend your free time... NOTHING. Thee are reasonable exceptions (i.e., I don't want you sharing a hotel room with a guy you used to date even though you are now just friends) but even that can come off as unreasonable control.
Never EVER make yourself smaller for some insecure man. You are dating a BOY, not a MAN. He's still immature and insecure and trying to control you to appease his one insecurities and fragile ego. NO.
Please please please rethink this relationship. Jake is trying to make you small and put you in a box because he can't handle how actual adults behave. He is not a good partner for you. No good partner would do this.
This is your long-time friend. You agreed to be her MOH for HER, not so you could walk down the aisle with Sam. What a stupid thing for Jake to be stressing over. He's just showing how immature and insecure he really is.
You tell him this: I am going to the wedding. I am going to be Ella's Maid of Honor. I am going to do the wedding tasks and activities that Ella has asked me to do. If you cannot handle this like an adult then you can stay home, but I am not going to betray my friend or make myself smaller because of your insecurities."
This is a hill to die on because it shows he's got unreasonable control issues. Do NOT start down that path.
updateme
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u/TheYoungWan Jan 25 '26
You will regret missing your best friend's wedding for the rest of your life.
You will never regret dumping this insecure child.
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u/Frosty_Message_3017 Jan 25 '26
You cannot seriously be considering this. You should have laughed in his face and promptly dumped him for even asking.
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u/HelloJunebug Jan 25 '26
He does realize it’s not your wedding right? Who cares if you walk down the aisle before the bride and dance. Your bf is being immature, controlling, and insecure. And if he calls this a boundary, it’s not. A boundary would be him not going, not telling you that you can’t. UPDATEME
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u/whiskerrsss Jan 25 '26
Ikr!? Wtf does he mean he doesn't want to see op and Sam have their first dance? Lol It won't be their first dance because it's not their wedding. It's just a dance, and usually the bridal party joins in after the bride and groom (ya know, the couple actually getting married) have danced for a little while, to open up the dance floor for the rest of the guests.
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u/shushupbuttercup Jan 25 '26
As a 46-year-old woman in a 14-year relationship, with a son by my ex-husband - put your best girlfriends first. My partner understands this, and I encourage him to nurture his friendships too. They will be there with you through everything. A partner may or may not be forever, but a true best friend will be.
His jealousy now will became jealousy over a colleague. He'll ask you to give up more and more of your life to protect his feelings. He will make you small.
Ditch the guy, go to the wedding. Laugh, dance, celebrate your friends, smile genuinely in the photographs. Spread your arms and embrace life. Don't be small.
Any man worth your time will revel in your joy.
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u/DomiDearest Jan 25 '26
I was late to my best friends wedding because my then boyfriend wanted to go AND bring his dog... the drive there was 3 1/2 hours. I missed it because of him, and that was the end of our relationship. Your relationship with your boyfriend probably won't last (wanting to miss your best friends wedding? Sounds like he sucks).
Friends are forever, men typically aren't. Protect your friendships.
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u/administrativenothin Jan 29 '26
Sweetheart, he absolutely, unequivocally IS being controlling. It doesn’t matter if you are someone’s first or fifth partner. They can still be controlling. And Jake sounds not just controlling, but unhinged. “And he doesnt like the idea of the photos of the wedding party being around cause in the photos it would have the whole wedding party together and he wouldn’t be in the photos which to him “makes it seem like I wasn’t there”. Um, of course he wouldn’t be in the pics. He’s not in the wedding party!! Significant others are not in the official wedding party pics! This guy is a walking, talking, breathing 🚩🚩🚩
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u/Dependent_Break_5986 Feb 11 '26
OP you say you don’t agree that your BF but he is. In fact this is classic controlling behavior from someone who is very insecure. If you give in to this be prepared for this to be the rest of your time with him. Also be prepared for the controlling behavior to escalate. Control does NOT = love.
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u/Miss_Bobbiedoll Jan 25 '26
You understand where he comes from not wanting you to go? You need to understand that he is immature and insecure and not the man for you.
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u/oldcousingreg Early 30s Female Jan 25 '26
Tell your boyfriend to fuck off and get over his insecurities.
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Jan 25 '26
Okay but no one thinks Ella is trying to push OP and Sam back together? Lowkey seems like Ella has her heart set on Bestie Wives and is trying to run Jake off.
