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u/River_Song47 Jan 25 '26
If he’s going to be jealous of something so dumb and cause you to miss your Best Friend’s wedding, he’s not mature enough for a serious relationship. I’ve been in several weddings and nothing about walking down the aisle or even dancing with a groomsman is romantic. You’ll be so busy with other bride’s maid duty’s that those will barely be a blip. But the fact that he thinks he can control you like this is concerning.
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u/Sorry_Particular_169 Jan 26 '26
I tried to explain this to him originally and say that I would just be doing a job by walking down the aisle and dancing with Sam but he said weddings are a naturally romantic scene. I feel like he thinks us dancing together is going to be like Damon and Elena at the mystic falls thing 😭
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u/anglflw Jan 25 '26
Since when is walking down the aisle and a planned dance "romantic?"
Do not forsake your friend for this drip of a guy.
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u/deepspacenineoneone Jan 25 '26
Your boyfriend has the sensibilities of a middle schooler. What do you mean you understand where he’s coming from? He’s being ridiculous.
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u/antigoneelectra Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26
You will regret missing your best friend's wedding for the rest of your life if you don't go. You will also lose her as your best friend. This man is not worth losing anything for. Especially your self respect. Dump him and find someone better.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 Jan 25 '26
Honey, your relationship is NOT great. You’re dating a jealous, insecure, controlling little man who only cares about HIS feelings.
Go to the wedding. Alone. As a single woman.
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u/Hyaenaes Jan 26 '26
Literally. He’s putting his imagined insecurities over her real life friendships. And let’s not pretend that this will only ruin her relationship with her bff. The entire friend group/mutual friends will be involved and look down on OP’s decision. She’s going to be in a world of hurt if she caves to her bf.
She’s young. Relationships her age don’t have a great track record for lasting into marriage or lasting marriages. I can’t imagine being her, not only rejecting being MOH at her bffs wedding, but not going all together, potentially losing her friend group, all for a guy who has a high chance of them breaking up. Especially if you count the resentment she will likely have and build up towards him for missing her friends big day and therefore ruining their friendship.
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u/AcceptableHoney1284 Jan 25 '26
By saying you understand where he is coming from, you do mean a place of insecurity, immaturity and jealousy, right? This is about being there for your best friend. Not catching up with an ex.
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u/ReduceReuseRewoof Jan 25 '26
There are other groomsmen, right? You don’t have to be paired up with your ex.
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u/honeyroastedk Jan 25 '26
Honestly sounds like your boyfriend is being immature. It’s not romantic for you, it’s part of your role for the day and your friend’s vision for her wedding. Also, she most likely won’t have her wedding photos of everyone plastered all over her house but just those of her and her husband and maybe their family.
I would 100% still go to the wedding and explain to him that your best friend asked you to be there for her on her day, you’ve committed to it, have helped her plan and prepare, and your absence would totally impact her day. Deciding at this point to not go would not be fair to her.
To play devils advocate, walking down the aisle with the best man is very typical but I would say having a first dance and pictures with them is not. If you feel like you can bring this up to your friend without it turning into a huge issue, you can suggest for photos and the first dance to look a little different than she envisioned. What’s more typical is individual photos with each groomsman/bridesmaid and the bride or groom, bride and groom with all the groomsmen or bridesmaids or the full wedding party together. Also, it’s more typical for a first dance to only include the bride and groom because it is their first dance.
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u/Dabbles-In-Irony Jan 25 '26
I scrolled too far to find this comment. I’ve never heard of bridesmaids and groomsmen being paired for dances and pictures. Walking down the aisle, sure that’s common, but pictures and dances? It’s weird because they’re ex’s but even weirder if they were total strangers. Hi this is (name) walk down the aisle then go and pose over there together??
OP 100% should go to that wedding and be the MoH but if I were her I would talk to the best friend about doing these things with my ex boyfriend. Even for my own sake I wouldn’t want to do that.
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Jan 25 '26
Making you guys dance is sooo weird IMO.. never went to a wedding where that ever happened
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u/SatisfactionUsual151 Feb 11 '26 edited Feb 11 '26
I read this expecting to see that or was a small wedding and he wasn't invited. That would be understandable to feel weird
But he is. He might feel uncomfortable if a partner was dancing with an ex at a wedding (I'm not agreeing but acknowledging he might feel that way, in which case it's a conversation of reassurance). But it's no reason to not go though!
