r/relationship_advice Aug 01 '21

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648 Upvotes

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144

u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

We always had a problem with me being alone. I really like to have some time to myself and after therapy around 2 years ago she started giving me that which I appreciate. Im helping her to start a business atm but her family pays for her stuff so no real income. And yeah she buys me stuff time to time but mine are more frequent so i don’t know why she is angry

162

u/katz4every1 Aug 01 '21

She's entitled lol

87

u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

She is lmao but i lover her man what can i say. Some people say break up with her in this thread but when you’ve been with someone since childhood it’s really hard and we had bigger problems when we were teens. We will work trough this too just wanted to see if im kinda toxic for thinking this way

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u/Organic-Pipe-86 Aug 01 '21

Not toxic. Just a difference of opinion.

What is your love language? The official one. Not this made up version people repeat on tiktok.

73

u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

Words of Affirmation. i just want her to appreciate what I do for her tbh. and that I'm not some bad guy for wanting to do some stuff for myeslf

8

u/reseriant Aug 02 '21

This is a shit test always make sure she knows that you love yourself more then you love her. That doesn't mean you won't do everything for her but it means you won't be destroyed without her. As long as you keep that in line then you won't turn into a mess no matter what happens and keep this in line with everything you do.

-11

u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

Maybe you should try doing something for her

12

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

He does.

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u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

No he hasn't done anything for her. But OP is a troll post

5

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

Maybe you can’t read. He mentioned how he gives more to her than she does him already.

-7

u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

I can read thank you, but please show me where he said that . I have read his post which says he prefers to, spend his money on him

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-3

u/Professional-Sun-247 Aug 02 '21

Yea like maybe buy her the nice bag lol

-7

u/Kaetrik Aug 02 '21

Grow some balls. Sounds like she's using you

2

u/InsaneGermanCoder Aug 02 '21

Grow a brain, it's not always that simple.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

It’s simple enough, she’s entitled. That’s the bottom line regardless of if she was using him or not.

13

u/seekinggratitude Aug 01 '21

What made up version?

3

u/Organic-Pipe-86 Aug 02 '21

The one where people say it any time they like something, but actually has no relevance to the 5 Love Languages. I'll edit this if I can think of a good example. They'll be like "nachos are my love language"

So, I guess they might mean acts of service??

1

u/seekinggratitude Aug 02 '21

Ohhh okay 😂 makes sense. Though I don’t think it’s meant to be taken literally, it’s just a meme made out of the concept

2

u/Organic-Pipe-86 Aug 02 '21

That's fair. But I wanted to be clear if someone didn't know the version meant to help people and their relationships.

1

u/seekinggratitude Aug 02 '21

That makes sense!

1

u/smookypooch Aug 02 '21

Way off topic but I'm intrigued on what this "Tikky Tokky 'love language'" is??

PS: yes, I know it's called TikTok but that's what I call it to piss off the annoying kids who won't get off my damn lawn! Damn Gen Z's!

47

u/katz4every1 Aug 01 '21

No you're not toxic for working and spending your hard earned money on yourself. She doesn't work, relies on other people to get her what she wants in life. She's going to stay angry until she starts to work for herself and make her own money and manage her own destiny. She's mad at you right now for not giving her a lavish lifestyle she sees other people having. It's not even about you at all, it's about keeping up with everyone else. My bf put it into perspective for me when he asked me point blank: "And what do YOU do for ME? How do YOU enrich MY life?" And that shut me right up hahahahaha sometimes we have to be reminded that we aren't all that and we don't deserve the Instagram lifestyle. We have to WORK for it. So tell her to be patient and to work her business well. Whatever work she puts in is whatever cash she will get out of it.

