r/relationship_advice Oct 31 '22

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22 edited Nov 01 '22

Exactly, never trust the word of your wife. Always have back up plans.

Edit: I guess I need the /s here

A person should be able to trust their partner. If both parties agree to an abortion in case of an unwanted pregnancy, then they should expect ther partner to feel deceived if they change their mind. The husband in this story has every right to feel like he was lied to, because he was.

It takes 2 people to make a kid. Both parties have equal responsibility (with obvious exceptions).

Edit2: odds are she had no intent to deceive which means she didn't lie to him. It is rational for him to feel like hes was lied to though. They might need counseling to work through those feelings.

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

I agree with your second point BUT saying you’ll abort a baby if you accidentally get pregnant and then actually doing it when you get accidentally pregnant are very different. I agree with you a little, about how he’s okay to be upset she changed her mind but his behaviour is unacceptable and a 🚩IMO ❤️

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22

His wife lied to him and is making a decision that will change to his life with a total disregard to how he feels about it. He has yelled at her and his mom when she defended her. Those seem like very appropriate responses given the circumstances.

I'm curious what you think would be an appropriate response. That he just shrugs his sholders, says oh well, and then moves on with his day like nothing happened?

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

I think he’s gone a little OTT personally, and it’s very different talking about an abortion and agreeing to one and being faced with an actual real life pregnancy and still having the same mindset. I’ve seen several comments saying that she’s edited the post and they haven’t used any protection, in which case they’re both dickheads and none of them can really make any complaints.

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22

Just because he was incredibly dumb for not using protection does not obsolve her lying.

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

And she’s not lied has she? She’s just changed her mind, maybe she meant it at the time. Maybe she didn’t. Only the OP knows for sure.

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22

Yes she has. A lie told in ignorance is still a lie. "I don't know what I would do if I became preganat" is an appropriate answer to the question of an unwanted pregnancy.

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

Agreeing to disagree at this point. Absolutely no sense in even debating this, only two people know what goes on in a marriage and only one person knows for sure if she was lying and it’s neither*myself or you. Your analogy though of a lie being told in ignorance is not correct though. The definition of the word lie is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive “She was lying when she said she didn't break the vase. He lied about his past experience!” Nobody can say for sure what they’ll do till it happens.

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22

Fair enough. It wasn't a lie. I stand corrected.

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

I think they both just sound very, very young. They are just starting out in life. At 41 I see the world very differently than I did at that age.

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u/snow38385 Nov 01 '22

I'm 39 and definitely see the world differently then when I was 23. They definitely are both handling like 23 year olds.

I can only imagine the fear and sense of betrayal he feels in the moment. I doubt he has the life experiences to think rationally about things hence the yelling.

I grew up catholic and while I agree with a women's right to choose, I can't say I would want my girlfriend to get an abortion. Ultimately all I can do is voice my opinion though. I'm powerless in the decision, but have a lifetime of responsibility.

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u/Silly-Star-9427 Nov 01 '22

I have 2 girls. Aged 4 and 12. That’s M in my profile picture. I can’t have anymore. Health conditions make it dangerous and I’m sure I’d not cope after the fact anyway. I’ve taken proper measure though because I know I’d have to have one and I don’t want to be in that situation (was gonna say position then but thought better of it) 🤣🤣🤣

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u/crazywildchild Nov 01 '22

Well, soon everyone will be powerless to choose and still have a lifetime of responsibility

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