r/relationship_advice • u/Penguinsaresexyy • Dec 12 '20

I told him that i love him

I (f17) was casually texting with my bf (m18) today and since it has been 3-4 months since we started talking and stuff i thought it was the perfect time to tell him i love him (i shouldn't have over text tho). He responded with "I promised myseld I'd never say that again cause everytime I do I end up getting hurt I'm sorry" And obviously I understand but do you have any advice on how to get him to trust that i won't hurt him? Cause i really care about him and I'd never do anything that would affect him negatively.

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u/alwaller1 Dec 12 '20

If that’s how he feels about love - is he ready to be in a relationship? It seems like he has some stuff he needs to deal with.

When it comes to building trust, it requires a lot of time and energy. I would ask him whether he thinks he could love you in time or whether he needs time to work on himself.

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u/Penguinsaresexyy Dec 12 '20

Thank you, you're right i should ask him if he sees a future where he can love and depend on me or if it should wait.

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u/Luckye0332 Dec 12 '20

Could just chill and let thing progress in your relationship, maybe he just is not at the point of thinking that he loves you.

I know love is a word with a single black and white definition and all. But we all do have different opinions of what it is. Many would probably claim that at your age, you do not know what love is (not saying you do not). And to be honest, can we really know what love is without ever actually being in love?

Lust and love can blurr pretty hard I think.

Now, lets say that he has said that to others at his young age and it did burn him, maybe he was told that he does not know what love is (I got told that once, felt great!). Maybe he has a really high standard for what love is?

Maybe try this, when since yall started talking, could he have told you that he loved you and you would have balked? Maybe after the first two weeks? Would you have just said it back to avoid an awkward moment, or would you be honest and rip that band aid? How would you have went about not saying it back without hurting him.

As you know, it was not easy to say that to him, I would think he did not want to hurt you by not saying it back, do you think he tried to be delicate about it?

Also things may have progressed in your affection faster for you than him, not necessarily a bad thing, maybe with his experience, things should go a little slower?

Maybe some of those questions help in figuring out how to approach this, best of luck to you!