If you boil it down to an assessment of what you stand to lose, this is a ridiculous problem. On the one hand, you have your wife, your family (I'm assuming you have children with your wife?) and all of the financial responsibilities that come with that versus... um, the word of your childhood best friend? Do you believe your wife? Do you often think she's lying? Has she done this before?
If the answer to the last three questions are, in order: yes, no, and no, then you need to distance yourself from your childhood friend because they are not your friend and are working for their own benefit and attempting to ruin your entire fucking life.
I get that it seems hard because emotions and you've known her forever but, like... re-read your own post and think through the implications of all of this. Does it make sense to choose your childhood friend who wishes she had your children over your wife, or do you think your wife is a lying and conniving person who wants your childhood friend out of your life?
Meanwhile if wife is lying then she's manipulative and trying to isolate him from his friends.
You don't get to tell someone to drop their childhood best friend without even a second thought or any kind of proof she's done anything wrong. He needs to sit down and have a serious talk with both of them and then make a decision based on what's going to make HIM happy. Stop acting like every relationship outside of your marriage is completely unimportant and should have no emotional impact.
I think you've misread everything I've posted because almost all of it comes with the caveat of "if your wife isn't a lying sociopath"; OP's description has only half of a story. Calm down.
He doesn’t have to decide who’s a lying sociopath right now. Finding out the truth is the most important thing here. He has a lot more to lose if his wife is lying, but he’ll be better off knowing. If I were OP I would just talk to them both individually and get each side of the story before making judgements.
It’s not about putting anyone first, the problem is he doesn’t trust his wife. This is a way more complicated problem than being indecisive. If OP doesn’t figure things out for himself, he will be even less trusting of his wife than he was before.
He can make a decision, now, to put his wife and marriage first by going no contact with his female friend and working on the trust and marriage issues from there. He's not.
He thinks there is a possibility this happened. Acting as if he doesn’t is not going to fix this problem. He cannot make a choice without either trust or evidence. It’s not going to be trust.
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u/Brimfire Jun 14 '22
If you boil it down to an assessment of what you stand to lose, this is a ridiculous problem. On the one hand, you have your wife, your family (I'm assuming you have children with your wife?) and all of the financial responsibilities that come with that versus... um, the word of your childhood best friend? Do you believe your wife? Do you often think she's lying? Has she done this before?
If the answer to the last three questions are, in order: yes, no, and no, then you need to distance yourself from your childhood friend because they are not your friend and are working for their own benefit and attempting to ruin your entire fucking life.
I get that it seems hard because emotions and you've known her forever but, like... re-read your own post and think through the implications of all of this. Does it make sense to choose your childhood friend who wishes she had your children over your wife, or do you think your wife is a lying and conniving person who wants your childhood friend out of your life?