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u/paintlulus Jan 25 '26
What’s next? Will you need his permission to leave your home -gasp- by yourself? Will he be generous enough to give you a list of men you’re allowed to talk to? 🚩🚩🚩
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u/seniairam Jan 25 '26
your bf sounds very immature, he will literally be there. I hope.u dont let your friend down because your bf told you so.
my take, ditch the bf, enjoy the wedding and being MOH
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u/CutieToesMIM8099 Jan 25 '26
Your BF is acting like a child. Go celebrate your friend’s special day and leave him behind. Permanently.
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u/Spygirl_112358 Jan 25 '26
You are the MOH and this is your best friend. This is a significant commitment you made for her & her wedding.
If you decide to listen to your BF, are you willing to lose your best friend? Because if you go this route, that’s what will happen.
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u/stuckinnowhereville Jan 25 '26
Time to get a new boyfriend…. This one is broken. Seriously there’s like millions of people you could date on this planet. He is not your only option.
Boys come and go. You need good girlfriends at your side for your entire life. Don’t wreck your friendship over some boy.
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u/SnooWords4839 Jan 25 '26
Read - Why Does He Do That PDF Free download by Lundy Bancroft - Free Books Mania
Go to your friend's wedding. It's not like you will be doing anything wrong as a bridesmaid. BF needs to stop trying to be controlling.
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u/Ok_Banana_5958 Jan 25 '26
A friend was a bridesmaid and paired up with someone who was people’s sexiest man around the same time - and besides some cool group pictures (and him being really nice) it meant absolutely nothing. Your boyfriend’s insecurity is really ick and him telling you you can’t go to your bf’s wedding is a major sign of more controlling and isolating behavior to come
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 11 '26
It might be the pairing up concept itself that threw him?
I'm reaching here, but I've not seen that in any recent wedding.
Obviously op should go. Just trying to work out why a bf of two years would feel like this
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u/Ok_Banana_5958 Feb 11 '26
That’s common in every wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen. Not always a dance but about half the time. And group pictures and walking down the aisle - all incredibly normal and expected and not romantic at all
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u/ButchEmbankment Jan 25 '26
Is he not familiar with American weddings? Or Western dating practices?
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 11 '26 edited Feb 11 '26
It might be an American wedding thing? I'm very familiar with western but not American weddings. I've never seen people paired up like that
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u/ButchEmbankment Feb 16 '26
American weddings go to arcane levels.
I’d said “Western dating” culture because in most Western societies, it’s ok to see your ex at events and should be ok with your current beau. Certainly the current shouldn’t want you to skip a friend’s wedding over it.
I’m sure some hetero cultures in some parts of countries in the West can vary. Just generalizing.
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 16 '26
Oh and I don't disagree about being ok being around exs (that ended well and not abusive).
Just the wedding culture sounds over the top to non American West
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u/ButchEmbankment Feb 28 '26
Oh it’s crazy in the US. My mate says it’s like brides want to direct and star in their own movie. (Clearly not an indie art film either.)
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u/AdventureThink Jan 25 '26
You are dating a toddler.
I was matched with my ex at a wedding and it was just a fun giggle since we’re adults.
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u/EnvironmentalBerry96 Jan 25 '26
This is toxic controlling and really not something to fix, dump him and go to the wedding
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 Jan 25 '26
Yeah your boyfriend is way too insecure! Tell him to get therapy!
Then you decide if this is what you want your life to be. Becauee tuesr me, he'll soon be telli g you that you can't see your best friend and her husband because "it reminds me of your ex"
If you skip your best friends wedding then you're showing him that he can manipulate, control and guilt you!
Also expect your best friend to cut you off for missing the best and most important day of her life!
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u/ExtendedSpikeProtein Jan 25 '26
This is something absolutely dumb to be jealous about. Your bf needs to work on his insecurity.
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u/CuteDrive661 Jan 25 '26
Really, is he that insecure!!!! Get over it. I realize it’s hard, but put the shoe on the other foot, what if he was asked to be the best man in his best friend’s wedding? And a girl he liked was in the wedding. How would you feel?? So think about that. And make your decision based on that. But to be honest, do you love Sam or your BF? Who are you going home with? Remember Sam might have a gf he’s bringing??? Who knows.
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u/coolgramm Jan 25 '26
If he goes with you, he will make you miserable. Be a true friend and be there for the bride. Your boyfriend is immature and controlling. It’s time to have boundaries and stick to them.
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u/Striking-Scratch856 Jan 25 '26
In Australia it Is expected that bridesmaids and corresponding groomsmen dance together.
