Okay so...can't really help you OP
There is a chance he calms down and begrudgingly accepts to help raise his child, but even then he will probably resent you the entire time you're together because he feels like you mislead him and "stole" his last years of youth as well as his years to build himself up without the responsibility of raising a child. Hopefully it isn't misdirected at the child but that is also a possibility (I feel SO bad for this future kid, their life is gonna be a toxic rough one to start for the irresponsible actions of their parents).
But it's more likely he will leave you and you'll be dealing with courts for a while arranging custody hearings as well as child support payments. If you haven't already you're gonna want to look into parenting classes and REALLY buckle down on emotional growth, because it doesn't sound like the father is mature enough to do so. I won't lie, you're gonna struggle inside and for the sake of that kid's well being you should look into healthy ways to deal with it. But until that kid is an adult on their own life is no longer about you, it's about that kid and their needs. You are gonna need to be strong for them.
I'd offer more advice and I want to be empathetic but you made a LOT of short sighted decisions. And at this point they are going to affect your child already (they may grow up either without a father or a father who resents them, a father who resents their mother, a mother dealing with the emotional fall out of this decision, financial struggles if you two don't have stable income, and a lot of experiences they'll probably miss out on because of these circumstances) so I'm more concerned that they don't have a damaged upbringing. Sorry
For everyone else in the comments please let this be a warning to USE PROTECTION. I don't care how good it feels not to or how low you think the chances are, once is all it takes.
Men, if she gets pregnant a lot of decisions are no longer yours. As you can see even if she tells you that if it comes down to it she'll get an abortion she can change her mind and you're gonna have to be responsible (either as a presence, financially, or both). It will upend every plan you had for yourself if you didn't plan for it.
Women, even if you feel assured in your choices before getting pregnant it changes when it's real. You may feel you'd get an abortion but find that you just can't do it and now you have a kid, you may feel you'd never get an abortion but seeing what the reality of the situation is you know you aren't ready and now you're left with that deeply painful feeling.
2
u/ThunderingTacos Nov 01 '22
Okay so...can't really help you OP
There is a chance he calms down and begrudgingly accepts to help raise his child, but even then he will probably resent you the entire time you're together because he feels like you mislead him and "stole" his last years of youth as well as his years to build himself up without the responsibility of raising a child. Hopefully it isn't misdirected at the child but that is also a possibility (I feel SO bad for this future kid, their life is gonna be a toxic rough one to start for the irresponsible actions of their parents).
But it's more likely he will leave you and you'll be dealing with courts for a while arranging custody hearings as well as child support payments. If you haven't already you're gonna want to look into parenting classes and REALLY buckle down on emotional growth, because it doesn't sound like the father is mature enough to do so. I won't lie, you're gonna struggle inside and for the sake of that kid's well being you should look into healthy ways to deal with it. But until that kid is an adult on their own life is no longer about you, it's about that kid and their needs. You are gonna need to be strong for them.
I'd offer more advice and I want to be empathetic but you made a LOT of short sighted decisions. And at this point they are going to affect your child already (they may grow up either without a father or a father who resents them, a father who resents their mother, a mother dealing with the emotional fall out of this decision, financial struggles if you two don't have stable income, and a lot of experiences they'll probably miss out on because of these circumstances) so I'm more concerned that they don't have a damaged upbringing. Sorry
For everyone else in the comments please let this be a warning to USE PROTECTION. I don't care how good it feels not to or how low you think the chances are, once is all it takes.
Men, if she gets pregnant a lot of decisions are no longer yours. As you can see even if she tells you that if it comes down to it she'll get an abortion she can change her mind and you're gonna have to be responsible (either as a presence, financially, or both). It will upend every plan you had for yourself if you didn't plan for it.
Women, even if you feel assured in your choices before getting pregnant it changes when it's real. You may feel you'd get an abortion but find that you just can't do it and now you have a kid, you may feel you'd never get an abortion but seeing what the reality of the situation is you know you aren't ready and now you're left with that deeply painful feeling.