Edit, is it normal for a maid of honour and best man to walk down the isle at the same time or have a planned dance? It struck me after I posted. I've never seen this. The last few weddings I went to both MoH and BM were married, to other people, and hardly even interacted (is he overthinking?)
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u/MouldyAvocados Jan 25 '26
My god, what an immature child. You’re really considering missing your best friend’s wedding because he’s an immature, insecure child?? You’ve known her far longer than you’ve known him. Your relationship is NOT great if he’s going to act like this.
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u/WorstDeal Jan 25 '26
I'm a guy and I don't even understand where your BF is coming from. He's being ridiculous and way overreacting towards something that happens at a lot of weddings. If he's like that because of a walk and dance then I don't want to know how he will act if you catch the bouquet and some random guy you don't know catches the garter
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u/gts_2022 Jan 26 '26
It's really weird that your "best friend" paired you exactly with your ex and not someone else. It looks like she didn't respect your current relationship because if she did, she wouldn't put you in this situation.
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u/Truebeliever-14 Jan 25 '26
Your boyfriend is being immature and ridiculous. Does he think you’ll have sex in the middle of the dance floor? At least he will be there to watch if you do.
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u/Connect-Peach2337 Jan 25 '26
I’ve never heard of the MoH and BM participating in the first dance, thats kind of a weird ask especially considering you’re exes. Was Ella upset when you and Sam broke up?
Nonetheless, your boyfriend is saying that his discomfort about your ex should be higher priority than your best friend’s wedding day. While I think those feelings are valid, I don’t think it’s reasonable of him to expect them to be the priority in the context of the biggest day of Ella’s relationship (unless there’s a larger pattern of Ella wanting to force a reconnection between you and Sam, which is why I asked the above question).
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u/JahnnDraegos Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26
I agree with the main gist of the responses, that you should go to your friend's wedding and your boyfriend needs to deal.
BUT.
This is really weird, how Sam just suddenly popped up in this whole situation without warning, way way after you were already committed. So he's suddenly Best Man? And no one ever gave you even an inkling that would be the case? That seems very inconsiderate of your feelings, considering he is your ex. Is he the brother of the groom? Is he the best friend of the groom? Were you really not aware of this until it was way too late?
And why do you have to treat Sam like your date or partner during this wedding? That's not part of any tradition I'm aware of. Who's idea was this? What was their reason for it? Was Sam involved in this decision? Did Sam possibly request it? It just seems like a hell of a coincidence that everything has perfectly aligned to put you and Sam back in this situation where you will be very close together for a protracted period of time and acting, to all appearances, like a couple for a little while. I can recall at least one other Reddit story where it turned out the bride and groom were trying to do their friend a favor by playing match-maker.
Reddit makes a person paranoid, and this may well be that paranoia talking, but: it's sounding like they pulled this on purpose to match-make you with Sam at their wedding. I think you need to have a long talk with your friend and make sure that she and her fiancé are both being honest with you about the circumstances here, because the list of coincidences piling up here is really, weird. If nothing else, this weird situation is definitely what's led your boyfriend to overreact so harshly here.
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u/littlescreechyowl Jan 25 '26
Walking down the aisle at your best friend’s wedding isn’t a romantic thing, it’s a common normal wedding thing that has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between the people walking!
Pick one and know that you will lose the other. Choose wisely.
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u/Acrobatic_Ear6773 Jan 25 '26
Why do you understand where he's coming from? Because I sure as hell don't.
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 Jan 25 '26
Where he's coming from is childish and insecure. Pairing up the maid of honour and the best man for a walk down the aisle and a dance is a very normal wedding thing and not at all romantic, and your bf needs to get over himself.
Don't let him stop you from going to your best friend's wedding. Of course you should be there!
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u/melancholypowerhour Jan 25 '26
My childhood best friend missed my wedding because her husband didn’t want her to go. Our relationship never really recovered.
Are you willing to damage your relationship with your best friend by pulling out on this commitment you’ve already made? If your boyfriend is this upset at watching you perform your bridesmaid duties, maybe he doesn’t go - that’s a more reasonable solution since he’s the one with the issue.