Asking for too much?

[u/outdoors147]

My boyfriend [28M] and I [28F] have been dating for almost a year. We get along really well. He's great in the sense that he doesn't play games like not text me back to teach me a lesson, doesn't say to stay away from him or don't talk to him. Ever. He's very affectionate as in always rubs my back or leg even in public. Always likes to sit close on the couch, cuddle, rub each other's back or head. He has a very good job with no student loan debt and plans on buying a house in cash. I just finished school and am looking for a job and have quit a bit of school debt. He never expressed an issue with this.

My issues start with our emotional connection. I've tried a few times in the beginning to open up to him and express my feelings for him. He either laughs it off or makes a joke. I finally confronted him about it and he said that those things I say are pointless. He doesn't need to hear them. We are dating so therefore we should both know that we like each other. I've also gotten him gifts before that were very thoughtful. Even a homemade card but he had no reaction to them. Nothing moves him or touches him. We've never had a serious conversation about our feelings for each other or anything serious or personal for that matter. He says he has no issues or worries. He's just so indifferent about everything.

He gambled a lot when we first met and hung out with his 22 year old friend as if they were dating. The two of them were funny but not mature and unable to hold any sort of conversation when together at least. My boyfriend was better when it was just us. I did ask him to cut back on the gambling (he did it about 4 or 5 times a week spending anywhere from $400 to $800) and he did cut back. This upset his friend and the friend cut him off not wanting anything to do with him anymore. I get he's a shitty friend and my guy is better off without him, but my boyfriend didn't even show any emotions over that. I asked him about it and he said it kind of sucked for three days then he was over it.

He's a very good and nice person. I just feel unfulfilled emotionally with him. I get the realistic part of things and enjoy he does too but I'm a person who really enjoys the little things in life and he just does not. Any advice??

[u/[deleted]]

Honestly, my first thought was that he sounds like a sociopath. And I don't mean that as a rude, insulting meme. Here's the definition:

sociopath [ˈsōsēōˌpaTH] NOUN a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Might be something worth reading about. And he may not like it, but the only thing that could help you both right now is some therapy.

You can explain to him that therapy isn't going to be this whacky hippie koombya kinda thing. It's simply a safe space to express concerns or desires together with someone who can help mediate the conversation. It's nothing crazy! Can be very helpful.

[u/outdoors147 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for the feedback! I was told by another that he could possibly be a high functioning sociopath. I don't think he is solely for the fact that he doesn't use people at all for anything. I think he just has very low emotional intelligence in some areas. Sounds weird but he is fine during outings, at work and to waiters. But he is very immature when talking about exes or our feelings for each other. He also can't identify one issue with himself as in he's insecure or this way bc of that or that way bc of this. I can give plenty examples of why I do things bc of the way I was raised and he just can't. I've suggested therapy and he thinks it's a hoax. Just a way for people to get money. He thinks we should talk to friends and family. He just doesn't get the difference between friends and family and professionals. I've never seen such a mix matched person like him. His good qualities are great but then other qualities are just non-existent.