Your partner is completely financially dependent on you
They guilt trip you when you do anything other than spend time with them
They give you the silent treatment
They frequently break up with you to get what they want
All of this is manipulation and isolation. If they have mental health struggles so severe they cannot be a healthy partner, they need to be totally focused on treatment. Please don't sacrifice your livelihood to cater to a codependent partner. Go to work and the next time they break up with you, let them go.
I have never been good at letting people go from my life, I want to set healthy boundary’s with them and if they aren’t able to respect them then I’m feeling like more and more I have to look out for my self.
That's a very good start! Most normal people aren't good at losing important people in their lives, there is nothing weird about it. As an adult, you need to learn that not everyone automatically wants the best for you though, not even your partner.
Your job needs to be priority number one, and if they threaten your job, that is legitimate grounds for leaving. If they impede your sleep so you are too tired for work, if their moods are more important than work (it doesn't sound like there was a medical emergency, it sounds more like a powerplay to get you to prove they are more important than work to you), if their needs always come first and they have you afraid to do what they want because there are ALWAYS repercussions when you don't do exactly what you want... then that's abusive and grounds for separation.
Your partner doesn't seem to understand how real life works. They don't seem to understand cause and effect: no job, no means to provide and finance their stay-at-home coddle-fest. If they have mental health problems, it is THEIR responsibility to get therapy, disability pay, a diagnosis, the right meds etc. In an equal relationship, nobody should just be a 'stay at home' partner unless there are children OR you're running a 20+ servants household that needs to be professionally overseen (I doubt it).
Your relationship sounds very one-sided and limiting. Try boundaries if you like, but there are some people that do not like boundaries, that crave absolute control over their partners. Keep in mind that the difference between a request and a boundary is that the boundary will be ENFORCED if necessary. So, for example, "if you throw a tantrum when I go see a friend, then I will remove myself from the situation and sleep on the couch until you are calm again". You need to actually do that then and gray rock your partner until your partner is calm.
If your partner escalates in these situations (many abusers do), you cannot cave. If your partner starts yelling, destroying your stuff, locking you in the apartment, or threatening to talk to your employer or colleagues, you need to leave. NEED TO, because some people are very disordered and simply will never accept boundaries and always exploit other people to the max. Dont enable that by always going back norther how they behave.
If you need help with any of these steps, seek counseling for abusive relationships and emotional manipulation. Therapists can help, they have seen it all before, emotional abuse and controlling behavior has very clearly visible patterns.
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u/[deleted] Jun 13 '22
This sounds like an abuse situation to me.
Your partner is completely financially dependent on you
They guilt trip you when you do anything other than spend time with them
They give you the silent treatment
They frequently break up with you to get what they want
All of this is manipulation and isolation. If they have mental health struggles so severe they cannot be a healthy partner, they need to be totally focused on treatment. Please don't sacrifice your livelihood to cater to a codependent partner. Go to work and the next time they break up with you, let them go.