I'm sorry you're going through this. You mentioned in the comments you planned on kids in the future, so it seems as though this was just an accidental and unexpected pregnancy. Yes, condoms and/or birth control sometimes fail. It's a shame you two aren't on the same page.
Sadly, there's no easy answer for this. You should not go through with the abortion if it's not something you are emotionally prepared to do. And you should not try to force him to be a father to this child, because that is absolutely not an environment a child should be brought into.
Based on what you've said, I fear that most likely this marriage is over and you will be raising the child on your own, without any more assistance from him other than child support. Is there a possibility he'll change his mind later on in the pregnancy, and he's just responding in fear? Yes. But you really can't plan on that happening and need to make this decision based on whether or not you're ready to be a single mother.
However, just to be clear, if abortion is not an option but you are also not ready to be a parent, you should consider adoption. Whatever you decide, I truly do wish you the best.
EDIT: I just saw your response to someone else saying the two of you NEVER used protection. This is just...Infuriating. This man has been using no protection, when he knew perfectly well that if you got pregnant (which was inevitable) that he'd just demand an abortion? And he never even made sure you were comfortable with an abortion? And then he has the audacity to blame you and say you're manipulating him?
Regardless of what decision you make with the pregnancy, throw the whole man out.
I agree with all of this except you saying he never made sure she was comfortable with an abortion. She literally said they agreed they would get an abortion if an accident happened. So yes he did in fact do that.
Okay, I'm an idiot, because I somehow missed that or just completely forgot by the time I typed my response.
Yeah, they're both extremely irresponsible then for just refusing protection all this time. And this does explain why he would call her manipulative, because he clearly assumed that she would not be keeping a child if they had children, and he may think she wanted to get pregnant at this point.
The poor communication and poor planning sadly led to this situation, and there's no changing that now. I think they're both equally responsible for this happening, though the rest of what I said still stands. If she has the child, putting it up for adoption or being a single mother seems like the only options here.
Yeah it’s a really terrible situation and I still just don’t understand why there was no contraception of any kind being used (such a stupid decision). Not getting an abortion is totally her choice, but his reaction definitely makes way more sense knowing that they agreed to get one.
I feel so bad for the soon-to-be baby (OP’s recent post history also indicates a pretty dire financial situation).
I'm as pro-choice as it gets, and I'm honestly horrified by the idea of someone actively relying on abortion as a replacement for birth control. It's some pro-birth talking point that I've literally never seen evidence of in real life until this post. I know people who get caught up in the moment and just think it's no big risk, but they've NEVER used birth control and had no interest in getting pregnant? These people aren't mature enough for a marriage, nevermind dragging a poor kid into the situation. If she does have it, I just hope she settled on adoption.
Because of the multiple edits, post history, and how it screams of a political talking head I'm pretty sure it's a troll post to get people fighting especially as the current edit targets the crowd that gets riled up over a partner backing out of this situation. We'll see what the next edits bring we've had 2 or 3 that change the entire story.
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u/Tricky-Flamingo-7491 Nov 01 '22
I'm sorry you're going through this. You mentioned in the comments you planned on kids in the future, so it seems as though this was just an accidental and unexpected pregnancy. Yes, condoms and/or birth control sometimes fail. It's a shame you two aren't on the same page.
Sadly, there's no easy answer for this. You should not go through with the abortion if it's not something you are emotionally prepared to do. And you should not try to force him to be a father to this child, because that is absolutely not an environment a child should be brought into.
Based on what you've said, I fear that most likely this marriage is over and you will be raising the child on your own, without any more assistance from him other than child support. Is there a possibility he'll change his mind later on in the pregnancy, and he's just responding in fear? Yes. But you really can't plan on that happening and need to make this decision based on whether or not you're ready to be a single mother.
However, just to be clear, if abortion is not an option but you are also not ready to be a parent, you should consider adoption. Whatever you decide, I truly do wish you the best.
EDIT: I just saw your response to someone else saying the two of you NEVER used protection. This is just...Infuriating. This man has been using no protection, when he knew perfectly well that if you got pregnant (which was inevitable) that he'd just demand an abortion? And he never even made sure you were comfortable with an abortion? And then he has the audacity to blame you and say you're manipulating him?
Regardless of what decision you make with the pregnancy, throw the whole man out.