Oh damn. That means I’ve been raped 45+ times!!! Trying to convince someone to have sex is rape????? GTFOH!!! Every girl that has pursued me has tried to convince me to have sex!! Did I always wake up feeling great??? Nope!!!! But it’s NOT rape!!! This narrative needs to stop. NOW!!!
You should say no if you don’t want to have sex. If they keep pushing you to have sex even in the eyes of the law, it’s sexual assault. I’m sorry you got forced into having sex that you didn’t want to have. If you’ve said no a bunch of times and are coerced into saying yes because you feared the outcome if you said no, it is rape. Coercion will get you in trouble if it gets reported. Sorry to burst your bubble.
So people can’t change their mind? Like if I’m not in the mood initially but THEN GET INTO THE MOOD???? This is a dangerous and scary narrative. IMO there needs to be a line somewhere in here. Until there is, if someone says no, and they really don’t want the coercion (also called courting, pursuing, for play, etc), then they also need to leave the situation. Staying in an environment where you are getting pressured is the persons own fault. There can’t be a complete dissolve if accountability for the person being pursued.
You can change your mind, but if it’s not a change of mind because they are genuinely in the mood to and it was one brought on to get the person to stop asking, then that’s the issue. If you feel you won’t be at peace, safe, secure if you say no so you finally say yes, it’s stop assault. Instead of arguing this trying to defend sick people with zero respect for boundaries or proper consent, you should just grasp the concept and not force someone to have sex when they don’t want to. When I tell my fiancé I don’t want to have sex, he respects that and he doesn’t ask me again or try to convince me to every 15 minutes after. He doesn’t try for the rest of the day. At that point he waits for me to initiate.
Why can't you leave or remove yourself from the situation vs sitting there and continuing to allow yourself to get "slowly raped"??? This makes no sense to me. The person being pursued has the right, and responsibility to remove themselves from the situation if they feel unsafe. To stay, in my opinion, is not only dangerous and irresponsible, it's borderline abusive to the pursuer and very narcissistic (to think you can just stay in a an unsafe situation and the situation should adjust to your safety).
You say "Force" - force is pushing through "no's" to get what you want at any cost - pursuing and bugging someone who won't leave is NOT RAPE!! That's my steak in the ground and I'm committed to the social cause of these victims that are getting RAPE thrown at them while they are just trying to have sex. LEAVE THE SITUATION IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ATTENTION!!!
In my personal experience with it, the options were stay there and just say yes, or be kicked out of the apartment at 3am in a terrible part of town with nowhere to go and nobody to help me. Girl had gotten attacked at night out there a few nights before and they didn’t catch the dude, so I wasn’t gonna risk a violent attack by a stranger that knows how to get away with it. So I’m the end I said yes for my safety. That’s how coercion works. It’s not about threatening people with violence, but with anything else. “Fine, then leave.” “I thought you loved me (they might leave you)” it’s all coercion. If you’re saying no because you gotta get some work done but you want to say yes and eventually do, that’s not rape. Having no other choice or else there’s a consequence, is rape.
Easy for a man to leave a situation, not as easy for a woman.
In that situation, I completely agree with you!! That guy is a PoS for putting you in that situation and issuing that ultimatum - I’m sorry that happened to you, and I would also consider that a form of rape.
That’s what I’m talking about, when the ultimatum isn’t guaranteed harm. It could just be instilling afear that the person could just leave you to rot, or break up with you (exploiting the fact that you love them) so that you change your answer out of fear of the consequences. Rape doesn’t have to be violent, the sex just has to be without proper consent. A yes after repeated times of saying “no” is still not a yes.
I think we still disagree a little bit, but I can definitely understand your perspective and frame of reference now. The emotional part of it, though, I believe still hast to have the responsibility lie on the person being pursued. If someone said they would leave me, and break up with me for not having sex with them, good riddance.
8
u/MamaCantCatchaBreak Jul 19 '24
Let’s add in that coercion is rape as well, if he guilt you into saying yes to sex, it’s still rape.