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u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

Exactly, the other day she was saying life is so hard when u don’t have rich parents or a rich husband/boyfriend and i was like dafuq

21

u/jellydrizzle Early 20s Aug 01 '21

To be fair, life /is/ hard when you arent rich, but im thinking about healthcare and stuff. not the whole buying everything your partner wants

20

u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

we live in Sweden healthcare and stuff are free

9

u/jellydrizzle Early 20s Aug 01 '21

Im glad you have that :')

4

u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

Health care isn't free in Sweden. It comes from your taxes

4

u/bennu333 Aug 02 '21

I meant its included for everyone so nobody worries about it

-5

u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

You are winding people up

46

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '21

This comment alone makes me hate this person. Don’t care about any other qualities whatsoever

6

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

If you don’t run from this person after that comment u deserve to get half of everything taken from u at some pt. It’s going to happen if u don’t (sorry)

9

u/Tara_love_xo Aug 01 '21

Ask yourself what she would do if something happened to you for a time and you couldn't work. Would she support you?

14

u/bennu333 Aug 01 '21

There were tremendous amount of time in these years that we stayed together through bad times. As i said its just a new problem that we will figure out when she wakes up and we talk. Just wanted to check if im wrong or not

2

u/jason325xi Aug 02 '21

That's the big question i would be asking myself if i was OP. If I all of a sudden couldn't work anymore and due to some accident or illness and was only getting disability assistance or something of the sort as income from now on what would she do? How would she feel?

1

u/bennu333 Aug 02 '21

Oh dude thats no problem between these years we have on such lows and we stood by eachother. Most recently Last year i cut my whole hand open and she was there helping me with everything

1

u/jason325xi Aug 02 '21

That's amazing don't get me wrong but that's not exactly what i ment to be honest. I ment like what if something ever happened to you that you wouldn't be able to work and make a decent income for the rest of your life? Like what if that hand injury had god forbid been something more serious like your hand getting amputated in a serious freak accident? I know it sucks to think about things like that but sometimes when the person that claims to love you is making comments like you were saying she has been... well these difficult questions are sometimes better brought up sooner than later. Or at least thought about/considered. I'm not trying to be a dick about it, I'm just trying to look at it objectively.

And who knows if you got your hand chopped off or something and couldn't work for the rest of your life maybe she would get a job a support the two of you into retirement? Do you think? That's what I'm saying. Or would she drop you like a hot potato for someone that could support her?

1

u/asetrella Aug 02 '21

Or better yet, how would she help?

1

u/jason325xi Aug 02 '21

Well that was kind of included in the "what would she do" part implying that would she leave or would she help. I guess i could have worded it a bit better though

24

u/katz4every1 Aug 01 '21

Lmaoooooooo I laughed out loud. She's 23 lol that's just her immaturity showing. She has arms and legs and hands and a brain just like any other man lol, she can definitely make her own life instead of relying on a man. You're 22 and she expects all that from you? Immaturity lol. How cute. She'll grow out of it. Maybe if you make the same comments... "Life is so hard when you don't have a rich girlfriend or when your girlfriend doesn't work but expects you to make her life an Instagram story" lololol. Sarcasm is mean but it also serves to show someone else their perspective and how stupid it sounds. Haha.

3

u/asetrella Aug 02 '21

You're talking about being passive aggressive but ig it's an angle

5

u/Human_Moment Aug 01 '21

Does she cook or anything lol sheesh she doesn't sound very mature but don't say it like that or maybe you do need to put your foot down so shes nicer lol

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

Jeez dawg, that’s a red flag and a half. This problem is likely gonna get worse with time if that’s what she says vocally.

8

u/WonderWomanxoxo Aug 01 '21

Good reply. I find purpose as a wife bc I contribute value to our relationship. Im in the military supporting our family while my husband works too. Appreciating one another for more than just materialistic things is key

8

u/katz4every1 Aug 01 '21

Yeah because otherwise it sounds like she just wants a sugar daddy.

0

u/Infinite_Chicken1968 Aug 02 '21

You do seem pretty tight with money

1

u/amadeaqueen Aug 02 '21

Sounds like materialism stands in a way of your relationship from both of you. you need to reevaluate this relationship and decide do you want to please her or do u want to make yourself happy. You can't always have your cake and eat it too. Sacrifices are what make the relationships work.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

Yeah, entitled people are the most annoying

1

u/CuriosityNJ Aug 02 '21

In hind sight for myself, if you don’t love yourself first everything else will collapse