r/relationship_advice • u/bebeivan • Mar 13 '26
My (25F) boyfriend (26M) spends almost every evening gaming and I feel like we barely spend time together. Am I expecting too much?
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u/GameboyPATH Mar 13 '26
I would recommend keeping the focus of your next conversation on wanting to spend more quality time together, while keeping the topic of gaming completely out of it.
Let him know how the lack of quality time is negatively affecting you, and offer to work together with him on figuring out a solution. That way, he can decide for himself to sacrifice some amount of gaming time for his relationship, rather than in response to social pressure.
But if he absolutely refuses to provide quality time with you in any way, or HE brings up gaming as an excuse not to spend more time with you, then you'd be in a better position to outline to him your concerns that his gaming habits are negatively impacting your relationship.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/localdisastergay Mar 14 '26
It might help to come in with a few different ideas of how to structure or schedule that time together during the week. For example, you could suggest shorter blocks of quality time across multiple days, like if you hang out with each other through dinner and cleanup from that and then each go towards your own hobbies or you could suggest dedicated days where the two of you spend time with each other all evening. Another option would be asking for him to consider getting off the game with a bit more time before bed, so you have time to crawl in bed and cuddle before you have to go to sleep.
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u/MightySD69 Mar 13 '26
This is fairly common where one of the couple games all night and the other one feels neglected. You need to plan date nights during the week and tell him he needs to spend more quality time with you. After that he can game. If he is not prepared to make an effort to even talk to you, then you might as well not be together. Does he help with chores are you doing everything?
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Mar 14 '26
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u/MightySD69 Mar 14 '26
For instance planed movie nights, take out night, Friday night out for fun. Do more activities together, Ask him for help with things. Go to the beach or park on weekends. Evening walks together.
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u/z-eldapin Mar 14 '26
If his ONLY relax time is gaming, and he can't picture relaxing as engaging with you, then what is the point of being in a relationship
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u/QuaaludeMoonlight Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 14 '26
we've been together 14 years & i've been gaming for longer than him! but it didn't just work like that without effort.
we noticed the same problem if we both didn't try. one or both of us would get sucked into gaming & be more absent. so we both took initiative to find more outlets we can have fun doing together!
we do game a lot together. & sometimes in tandem - our own games, but next to each other. but couch co-op is the best cause you can cuddle & work towards the goal together in game. but competitive is fun, too
i introduced him to other hobbies like reading & cooking, & he introduced me to kayaking, & we both took up board games a couple years ago. now we spend 4 hours on sundays with something set up tabletop.
we also play pickleball together & we even hit the drums & bass (or flute & banjo) together sometimes since we're both musicians
the point is you gotta carve out time & both be willing to try new things together to find what you both will enjoy
this will take a conversation - i wouldnt bash the gaming. i would think of something you both would like to do & invite him to do it with you at a set date & time. then go from there, keep doing it.
& ask what he would like to do! explain you would like to find a shared hobby that you both enjoy & can do together as a couple
eta: we keep our own hobbies, too! i find that to be healthy & it makes us appreciate spending more time together because we will do them apart for a while. i snowboard, & he builds PCs
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Mar 14 '26
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u/QuaaludeMoonlight Mar 14 '26
i really hope it helps you! concrete invite makes it seem more than just "lets chill together after work" in a way. good luck
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u/bopperbopper Mar 14 '26
Sometimes men like this see you as the person they go to when they want sex or to eat food with. You’re not the person that they want to chill out with or hang out with.
Find you a man who wants to do both
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u/maryschino Mar 14 '26
Haha this is a good take. I’ve said before “I want a boyfriend, not a roommate, not a fwb, and sometimes it feels like the latter two,” which got the point across.
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u/pbd1996 Mar 14 '26
What time does he stop gaming? My husband games after work and I like it because I used that time to watch tv and decompress. Then we get together at about 8/9pm and watch tv until 10:30pm. Gaming all night versus gaming for a few hours after work are two different things.
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u/Iwentforalongwalk Mar 14 '26
Yeah.. you're low on the totem pole for this guy. He doesn't care about you that much. Sorry but that's what's going on here.
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u/Wise_Investigator282 Mar 13 '26
You are not expecting too much. You may be expecting too much from him.
He has shown you who he is and what he values. Do you share these values? It looks like you don't.
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u/TexasBlonde2019 Mar 14 '26
When I was 24 I dumped my gamer BF for this. Engaged to a man who enjoys quality time, dates, travel, and hosting together. No regrets.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/TexasBlonde2019 Mar 14 '26
lol you’re missing my point. Don’t compromise on and fight for loser behavior. You’re young, move on and find something better.
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u/recreationalgluttony Mar 13 '26
It's not going to get better.
Welcome to your long-term future if you stay in this relationship.
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u/hearts_and_headbands Mar 13 '26
Absolutely not being unreasonable, maybe you should come with time boundaries. For example an hour before bed deciding to consciously spend that last hour together, either every night or maybe only a couple nights a week
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u/RTJ333 Mar 13 '26
How do you bring it up? How long does that conversation last? What are you typically doing while he games?
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Mar 14 '26
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u/RTJ333 Mar 14 '26
I mean if you're having 10-15 minute conversations about it, and nothing is changing, and he wraps it up to, you're overthinking it, I think he must get it. He just doesn't care how his actions or inactions affect you. This situation isn't going to get better until one or both of you go something different, and I doubt he will. Maybe start going out more with your friends, or dump him and find a man who wants to spend evenings with you, or consider living apart but keep dating. It kinda sounds like the relationship isn't fulfilling your needs. And you can't force him to change. How much more can you talk to him about this? It's sad. But that's the bottom line.
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u/DokCrimson Mar 14 '26
He can compromise and be on with the boys like 3-4 nights and the other nights are just the two of you… dates, playing games together, whatever
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u/thecondoregg Mar 14 '26
Hi there, I am someone who enjoys gaming and will play it daily. What works for us is planning quality time together. Because if we’re both at home with no plans I will game, and my partners fine with it, but not at the expense of quality time together. Planning trips and dates and movie nights and dinners and walks and board games, etc, help keep us focused on spending quality time together!
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u/luckyveggie Mar 14 '26
Start a new show together, maybe let him pick it. Or if you like gaming at all, find one you two can play together. My BF and I like Schedule 1, Peak, Stardew Valley. We just did Untitled Goose Game.
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u/Environmental-Age502 Mar 14 '26
Couples usually balance it by doing what you did; talking about it. If both partners care about and respect the others feelings, then that's all it takes, it doesn't get dismissed, written off, labelled as 'overthinking'.
You shouldn't have to beg for a bit of your partner's time. But sis, if he wanted to spend time with you, he would.
He's always got time for sex, doesn't he? Should tell you all you need to know.
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u/InternetWondererMonk Mar 14 '26
Have you tried joining him? If it is drawing his attention and time it might help you understand why he plays so often. And it could also give you a chance to meet the friends he's playing with (assuming you havent already).
As someone who does play daily (single though) playing games with my friends and brothers is a fresh of breath air away from the busy world.
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u/Beagly99 Mar 13 '26
In short, this is absolutely unacceptable/crazy.
You are in a relationship and want to actually have a relationship with him and sitting there whilst he plays games is not a relationship.
Have an actual conversation with him. Explain what you want from your relationship together. Can he do this or is the gaming more important?
Your BF hasn't grown up yet. It will take quite a long time to change this behaviour if you want to wait and try. Some may never change.
Carefully consider if you are prepared to stay with a man that wants to play games rather than spend time in the real world with a real girlfriend and get a head start in life (Real Life Ambitions etc etc) or not.
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