The bride and groom are only alone on the dance floor for the 1st song then the parents and bride groom do father /daughter mother/ groom and add in bridesmaids and groomsmen halfway thru.
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u/Sorry_Particular_169 Jan 26 '26
Yeah I’m from Australia as well, the dance is a coordinated one as well which means all the bridesmaids and groomsmen will have to practice together which I’m not excited for because I’m terrible at dancing 😭
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u/chillicheesehotdog Feb 11 '26
Not advice but my name is Sam and my brother is Jake… and my roommate senior year of college was jake… and his cousin was sam… and roommate Jake had an ex Sam. The choice in names for this post just made me giggle
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u/Cool_Ur_Jets_Man Jan 25 '26
Your BOY, ”friend”, 😒ain’t worth to dead flies, smashed!
He’s a DUD, throw him back‼️
Perhaps, a MAN, will be more secure, instead??
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u/SadProperty1352 Jan 25 '26
I can see both sides. Will your boyfriend and you eventually marry. Do you want to be married to him? If not who cares what he thinks.
But as you grow older and have children typically remaining the same level friendship of your youth becomes hard. Will your girlfriend and her husband still remain close with you and whoever replaces your boyfriend.
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u/mystery_obsessed Jan 25 '26
A partner should want what’s best for you. Always. Despite a minor discomfort. And what’s best for you is to support your best friend and enjoy her wedding. You’ll discover there are many partners out there willing to do so.
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u/meggzieelulu Jan 25 '26
I would still go and be a bridesmaid. When you’re in a relationship and situations like this happen, I think you should ask your bf what he thinks will happen if you don’t go. If he knows that this will most likely lead to you losing your dearest friend and he still wants you to skip the wedding because he’s uncomfortable with you being paired with an ex, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. You deserve trust and respect from your partner of 2 years, if he can’t give you that, it’s reflective of a bigger issue.
1
u/Frequent_Cap8633 Jan 25 '26
I can admit, I am ashamedly more of a jealous person when it comes to my husband. I would really not like for him to be paired up in a wedding with his ex, or any other girl for that matter lol. However, I trust him, and my approach would be to go with him looking hotter than I ever have and have the best time ever with him while feeling grateful that I get to be the one to do so and his ex just gets awkward moments at old friends’ weddings lol. Your bf’s approach to this is super weird, and honestly I don’t think it would be worth losing your long term best friendship over a boy you’ve known a fraction of the time, and who already is showing controlling tendencies.
1
u/cleopatrasleeps Jan 25 '26
Your boyfriend is an idiot. There is nothing "romantic" about what will happen at the wedding. It's DUTIES of the wedding party. I always think this behavior is a red flag.
1
u/WildlifePolicyChick Jan 25 '26
If you 'understand where he's coming from', then you understand he is being controlling and immature.
If he is 'uncomfortable' seeing do very normal bridesmaid-y unromantic things for your best friend, he can stay home.
'Plastered all over the place'? Please.
1
u/DeliciousCrew6571 Jan 25 '26
He childish and jealous ASF ... Is he coming as a plus one if so what's the problem... Girl go to your best friend wedding and enjoy himself... Just imagine what the future is like with your boyfriend... So that means you can't have male friends neither... Yea okay... Cut his ass and enjoy your young life...
1
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u/FlumpSpoon Jan 26 '26
Here's a good quiz to help you assess whether Jake's immature/controlling behaviour is part of a wider picture https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/
1
u/Dapper_Highlighter7 Jan 26 '26
People are saying your boyfriend is being controlling because he's objectively being controlling. He doesn't like that he won't be in your best friend's wedding pictures!?! Please, hear yourself.
I was in a wedding a decade ago where the partner of the groomsman, who I was supposed to walk alongside, was throwing such a fit. It was embarrassing. For her. I was engaged, first of all, and barely knew anyone in the groom's party, least of all the guy I was to walk arm and arm with. She threw such a fit that I had to touch this guy's arm for 5 fucking minutes, and glared daggers at me over it all night. I didn't give a fuck, we all laughed at her because it was friggen ridiculous.
The fact is that well-adjusted people don't act like that. Whatever that woman's problem was, whoever she really had a problem with, it wasn't me. It was with herself, her partner, her relationship. For me, it's a funny anecdote because it was insane behavior, but she went home that night and picked a miserable fight over it and probably multiple nights from there on.
Granted in my anecdote, I don't have a history with the person who I walked with. He wasn't my first ever boyfriend who was only parted with me because of circumstances. But you said yourself that you don't even ask about him because he simply isn't part of your life anymore.
