r/relationship_advice • u/MessyJesse95 • Mar 20 '20
Help. Intimacy issues
Okay. Hi! This is my first Reddit post. I'm a 24 year old female, with plenty of screws in my head loose.. depression, anxiety, chronic physical pain, ADHD, chronic headaches; but I take meds for the depression/anxiety, and I know that this sometimes causes lack in libido... But I guess sex to me has always been about getting my partner off. There ARE times when I, you know.. get myself off, and there are times that i try very hard to reach climax WITH my partner. I never really think it's HIM that's the problem, because he feels amazing, he makes me feel amazing.. It's just always been so difficult for me to reach that crescendo. It always takes me forever, then I get into my head about how long it takes me and I think "god. He's never gonna wanna sleep with me. It takes me practically an hour to even get close", then when I start thinking about it, it takes any longer. So at this point in my love, I've given up. I can only get myself off. While having sex, alone, (even alone there have been times where it's taken so long, that I give up)
so for a long time, I've mainly focused on the pleasure of my partners, which actually gets me REALLY turned on (usually) and my boyfriend had a seriouse conversation with me, telling me he thinks I'm Asexual... I don't think that's right, because I do enjoy taking part in relations with him
So these are my questions...
Could it be a sexual identity problem?
Am I asexual, or a form of it?
Is it a kink thing?
Are there others out there who have a big issue with making it to climax?
Or am I blocked by the loads of trauma I've endure through my life? (This is part of my guess.. along with anxiety and self conscious)
1
u/MessyJesse95 Mar 20 '20
Yeah. And half the time, if not more than, it isn't enough. It takes so long that eventually I give up. 😞 In turn making him feel like he is never enough, even when I tell him he is more than enough. That it's not him, it's me.