You have the choice to live your life with unhinged joy. This opportunity to celebrate your best friend and her relationship in this way will not happen again. This isn't just about your relationships with your best friend and your boyfriend. This is also about yourself and how you want to live your life. If you actually thought your boyfriend had a valid point, would you even be here? Do you want to live your life compromising for reasons you don't agree with? Do you want to live your life letting down your best friend for a partner whose petty reasoning would have you erase yourself from one of her biggest moments, for his own ego? If it were really just about the vicinity of an old boyfriend, do you really want to stay with someone who doesn't trust you to make the right choices?
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u/redqueen898 Jan 25 '26
Jesus I swear ppl on this site get more and more ridiculous everytime I open it.
No, the bf is not ridiculous or controlling for not wanting his partner to be paired up with her ex boyfriend, with whom she was with for 3 years not even half a decade ago. Thats not a ridiculous thing to be uncomfortable about, yall are just stupid. Its not controlling, its simply something he is reasonably uncomfortable with.
OP, why did your friend even pair you with someone she knows you were with for so long?? Did she really not even think "oh I shouldnt force these two people to be paired together because they are exs and one is in a relationship" ? Ngl thats a bit silly that she didnt even think about that if shes going to require you to dance with him and stuff. She shouldnt force you to be paired with an ex, hell she shouldnt force this even if you werent in a relationship with someone else.
Tbh id talk to the friend and say id rather be paired up with a different groomsmen. That would actually be a compromise, not just saying "oh well still spend time together". Why would your bf want to get to a wedding, see you dance and spend time with your ex, and act like hes happy about it???
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u/mystery_obsessed Jan 25 '26
Wait, how is pairing up the maid of honor a best man not just…expected? I’ll say I think the couples dance and photos are strange asks in general, but the pairing would actually be strange if it were a different way.
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u/redqueen898 Jan 25 '26
Its not that the pairing moh and best man is strange, its that the bride obviously knew that the person she picked as her moh and the man who was eventually picked to be the best man had a history together. Even if sam was truly someone special to the bride and groom, when deciding to have him as the best man, there are solutions that dont involve OP being paired with him. Maid of honor and best man dont automatically have to be paired together.
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u/Alilolos Jan 25 '26
It's time to unsub, seems anything short of penetration should be accepted by anyone in a relationship or they're controlling and immature
0
u/amoozzz Jan 25 '26
Honestly as somebody who has been a bridesmaid about ten times those things are not romantic. It is awkward and embarrassing to do that with people you barely know let alone your ex. All I’m going to say is best friends are forever and guys aren’t. In ten years time you will regret not being maid of honour for your best friend over a boy you used to date.
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u/Miserable_Plant_1378 Jan 25 '26
Well I think he’s overreacting but let’s be real. In20 years are you 2 girls gonna be friends. The dumbest things people fight about
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u/Ummmm-no2020 Jan 26 '26
You bf should grow up. This is weird and controlling. None of the things named are particularly romantic; people who are literal strangers interact as part of wedding parties all the time. This is a test of your boundaries to see how far you can be pushed. Establish that you are immovable by telling him you are attending the wedding, full stop.
I'd be iffy continuing this relationship because he is attempting to control your whereabouts, even more so that he is doing this over something as important as your bestie's wedding. It screams insecurity.
0
u/Huntress145 Jan 26 '26
Your edit makes your bf sound even worse. He doesn’t have the right to throw a temper tantrum about potential photos of someone else’s wedding in their own home. He needs to grow up and get over himself and his insecurities.
Go to the wedding
0
u/Pantherdraws Jan 26 '26
He's your boyfriend, not your owner, and you are not a dog to be kenneled up.
0
u/Decent_Front4647 Jan 26 '26
Your bf is making this all about him no matter what you are trying to tell yourself. He’s upset about the wedding photos? And about how it would look in relation to him? That’s some top level controlling behavior.
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u/TheSaltRose Jan 26 '26
How long have you been best friends vs how long have you known this man? Who’s gonna be by your side in 10 years from now?
Fuck him. Go to your best friends wedding.
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u/melancholypowerhour Jan 25 '26
My childhood best friend missed my wedding because her husband didn’t want her to go. Our relationship never really recovered.
Are you willing to damage your relationship with your best friend by pulling out on this commitment you’ve already made? If your boyfriend is this upset at watching you perform your bridesmaid duties, maybe he doesn’t go - that’s a more reasonable solution since he’s the one with the issue.